Preety_India

Understanding issues with self These issues that are going on with me can be better understood by NLP PROGRAMMING SHADOW WORK INSIGHT AND CONTEMPLATION TALK THERAPY LIFE COACHING SELF INQUIRY INTERNAL DEMON HUNTING REVISITING PAST TRAUMA SELF AWARENESS I FEEL LIKE A DOG CHASING HIS TAIL BUT IT'S OK. it's going to be an uphill battle. But a battle realized is a battle half won.

As a young woman I need resources and tools to engage with the world. What are these resources and tools. Reference material is a resource and a mechanism or action or strategy/trick /method is a tool. Advice from older women with more experience. Books on domestic abuse and domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. <Resources. Resources on human psychology and behavior like books,articles lectures and workshops Guidance at the age of 16. Maternal advice. Reading about relationships and people's experiences Real time experience and discussion about experiences. Without real time experience you as a woman wouldn't know how it all plays out. Being aware of situations beforehand and spreading awareness. Learning how to set boundaries for the approaching person's behavior. This was never taught to me when I was a teen. This is a tool. < Tools. Filtering in and filtering out. Raising barriers. Approvals and Eliminations. < Tools. Additionally as a young woman I want to raise effective barriers, barricades, boundaries, criteria, filters, walls in the communication zone.

@Bill W thank you so much. You helped a ton. I need to go through intense changes to revamp myself because I'm constantly feeling I'm getting nowhere and emotional stuff and mental stuff needs a huge amount of processing and healing time. And I'm constantly pushing myself to get there as quickly as I can and when that doesn't happen, I get distraught with frustration. @Arcangelo yes I get your point. But I have reached the end point of my misery. I think either the social media scene today is toxic or maybe I'm not fit to be in it, maybe it's not meant for emotional people like me. I get consumed by it. I'm hyper sensitive and this is no exaggeration by any means. I have great difficulty in getting things off my mind if they are hurting me emotionally. So words make a huge difference to me. I don't wish to read toxic messages from people in my inbox. And when I try to connect with new ones, it's always a pleasant experience in the beginning and later there are fall outs and that is a mess. So maybe the whole social thing is meant for emotionally strong Hulk Hogans who can deal with anything and everything like a pro. For me a breakup feels like a devastation,a divorce would feel like a disaster. So maybe I should stay away from dating and new connections and come back when I feel safe.

This forum has to be a clean place free of religious dogma. Or else pretty soon we can have nuts and trolls hanging out on here for no good reason. That would make this place a general dumping ground and a breeding place for internet trolls, keyboard warriors looking for morbid fun, bullies and some might begin to use it as a DATING PLATFORM!! This forum has a place of its own. @Leo Gura has done a good job policing it so far. He takes out those that are just obviously unbearable. Leo is not nazi when it comes to banning which is good. Lets be honest. We only want people who are honestly interested in self growth here not the internet trolls and people who are using it as an entertainment ground. This is a serious place for serious people. From my side, I give an upvote to @Leo Gura 's decision.

I agree with @Emerald here. To @Johnny5 I have benefitted a lot of from Emerald's advice. It's important to understand the feminine. And not understanding it is like you wanting a pet but not good at taking care of the needs of the pet. Just wanting it and wanting the pet to fit your needs. But that's not going to work. You want a human being to have a connection with. And you go around the whole world looking for answers on how to connect with that human being and yet when that human being speaks to you, you want to ignore their interests. Men in PUAs who do not consider a woman's interests in their minds and yet are desperate to find ways to connect with them is like wanting to be a politician without paying attention to public's issues. What good does it bring to want to sleep with a woman and get that goal but fail in a long term relationship. Most women are put off by men who don't factor them into their equation of life. You cannot at the same time want a woman and not wish to understand a woman. That goes against the grain. If you can't understand the feminine, you can't be with the feminine. The only way you can be is by manipulating the feminine. But manipulation can only go so far. When a woman says something, do you pay attention? Or do you read tons of books on female nature but completely avoid what an actual woman has to say. Isn't that ironic? Don't ask a woman how to date, but if she wants to let you know what she wants, it's your self serving purpose withholding you from directly listening to her. You do yourself no service by ignoring the femininity of a woman. If the masculine wants the feminine, it has to flow with the feminine. You can't be a psychologist without understanding your client.

