Preety_India

Drawing boundaries helps with a lot of things in life

For this you'll need to be total pro. Not necessarily spiritually but in terms of psychological and people dealing skills. This will need gigantic strength and a mountain of experience dealing with all sorts of people. What are you trying to hint at here, is someone like a huge investment banker or marketer who has to deal with people 24/7. And who is an expert at handling all personality types. Like a huge building who doesn't get impacted by any form of stress or difficult people. Hmm. That's very stressful to be frank. Normal people usually succumb to the stress and give up. If there was a neurotic controlling selfish scammy person on this site who is trying to swindle Leo or running riot on here manipulating or abusing people here, what do you think Leo would do? He will ban him. Most people just avoid the horrible ones for the sake of safety but marketers have to put up with all sorts of clients even abusive ones. Those jobs are hell and you will need to be a pro to get a good night's rest in those jobs. They well need intense training but also a great deal of mental fitness which a lot of people out there just aren't born with. Your area of research from a leader's perspective should be focused on DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS LIKE A PRO.... There are lots of books on that. You can read. I can read. But I don't think even after reading I can be that person. Sorry but not my cup of tea. Most people are sensitive. That's not everyone can become a wall street banker or CEO. But in normal every day life you can still handle difficult people by getting to know their clues and cues and how they react or assume or interpret your verbal as well as non verbal communication. This will need enormous practice and self restraint. But you can always get better at it with time, effort and experience. Women generally perform very poor on these variables because they get emotional and can't handle the stress. At least in your close circle of family friends relationships you can cut off such people because they can be massive energy vampires. But if you have to deal with them as a client, employee, student, manager position I'd say it will need some training to both deal and cope with them All I can say is they are a huge stress. So the benefits should always outweigh the risks or hassle by a huge gap or else it's not worth it. I mean would you like to deal with an aggressive narcissistic bully boss for merely pennies on the job. It really boils down to that. But if you are getting a huge benefit like a magnificent deal, let's a really cheap big house or a great career opportunity then it's worth taking a risk of dealing with an abusive business partner/head executive /landlord. Best wishes on your personal development.

I'm beginning to notice this as well. I have been polite and gracious in my behavior to my close friends and even in relationships. Instead of being rewarded and considered compassionate, I was treated like shit. What you perceive as interpretation by other people is highly dependent on the person who you are dealing with. Although this might seem harsh and difficult to agree with, I will say the truth very frankly that people who mistreat you despite your good behavior are garbage. They are not worth your time no matter whatever you think of them. You are not the problem when you are being friendly, kind and helpful. They are the problem for not being decent. I admit that I suffer from low self esteem but my polite behavior with the people in my life was not because of attention seeking or low self esteem but genuine decency. I would never treat someone badly if they were polite friendly and sweet to me. It's an Abuser's mentality to think that you are weak just because you are being decent Because they are looking to use you, abuse you, dump you so they have to justify their behavior by showing that you deserved it since you have low self esteem. This is not true at all. Nobody deserves to be treated unkind especially when they are being nice. Only a narcissist would think in such a abusive toxic manner. I'm personally a witness to narcissistic abuse and coming out of it freshly has given me important perspectives. For a good amount of time, I blamed myself for the treatment I was receiving from the narcissistic partner I had. I thought that I was doing something wrong because of which I was being treated bad. This thinking is also a part of low self esteem. It took me quite some time and input from people and my own reflection and processing that finally made me realize that it's not my fault but the person's fault for treating me badly even when I am showing my best behavior. I understood after some time that this is what emotional abuse looks like. So understand that not everyone thinks the same way when you are being humble and gentle. Only decent people are going to value you and be grateful for your presence. Indecent people will always find a fault even when you are being nice because they are emotionally abusive. Now the low self esteem part. If you are continuing to behave politely despite that person's shitty response and not standing up for yourself is a definite indicator that you have low self esteem and greatly increases your chances of getting abused in relationships and friendships. In this case you would need to upgrade your self esteem and learn to draw specific boundaries to let the person know that you will not put up with their emotionally abusive behavior. In a nutshell we need to focus on our own flaws and seek guidance to work on them but never ignore the signs people are giving you. Even in the worst circumstances a good person will always be good to you instead of exploiting and abusing you for your weaknesses. In fact they will remind you of your neediness or low self esteem and not stoop low to take advantage of you. The healing part. One is to work on the low self esteem. But the other is to learn to read the good and the bad in people. This way you learn to keep abusers and indecent people out and only decent people in your circle. Thus you avoid becoming a victim to someone's bad behavior and spare yourself emotional damage. Do not always judge yourself and think that whatever another person does to you is normal code. No its not. This thinking of immediately giving validation to someone's behavior is also a part of codependency and low self esteem. Often we are inclined to think that just because it's social circle that they are right and you are wrong. This is simply because of peer pressure and their bullying ways which you are normalizing in your mind. This is fatal. Validating a sociopath's behavior will set you on the same path towards becoming like them and this is often found in people who seek or fall in bad company. It's never right to emulate bad behavior. It should be identified for what it is and condemned for what it is. I will finish with this quote from Krishnamurti

