Preety_India

I can't even write this kind of stuff without feeling an ounce of shame or guilt. He is like my sex bomb..

Now wherever I go, these follow... He is my heart. I'll treasure him such. And I am not into casual sex. If I ever find him (the man of my dreams), then I'll go...........

So where was I? I was dreaming about my fantasy German man in long hair and Gothic attire. Suits me really well. Can be dark haired or light, doesn't matter. But he should have those eyes, than I would die for, not blue eyes, just brown or black eyes with that glint. I'll instantly fall for his charm. I met a German man online a few years ago and he was patient and loving to me. Unfortunately I lost touch with him over time. Back to my fantasy German male. I'm deciding that my future lover can be either German or Indian. A tall dark Indian man or a tall dark eyed German both suitably match my romantic fantasy. My favorite prince of my sexy Dreams Forever now and more. I like him with long hair. Tattoos umm, not necessary. In fact I don't tattoos. Smacks of insecurity That rugged look. Yup. My absolute favorite is when he is drenched in rain water and leaning on me. I want him to tease me. Not holding a shoe lol. Rather holding a belt so he can whip me into obedience. Yep exactly this Gothic look. I would like him wearing Gothic jewelry. That's a must because my entire existence is about Goth. He can look nerdy, that's cute, with straps for a sexy night. Straps to trap me. Cool. I guess I finally found my dream man how he needs to look to fulfill my sexy fantasies. Mmm.

Not very long ago, I fell in love with a Youtuber who is German, whose name I'm not going to say

I imagined my Fantasy German man as a Gothic character(because I'm heavily into Goth), and he should resemble these looks that I created in my deviant mind. Dark hair is just fine, even relatable because I have dark hair. But let's say even if he is platinum blonde, that would look good as well. I was imagining him with long locks. Those eyes are so German. What I like about German men(even women) are their eyes. Whenever I meet a German, they automatically fall in love with me, I don't know what that is all about, maybe I have some connection with them. They feel me intuitively and usually hold me tender. I never actually hung out with them. So maybe next time I hang around an international place, I'll try to look for a German man. But that would be too stupid. Although I like German men, I don't want to like him for only being German, it's true I tend to be in awe of them, something that turns me on, yet fetishism is sorta stupid, but still, no harm in trying or no harm in fantasizing. I even wanted to learn the German language for my German prince. Bit difficult for me because I don't understand their pronunciations yet I can give it a try. Zane is tall like a German, but he is Indian and he has dark hair. Tall, dark, handsome. Yup.

I have some sort of a sexual fetish for German men. I get easily turned on by them. Some of them can be dark haired and some can be light. But I like both. i was dreaming the other day of being fucked by a German male. I decided to create my own kind of German man. Like a fantasy German man.

This is my new avatar. This Melancholic lover girl with sexual fantasies, wanting to be her pure seductive self, in love with some man passionately and letting her own spirit thrive. So i made that my profile.

Sometimes I felt like I will fall in love with a German male. I had dreams like that.

A part of this journal I'll dedicate to survey questions. Survey questions

My sexual fantasies so far have included Bdsm, being tied up, role play bondage, rape fantasies, submission, chains, handcuffs, whips(whips are a big part), master slave relationship, me being a slave but more like slave princess(lol), being dominated by a man in bed, vaginal penetration, buttfuck, building intimacy (in-to-me-see), building trust, having authentic connection with him, him not lying, being honest but seductive, lots and lots of romance and lots of erotic feelings, very intimate and almost owning my body and heart. Extreme submission and rape fantasy.

What are the things that I'm ashamed or guilty of? Of being an extremist Following white supremacy radical notions Sexual fantasies like Wanting to be tied up or rape fantasy.

@Marcel thank you

Yea I'm really guilty and ashamed of whatever I wrote above, I was brainwashed by that YouTuber into far right radicalization. It took my ex American boyfriend Joseph to pull me out of it and for that I'll forever be grateful to him. This video describes a lot of the stuff 8 went through.

@Marcel agree

I also feel a tremendous sense of anger writhing inside of me when I feel these thoughts.

From the horses mouth..

Time to go elsewhere. To another land. Another life.

@Moksha hey Jim, your website is awesome.

@RickyFitts hey Daniel, just close your eyes and place your hand where you feel your heart in your chest and breathe deeply and say during each exhale, "I let go of all the hurt inside," and with every inhale say, "I am healing, I am love, I am peace, I experience nothing but love from every corner of the universe." Repeat this exercise many times a day. Hope you heal fully and well and progress on your journey. Hugs. Preety.

Sorry Zane for the interruption in this journal if you are reading this.

Just because I'm vulnerable and emotional, doesn't give you the right to play with me FUCK THAT.

I just hate those kind of people who want to use me or misunderstand me on purpose or create some drama in my life I am super emotional. I don't need it.

@RickyFitts I hope you do well Ricky if that's your name.

How is your health now? Is your sibo healed at least partially?