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electroBeam

Breaking up from loving relationships - an aid

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Are you struggling to break up from a 2, 3, 5 or more year relationship? A relationship where you deeply love each other, almost like family? Do you deep down know that it's the right thing to do, but are afraid of loosing her/him? Are you being dumped by your girlfriend/boyfriend and struggling?

 

Loving relationships are a special case of break up, because the 2 individuals are co depended on each other for love and support. This makes breakups extremely challenging.

 

When we loose him/her, we mourn loosing all of the special, loving, important memories we had with each other. We mourn the first time we kissed, the first time we admitted our love for each other. The room we both slept in, all of the love making we had - how those moments were so special, unique and critical for living a happy life.

Now it's all gone. She/he is gone. Which means all those memories, special moments, things we once hold dearly, are now all just a story. A dead story that will forever be buried in the back of our minds, never to be actualized ever again.

We look at our room, we mourn over just 1 person sleeping in it - what's left is just a dead memory of the 2 of you, having the most meaningful experiences of your lives. You mourn over the leaves fluttering down from that cute tree you both proposed under - now just a dead memory of how wonderful your life was before the breakup. You mourn over that suitcase you both went travelling with - to Fiji, Hawaii, a funky town in Japan because only the 2 of you had a cute, weird fetish for Japanese culture, something that makes you guys made for each other. Now that suitcase is just a dead memory, of what you had but now don't.

Gosh, if only you didn't decide to date this person in the first place or decide to date at all. Let's rewind back to why you even started dating.

On the surface, you were just innocently looking for love. Or you were looking to share an experience with someone, or something like that. But why was that even important? 

To say it bluntly, it may have been because you didn't love yourself enough, so instead of doing the spiritual practices to love yourself more, you instead tried to obtain self love quickly by getting someone else to love you for you.

And now for the past 5 or so years, your self love, has been relied upon and supplied by your girlfriend/boyfriend. 

What you mourn, is not loosing her. It's mourning the loss of loving yourself. 

Your entire worldview was constructed with the assumption that this woman or man would give you that love, and so you put nothing in place incase that relied up stream of love ever left you.

 

Now when you see that cute tree where both of you confessed your love for each other, you seem to be reminded that you've lost the love of your life, but actually you've lost loving yourself. You no longer love yourself, because you left it all up to that girl under the tree going "I confess, you're the most beautiful human I've ever met, I want to be with you for the rest of my life". 

Now you see that bed you 2 made love with in, and it seems you're reminded that you have lost the love of your life, but what you've actually lost is all of the moments she looked at you with that passion in her eyes that you're the greatest fuckboy on the planet. When she needed you to hug her purely because she loves it - and you appreciate that dearly, knowingly or not. 

And what makes it worse is you picked her/him because she represents your ideal self - godly attractive, deeply loving, Einstein level of intelligence, loves the same things as you, but better. Your love in a sense is being supplied by your ideal self(or at least parts of it if you still admire and love her). 

 

You've been relying on him/her for supplying love for way too long. You need to take ownership of your self love. 

 

Write down all of the things you miss about him/her. What did he/she do to make you feel loved? Compliments? Made you food? took you on holidays? Gave you amazing sex?

Start doing all those things to yourself, compliment yourself, make yourself delicious food to express your self love. Give yourseld holidays because you love yourself so much.

Care for yourself, remind your self that you are the thing that you love the most. Accept your self more, appreciate yourself. Realize that the thing you're looking for isn't out there somewhere, your ideal self isn't with in a woman, it's within yourself - if you care to nurture yourself and grow your self to who you want to be. 

 

To remind yourself of this, say this for 15 minutes every day:

"There is no one who loves me more than myself."

"I don't need my ex to love me, because I love myself too much."

 

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Hmm for me this won't work no matter how hard I try. 

 

I guess the need for love is innate and deep. There is a reason why you have affection for another. This is the law of the universe. No creature can exist by its own. Every creature is fundamentally social and that's how we survive and grow. Man is a social animal and so are other animals too. 

Loving yourself can be a temporary escape loneliness and a way to strengthen the self, but it can't compensate those parts of the brain that light up when we experience love from someone else. It's natural. 

Love has astronomical healing capacity. It's a shame that loving relationships end prematurely usually for stupid reasons. 

But don't underestimate the power of love you receive from others. It's the single most motivating and most soothing comforting experience ever. 

Self love cannot match that 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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