Preety_India

Stop trying to target my comments on the forum. You're trying to single me out and I can clearly see that. If you have an opinion leave it, rather than reacting to mine and trying to create a spectacle. Ridiculing other people is not a great idea.

Your Amber Heard example has no relevance to my topic. Move on.

I have suffered some amount of narcissistic abuse in my relationships. This forum helped me deal with my codependency and emotional issues I had and made me realize that I was stuck in a bad relationship. That was a great help. I have ruminated a bit about the nature of narcissistic partners. And I found a correlation. I observed that narcissistic people are attracted to people who actually treat them bad. Like they get attracted to sociopathic people. Whereas when they have a respectful calm decent person, they start taking that person for granted and treat that person badly. But when they see a person who is influential, has social status, popular and powerful, intimidating, they try to impress this popular person. They try to impress those who hate them and treat them unkindly. But they push away a decent person and treat them like crap. Does this mean that narcissists get attracted to sociopaths or love the company of sociopaths? I needed more opinions on this based on your experience. I will explain this in some detail so that you know what exactly I'm trying to say. The narcissistic man I've seen some men are attracted to trophy girls and even if they get mistreated in the relationship they still want that woman because they think it's a thing of pride to be just associated with her Yet if they happen to be in a relationship with a plain Jane kind of girl who is treating the man very kindly, they kick her to the curb and treat her like a doormat and take her for granted. But they wouldn't display the same awful behavior with the woman who they find intimidating or powerful. They feel subdued or embarrassed to even stand up to her bad behavior. They feel pressured to impress her and are constantly hounded by the fear of losing her. Yet they see no offense or guilt in being hurtful to a good woman. The narcissistic woman I've seen some women who treat the guy very badly, abusive, bullying etc. They will put him down and be mean to him especially if they see him as a loser or not very popular or intimidating Yet these same women get attracted to a bad guy who is handsome, popular, intimidating, abusive, liked by most women, and even if he is treating her like shit, she wants to please him But she doesn't give a damn about the guy who respects and truly cares for her I think these behaviors are a part of the narcissistic psyche. Let me know what you think about it and elaborate.

That was excellent. Thanks for the input.

Thank you so much once again for the great advice.

I'm so happy I'll be meeting Sandra day after tomorrow. Yay..

I never got a good vibe from him. Seems like a controller. Watched a few of his videos. Yikes

The energy you exude is so important.

This will be interesting!

Day 3 February 5 Feeling okay. Didn't feel the need to reach to someone.

I like cardinals and cichlids Oops. I thought this was a recent topic. Sorry

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I think self development is a permanent on going process, whether you awakened or not.

I feel upbeat today. Seems that the road to recovery has finally begun.

Don't start with interrogations. Be open and frank about your interests and intentions. Don't act needy . Never show emotions on your face. Women read a man's face very quickly. Don't ignore her gestures and expressions. Give her max attention. Avoid controversial or boring topics. Laugh a lot. Get used to the mannerisms. Practice beforehand in your mind. Do not touch inappropriately. Be a gentleman Apologize frequently if you did something wrong Be dominating but gentle. Women love the dominant male side. Don't start any sexual talk before she does or unless she does. Don't be anxious or uncomfortable. Perfect calm. Confident Don't be intrusive while getting to know her. Listen carefully. Don't be abrupt Flirt a little. Eye contact Obviously don't look at other women. Don't be offended if she laughs. Laugh with her. Don't ask questions. Even if you do they should be casual and ask while you laugh. Women can be chatty but usually not on the first date. So you take the lead. You be the conversation starter, be the ice breaker,don't wait for her. Even if it means every time. Don't get too curious

First thing is to let go of whatever happened in childhood. Resolve that and heal and forgive yourself. Have a clear vision board like Nahm has. Nahm has mentioned the vision board many times in the forum. You can enter it in search. Have a clear set of goals for the future. Your helplessness might be arising from a lack of a proper structure to work on. Create this foundational structure in your life. Do some inner insight work and ask yourself these questions "What do I really want out of my life?" "What should my existence/life look like ?" "What would I love to do ?" Try to get authentic answers to these questions during your self inquiry practice. Once you have a foundational structure in your life it will automatically create that source of power within you aka drive. This sense of purpose will automatically make you run towards your goals. Scheduling and discipline in life is very important. Also try looking into stuff to check if you have depression or not. The source of love ...well. The only thing I can tell here is self love. You have to develop the lust for life. Try being happier and invest in happiness or laughter therapy. That will give some degree of motivation and it will generate the need for self love.

You're funny lol. Your dissonance is major. I never blamed men. I just said that in casual sex or whatever sex one has to be clear about what they want and not try to deceive the other person by creating illusions. What I mean is not play with someone's emotions and desires. That's not blaming men but targeting a mentality that assumes that deception is to be integrated into the game. Not really fair. But you can always go with the line " everything is fair in love and sex" But personally if you ask me, I would prefer authenticity and honesty over all else. What appears as victory to one is a defeat to another. Losing by being honest is a victory in my eyes whereas winning by deception is equivalent to defeat. Not saying that you are doing this because you explicitly mentioned that you don't. But saying that this is generally a theme in those circles.

