Preety_India

When my boyfriend said to me, "we can't change people, even our family" those words fell on me like thunder. They had a huge impact. There was a sudden existential need for me stop bothering about what others think. Suddenly I had to be selfish and only think of myself which is difficult because I have never been selfish. I have never believed that people should act out of selfishness. Because I saw no meaning in it. I saw meaning in people helping each other. The problem with my thinking is that it creates utopia. A sense of utopia which is not true. It's too movie like. It's not like it can't be real. It can be realized. However it doesn't happen. That's where the problem lies. In reality the model doesn't work. Reality is far from it. In reality people want to do stuff that fulfills their purpose even if it means a detriment to others. This is where such a model fails. We are too pathologically imperfect to believe in an ecstatic vision. All we have to do is move on and find our own sense of peace and stop believing that people are going to change. It's best to not live in a false reality but accept the true reality and modify ourselves to it. The question is how to live without love. The answer is God. The age old solution Now this only applies to people who believe in God. Don't know what to say about people who don't believe in God. But God's love is infinite and unconditional. He doesn't judge like humans. He doesn't oppress. He is generous. He doesn't forsake or abandon The generosity of a human is short lived. His grace and mercy are unlimited. He doesn't forsake and he is not fake

Hmm I really feel like MGTOW is the way.. At some point you'll need to stop caring about anything and everything. It is a nihilistic approach to everything. But it's a fact. Because having high hopes for humanity has only lead to failure. I don't know if this is the standard Indian approach. But many Indians become hippies and leave their families and friends and jobs and everything and go live in a cave for mental peace. There's a reason for this. They get frustrated looking at all the drama created by their families and the workplace politics. It hurts them.. Looking at all the problems and the lack of empathy and lack of humanity and the feeling of emptiness, it drives a lot of people to spirituality and self seeking. They want unconditional acceptance in life, they want love, which they don't get. They feel suffocated, stifled and they feel like they are pretending to be happy but not actually happy. But when they are alone, they feel happier because there are no expectations anymore.. There is no reason for disappointment. This makes me understand why some people in my country choose to go live in a cave and give up their families. Because you reach a point where you feel like everything is meaningless and purposeless. I had some friends who were guys who had parents who were ruthless and demanding. Relationships that were fickle. Life was just a travesty. So they turned to spirituality in search of meaning. They left their jobs and survived on whatever they could. They basically said "Fuck You" to society and just went

