Preety_India

Today I want to feel totally free.

Welcome to spirituality! You're on your journey to heavenly bliss. So earthly bliss no longer seems important. I'm going through the same. I want liberation and freedom from the rules of planet earth. Spirituality is a golden dream. The rays of enlightenment touch the soul and transform the mind into an Astral body that travels through the spiritual maze of beauty and captivity. All splendor. All I need is my own company and maybe a cat. But I feel thrilled to experience the vastness of the universe, the beauty of the cosmos the infinite love from the universe filling into my body and soul and earthly entities now look so little so small, everything looks disinteresting and sometimes repugnant. It all is a distraction from the highest achievement of the soul. A thorn in the path. But the real bliss is from the universe. A godsend.

@Chakra Lion you're right mate

This kind of conditioning is difficult. Because we are conditioned since birth to be trustful of others unless they show red flags. Changing this conditioning means changing basic brain wiring. Which is very difficult. It is tough but not impossible. It means removing the conditioning and reconditioning the brain to think differently. I'm thinking to myself how will I feel if I see people as objects like trees. It's sorta liberating. It immediately removes the need for attachments and affection and expectations. They no longer have the obligation to serve you and you no longer have the obligation to serve them. You just look after your own survival and seek love from God. Because love is something you can't sacrifice. It's like food. The body gets hungry and craves for food and then you have to feed it. Similarly the heart has a need for love. This need is not fulfilled by those around us. Because when you realize that they don't love you and or care for you, you feel abandoned. Therefore this need is not met by human bondage. But thinking about God does help. Maybe humans are demons lol Self love is also another key. Think wisely and think how you can survive better and help yourself. See how you can utilize the services of others for your needs and then let them go when they no longer serve your purpose. Return their favor. Or do not take it at all. This way you enter into a business like transaction with them. You don't feel ego when you approach them. You can communicate with them without feeling hurt or acting out of hurt and despair. You don't feel uncomfortable or hesitant in approaching them. You can still deal with them normally. Your ego doesn't get wounded. You don't feel humiliated or judged or punished. You feel liberated. You interact with them the way you interact your boss. You just say hi hello of course, I will do it sir etc. You no longer feel miserable when they neglect you. Do you feel neglected when your boss ignores you. No because you don't have that attachment with your boss. You might even laugh at him behind his back. Buddha was right. Attachment leads to suffering Because you attach that's why you suffer. There won't be suffering if you lost attachment. Because you trust you feel hurt. If you didn't trust you wouldn't feel hurt. You don't feel hurt when the chair breaks. You don't feel hurt when the fruit basket falls on the floor or milk gets spilled. Because it means nothing important to you. It has no emotional significance Yet when someone close to you judges you or says something mean to you, it immediately hurts and causes despair because you hold them responsible for your emotions. In short you trust them. So when this trust is broken you feel hurt. No trust no hurt

@Emerald @Lento The analysis by Emerald is accurate. He is not only a deeply religious person but also wants to believe that he is smarter than others. Yep. He also has a rebellious streak in him. He never submits to authority. He likes his own thing.

When I'm thinking about going mgtow I told myself earlier that how I won't be impacted by the actions of others. This also meant that I should no longer see people as people but as objects the way you loook at trees. Because when we associate people with emotions, it creates a problem a barrier. It leads to disappointment. So it's best to not associate people with emotions. But there is a human need to seek love. This need can only be fulfilled by imagination of God and how God cares for us. That way the craving for human connection is diminished. We can still have a generalized empathy for human beings the way we have for animals. We no longer seek love and trust in others and therefore their actions no longer disappoint us. Allowing yourself to be by hurt by all the human drama leads to more drama and problems. With the seeking of love comes the placement of trust which then creates the possibility of breach of trust and then immense pain and hurt and suffering. But if we stop seeking love then we accept that human nature is flawed and accept its flaws and therefore we no longer trust and thus stop the experience of pain.

@Anna1 he doesn't believe Nasa

While I was depressed and having this conversation with my boyfriend about it all he said something that really resonated with me. He said "they are weak, not us" That was a profound statement he made. Yes the ones who can't love are the weak ones. The ones that are strong do not hurt or judge. They offer support instead of judgement.. I wish God could descend on earth and show to people what assholes they can be. How degenerate and unkind they can be. Then people would realize that true strength lies in love. But we choose to live in survival mode, in fear, instead of abundance mode, we choose to limit ourselves to ourselves and not extend our empathy to others. We believe we are being a smartass by caring only for ourselves. We choose to live like sociopaths and psychopaths We are quick to judge and attack to protect ourselves from perceived hurt or loss. We are slow to show affection out of fear of being taken advantage of, we raise barriers so no one can get in, we get hyper protective when such a thing is not required, we think that dominating and intimidating others will help our cause, that we need to attack to survive or we need to use others to survive like a psychopath does. Some people harm others to survive. Some people use others to survive. Psychopaths use others to their advantage. Sociopaths harm others to eliminate them or dominate them. Both are survival skills at the expense of others. God can move mountains. God's grace is high. God's mercy is infinite. God's strength is divine. God's love is unconditional When you choose to go the MGTOW way, you feel less disappointed by the betrayal of others. It doesn't hurt you anymore. Because you don't have expectations. Stop every emotional transaction with people. Because it hurts.

