Preety_India

Can you elaborate on the internal barriers and Animus possession that interferes with attracting a more matured male. What are these internal barriers and how do they impact. Also what are the ways of attracting matured men ?

Although the past 2 days have been draining with anxiety over the constant calls and texts I had been receiving and my attempts to stay off social media for good, I can say that I feel glad that I made this big decision. I feel glad that I no longer feel obligated to respond to anyone who have hurt me in the past. I feel free. Kinda liberated. I don't feel bound anymore. I don't feel guilty for not having replied. I don't feel the anxiety and the anxiousness of being there for people who didn't give a f*ck about me. There is this anxiety of ”missing " or "homesickness" but no longer the anxiety of disappointing someone. I don't feel tied up or on edge. I'm glad that I decided not to talk to people who I no longer think can add value to my life and who have only been draining me with their facade.

I'm constantly mulling over whether I should be friends with Mr J or not. Because the relationship had both good times and bad times it's hard to say what will be the right thing to do. I'm trying to assess this situation psychologically. And I think the best option for me is to not respond to him at all and never communicate with him ever again. This is for my emotional and mental safety. Because I think that Mr J displayed a lot of narcissistic behavior in the relationship with constant passive aggressive attacks on me. The one time that I tried breaking up with him, he yelled at me, screamed at me calling me a bitch for breaking up with him and he wasn't taking it well. He was just completely out of control and very furious and angry at me for dumping him. He constantly kept sending me angry text and calls and a lot of anger and resentment that he showed to me that caused me to doubt my break up with him. He made me feel guilty for having broken up with him because he felt suicidal and depressed after our breakup. Even I was depressed because our relationship was so passionate that the breakup was very hard on me. But it was like a situation that I can best describe as " CAN'T LIVE WITH HIM, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM " So I had to make my decision to part ways with because it was too intense and I was feeling traumatized for quite some time with him. I got back with him again in the month of June 2019 because he was very persuasive and persistent that I get back because he was having a very hard time without me in his life. So I got back with him but within just few weeks of getting back with him,he started his emotional abusive behavior once again. He started controlling me and blamed me for breaking up with him. He would use any opportunity to bring up the breakup episode and remind me that I was a bitch for breaking up with him. I was too exhausted from his constant blaming me for everything that went wrong in his life. I reached my end point in November when I posted on the forum about him and people here told me that he was being emotionally abusive to me. I ran out of patience and frankly I ran out of love for him, I started seeing him more as a nuisance than a protective boyfriend. So I gave up and broke up with him. Now he is constantly pressuring me in being friends with him. I think the most likely scenario if I become friends with him is that he will constantly remind me once again how I broke up with him and again make me feel guilty for leaving him. He will throw out veiled attacks at me making me feel vulnerable and guilty and awful for having broken up. He might even seek revenge. He has given death threats before although I took them lightly because I didn't really believe that he would kill me. But he might want to seek revenge in milder more emotional ways. Like targeting me and making me feel undesirable and making me feel like the bad guy in the relationship we had and constantly remind me of that. This can be an extension of his narcissistic abuse that I already tolerated enough during the relationship with him. So I don't think he will change his narcissistic ways of preying on my self esteem and constantly degrading me to feel like the better person. So I think I should completely avoid him. Although I still care about him, he can't take advantage of my permissive behavior.