I wish they had to spend some jail time for the amount of harm they do with their emotional abuse. They will deserve some. A smack in their face beaming with sociopathic laughter.

Cold hearted egotistical evil self righteous narcissistic maniac with a mean sociopathic streak

God love and positivity. Supreme confidence. Brain and intent. Consciousness.. positive consciousness.

My question is How is a teacher different from a book? Why isn't a book better than a teacher?

@Aeris Any addiction can be taken care of.

Yogananda Paramhansa and Sai Baba Shirdi and Osho, Ramana Maharishi Dr Joseph Murphy Dr John Bergman Bruce Lipton Deepak Chopra Matthieu Ricard Carl Sagan Gerald Gardner Leo Gura Justin Peters John MacArthur Eckhart Tolle Wayne Dyer Buddha Christ Dalai lama Martin Luther Satre, Descartes,Kant

I don't want a bad guy please please please

Giggle

Would he have said like that or done that to his son?

Do not judge yourself

I'm going to write about passive aggressive behavior just as a reminder Invalidation Contradiction Blame Gaslighting Emotional aggression Entrapment Deliberate confusion or open ending Infantilization Trivialization Name calling Mocking Breaking boundaries Ignoring Silent treatment Bipolar push pull Guilt tripping Eliciting empathy Emotional blackmail Harassment Hypothesizing Testy Disrespectful of space Isolation

After the breakup I'm coping really good and Andrew is helping me big time. He knows what I have been going through. He has been very supportive.

A crutch. A coping mechanism for dealing with real time bad men... I will call it teddy bear philosophy

Andrew has been calling me a lot. I like his conversations. His voice is.. Very soothing. I like how responsive he is to me. Like the exact response to my question or doubt. Always on point. Like he can almost read my mind. Amazing We share a great chemistry.

I feel so much acid. Ayahuasca tea lol

I'm going to discuss about accommodation and empowerment See if the statement, any statement or action. Does it empower you or disempower you. Accommodation. Remember that someone truly cares will accommodate for your flaws. That's Maturity displayed in them. Validation and Invalidation. Your psychological resources as a woman are so important for you. Women need extensive psychological assistance guidance and therapy. .

A little bit of self care can make such a difference

Time to return back

Reactivity VS combative VS defensive

Expansion of consciousness

I'd like to add to it. Along with observing without judgement, also Journaling and interacting with someone who offers a new perspective on your behaviors.. I mean look at it this way. On this forum, you must have come across many instances where people can't take any form of criticism at all. Whenever they're offered an explanation for their behavior, their common response is "this is your projection" instead of really focusing on that advice and thinking, maybe it's true and if they did, it would expand their consciousness in so many ways and help them so much in correcting their behavior and saving them some misery. Instead they allow the ego to take over and defend aggressively and get triggered massively even when the member's intention was not to hurt them but to show them the truth of their behavior. So I think pushing the ego to the side and letting people suggest freely and focusing on that suggestion also helps a great deal with self identification.

Sometimes a trip to the therapist office might help with self identification. Just my thoughts.