Preety_India

@Marcel Yea I can see that.

I feel like a loser all the time. How should I cope with this feeling? I compare myself with others and I feel like a zero. Like they have semi perfect lives whereas I'm struggling. Yea stage orange stuff. Feels like I'm in a wrong place. I feel alone, discarded and humiliated. My friends who are doing well tend to talk condescendingly so I don't talk to them. I never feel respected around people. In my past relationships I felt like being taken advantage of. I feel emotional but I'm unable to deeply explore these emotions. Like I can't place a finger on what's exactly upsetting me. Whenever I meet new people, it's usually ends up me turning into a mockery, a doormat, me being used and then promptly dumped when they're done with me. Is this because they look down on me and that's why treat me badly? I feel like people play social games and I can't keep up with that. I try to fit in but feel like I don't align or get along with all this Stage Orange Society Prestige mindset. I'm just too natural, too free spirited and too real to care about social and egoic behaviors. I like to be by myself cocooned into my own space. If I mix with people, they discuss wealth, status which I don't like. They want to show off. "I'm doing better than you" mindset. That makes me feel displaced and more like an outcast and loser.. I don't like competition and competitive people because I don't see realness in it, it feels cheap, shallow, inorganic, materialistic, un-spiritual, unloving, mean and competitive. I find it unempathetic, "VANITY FAIR," and fake. I look at such people with scorn or disgust because they are so superficial and not having the depth I have. Also I find them mean and contemptuous and condescending which makes me feel very insecure and vulnerable around them, constantly feeling like I have to prove something or compete with them to keep up. Meanwhile they get to be special. When they look at me, I feel like they're pitying me. And I absolutely hate their pitying language which feels like empty hollow empathy and just fake hospitality. It feels like behind it they are glad I'm not doing well or simply feeling better at my expense. When I confront them about how I hate superficial things like expensive vacations or shopping, they hate my guts. I feel like I have turned into a joke for them to spit at. When they talk to me I feel manipulated and taken advantage of and it feels like behind all that talk they secretly whisper -" what a dumb girl?" I feel like they absolutely lack empathy on my level and have a complete disregard for my feelings and love to talk about their petty problems when my own problems are so big and severe and their problems are more like soap opera type drama where they don't have to deal with shit. Yet I constantly feel like they take advantage of my empathy. Like even If I tell them that I have serious stuff to deal with, they come back again and coerce me into talking with them because nobody else will deal with their whining. Or they see me as a safe bet because they don't feel threatened egoically with me, as though a rich mistress is discussing her petty drama with her servant maid, that's how I get treated. And then when I talk about my problems, they immediately wrap up by showing some pity like - "oh, I'm so sorry.." like it doesn't matter that I'm having bigger problems to deal with meanwhile they are complaining about broken glass and brawls in their parties. I feel mocked and used around such people. Later they simply ignore me if I want to text or hang out. Everything is always all about them and their petty daily drama, they aren't crying tears yet they want to pretend like their whole world is collapsing in 2 minutes. Very narcissistic. They use me as their emotional tampon and their issues are so flimsy and trivial. I totally feel like a joke. Sad joke kind of way. When I ask them how their life is, they tell me it's fun and they are attending another party yet just a few days before they were whining and crying how their whole life was so miserable and awful. Which is a total lie because after all the whining they're focused on expensive self indulgence and enjoying their lives as usual. They dont share their problems with other people who are doing well, because then it suddenly turns into how their pride will be hurt if they told their problems to others on the same social status. But they have no problem being grumpy and whiny around me because in their eyes I'm someone who is lower in status and not a threat in terms of "keeping up with the Joneses" type of competition.. I'm tired of all such things. It feels like torture. How to cope around such people and how to be smart enough to identify such people and throw them out of my life for good.

@Marcel I'm learning umlauts now.

Was that Dutch or German? I guess Dutch and German are similar? At least I think they might be because they're neighboring countries.

For me it's more about my family treating me like absolute crap. I have to get out of that mindset and focus on self empowerment. (Yea we're similar)

@Emerald I would request your opinion on whatever I've written above in terms of a woman's perspective on abortion. I don't find abortion positive. Like as a fully grown woman I find that it contradicts my woman instinct very much.. Of course it doesn't mean that a woman should be pressured to have a child. Am I abnormal for feeling that abortion does not feel right to me on the inside, even without considering religion?