Now the horrible thing is that two of my exes are trying to be friends with me and even the third. I blocked the first ex. His name starts with S. I'll just call him Mr S. The second ex I'll call him Mr B. The third ex the most recent one is Mr J. So I blocked the first ex Mr S last year when he tried to contact me on my birthday. The second ex Mr B is like a stalker. I told him that I'll report him if he didn't stop. He would call me from his friends number to try and reach to me. I blocked him multiple times but no use. He always found a new way of contacting me. The last time I blocked him was on January 8, 2020. He called me 6 times in a row. I was going insane. I told him to stop. Then he told me that he can't live without me. I told him to get real. I told him that I have a new guy,that apparently didn't have any effect on him. He continued calling me so I deactivated all my apps and switched off my phone for a few days in an effort to discourage him. But as soon as I switched back on, he was trying to ping me again in a couple of hours. I begged him to leave me alone. At last he did. I wished him good luck. Now the third ex is the one that I was deeply attached to. I considered him to be my real soulmate. My fondest memories of my life are with my third ex Mr. J and everything in all my journals I have made several references to him. My life was practically all about him while we were together. I was madly in love. It was the Romeo Juliet of my life. He was an American. That made it a bit complicated but we sailed well through our time together. I was most sexual and initmate with him out of all of my relationships. But now he is trying to reach out to me which I completely understand because we had such a great chemistry and connection. We were like soulmates until he started to get abusive. So I broke up with him. It was terrible because it was the most awful breakup I've ever had. It was too abrupt and I felt very empty and lonely after that. I was very attached to him so letting him go was the hardest but I had to because I couldn't deal with his abuse.. Now Mr J has been trying to reach me in the last two weeks very fervently and I'm pulling all stops. I can't. He hinted that we should be friends after the breakup. But I didn't respond. I'm still coping with the breakup. There was Andrew who stepped in and helped me break up with him. He was kind and patient. We were just friends but post the breakup I grew closer to Andrew. He was like Mr J but not abusive. Very gentle. Someone I can get along with. I haven't blocked Mr J out of respect to him and the wonderful times we had. I don't want him to feel abandoned and hated. I do care a lot about Mr J but fact is fact that I'm moving on and I need to focus on my Life and spiritual growth and I cannot let my energy get drained by the toxic relationship I had with Mr J. So now my birthday is coming. It's on 21 February. I don't know how to feel. Because it's generally on my birthday that exes try to reach me to wish me so that they can start a conversation. I haven't been friendly with any of my past exes. I have ignored all of them because that was the best thing to do. Now ignoring Mr J will be the hardest because he was my ultimate soulmate. I suffered a great deal of heartache post the breakup with him. That's why the best strategy is to stay away from social media for a while till everything cools off and I feel like I'm getting back on track. I have kept Andrew on hold and the best part about Andrew is that he is not desperate at all. He is always gentle and soothing. He doesn't pressure me to go out with him or doesn't pressure me to do things his way. He gives me my space. He understands that I need healing

My ex is constantly trying to be friends with me since the last 2 weeks. And I'm saying No no no no no.... I just can't do it. Different strokes for different folks. Maybe some people can be friends with their exes. To each his own. I can't be friends with him I can't take the feeling that this person was once my romantic interest, someone who I considered my soulmate. I was deeply attached to all the memories. Plus I shared a great deal of sex and intimacy with this person. How should I forget all that ? I can't be friends with him. His ex that was 4 years ago doesn't talk to him either. I guess the reason is obvious. I can't handle the emotions of the difficult breakup I had with him. He even appeared in my dreams last night. Maybe I'm immature if I'm not able to talk to an ex, but I'm being very genuine and honest. I'm emotional and I'm just RAW. If I can't do something I don't want to pretend like I can. I seriously cannot handle being friends and then having flashbacks of all the good times and the ”miss you” part. He hurt me. It's over. If I'm friends with him, the hurt might get reignited and stay that way. I don't want to open past wounds especially when I need healing and calm.

The turmoil in the past 2 weeks has consumed me. Any guy that I tried to be friends with online and offline tried to get sexual with me very quickly so I had to immediately cut off all new connections that I was trying to make.. I never had such an experience before ( when I was 16 to 18 years old. ) Guys back then were friendly and not being weird. These days it's just impossible to talk to a guy without him talking about porn or some sexual crap. I recently made a new friend online. He is from America. In the beginning he was so nice and respectful and completely chill. During the second conversation, he said " I want to marry you. " I'm like WTF. I stopped talking to him. I just hate it when someone ruins what is going to be a wonderful friendship by talking sexual nonsense or marriage crap. And when I say I just wish to be a friend,they get cold feet. Like umm. Ok And some of the female friends were wonderful but they just don't have the time to take out for friends and I don't want to waste their time if they feel busy. Teenage days and school days were great. No stress. No sexual crap. Just hanging out having fun innocent fun teasing laughing.

I don't go to church anymore because if I did I would meet them again. And there will be all kinds of questions, "what happened Preety, where have you been, what's up ?" I don't want to break down in front of them. I feel like I can no longer trust anyone with my deepest emotions.