I'm trying to think what I can do next. The phonecall was from her. It got me nervous and frightened. It's difficult to deal with the building stress. I need to think organically and otherwise. Part of me wants to live in a dream world. Part of me understands reality. One thing that my boyfriend told me is this "We can't change people" "even our family" I felt like I could take things less seriously. Is my casual trust a problem. I have begun to realize that I need to see people as objects and not people anymore. There's no point in getting hurt and offended or depressed. It's like pack up and move on We not only need spirituality to deal with the bullshit of life but we also need psychological tools and resources. My boyfriend Andrew is helping me so much. Although he is sometimes silly, he says certain things that make profound sense to me. He understands what's going on with me. I like that. I have supported him during times when he was upset. We have both been for each other. I have cried on his shoulder sometimes. Why do I feel so uncertain. What's haunting me? I need to do a lot of shadow work to figure out what's eating me inside. After an argument with her, I felt upset and suicidal. I called Andrew and he said everything will be alright. I still wasn't feeling settled. But certain things he said are making sense. That I shouldn't care. I should focus on building my life instead of getting emotional. I feel so bad that I can't even feel emotional in this world anymore. There's no source of love. I know Andrew cares. He cares a lot. But it's not enough. Because after all he is an outsider. He is not family. There is a difference in the way he cares and in the way a close family member cares With him, it's always what if we break up. What if what if. But family is always by your side no matter what. It's not like I don't trust Andrew. But I have known that relationships can be fickle from my past experiences I don't want to invest too much trust. Life is so hard. Everything is like borrowed time. If you fuck up, you fuck up forever. There is no room for error. Everything is held against you. I'm sick and tired of a judgemental world that lacks in care and affection. If you call in sick for a day, they tell you that you will be fired. Sometimes we wonder why are we so hard on each other. Why can't there be more empathy and understanding. Why can't we have God. Through whatever I'm experiencing in life, I'm turning more and more towards MGTOW, the general MGTOW more like man(human) going their own way not giving fucks about the world anymore. Just like men say that they don't trust women and that women don't care about them, I feel like saying the same about entire humanity. It's like nobody gives a fuck about others anymore. I have helped many people financially in my life. I always valued their wellbeing over everything else. But when it was my turn to seek help, they all turned their backs on me. It's brutal. How can people be so cruel. These are the same people I helped once without any care or concern without judgement or guilt. How can they not do the same. It's terrible. I don't want to love anyone. Because it feels like there is a dark underbelly to everything and a narrow safety margin And it feels like if you cross this margin, you could easily lapse into that dark side of things where things can quickly take a downturn and you end up suiciding I have toyed with the idea of suicide not once but maybe 15 different times by now. as time goes by I always open up more and more. It's difficult in the beginning to exactly identify what my emotion is. On the outside I'm just pretending to laugh because there is no option but to smile at people, but on the inside I have so many burning questions for which there are no answers. I'm baffled by how narrow people are around me. How can they not feel empathy for others the way I feel. I remember talking to my ex and he was brutal and judgmental. He would make me feel worse. It was so cruel. This is the same guy I helped on numerous occasions. But his responses to me would always be cold and heartless. Then he would turn around and say some joke like he is mocking me.. People close to me have hurt me so much in the past few months. It really got to a point where I felt like suicide was the only option because I didn't want to feel abandoned and alone. It's hard for me to reconcile the fact that people can't care or love each other. That makes me feel like wanting family is wrong. I feel like I don't want to be a mom. I feel like I don't want marriage. I don't want to be a mom. I don't want kids. Because I don't know how to trust. I have seen so much dysfunction growing up and so much betrayal and selfishness that I don't want to trust anymore. I remember when I was 15 I was living with a woman for 6 months. Her husband had passed away. Her one son had died in an accident. Her other son had moved out with his wife and kids into a wonderful apartment. And he had all the money in the world and yet he wouldn't pay her a dime. She was living on a small monthly pension but it wasn't enough for her needs. So she just ate once a day. I felt sorry for her. I helped her as much as I could. She loved my hospitality. But there was only so much I could do. It struck me hard. The realities of life. Her own son didn't give 2 shits about her and she was going blind and rotting away. I felt like family meant nothing. She told me how she had worked so hard to raise 2 kids when her husband had died young. I felt horrible. This is a woman who gave all her life to her children. Yet her own son didn't want to look after her or even visit her. Early on such examples throughout my childhood shaped my understanding of human relationships I tried to be positive but every time I showed trust I was betrayed. I was betrayed by many of my exes. I was betrayed by friends. I felt betrayed by my own mom. How do I reconcile this with my worldview. How can you have a rosy picture of the world after having witnessed all the harsh realities. I hate when people say they love their kids dearly. Because it feels like a farce. If you love your kids so much then why can't you extend the same love to others. By logic, if you are a loving person, you should show love to everyone. How can you only love something that belongs exclusively to you. Why can't you extend the same love to your parents and family which you have for your child. The woman was being neglected by her own son. But obviously the son took great care of his own kids. How strange is this all. What makes him love his kids but not his own mother. I have never been able to grasp that I kinda feel like there is a flawed perception of the world that we would like to believe. And we live in this perception. This naive trust that we have in humanity. This baseless trust It sucks because it's all a facade. I feel like MGTOW is the real way.

Definitely. I was tempted to argue but then I let it go. I mean it's not too serious. So I didn't let it bother me. He is cute otherwise. But sometimes says some odd things here and there like this one. He is very sensitive so if I say anything even slight he gets offended very quickly. Sometimes it's a bit of a trick to not sound annoyed.

I'm trying to laugh as much as possible to get over the depressing feelings. My mind races sometimes. It's so hard. To keep it all straight.

@DrewNows I would lol. He is lovely though just a bit eccentric.