I want to clarify. I don't mean zero humor. Not serious in the sense of humor and seriousness. But in terms of honesty. What I meant is that those who are serious are going to be honest thus not wasting other people's time. Whereas the less serious ones would be those who are trollish and they are simply creating vacuous arguments only for the sake of argument and probably enjoy provoking others with the intention to troll people. They're not serious about self development. They are better off trolling on YouTube. Comic relief is usually better to let the steam off during a serious debate. So humour is welcome. You made a very valid point that a lot of people missed. You're very creative with your thinking, I've noticed that. You bring a fresh new perspective during a stagnant argument. Thumbs up. That's a great perspective. Sometimes we need people who are off the mark for our own learning. But the fewer the better. A balanced mix of highly intuitive and experienced people along with the stagnant people who don't wish to improve is the best salad to maximize benefits. Or else the forum will get crippled if it's full of people who wish to do nothing but simply run riot with pointless conversations, absolutely nothing to gain from like for example conspiracy theories and such. And there are a couple of people who just do not want to change, I can understand that change is a struggle, I struggle myself so much,but sometimes I wonder if these people hangout on the forum with the desperate need to seek attention out of boredom since they bring nothing new to the discussion and regurgitate old ideas and try provoking people just so that they can feel less lonely. That sort of behavior lowers the overall value of the conversations and drags others down as well.. One way is to just ignore them completely but then if they proliferate it's going to be a problem. Then there are people who simply bump their threads with useless input to get attention. I guess these are simply bored people looking for something. Such people as a minority on a forum are no big deal but if they proliferate, it will clog the forum and turn it into a toilet. I think my point is clear.

Nothing wrong with it even imo. I'll just call it casual sex not even pua. Don't know why the fuss over just casual sex. I'm completely okay with casual sex, I don't see any issues with that. Obviously there is no shame or guilt with that. But you said before was a bit contradictory than what you are saying now. You mentioned "banging with no concerns for their feelings," well, to me that's not casual sex, more like manipulating someone for one's needs. When you say that you want to be someone's sex toy, you gotta be pretty open and clear about it to with the person you're going to sleep with. Only then it's really innocent. Not really innocent if you completely disregard the other's person's frame of mind which will obviously hurt the woman long term. To me that's not exactly the idea of enjoying each other, maybe the woman is enjoying sex in the moment but that's because she is unaware of the deception being used to get there.

Are women sex toys ?

You act like the other side of the coin just doesn't exist. This would be similar to me saying that I'm light years ahead if I get a man to fulfill my own needs and get what I want without needing to seek his approval or even validating his existence. Aha, I will be smart doing that !! Actually no. One cannot be without the other. What If a woman is not happy,then you will try to just remove her from the equation and replace another woman. This strategy is not long term and is bound to fail because obviously you won't look like a panderer but you will turn into a wanderer lol You can do all you want but if a woman is not happy there's no fixed remedy. You can't feel warm without the fire. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You're completely minusing woman. You obliterated her existence in your equation of gratification. Try it. If it works for you good, but I see a massive lacuna in your thinking and strategy.

Can you elaborate on the internal barriers and Animus possession that interferes with attracting a more matured male. What are these internal barriers and how do they impact. Also what are the ways of attracting matured men ?

Although the past 2 days have been draining with anxiety over the constant calls and texts I had been receiving and my attempts to stay off social media for good, I can say that I feel glad that I made this big decision. I feel glad that I no longer feel obligated to respond to anyone who have hurt me in the past. I feel free. Kinda liberated. I don't feel bound anymore. I don't feel guilty for not having replied. I don't feel the anxiety and the anxiousness of being there for people who didn't give a f*ck about me. There is this anxiety of ”missing " or "homesickness" but no longer the anxiety of disappointing someone. I don't feel tied up or on edge. I'm glad that I decided not to talk to people who I no longer think can add value to my life and who have only been draining me with their facade.

I'm constantly mulling over whether I should be friends with Mr J or not. Because the relationship had both good times and bad times it's hard to say what will be the right thing to do. I'm trying to assess this situation psychologically. And I think the best option for me is to not respond to him at all and never communicate with him ever again. This is for my emotional and mental safety. Because I think that Mr J displayed a lot of narcissistic behavior in the relationship with constant passive aggressive attacks on me. The one time that I tried breaking up with him, he yelled at me, screamed at me calling me a bitch for breaking up with him and he wasn't taking it well. He was just completely out of control and very furious and angry at me for dumping him. He constantly kept sending me angry text and calls and a lot of anger and resentment that he showed to me that caused me to doubt my break up with him. He made me feel guilty for having broken up with him because he felt suicidal and depressed after our breakup. Even I was depressed because our relationship was so passionate that the breakup was very hard on me. But it was like a situation that I can best describe as " CAN'T LIVE WITH HIM, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM " So I had to make my decision to part ways with because it was too intense and I was feeling traumatized for quite some time with him. I got back with him again in the month of June 2019 because he was very persuasive and persistent that I get back because he was having a very hard time without me in his life. So I got back with him but within just few weeks of getting back with him,he started his emotional abusive behavior once again. He started controlling me and blamed me for breaking up with him. He would use any opportunity to bring up the breakup episode and remind me that I was a bitch for breaking up with him. I was too exhausted from his constant blaming me for everything that went wrong in his life. I reached my end point in November when I posted on the forum about him and people here told me that he was being emotionally abusive to me. I ran out of patience and frankly I ran out of love for him, I started seeing him more as a nuisance than a protective boyfriend. So I gave up and broke up with him. Now he is constantly pressuring me in being friends with him. I think the most likely scenario if I become friends with him is that he will constantly remind me once again how I broke up with him and again make me feel guilty for leaving him. He will throw out veiled attacks at me making me feel vulnerable and guilty and awful for having broken up. He might even seek revenge. He has given death threats before although I took them lightly because I didn't really believe that he would kill me. But he might want to seek revenge in milder more emotional ways. Like targeting me and making me feel undesirable and making me feel like the bad guy in the relationship we had and constantly remind me of that. This can be an extension of his narcissistic abuse that I already tolerated enough during the relationship with him. So I don't think he will change his narcissistic ways of preying on my self esteem and constantly degrading me to feel like the better person. So I think I should completely avoid him. Although I still care about him, he can't take advantage of my permissive behavior.