I constantly get the feeling that I should be hanging out with my friends in the evening and I get the images of my past year hanging out with them in malls, coffee shops, cafeterias, near buildings etc. These images of "evenings with friends" are very tempting. Also this feeling is pretty strong around weekend time on Saturdays and Sundays. I like going to Church on the weekend. I used to hang out near my school Church on weekends. Oh God those days were awesome. All my school buddies and me at the church with the night lights on the church entrance. We used to eat candies or ice cream and talk about random stuff and there was a sense of security and warmth around friends both guys and girls. Girls in jeans and shirts. And guys with baggy shirts. All fun fun. Those guys used to make the girls laugh. If I ever wanted to share something I could share with them. It was so much fun.

No Social Contact Challenge. Day 2 Month February 2020 February 4, 2020 Today I didn't log into my account. Resisted the temptation. Good job. There was temptation to check my account for messages. But I somehow controlled that. I'm feeling anxiety on this day like this gnawing feeling that I'm missing out on something. I had the addiction of talking to my friends. So quitting cold turkey is making me extremely anxious today like withdrawal symptoms. Kinda feel homesick. Trying very hard to hold on to this. Communication is my addiction. Please no communication today. ? I feel anxious and isolated and "missing the party " feeling but it's okay, it's okay. Suppress the urges.

You summed it up. More women need to realize this.

A guy on this thread said that women aren't sure of what they want, that women tend to misrepresent themselves. So the logical conclusion from your post would be that even men aren't sure of what they really want. Would you agree

The right guy is just a phantom. A lot of women get screwed believing that they are with the right guy until this Mr. Right becomes Mr. Wrong. Let's not forget the fact that almost every man who approaches a woman wants to appear like the right guy at least on the first few dates.

Unfortunately I have to agree with that. Wish the masculine and the feminine were more harmonious.

Last night I had a terrible dream. It was about my ex. My ex was a boxing champion in school, he was selected for a Louisiana championship and he was great at basketball and a good athlete. He is kinda competitive and would get into fights and if someone challenges him, he is always open to it. So the dream goes like this. My ex is talking to another guy who is this Ukrainian guy. This Ukrainian guy is constantly boasting about his physical strength. My ex is physically strong, his arms and legs especially. He can put someone in a chokehold. His hands are quite strong since he trained for boxing. Now my ex is strong but not that big. Like not very large or huge but this Ukrainian guy is very large in size. He looks like a building. And he tells my ex a way to test strength is to climb a building. Higher the better. My ex takes the challenge as he always does. I'm sort of proud of him but I'm aware that he can't do this particular challenge because I've never heard him do that before. So I'm literally nervous and shaking fearing for his life. Im feeling neurotic that he took up this challenge. I think he was being stupid. Now they are both climbing the building and I'm watching in horror. The Ukrainian guy is good at climbing whereas my ex is struggling. When they reach close to the top of the building, just halfway to the top, my ex struggles to keep up and is about to fall. When people on the floor of the building hold him and pull him up before he can fall and he is saved. I'm literally about to faint as I see him being saved. The Ukrainian guy loses his grip as well but somehow manages to get to the top. End of the dream I don't know how to interpret the dream. I called Andrew when I woke up and told him about it. And he told me to take it easy and relax. I do care about my ex although I don't love him the way I used to. I broke up with him sometime during November and I've been doing better since. But I don't know why he appeared in my dream. I hope he is fine but I won't contact him again. I do not wish to. It's too painful. That's why I'm avoiding social media to keep myself away from intrusive thoughts.

The protective fatherhood in a man needs to be awakened. I have observed a phenomenon globally,I don't see men acting manly anymore. Most are looking up to toxic definitions of manhood and becoming more like boys. Toxic masculinity is on the rise. They don't have a good role model to follow.

Absolutely agree. I find it against femininity.

Understanding issues with self These issues that are going on with me can be better understood by NLP PROGRAMMING SHADOW WORK INSIGHT AND CONTEMPLATION TALK THERAPY LIFE COACHING SELF INQUIRY INTERNAL DEMON HUNTING REVISITING PAST TRAUMA SELF AWARENESS I FEEL LIKE A DOG CHASING HIS TAIL BUT IT'S OK. it's going to be an uphill battle. But a battle realized is a battle half won.