Friday the 13th. Totally believe it

Hahaha

@Emerald he tells me that the whole world is a lie and that everything we are taught is a conspiracy. He believes that everything is opposite of what is being taught in schools. When I argued and asked him about the image of earth and why its round, he said its CGI. He says that science is bullshit and anti - God. He gave me the example of baseball. And how another player can catch the flying ball. And he says that it's only possible if the earth is flat.

@Bill W the only difference is that he is being super serious. He wasn't kidding at all. In fact he was very offended when I ridiculed him

I have a deep dark suicidal personality. It's a side of me I have battled with for some time

I'm trying to think how not to operate in survival mode. It's tough I feel depressed every day. Life is hard. I wish I was never born. Today I'm again battling with feelings of suicide and self harm. I had these feelings even when I was 14 even when I was 16 even when I was 18 even when I was 22. I always had it. Life has never been normal. I wish I could get freedom Sometimes I ask myself "why I was born" It's a hard question.

This winter has finally put me at ease

I forgot the thought I had in my mind an hour ago. Sometimes I'm just not able to articulate I think there are tiers in dwiser thinking

Are you demonizing all women? What does we mean? Who are 'we'? That's funny because you only represent yourself. Who doesn't have empathy? What's your justification or premise for picking MGTOW? I feel like you're going around in circles

No. I'm a love kung fu master

I think this a matter of perception and validation. If someone doesn't support your worldview it doesn't make it right or wrong. Understand that everything is relative. So if it's relative to you, it's completely fine, it doesn't need to be absolute for you to feel validated in what you do. In fact you should not even look for validation in the first place. Its called "stop caring what people think" Maybe what they think applies in whatever cases they refer to and not to yours.. You're entitled to your opinion absolutely. If you think that's a path for you ultimately then nobody is stopping you other than yourself and you don't need a green signal from people to begin walking on that path.. Your experiences are your own and people feel entitled to judge but it's up to you to allow that judgment to impact you. I think you just want to be honest to yourself and most people who tell you otherwise are probably guilt tripping out of their own selfish needs. You're absolutely not wrong in asserting what your needs are or how you feel. I think people's resistance emerges from a fear based mentality because they think that a certain behavior will become the next social trend and they will have to succumb to it and they don't want to do that so they turn to suppressing your opinions by deeming it as weakness or unconsciously Gaslighting you. Men have a strong sexual need so to convince a man will take a lot. Most men wouldn't want it subconsciously so they are going to guilt trip you as much as they can because they want the game as long as they aren't losing. If they can dominate they will. They will change the game if they don't get what they want. You on the other hand are just being honest and simple and not wanting any part of it. You are just being authentic That's how rebellion begins. There is always a starting point, a point where a person authentically goes against a system and then everyone follows. But to start it, you need courage to go against social beliefs and challenge them. One person can inspire another. You need to stick to your beliefs and not worry about what people think because they have their own selfish agenda why they won't want to support your belief. Do what suits you. If you think MGTOW helps you then do that. Social perceptions are not going to change because you think they are wrong. It's like telling people to grow up but if they don't want to grow up, you can't help it.

Thanks. But I don't need all those now. I have already moved on. For me every relationship has been a different experience. I haven't been the same person or had the same attachment or whatever style in every relationship. Those are like patterns. My experiences have been dramatically different in each relationship I have had. It has been a learning experience for me in not only getting to know myself better but also in knowing the type of people to avoid. I can sit here and watch thousands of relationship videos but it's no good because it makes matters worse sometimes since everything in western psychology is looked at from a psychological disease angle. Our emotions are our own emotions and they have validity. If I constantly feel that there is something wrong with me, I'll never be able to be myself I'm just a normal person with normal needs in a relationship. If I feel a certain way, chances are that most people would feel the same way in similar situations. All I have gleaned from my terrible relationship experiences is this. When a relationship doesn't serve my purpose, I should just move on. If I get love, respect and care I'll reciprocate or else there is nothing worth waiting for. It's just simple. This whole attraction game is bullshit. Do what your heart wants and be with someone who truly resonates with you. Then no relationship advice is needed.