Shadows we all have them. There are some people who are self sabotaging. They defeat anything associated with them. Whatever they touch it turns to dust.. If they get an apartment they ruin the place by fighting with the neighbors. If they get a relationship they ruin the relationship. If they get a job they end up losing it for frivolous reasons. I had observed this pattern with my ex. I'd never want to meet anyone like him again

Penny wise and pound foolish And those asshole penny pinchers.

Thank you guys

So true

No Social Contact Challenge. Day 1 Month February 2020 February 3, 2020 Today I didn't log into my account. Resisted the temptation. Good job.

@electroBeam I don't think that she dated you for money. She has lived with you for 3 years in the marriage. I think she loves you. But you migrating can be hard on her. I'd never want my future hubby to keep going far away from me. It would be very hard for me to deal with.

I think it's important for me to cut off social contact for a while to stay out of toxic social media and specific people who choose to hurt. I've been there done that and it's time to lay it off for a while. I do talk to Andrew now and then and that helps. But I have to keep away from social addictions. They create a lot of chaos and people who are really toxic can sometimes be there. I have had friends who betrayed me bullied me. Turned their backs on me and I have been hurting for a long time. So it's time to just be myself, my pets and Andrew. And cut off any toxic social media.

I am trying to imagine God's energy and boundless love. His love enveloping me and surrounding me. His love is like beauty. It feels serene and loving and warm and liberating. Like he is protecting the hurt the wounded from the devil

The worst kind of victims of abuse are those who can't help themselves and those that are never heard, who are afraid to tell, who are never believed when they try to tell and who are never understood or offered help once they have told

The most inspiring words that I read today were This feminine soul went from victim, through surviving, to victory. These words are great. I went through horrible abuse throughout childhood and I ran from home multiple times to escape it. I am still dealing with effects of it. What can I gain from those words is this I am a victim I need to survive till the devil is dead and carry through the end. Once the devil is dead, I will find hope and freedom. . I will survive I need to survive I need to get to victory One day I'll be free and happy and I'll win Till then I will have to struggle and persevere. Persevere till the devil is dead. Survive through the abuse. You'll do it

I don't think there is anything like a Columbian girl or a Chinese girl or a Russian girl or an Indian girl or American girl. Women are women. So are men. You love her and treat her with respect and she loves you and treats you with respect is all that is needed. It would be incredibly racist to treat someone as evil just because they are not American. That's a hell of a cognitive dissonance. Beware not to have a dissonant mentality while starting a relationship. Start with Openness. Your doubts might be without a ground and if you wear a particular perception you'll start thinking that everything she does is for a bad motive or a greedy reason.. This is like creating a trap for yourself, digging your own grave. Such suspicious or skeptic perception can tarnish a relationship. If you already sowed the seeds of doubt in your heart then you could end up losing the love or attraction you had for that person even if that person is very loving. Don't create a recipe for hurt and mistrust. If that person is bad, their bad colors will show eventually. You don't need to create premature dissonance in your mind. Relationships are like glass... Fragile! Once that person realizes that you are doubting them or you don't trust them then it can be very hurtful to them. Also people are creating a big stereotype with this whole American visa fuss. There are lots of people who are in America who are very evil. So am I supposed to think that every American is evil??? Evil and good people are everywhere. If people are being so skeptical about the whole visa deal, then don't break hearts, just stick to your own American people and don't date outside. Just because people are from countries outside of America does not mean they are automatically greedy, automatically evil, automatically 'visa hungry' or automatically "scammer." In fact the biggest scams in the world have happened in America by Americans. Don't fall into the trap of stereotypical bullshit. Remember that if you are judging someone outside your country, then they are also judging you back the same way. It's just that their opinions aren't heard that much. Just have an open mind and an open heart to the rest of the world and be with someone who truly cares and respects you. If you want unconditional love, you should also give unconditional love. And lastly, bad and good, evil and good doesn't come with a country tag on it. Good luck

I broke up and it feels awful.. But I'm glad I did it. Andrew is by my side. I went through too much. But finally closure. Andrew has been very kind and patient throughout this time. I was hurt for a very very long time. It was too much trauma to hold within me.. But I finally let go. I can finally move on with Andrew. He is my true soul mate.