As a young woman I need resources and tools to engage with the world. What are these resources and tools. Reference material is a resource and a mechanism or action or strategy/trick /method is a tool. Advice from older women with more experience. Books on domestic abuse and domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. <Resources. Resources on human psychology and behavior like books,articles lectures and workshops Guidance at the age of 16. Maternal advice. Reading about relationships and people's experiences Real time experience and discussion about experiences. Without real time experience you as a woman wouldn't know how it all plays out. Being aware of situations beforehand and spreading awareness. Learning how to set boundaries for the approaching person's behavior. This was never taught to me when I was a teen. This is a tool. < Tools. Filtering in and filtering out. Raising barriers. Approvals and Eliminations. < Tools. Additionally as a young woman I want to raise effective barriers, barricades, boundaries, criteria, filters, walls in the communication zone.

@Bill W thank you so much. You helped a ton. I need to go through intense changes to revamp myself because I'm constantly feeling I'm getting nowhere and emotional stuff and mental stuff needs a huge amount of processing and healing time. And I'm constantly pushing myself to get there as quickly as I can and when that doesn't happen, I get distraught with frustration. @Arcangelo yes I get your point. But I have reached the end point of my misery. I think either the social media scene today is toxic or maybe I'm not fit to be in it, maybe it's not meant for emotional people like me. I get consumed by it. I'm hyper sensitive and this is no exaggeration by any means. I have great difficulty in getting things off my mind if they are hurting me emotionally. So words make a huge difference to me. I don't wish to read toxic messages from people in my inbox. And when I try to connect with new ones, it's always a pleasant experience in the beginning and later there are fall outs and that is a mess. So maybe the whole social thing is meant for emotionally strong Hulk Hogans who can deal with anything and everything like a pro. For me a breakup feels like a devastation,a divorce would feel like a disaster. So maybe I should stay away from dating and new connections and come back when I feel safe.

This forum has to be a clean place free of religious dogma. Or else pretty soon we can have nuts and trolls hanging out on here for no good reason. That would make this place a general dumping ground and a breeding place for internet trolls, keyboard warriors looking for morbid fun, bullies and some might begin to use it as a DATING PLATFORM!! This forum has a place of its own. @Leo Gura has done a good job policing it so far. He takes out those that are just obviously unbearable. Leo is not nazi when it comes to banning which is good. Lets be honest. We only want people who are honestly interested in self growth here not the internet trolls and people who are using it as an entertainment ground. This is a serious place for serious people. From my side, I give an upvote to @Leo Gura 's decision.

I agree with @Emerald here. To @Johnny5 I have benefitted a lot of from Emerald's advice. It's important to understand the feminine. And not understanding it is like you wanting a pet but not good at taking care of the needs of the pet. Just wanting it and wanting the pet to fit your needs. But that's not going to work. You want a human being to have a connection with. And you go around the whole world looking for answers on how to connect with that human being and yet when that human being speaks to you, you want to ignore their interests. Men in PUAs who do not consider a woman's interests in their minds and yet are desperate to find ways to connect with them is like wanting to be a politician without paying attention to public's issues. What good does it bring to want to sleep with a woman and get that goal but fail in a long term relationship. Most women are put off by men who don't factor them into their equation of life. You cannot at the same time want a woman and not wish to understand a woman. That goes against the grain. If you can't understand the feminine, you can't be with the feminine. The only way you can be is by manipulating the feminine. But manipulation can only go so far. When a woman says something, do you pay attention? Or do you read tons of books on female nature but completely avoid what an actual woman has to say. Isn't that ironic? Don't ask a woman how to date, but if she wants to let you know what she wants, it's your self serving purpose withholding you from directly listening to her. You do yourself no service by ignoring the femininity of a woman. If the masculine wants the feminine, it has to flow with the feminine. You can't be a psychologist without understanding your client.

Shadows we all have them. There are some people who are self sabotaging. They defeat anything associated with them. Whatever they touch it turns to dust.. If they get an apartment they ruin the place by fighting with the neighbors. If they get a relationship they ruin the relationship. If they get a job they end up losing it for frivolous reasons. I had observed this pattern with my ex. I'd never want to meet anyone like him again

Penny wise and pound foolish And those asshole penny pinchers.

Thank you guys

So true