Preety_India

I got played by my second ex to get into a relationship with him. I did not feel good. I felt horrible, duped and frankly traumatized. It took many months to get over it and during those months I cried every other night, sometimes at my own stupidity and sometimes the crying was out of anger directed at this person who had been manipulative with me. It hurt like hell. What I observed about manipulation is that the kind of guys who use it are extremely insecure and justify their insecurities. They usually can't get a girl because of their appearance or lack of skill, they lack humor or warmth to attract women and they have commitment issues because deep down they are losers who don't want any responsibility or accountability in life and they don't wish to achieve anything or they are to scared to be in a relationship because they feel they are losing something even when they are not or they feel they are missing out on another woman while being with one. But basically they are very commitment phobic. They know that a lot of women value commitment and so they choose to lie and manipulate to get their way and get the woman. It's like duping delight, an excitement for having deceived a naive person, the sense of ownership and control over someone they usually cannot get is tremendously satisfying for them. When asked if they would pay a prostitute for sex, they would not want that because there is no fun because there is no manipulation just a straight up transaction, they also do not like to be with someone who is equally manipulative because they don't derive happiness being with someone who they aren't fooling. There is a certain happiness they derive by duping and fooling and their deep insecurities actually fuel this need and their deficit and their entitlement (dating is skewed against men entitlement) makes them totally justify what they do. They accept this sadistic game as a way of life. If the woman cries, they come up with excuses to justify their behaviors to further manipulate her into their twisted fantasy of keeping her around and letting her get hurt even more. The feeling of her getting hurt only bolsters their confidence because they feel authoritative and self righteous and they believe that the woman is just supposed to suck it up because it's her fate. This is how manipulators are. They are cruel sick sociopaths who could care less who is getting hurt in their reckless game of trapping and hurting a person in the name of love. They are the worst types of narcissists and sadists whose way of showing love is actually hurting and exploiting another person's naive emotions and enjoy the control and power they get out of it. I myself suffered a lot because of it. One distinct characteristic I noticed with manipulative men is that they tell elaborate tales and stories about every detail in their life and usually all of these are lies. My ex used to tell me lots of stories about why I should not tell my parents about our relationship and how I should always hide it from others. I was slowly being brainwashed by him. He started manipulating me for sex. And if I denied, I was shamed. All of this came to an end one day when I was sick in the hospital and he never showed up and I realized he was not what he always tried to appear. He was a selfish manipulative deceitful sociopath who wanted only and only sex and nothing. But he was a coward so he couldn't say that because he knew I wanted a wonderful man and I wouldn't be with a man who only wants sex. So he had to manipulate me to get me in his life. Fast forward to now, I feel much better and confident and I'm better at spotting the manipulators. It's the same old cheesy lines, the same stories, the same red flags. So when I see it, I just give out a sarcastic laugh and turn that guy down. These manipulative men are hurtful and actually losers. Without all that manipulation they can never land a woman. It's similar to students cheating to get grades. Without cheating they will never get those grades. They are scum.

@Bill W looked it up. They're revenge voodoo dolls.. Revenge against an ex lover etc.

@Johnny5 I think you are hinting at nothingness

I don't know but this weird dream that I got. Like it was a floor, a fifth floor of a building. There are bats there. This guy is wearing an apron. He changes into anything. He has a weird crush on me. He tells me to get into an elevator. He traps me there. Now he is trying to torture me but in silly ways. Showing me some ugly stuff, just throwing this scalpel in my face. I'm pretending like it's all okay but waiting for the elevator to make it to the ground floor so I can escape. He wants me to be his Guinea pig for his experiments. He is into human experiments. Finally I reach the ground floor. And I'm out. But there are bats on the way and I'm flicking my hair and just feeling elated that I'm finally out. Once I get out I'm not even trying to look back. Who cares. Then I woke up from the dream.

So what's at the center of the onion after it has been peeled completely?

That doll got me cracked up. It's like an inflatable. I kinda believe in it. I practice witchcraft so I do come across references of people who do black magic as well. I don't like black magic. It's the abuse of spiritual powers. It's like the dark side of spirituality. The goal of spirituality is to foster peace and growth. It's like the concept of good spirits and evil spirits. I know it sounds irrational and absurd. But it is what it is.

I was a people pleaser before. I had low self esteem. Now I'm doing the same thing, trying to become arrogant. I'm trying to balance my goody two shoes attitude. Now I'm more like IDGAF. and people have started calling me arrogant. But I don't care. Because I can't please everyone at the same time. And I have realized that I'm not obligated to be in everyone's good graces. That realization made a huge difference. Now I'm like a free bird.