I wouldn't. I would want to know a legit reason as to why an abortion is necessitated, if a woman is not ready to be a mother for various reasons, it is still understandable. I'm not too dogmatic, in the sense, I'm not hell bent on preventing an abortion. Yet, I wouldn't want women just wanting to abort simply because they got pregnant. In the beginning stages, it is still understandable. But a late term would be a question of morality since the fetus is quite developed at this stage.. I still see it as killing. Sometimes killing can be for good reasons as in killing for self defense. Yet when it comes to abortion i find such killing ruthless to motherhood if there isn't a valid reason for it. Sometimes we cannot make decisions based on simplistic doctrine based logical morality. We have to place our hand on our chest and see if what we're doing really feels right or not intuitively or psychically. I use psychic reasoning, nothing to do with religion. So when I say I don't like abortion, it is not due to religion. I psychically feel as a woman that abortion must hurt a woman's heart. When a woman becomes a mother, she must feel something within her. Funny how men are supposed to decide how a woman feels as a woman. This would be akin to me dictating how a man feels when he becomes a father. Can I really?? My womanly Intuition tells me that the feminine in me finds abortion cruel. Yet I'm open minded enough to consider situations where women feel free to abort due to legit reasons Otherwise it really appears insane, cruel, unwomanly, ruthless and so not how an expectant mother should feel. Who puts this toxic wasteful ideas into a woman's head?

@Federico del pueblo Yea I have heard about Joe Dispenza before. Will definitely look into it. And yes I lack with self assertiveness.

Lesson number 2 English - parent German - Das elternteil (singular), die eltern (plural) --------------------------- So what I learn here is that "Das" is singular and "die" is plural. English Father German Der Vater (singular) and die Väter (plural) -----------learning observations----- I found that Der or Das are in singular usage. And Die or "n" is plural usage. Also alphabets have a double dot on them. Only certain alphabets. I'm yet to understand what this means.

Class 1 English - family German - die familie (singular) die familien (plural) So i guess when it's plural, 'n' added. @MuadDib thanks for adding info. Appreciate. Noting it. Lieblingsmensch: Favourite person Unterschätzt: Underestimated

So these are my classes that I need to follow to learn German. First is class 1

I have downloaded an app.. I'll use that. I just took the German Alphabet quiz And this was my result. Lol. I haven't even started yet.

I have fallen in love... Well yet again. Marcel This journal is to document my journey with my boyfriend. So others please do not comment. This journal is exclusively for me and my lover to discuss things that are of a wider margin than just personal things. It's to give him enough space so we can grow together. I won't appreciate other people commenting. So please do not comment.

Sorry but I can't take abortion in a positive way. To me it doesn't sit right with my principles. If I become a mother at any point, I won't kill my child. It feels wrong in my heart. Now if I was a rape victim, it would make sense to abort the child, since my mind and heart has already disowned the child of rape. My maternal instinct won't be able to support the child born of rape, so it's in the best interests if the unborn child were killed, it wouldn't make it worthwhile to raise if I couldn't love it as a mother. Also I think the decision to abort or not to abort should mostly belong to the mother. However social role is equally important. We can't allow a mother to take whatever decision she wants. So abortion is a very complicated thing. Both individual and society has to decide.

@Endangered-EGO to me it means a lot. I think killing an unborn child is a dagger to motherhood. It only makes sense if it rape, incest, unhealthy dangerous pregnancy etc.

In this journal I'll also focus on learning German.

Something that hurts the spirit of motherhood.

@Marcel I try to help people in my local community who suffer depression, suicidal tendencies or any other psychological issues.. I give them encouragement and support and advice. Even giving a hug to these depressed children brings a huge change in their lives and mental state.. My heart is huge like the ocean and I'll continue to inspire people. In my heart there is a burning desire to inspire good. I'm living in my dreams. I'll keep shining everywhere I go. Even if my own weaknesses stop me from inspiring people physically, I will continue to inspire them through my mental energy, through my spirit. These trolls can't do Shit to my eternal spirit. I'm living in my dreams, in my spirit. Nobody can take that. God is ultimately the most gracious and his grace is on every beautiful spirit.

