Preety_India

This thread. Uff

My biggest addiction is anything sweet - chocolate, ice cream, cakes, milkshakes, anything dairy (I can't live without milk, any milk ), muffin etc I see something milky and sugary and I get hungry. I didn't get fat so I ate more. Is there any substitute to such foods that are pleasant and sweet tasting but not bad for health at the same time? I have a hard time not eating sweet tasting stuff. I'm addicted to the sweet taste. I'm also addicted to carbohydrates like rice, pasta, wheat, bread etc because without it, I don't feel the energy to do physical and mental activities.

I'm kinda addicted to milkshake now. Last night I drank 5 packs of milkshake all at once After an hour I felt a bit heavy. Now I'm feeling weird and sleepy I probably shouldn't have done that. Mistake. It's very hard for me give up on anything that tastes sweet.

I even forgot my Taskmaster. Time to beat myself. Lazy girl

@BlackMaze you know what I mean. If I only eat fruits and vegetables, I feel a bit of belching and bad bowel movements, like stomach upset and tummy ache. I eat a cup of rice to give some fiber to my tummy..

@BlackMaze but in that list I don't see any carbohydrates. How will I survive? I at least need some basic energy for functioning. Carbs give that.

I think I had a bit too much of the milkshake. I drank 5 bottles at once. Feeling overloaded lol. Hmm.

Pro tip - make it fun. And don't act too desperate Learn the art of flirting. And yes be genuine with your emotion. Women pick emotions at the speed of a bullet train.