If someone doesn't want to give you respect you can't change it, absolutely nothing can be done. Honesty comes from an honest person. Respect comes from a person who is respectful of others. It cannot be coerced. Certainly it can be gained from threatening constantly. But I'm not the kind of woman who constantly says, "do this for me or else I'm breaking up" manipulating and blackmailing is not my thing. I don't want to command respect from a man by constantly keeping him on the edge.. Because then it's fake and out of fear. I want genuine love and respect and if he can't give, I can deserve better. You can't beg respect. So the best thing for me was to just walk away as any woman with respect would do and I did just that. Where there is no respect there is no love.

Things are way more complicated than simple questions. Sometimes you just know the truth of the matter. When you reach that level of depth with your emotions, you get answers without asking. I'm happy that I broke up. It's better than feeling hurt forever. I'm in peace with myself now.

The funny part is when I ended the relationship with my ex, I did not say much other than how he would never want to hear me out. And he said "now all bets are off, you're a bitch", and I didn't respond to that. Guess even in that moment I loved him too much to hurt him, and he was just waiting to hurt me when the bets were off.

The only obvious part I can see here is the two week period, which to me appears as too long, but who knows. Maybe some people take that much time. In the end it's your choice to dump her or not. I approach this dynamic from a point of empathy. Sometimes it can be confused with codependency. Setting boundaries is not easy. Too much can feel like you are stifling the relationship and blocking another person's expression. Too little can come across as giving yourself too much to the relationship. Making another person happy is not always a slavish thing, a detriment to self, a sign of codependency. I have never felt bad or slavish for making my boyfriend happy. It's another thing if the person doesn't feel happy no matter what you do. If I genuinely want to make my soulmate happy it's an expression of my affection. In your stepfather's situation, he is obviously in the wrong because he is making her happy out of fear, a common phenomenon observed in narcissism - codependency relationships and it never works because you can't someone happy who doesn't want to be happy. If I don't wish to hurt someone, it's not necessarily out of codependency or a mental state, it is just me being empathetic to the other person. What I consider as empathy can be misconstrued as codependency by someone else

I have no idea where my trajectory is going. But good things seem to be waiting for me. I feel like I'm in New York city. Looking at all the high rise buildings and wondering to myself where have I come, in this world where there is no textbook for life, where one says one thing and another says another.. Too confusing. Everything is complicated. Mostly my emotions.. Like in a knot. Back then Annie didn't make any sense at all. But now she does. Sometimes melody lies in static and peace lies in chaos Man's search for meaning never ends. You keep looking for rhyme and reason. When you do wrong, people call you wrong, when you do right ?, you get punished by your righteousness.. At your service sir.... Sigh. Sometimes I wonder if everything is just manipulation and games and then I sigh realizing so much is lost in all of this. Then my heart speaks to me in a moment of oblivion,... "hey just do whatever is right okay"... I'm not going to bullshit myself into guilt tripping Me.. Not anymore. What am I guilty of? Maybe falling in love. I am not guilty of anything except guilting myself.. The waves crash at my feet. The sands get onto my toes. I don't know.. A sense of calm takes over me. I have been so driven to life. Is this wrong.. The only thing that kept me going on is my own survival instinct. Deep down my heart knows what it knows. Nobody gives a fuck.. Cmon don't kid yourself. I want to be me. Only me. The most liberating experience ever is to be me. A free bird .

Oh dude, I don't know if she is being funny or sarcastic or fake.. I mean a real woman will never say that. So maybe she is testing you who knows. But don't fall for the bait. And if she really means it, she has low self esteem or is going to flip out of the blue when it actually happens. Expect everything. You don't want to hurt your relationship if you really love her. Be honest to yourself before being honest to her. Do you really want to have sex with someone while still having a relationship. I mean it's obviously cheating.. 9 out of 10 people don't want relationships that involve cheating. It's a no no.. So take your bet. And the seed part. There are too many seeds in the world already. You don't have to worry about your seeds. Just worry about your relationship then the seeds will take care of themselves. Much of the pickup culture will help you with sexual needs and rest of it is just bullshitting you with the alpha male syndrome. Make up your mind. If you are into her, others won't matter. If you're not into it, nothing matters and it's best to not hurt her and move on and do what you like but spare her the pain.