@Serotoninluv you are fortunate to have experienced such a joy. I experienced it too and also the sorrow Once that happens everything changes

@oMarcos that's cute Nice teapot I love December celebrations during winter. They bring some warmth to otherwise colder surroundings Cheers

@Raptorsin7 thanks. Maybe I will some day. Right now loving my country too much

@Raptorsin7 it means a non resident Indian national. An Indian who lives in other countries is referred to as an NRI

When my boyfriend said to me, "we can't change people, even our family" those words fell on me like thunder. They had a huge impact. There was a sudden existential need for me stop bothering about what others think. Suddenly I had to be selfish and only think of myself which is difficult because I have never been selfish. I have never believed that people should act out of selfishness. Because I saw no meaning in it. I saw meaning in people helping each other. The problem with my thinking is that it creates utopia. A sense of utopia which is not true. It's too movie like. It's not like it can't be real. It can be realized. However it doesn't happen. That's where the problem lies. In reality the model doesn't work. Reality is far from it. In reality people want to do stuff that fulfills their purpose even if it means a detriment to others. This is where such a model fails. We are too pathologically imperfect to believe in an ecstatic vision. All we have to do is move on and find our own sense of peace and stop believing that people are going to change. It's best to not live in a false reality but accept the true reality and modify ourselves to it. The question is how to live without love. The answer is God. The age old solution Now this only applies to people who believe in God. Don't know what to say about people who don't believe in God. But God's love is infinite and unconditional. He doesn't judge like humans. He doesn't oppress. He is generous. He doesn't forsake or abandon The generosity of a human is short lived. His grace and mercy are unlimited. He doesn't forsake and he is not fake

Hmm I really feel like MGTOW is the way.. At some point you'll need to stop caring about anything and everything. It is a nihilistic approach to everything. But it's a fact. Because having high hopes for humanity has only lead to failure. I don't know if this is the standard Indian approach. But many Indians become hippies and leave their families and friends and jobs and everything and go live in a cave for mental peace. There's a reason for this. They get frustrated looking at all the drama created by their families and the workplace politics. It hurts them.. Looking at all the problems and the lack of empathy and lack of humanity and the feeling of emptiness, it drives a lot of people to spirituality and self seeking. They want unconditional acceptance in life, they want love, which they don't get. They feel suffocated, stifled and they feel like they are pretending to be happy but not actually happy. But when they are alone, they feel happier because there are no expectations anymore.. There is no reason for disappointment. This makes me understand why some people in my country choose to go live in a cave and give up their families. Because you reach a point where you feel like everything is meaningless and purposeless. I had some friends who were guys who had parents who were ruthless and demanding. Relationships that were fickle. Life was just a travesty. So they turned to spirituality in search of meaning. They left their jobs and survived on whatever they could. They basically said "Fuck You" to society and just went