What upsets me about men in general. There are some complaints and rants I have against men in general. It's very hard to be around men. I have very high social anxiety and being around men sometimes makes it worse. Because I don't like someone staring in my direction. Being stared at is a very uncomfortable feeling. I am not saying that men are bad nor am I holding any prejudice against men. But to what extent is putting a woman on a pedestal okay? There is one sore spot for me when it comes to men and I have seen this pattern repeating throughout my life This pattern is where men think they own you. I am not talking about my boyfriend here. I am not talking about relationships here. I'm venting about men in general. Why do men act like a woman owes them something? Why do men have this patriarchal tendency to sort of own you if you are a woman? I don't owe anything to anyone. The general policy I follow is this. If you are friendly with me, I'm friendly with you. If you are nice to me, I am nice to you. If you attack me, I attack you. If you come my way, I freak out. If you are rude or mean to me, I will be mean to you. If you are annoying or trolling me, I'll tell you to stop bothering me even though you are acting polite It's not my obligation to be nice to internet strangers when they aren't being so nice to me. You see. You can't disrespect someone and expect respect out of them. It's not a case of entitlement, it's a case of basic dignity of being human. If you can't let me have my basic dignity, I don't feel the obligation to be polite to you. I simply tell you to walk away because i shouldn't be inclined to serve your purpose if I haven't been afforded trust and respect in the first place. So when someone on the internet breaks my trust by saying something mean unkind, trollish or notorious, they have successfully broken my trust and they are not entitled to my polite treatment because I don't feel like acting polite. How my emotions change is not up to me. If you can't control your action, I can't control my reaction. Newton's third law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Your actions elicit the response you get from me. This does not make me bad or good. It's only that I respond according to how I have been treated or mistreated. Now there is a certain expectation that I tend to regularly detect in men, especially in men online. This expectation that a woman should be like a Saint. Your expectations as a male is not my responsibility or obligation. I only have basic human responsibility towards people, nothing gender oriented. So I'm no Saint by the default position of being a woman. Such a lofty title is not to be given to me. Neither should my gender be associated with such titles. I only want the basic dignity of being a human first and then being a woman. Remember I didn't sign up to be a woman. This is what nature gave me and so you will need to respect the fact that I'm a woman by default just like I respect you for being a woman. I don't have any expectations out of you for being a man and I expect the same for myself vice versa. That is I don't want you to expect something special out of me either. Now the expectation that men tend to bestow on me is that they want to or at least they expect me to act gentle loving, patient with them despite being obnoxious and Hostile with me. They want me to reply gently even in the situation where I feel offended by what they say to me or about me. I think this is grossly unfair as I don't see any particular need (just because I'm a woman) to be so gentle and generous with you in the situation where I'm feeling disrespected. Sorry it doesn't fit into my policy. I'm no Saint. I'm only a woman. The consequence of being straight forward with men as a woman comes with a price. The price is judgement. Men automatically judge you as a 'bitch' or "nuisance" or "unpleasant" simply because you didn't respond to them politely. Remember even if you think that I shouldn't act offended or swallow my pride, I still have self respect and basic dignity. If I feel that my well being (in this case mental and emotional) is in jeopardy or my self worth or self Esteem under attack, I'm not going to care how you judge me as a woman, although your judgement is harsh and it hurts my prospects of communicating ideas in a friendly way in the future (because no woman likes to be judged as a bitch), it still does not justify that I should simply swallow my pride and not worry about preserving my dignity. No. I'm going to preserve my dignity and give you back the taste of your own medicine. I'm not foolish nor am I some sort of a woman craving for male attention where I feel the need to act nice to win your approval. Nope. I am not looking for your approval, neither I'm seeking your judgement. So if I don't receive your badge of honor as the "good woman" does not make me automatically liable to the title of a "bitch." in other words don't compliment me and also don't "bitchify" me, since even compliments come from a place of comparison and judgement, indirectly. So even if your mighty ego as a man is triggered because I chose not to reply to you or because I gave a curt response, it still doesn't qualify me as a "bitch" because my responses to you have much to do with you or concerning you in some way rather than me. That is, I respond to you as I see fit. I'm never unnecessarily unkind to anyone. I'm never unnecessarily rude to anyone, I'm not a stuck up person. Often when people see me responding in a rude way to someone, they most likely don't know the back story, they simply read my comment and judge me on the basis of it. I can't blame them because they don't know the whole story. They don't know what goes on behind the scenes. Someone who I'm being rude to, might have said something disgusting to me behind this screen in personal messenger and maybe I'm reacting to that person that way as a result of whatever discussions took place earlier behind the screen. Once you know the whole story you would know why I gave a stone cold or mean response to a particular person/to anyone. See this is the problem with public discourse. People only get to see half the story and judge me on the basis of it. But if I happened to show personal messages between that person (any person here) and me, the public would immediately know why I responded the way I did. That's why I have disabled my personal messenger. It's simply not possible for anyone to play games with me anymore where they are pretty rude to me in private messages but polite to me in public so the public automatically assumes I'm the bad person. I don't like this double game. Don't say to me privately what you won't say to me in public. Because that way you get to hurt me generously in private as well as play the victim in public. In other words you get to save your public reputation meanwhile also enjoying the chance to hurt me. I don't have any bad intentions toward anyone but I don't feel the need to constantly keep saying that I'm a good person. I have a good heart and I sleep well with a good conscience at night. I have nothing to prove to the world. If you have a bias against me or if you think that I'm a bad person, not my obligation to resolve it, I'm in fact glad because one less problem to deal with. I don't wish to attract biased people (who can't judge if someone is coming from a good place or bad place) anyway. I'm kinda better off without such confused people. Their lack of wisdom is not needed in my life. Okay coming back to male expectations. You don't own me as a man and you can't (simply because I'm a woman. Umm, no). So don't put this pressure on me where it feels like you're owning me. Umm. I'm not your private property just because I'm born a woman. So I owe you nothing. I don't feel anything wrong if I feel owned by my husband or boyfriend because that makes me feel delighted rather. I feel good if my boyfriend owns me (not in a controlling way though). But I am not a general public property for all men. (I only belong to my boyfriend or husband) So i don't have any compulsion or obligation to act romantic with any random man. Nope. My romantic feelings and thoughts are reserved for the one I gave that romantic power to, aka my boyfriend, not to general men. I am not your girlfriend or wife for you to have gendered expectations out of me. I'm simply a woman and a human first. So my reactions to you don't have much to do with the fact that I'm a woman but more to do with the fact that I'm going to act the same way whether you are a man or a woman.

Especially these comments really make me rethink about this whole forum. I mean Leo had promised that he would make the dating forum a better experience for women. Where are those promises?

@Marcel I'm so honored that out of all the people you chose me to be with you That's such an honor I feel.