@Marcel don't talk to that troll. By talking to them we give them fodder. I won't respond to him. You don't respond either. Simply report the troll and block from ignore list immediately. If he sends you a message, simply delete conversation. He wants my attention very desperately. All of his effort is to get my attention. Maybe he has jealousy issues or something else. He is certainly not happy that I'm happy. I can see that his psyche is determined to torture me on this forum. But he won't succeed. We both need to be extremely patient because he ain't going away that easily looking at his stubbornness and the rate at which he is doing this. Let him continue. Keep reporting. But don't read any of what he writes. Simply report and block or ignore immediately as soon as he posts. We continue talking to each other the way we used to and ignore this troll. It is the test of our patience and strength of character, not letting it impact will teach a lesson that nobody can harm us without our will. He is not even a big deal. There are far bigger problems in society and in life. I pity that he thinks he is a big shot doing this. He is thinking that doing all this will cause me suffering. But he is WRONG. I'm actually enjoying my life. So don't respond to him at all. We don't need to give him energy. Our energy belongs to us. Dealing with online trolls also needs skill and strategy that we both will eventually learn and it will only help us. Your patience is the antidote to such things. Be extremely patient and absolutely do not react and don't even get angry. Your anger is his victory. Your happiness is his defeat. I'm not at all angry. I'm not letting this person impact me at all. Btw I have dealt with bullies and trolls all my life, this is not the first time nor is this the last time. Trolls feed on the responses you give them. So don't give any response. Just look at him with pity and humor, alright! He needs our compassion, yet we shouldn't encourage his behavior and immediately report it. Don't waste your anger on such people. We have to act matured here and not lose ourselves or our goals in life because of trolls, bullies, abusers, stalkers, haters. They can't do anything more than what they believe they can. We being rattled over it only gives them more fuel and fodder to continue doing what they do and expand on it. So please ignore and keep that troll out of your head please. And be calm and happy for my sake! I was popular in school, I have dealt with haters all my life, I'm getting used to it. They can hate me all they want, but It doesn't stop me from progressing in life. One of my great objectives in life was to fight bullies and cyberbullying. I have seen people especially teens commit suicide and kill themselves because of harassment. In India, millions of people commit suicide every year because of bullying and harassment. This is a menace of our society and the only antidote is personal strength, bravery and resilience. You don't let them win. You win. I wish I could start an organization to put an end to bullying that happens in schools so there would be no more suicides. But my spirit is eternal. The eternal spirit will eventually bring justice and peace in this world, till then we gotta be strong and keep going. My goal is to always inspire humanity to be better, to do better collectively, and this is not for a pat on my back or accolade or some trophy or praise/compliment, I genuinely feel this world needs inspiration through courage and goodness. One day the Good will win, evil will be Defeated. I have always believed in this Christian principle. To me its not religious, it's spiritual. My psychic power is extremely strong. Even after my death, my psychic energy will continue to bless the world and show them hope and love. That's my internal strength and power that no troll or bully can steal from me. My eternal spirit will continue to bring peace and courage and comfort to those who feel defeated, those who feel powerless, those who feel victimised, those who feel upset or depressed. God has given enough grace. He has kept me alive for so long through my struggles. He will continue to keep me alive. The spirit of love and grace doesn't stop, doesn't give up God is love and love is God, is what I've known ever since I was a child. That is still the greatest teaching in my life and it will always be. Age old truths simply don't die out, they continue to stand the test of time and keep being proven right all over again even in modern times. Time doesn't beat truth. I have suffered so much in life, that makes me Empathetic to what people go through in life like suicide, depression, health issues, family issues, and the list is endless. The goal is to rise above it and continue to grow and never give up. Life is not just problems. There can be happy times as well. Focus on what good can be brought in every situation, no matter how small or tiny, if it is good, that's all that matters, we are not here to create success on this planet, but to heal and bring good and remove bad, in fact when we bring good, bad automatically vanishes. Always be the better person, take the higher road, take the higher ground. Nothing beats devilry better than we taking the Higher Road. All of the sickness suddenly disappears when we focus on Sunshine. So cheer up @Marcel and this troll can't take away our sunshine. You take care.

@Marcel Was thinking of you.

Yep. Physical stuff helps a lot with that.

I'm a hermit pretty much. I'm bad at making friends. If I have a friend, then it's mostly 1 loyal person. I'm a lone wolf type.

Abortion is a sin imo, however there can be exceptions.

I'M NOT GOING TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FORUM ANYMORE. IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD. MAYBE I'LL OCCASIONALLY. JUST FOR IT. I JUST DON'T LIKE ANYTHING ANYMORE. EVERYTHING IS BAD. EVERYTHING IS POINTLESS.

Just let it go. Just let it go. Loving vibration keeps everything bad away. Loving vibration heals Beauty does not stay when degradation of moral compass begins. Three things are very important Maturity Awareness Confidence