I'm trying to think what I can do next. The phonecall was from her. It got me nervous and frightened. It's difficult to deal with the building stress. I need to think organically and otherwise. Part of me wants to live in a dream world. Part of me understands reality. One thing that my boyfriend told me is this "We can't change people" "even our family" I felt like I could take things less seriously. Is my casual trust a problem. I have begun to realize that I need to see people as objects and not people anymore. There's no point in getting hurt and offended or depressed. It's like pack up and move on We not only need spirituality to deal with the bullshit of life but we also need psychological tools and resources. My boyfriend Andrew is helping me so much. Although he is sometimes silly, he says certain things that make profound sense to me. He understands what's going on with me. I like that. I have supported him during times when he was upset. We have both been for each other. I have cried on his shoulder sometimes. Why do I feel so uncertain. What's haunting me? I need to do a lot of shadow work to figure out what's eating me inside. After an argument with her, I felt upset and suicidal. I called Andrew and he said everything will be alright. I still wasn't feeling settled. But certain things he said are making sense. That I shouldn't care. I should focus on building my life instead of getting emotional. I feel so bad that I can't even feel emotional in this world anymore. There's no source of love. I know Andrew cares. He cares a lot. But it's not enough. Because after all he is an outsider. He is not family. There is a difference in the way he cares and in the way a close family member cares With him, it's always what if we break up. What if what if. But family is always by your side no matter what. It's not like I don't trust Andrew. But I have known that relationships can be fickle from my past experiences I don't want to invest too much trust. Life is so hard. Everything is like borrowed time. If you fuck up, you fuck up forever. There is no room for error. Everything is held against you. I'm sick and tired of a judgemental world that lacks in care and affection. If you call in sick for a day, they tell you that you will be fired. Sometimes we wonder why are we so hard on each other. Why can't there be more empathy and understanding. Why can't we have God. Through whatever I'm experiencing in life, I'm turning more and more towards MGTOW, the general MGTOW more like man(human) going their own way not giving fucks about the world anymore. Just like men say that they don't trust women and that women don't care about them, I feel like saying the same about entire humanity. It's like nobody gives a fuck about others anymore. I have helped many people financially in my life. I always valued their wellbeing over everything else. But when it was my turn to seek help, they all turned their backs on me. It's brutal. How can people be so cruel. These are the same people I helped once without any care or concern without judgement or guilt. How can they not do the same. It's terrible. I don't want to love anyone. Because it feels like there is a dark underbelly to everything and a narrow safety margin And it feels like if you cross this margin, you could easily lapse into that dark side of things where things can quickly take a downturn and you end up suiciding I have toyed with the idea of suicide not once but maybe 15 different times by now. as time goes by I always open up more and more. It's difficult in the beginning to exactly identify what my emotion is. On the outside I'm just pretending to laugh because there is no option but to smile at people, but on the inside I have so many burning questions for which there are no answers. I'm baffled by how narrow people are around me. How can they not feel empathy for others the way I feel. I remember talking to my ex and he was brutal and judgmental. He would make me feel worse. It was so cruel. This is the same guy I helped on numerous occasions. But his responses to me would always be cold and heartless. Then he would turn around and say some joke like he is mocking me.. People close to me have hurt me so much in the past few months. It really got to a point where I felt like suicide was the only option because I didn't want to feel abandoned and alone. It's hard for me to reconcile the fact that people can't care or love each other. That makes me feel like wanting family is wrong. I feel like I don't want to be a mom. I feel like I don't want marriage. I don't want to be a mom. I don't want kids. Because I don't know how to trust. I have seen so much dysfunction growing up and so much betrayal and selfishness that I don't want to trust anymore. I remember when I was 15 I was living with a woman for 6 months. Her husband had passed away. Her one son had died in an accident. Her other son had moved out with his wife and kids into a wonderful apartment. And he had all the money in the world and yet he wouldn't pay her a dime. She was living on a small monthly pension but it wasn't enough for her needs. So she just ate once a day. I felt sorry for her. I helped her as much as I could. She loved my hospitality. But there was only so much I could do. It struck me hard. The realities of life. Her own son didn't give 2 shits about her and she was going blind and rotting away. I felt like family meant nothing. She told me how she had worked so hard to raise 2 kids when her husband had died young. I felt horrible. This is a woman who gave all her life to her children. Yet her own son didn't want to look after her or even visit her. Early on such examples throughout my childhood shaped my understanding of human relationships I tried to be positive but every time I showed trust I was betrayed. I was betrayed by many of my exes. I was betrayed by friends. I felt betrayed by my own mom. How do I reconcile this with my worldview. How can you have a rosy picture of the world after having witnessed all the harsh realities. I hate when people say they love their kids dearly. Because it feels like a farce. If you love your kids so much then why can't you extend the same love to others. By logic, if you are a loving person, you should show love to everyone. How can you only love something that belongs exclusively to you. Why can't you extend the same love to your parents and family which you have for your child. The woman was being neglected by her own son. But obviously the son took great care of his own kids. How strange is this all. What makes him love his kids but not his own mother. I have never been able to grasp that I kinda feel like there is a flawed perception of the world that we would like to believe. And we live in this perception. This naive trust that we have in humanity. This baseless trust It sucks because it's all a facade. I feel like MGTOW is the real way.

Definitely. I was tempted to argue but then I let it go. I mean it's not too serious. So I didn't let it bother me. He is cute otherwise. But sometimes says some odd things here and there like this one. He is very sensitive so if I say anything even slight he gets offended very quickly. Sometimes it's a bit of a trick to not sound annoyed.

I'm trying to laugh as much as possible to get over the depressing feelings. My mind races sometimes. It's so hard. To keep it all straight.

@DrewNows I would lol. He is lovely though just a bit eccentric.

Friday the 13th. Totally believe it

Hahaha

@Emerald he tells me that the whole world is a lie and that everything we are taught is a conspiracy. He believes that everything is opposite of what is being taught in schools. When I argued and asked him about the image of earth and why its round, he said its CGI. He says that science is bullshit and anti - God. He gave me the example of baseball. And how another player can catch the flying ball. And he says that it's only possible if the earth is flat.

@Bill W the only difference is that he is being super serious. He wasn't kidding at all. In fact he was very offended when I ridiculed him

I have a deep dark suicidal personality. It's a side of me I have battled with for some time

I'm trying to think how not to operate in survival mode. It's tough I feel depressed every day. Life is hard. I wish I was never born. Today I'm again battling with feelings of suicide and self harm. I had these feelings even when I was 14 even when I was 16 even when I was 18 even when I was 22. I always had it. Life has never been normal. I wish I could get freedom Sometimes I ask myself "why I was born" It's a hard question.