@Marcel You made me feel safe since day 1 of coming across you on the forum.

@Marcel I'm yours forever. I love you. You help me grow and you help me become myself. You're a beautiful and gentle soul. I'm honored to be a part of your life (low key I forgot to write poems lol, will do) Still working on my writing skills haha.

That's a great attitude to have. Congratulations to you.

OK enough journaling today, I felt relaxed. Vanilla milkshakes and lavender perfumes. And an apple pie. And one hongikuchen. Life is good. I'll be back after 2 hours.

I love how these cats are getting all that massaging. They seem to be enjoying it This cat really enjoys the Indian head massager.

Right now.my neck feels a bit strained and I so wish I was this cat getting all that sweet neck massage.

I remember this video becoming a viral sensation on the internet not long ago. The man saying, "he takes a pet like no problem, right? Not afraid at all. That's a great cat right there."

I have this excessive need for journaling because this is the only healthy way to de-stress I mean my life is such that stress tends to accumulate over short periods of time everyday due to my disgusting toxic home environment. And I constantly feel the need to evacuate that stress. One way to deal with that is to self talk endlessly. When I talk to myself in my journals I tend to feel much better. Other times I watch videos or do my office work. Engaging in something is my favorite coping mechanism against family stress.

Especially these comments really make me rethink about this whole forum. I mean Leo had promised that he would make the dating forum a better experience for women. Where are those promises? I mean Leo had stated these words and I'm quoting him. "Yes, you are right. I will try to set a better example. I have been guilty of vulgarities. We do shut down toxic Red Pill and Black Pill threads here. And we will continue to do that. We also want to make this place more appealing for women and I haven't done the best job of that in the past. I will try to be less biased on that. " I wonder what happened to those promises. Also this comment from Vizdoh in this thread, I resonate so much with her comment. People literally use your personal shit against you to try to win a score or make themselves look better at your expense. "I simply report posts where I see blatant attacks on me personally or discussion of my personal stuff that I didn't ask for. Don't be afraid to report. If u feel offended or insulted by soneone, its not your imagination ?" And it has been ages since I saw Emerald on the forum. She was so good with her insights. Sometimes this forum can really repel women. And if women complain, I don't blame them. They aren't exactly wrong.

I keep reading and re-reading this post over and over again. I mean it takes so much bravery to speak publicly about issues that are upsetting. After all its a consciousness forum. I can't believe the kind of language used for women in many of the posts on the dating forum.

I feel very bad that cats live only 15-16 years max. When a cat dies, it's the most painful moment and I had those moments in my childhood especially with the aging older cats. Anyway I feel like this is probably the cutest cat ever. I used to have a cat that used to look like this. She was the cutest sweetest ever Her name was Bloody. I named her that when I was 4 years old. Kinda terrible name but I was just 4 years old.

Maybe explore what might have caused you to feel this way. Do you wish to seek revenge? Is it coming from a place of hate or indignation? Do shadow work to see the root cause.