I had no idea what happened actually. I'm just trying to be ok

That's very difficult. You can't be truly free of your identity even if you wanted. You can simply call yourself a global citizen But there is a problem. If someone calls you an Indian, you're again reminded of your Indian identity. It's tough that way. Because you have to dissociate yourself from people's judgement. But people don't allow that. People like to categorize so it's bound to make you feel isolated or different. People are ignorant if they have to shame you for being different. You just have to let them go, forgive their ignorance and ignore them.

You're comparing apples with oranges. Smiling at an interview is more about social etiquette rather than honesty, if someone is caught being dishonest about their credentials in an interview they will be thrown out right away. If a guy frowns on a date it would be considered not as a sign of honesty but as rude or bad manners or no control over emotions in public. Whereas when it comes to dating obviously honesty is darn important because people are immediately put off by a fake person who is faking his life and achievements or downplaying his issues. He will be considered a liar and disingenuous. Suffice to say that the woman will be pissed off and feel duped.

Being an NRI will actually enhance your choices. Because an Indian woman will be more than glad to meet a guy who is open minded, let's her do what she wants, is not controlling (a typical problem in Indian males because of the male centric culture), gives her freedom, respects her choices and decisions rather than constantly trying to disagree with her, and is not misogynistic. So she will be happy to meet you. You will have better chances over the average Indian guy. On Indian dating sites, NRIs usually get more hits and likes as compared to the local Indian guys. Not only because NRIs can provide a much better lifestyle to the Indian woman than the average Indian man but also a good flourishing free environment so she doesn't feel controlled or stifled. You're in a much better position.

I feel your pain as a fellow Indian. It must have been incredibly painful being bullied for being Indian. I think all immigrants get bullied in the end. Indian food is some of the best in the world so getting bullied over Indian food is just nasty. I can relate to strict parenting. It's like an Asian Meme. My parents were strict and it was difficult for me to socialize as a result lot of Indian kids struggle with socializing growing up. I wish Indian parents got some sense. You should never feel ashamed of being Indian. Hate to see that. Indians are among the most humble intelligent and down to earth people on the planet. Never let bullying and racism take you away from your identity. It's just some people who can't see the success of Indians because they can't be better.. My family is also in the US although I'm born in India. I usually meet them sometimes. But I prefer to be in India. I was in the US for a long time, suffice to say that I wasn't very happy with the culture or anything there. It's toxic.. So I'm happy being here in India. I found better job opportunities and less work pressure and now that my family owns a business here im firmly established here in India happy with my job and income. Work pressure in the US is like sucking blood out of a person. The attitude towards immigrants is very racist and rude. Don't let that get to you. Don't let them mock you or make fun of you or shame you for not taking it lightly. They just want people to put up with their insults. Not cool. In other countries they make a big deal out of Indian food and culture and half of the time they don't even know a thing about India. They just love to buy into stereotypes and keep trumpeting about them. It's just plain narcissism and ignorance. Being born as an Indian in American culture can be traumatizing. Because you don't know what to identify with anymore. Try not to feel shamed for what you truly believe in whether the belief is Indian or American. Invent your own unique identity. Instead of struggling to call yourself Indian or American, call yourself a unique person who is living a unique life and its completely fine to be different than others. We are not factory products to match each other. Understand that if you are having a struggle fitting in, it's because people are not trying to fit you in, they are being unwelcoming to you. You wouldn't struggle to fit in with good folks because good folks are always welcoming whatever culture they come from, they don't make a person feel uncomfortable for being different, they are tolerant and respectful of those differences. Therefore being constantly shamed for being culturally different can either cause a culture shock in the extreme or mild long term PTSD and low self esteem. You'll have to build on your self esteem by constantly putting yourself forward and encouraging yourself. And embracing who you truly are. Just because you are Indian doesn't make you inferior like they make you feel, and being American doesn't make them superior. It's all bs and bullying. Be proud of who you are no matter where you come from, only then you get real confidence and once you get real and true confidence you can make it work for you. Truly confident don't care what people think and find their own way in life and don't care if people criticize their choices. They live life on their own terms. But this needs lot of sheer confidence because at every corner there are people ready to put you down at the drop of a hat. So high self worth and confidence is the key. Stand up to anyone trying to insult you and give them back twice.. Being humble is one thing but allowing others to shit on you is not humility but weakness. At present don't think too much about American or Indian identity. Just be yourself and have your own set of preferences and priorities devoid of cultural pressure. Just think for a moment that you are just a human being before you can call yourself American or Indian. Prepare your goals and vision for the future. As you go along, you will keep rediscovering yourself and growing and upgrading yourself and finding your own unique individuality that you will come to embrace in the end.. Best wishes.