Hmm. It's good to see that you have finally fully opened up about your situation because I kinda had the feeling that she cannot be just an ex girlfriend. I knew there was more to everything and I had the feeling that you were holding back a lot the first time you posted about breakup. I will just give you real practical advice. This will be in tune with whatever you already want. I didn't know the situation exactly before because I assumed that she was just a girlfriend using you which is quite common. But now that I know that she is your wife, there's a lot invested in here. I don't think that she is using you for a visa although on your side it might feel that way. I think she is genuinely hurt as well given that it is a 3 year marriage. Anyone would be hurt. So you will need to pretend like you are with her at least for the rest of the year till she gets the visa processed so that things go better for her. This is because you love her and it will cause you a lot of guilt to not honor her last needs in the marriage. Let her get her mom to the country you are residing in so that her worries can be taken care of. But you will have to close the marriage chapter as soon as the pending obligations (not really obligations) are done because she is not showing signs for reconciliation. I have no idea why. It's bizzare that she wants to quit on something that was 3 year long. Coming to your startup situation. You're really happy and that guy doesn't sound trustworthy I mean the Chinese guy. If you get into trouble in China with regard to money he most likely won't help you. Being in another country for a long period of time with a person who you can't trust can be very risky. You're young in your 20s which is a great advantage because you can easily find work in your own hometown. You can stay in China for a few months and quit being his slave and find work in your country. Once you get a job you can get a basic studio apartment and get out of the parents home. A note to your parents. I hate the fact that they are not supporting you at a time of need. They should be the last to tell you to move out. But I'm aware that a lot of western parents don't give a shit. So you will need to buckle up. Suicide is not the solution here. Be practical. Emotionally cut off from your ex but do what she says as a way to honor the marriage. Don't think she is using you. And find a place and people you get along with so that the job frustration can be taken care of. Try to keep your mind empty for a few days. I dealt with breakup in the month of November and posted here in the forum and got a lot of support. It was very hard and depressing for me. But now I'm coping well. It takes like 3 to 6 weeks to get over a breakup, of course the scars are going to be long term And as I said even in your previous post about breakup, that you need to settle with a woman who wants to make it work, who wants to build a life with you, not someone who is not okay with your life choices and decisions, because no matter how much you love them, they are going to drift apart for their own needs leaving you high and dry. I'm sorry you're going through so much. Take care..

I'm not a narcissist. I don't need any compliment or validation to look great. I'm just me myself and I'm happy being that.

Has anyone noticed the new actualized org symbol on top. I noticed just now. It's super cute. A star on a mountain peak. Looks cool

I can put everything in to the dikki

Not feeling okay today

So I didn't get it done. Jeez

Women and men who are more androgynous are very attractive. I personally believe there is both a masculine and a feminine side to both male and female. Without the other side, men and women will become very antagonistic towards each other with extreme polarity. Any author that claims absolute realities about masculinity and feminity is not a very good judge. He is looking for rigidity.

I think the best solution is to stay away from porn for a while if you have gotten so used to it. That does interfere with how you imagine things in real life. It's only needed in the early learning phase and after that you need to take a break from it or else it will cloud your judgement and feelings. The discomfort in social situations is coming from either lack of exposure or from social anxiety. Not being able to trust people is completely understandable in this day and age. Have you ever explored how you would feel in a relationship just in your mind? Maybe you feel that you might get hurt by a girlfriend. Is that a subconscious fear inside your mind? Take it easy. If you are afraid that you will get hurt, remember that relationships are never perfect just like anything else in life. You will buy a TV and it doesn't last forever, but you still buy TV right? People die in aeroplane crashes but they still book flights right? Same way. Even in relationships you will have major pitfalls and drawbacks, hurt, betrayals, failures. But I'll tell you the advantages of having a relationship You grow as a person You come to know what's lacking in you You get maturity about life, society and the world. You learn to avoid bad toxic relationships You make better choices in relationships as time goes by and with more relationship experience. Your social skills of communication, body image, body language improve You learn to value yourself more You understand human nature better. Every relationship makes you stronger The downside is of course it consumes your time and energy and can leave you exhausted uninterested if you have multiple failed relationships. But don't get upset by the downsides of dating and relationships. Be open and honest and prepared to take the challenges of relationships. It takes time. Good luck and have a nice day