Criminal case study and Profiling of Elliot Rodger. The case of Elliot Rodger has fascinated me since day 1 of my criminal profiling research days. I have studied the whole Elliot Rodger case in depth during my criminal psychology case study last year. And I read his manifesto. It is noteworthy reading it. What I discovered is that he has been branded wrong since his death and much of the details regarding his life and death have been heavily obfuscated by the notorious media. If you care to look deep enough, he did not kill only women, as was the interpretation of the silly media. He killed men as well. He had a lot of resentment built up inside and this resentment came from multiple psychological factors in his immediate environment. For this you need to explore his childhood snaps, there is a certain innocence in his eyes and he was a pretty good kid. There was absolutely nothing suspicious about him. He was partly Asian and that heavily showed up in his appearance. He was hard working and he had great writing skills and pretty good grasp of the world even at the age of 18. You have to understand that this Elliot as a kid had been put through a nightmare. He wasn't raised as some rich spoiled prince as many people would like to believe, and this was the media narrative back then that he was some kind of a obnoxious privileged prince whose parents lavished him with gifts and stuff like cars etc. If you scratch the surface and do a deep study underneath all the media bullshit the way i did, you will see a completely different person. He wanted a great life. He wasn't lazy either. But his parents divorced when he was just 7 years old and barely able to process it. His father had another girlfriend, a pretty Moroccan woman, right after the divorce, not even 1 week into the divorce. His father literally pushed out the mother from his life by alienating mother and son completely from his life. I would say that the father is totally selfish and narcissist and he played this cruel game and sort of got rid of them. They were literally treated like an outcast. He had bought a small house for his ex wife and he wouldn't check on them. He was quite ruthless. He would even tell his son that he was good for nothing.. Elliot grew up under the shadow of his dad, he had no navigation tool to understand things, his self worth was deliberately sabotaged by his asshole father.. His father would tell him to get out of the house whenever he came to visit him. His step mom, the new actress wife of the father was very brutal. There's not a single picture that woman shared with Elliot. She always made Elliot feel like the "unwanted child," but pretended to be nice in public. I also went through the private email exchanges between father and son and it is apparent that the father was not very keen on helping his son financially when the son is just a teenager. He simply wanted to discard him and he sent him away to university in a bid to be as far away from him as possible Elliot was regularly harassed, bullied for being an Asian teen and made fun of. Food was thrown at his face, I mean you can't imagine something worse, he faced a barrage of racial bullying and harassment and Isolation by the people who were studying with it. He was being literally set up to turn into a ticking time bomb. Plus these teens were wealthy teens. They could afford lavish cars and flaunt their wealth and get girlfriends who would only date rich guys. Elliot felt ignored and humiliated by their display of wealth. Elliot also wanted the same stuff they had. He was beginning to feel like a pariah and nobody wanted to talk to him. He hasn't received a hug from his dad for many many years. The dad was always busy with his career like a typical narcissistic parent who don't spend time with their kids. Elliot hated his Asian roots because he was subjected to so much racial humiliation by his environment that he began to develop a sort of self hate towards his own race, which is quite understandable because he was never appreciated for being an Asian, in fact he was mocked and ridiculed. All of these factors transpired into turning him into a ticking time bomb. When he saw other guys get girls he was hurt because he wanted that happiness for himself, I don't think this makes him an incel, he saw simply an average teen looking for love, pretty much like anyone else. The media dubbed him as an incel. Inside he was a ticking time bomb because there was so much pain inside of him waiting to release in dramatic ways. He could not get a job because he did not have the skills for it, he was plainly unlucky and he made mistakes like any other teenager and foolishly spent his money on lottery tickets. His father wasn't ready to help him financially anymore so Elliot knew in his mind that the future was not looking good. He could not deal with the shame that he would be considered a loser meanwhile his peers will get a great job and girlfriends and wives and he will be doing nothing. This made him very frustrated and desperate and the lack of love in his life made him feel a sense of derision towards humanity. Remember that nobody showed him love, as an Asian struggling among white teens, he felt unwanted, abandoned, inferior and ignored. He did not feel accepted wherever he went. So he decided that if he had to leave the world, he would make an impact in whatever way he could, although that wasn't healthy, but he had to throw his anger at the world. I think that his crime and his subsequent suicide were all a very big cry for help. It didn't have much to do with girls as much as his void created by his bullying narcissistic father and a loveless step mom, a helpless poor mother and not having any source of love and encouragement from anyone at all and being treated like a loser by his spoiled rich colleagues who would look down on him. This case was way more complicated with significant factors responsible for his psyche and the resultant tragedy than how the media portrayed him and his actions after his death. It is shameful that nobody wanted to hear his story. His manifesto was never discussed. He was given no dignity at all. And I do see a whole racial component to this tragedy.

This journal helps me to release my inner stress and anxiety. I'm constantly in this anxious stressed state because of my terrible home environment. I'm putting a lot of effort into keeping myself happy.. But that bitch starts yelling and screaming and all my Positivity and effort goes to the drain. Dealing with a harmful family member is a draining and exhausting process. I'm grateful that God has been gracious enough to me throughout my financial and family struggles. Also I'm getting good at figuring out this forum finally.. I now understand how to reply to people and see through their social games I was pretty bad at it before. Now I immediately spot a fake person. All i can say is that I'm getting good at keeping "people trouble" at bay, finally after a year long struggle with managing people.