Frankly in India, cold approaching will be very difficult because our culture is not about dating and dating is frowned upon, it's more about falling in love like stage green dating. It's more emotional. So you'll have to be working somewhere or involved in something to bump into someone that you can have a friendship with. Usually Indian girls like guys who become great friends. Then they end up marrying them. That's how I found my second ex. He was a good friend of mine. We didn't really date. We just started liking being with each other and it proceeded to romance and relationship. So you can't have great luck with dating because an Indian woman is mostly uncomfortable with a stranger and would rather want her friend to make the move, now it can be her friend or someone she is acquainted with, in any case she wants someone she is familiar with. We don't really have the club dating thing. You need more women who you can be friends with and then see if you can find a common interest and move from there. She has to like you. You have to win her heart. An Indian woman is more careful about compatibility than sex. So let's say you're sexually attractive, but she is not going to be your girlfriend only for that she would rather not. She would be glad to be your girlfriend if you get along with her because almost Indian woman is thinking of marriage and family in her mind so she is looking for the marriage material guy. Make her feel like you're going to be a great companion and not just a boyfriend and then she would take you seriously and want to be with you. Other ways are matrimonial sites but doubt you will get a girlfriend there because those are strictly marriage.. An Indian woman values honesty more than anything in a male. So you being completely honest with her will be a great way to win her. It's a lot of hard work with Indian women because they just reject a lot and can have many expectations out of a man.

@Pritpal Singh this thread and video is a good place to get your information.

Approach means cold approaches as in pick up. There's tons of threads on pick up in this sub section. Also read online about cold approaching.. The success rate is low but a lot of guys get successful I guess.

You could believe whatever you want as long as it helps your life. Feelings don't come in the category of science. Because you can't see or touch them Therefore everything both scientific and non tangential is a part of reality You could use literally any path to reach to your truth. But there's no point discussing the path itself. It's the truth that matters more than the path that leads to it..

I'm so excited today. Today was a great day. I got stuff done. All I need is coffee and some sweet rolls. That would be perfect. I drank a lot of bournvita lol .

Relationship Health Spirituality Healing Now if you see the Maslow theory of needs and the 7 Chakras on the body you will find that they briefly cover all major fields of personal or self development. These two can be used as reference charts. You can combine Chakras and Maslow and Spiral Dynamics and they can be used as reference for developing different areas of the Self.

Depends on what you want. There are healthy and unhealthy people on each stage of the spiral. You Might come across a stage turquoise person yet they may not fit into your life goals and paradigms. They are just as incompatible. Maybe what you are looking for is a transitioning person, who is a blend of all the good things, someone who is green with some orange

Oh shucks. I was talking about this guy just a few months ago. Weird life.

Very tough. Tough luck. Most people these days are orange. Age of materialism and consumerism like never seen before in history. All of my friends just buy buy buy... It's so common. I know it's bad. But they don't think it's bad. I was laughing when you wrote she eats fast food and is addicted to social media because the guys and gals in my neighborhood dorm do video games and there are boxes and boxes of pizza and coke bottles and all fast food wrappers covers in their trash cans outside and lot of stuff littered around their homes. Beer bottles and cans and all. And they are on social media. One reason why I stay away from them because I can't do that. Not that I didn't do it before. But I'm tired of the consumerism. Its an addiction. I myself was addicted to buying. With my no social contact challenge I no longer hang out with them so no spending fast cash on fast food or fashion and no more social media addiction for me. Been there done that. Not good not healthy. To be frank a lot of people are like this if not most, it's being celebrated by people like the Kardashians and modern day celebrity. You'll need to drop her from your life because of the value mismatch. The remedy - socialization. Get out there. Go to places, festivals, talk, interact, approach. Approach. With a lot of effort, there is at least a 5% chance of meeting a person who is more compatible to your needs. With time you will find it easier to detect someone who is highly compatible, just a glance will be enough because you will get better and better at catching the vibe of the other person. Be with a person who has realistic goals, has the same value structure as you. Who is more into emotion and less into materialism. But for that you have to find such people in places where such people hang out Iike a spiritual retreat. You cant go to a club and expect a monk to be dancing there.. If you are hanging around a college campus, university, Cafe, club, bar, social media, rich restaurants, cozy apartments, fashion boutique, obviously you're going to meet the party spoiled, materialistic, celebrity obsessed orange kind of people.

Glad hun

Thanks girl. You rock.

I have an Italian boyfriend and he looks cute as a button. He looks 10 out of 10. But I didn't tell him that yet. I don't want it to go to his head. He just doesn't focus on his looks. Typical guy. Good for me. Evil mind of mine.

You don't need to worry too much. You must be a good looking guy, I can tell that even without a profile picture. You approach so many women every day, that won't be possible if you were too insecure about your looks. Plus you got those Italian genes working for ya.. Work them harder. Benchpress ya muscles and keep fit and rocking that mtb.