Preety_India

These dreams I take to my grave

Aye mere dil-e-nadan tu gham se na ghabarana Ik din to samajh legi duniya tera afsaana Aye mere dil-e-nadan tu gham se na ghabarana Armaan bhare dil mein zakhmon ko jagah de de Bhadke hue sholon ko kuch aur hawa dede Banti hai to ban jaaye yeh zindagi afsaana Aye mere dil-e-nadan tu gham se na ghabarana

Read st journal. You forgot

I'm sick of living Too depressed. They just announced a 21 day lockdown in my country. Don't know how to deal with it. It's already getting tough to get food. Now it will get worse. The pharmacy next to my house didn't have the medication for my mom. I'm fed up.

I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety since the last week because of the whole coronavirus situation. I need to stay hydrated.

At this point we need strength, we need hope, we need love and we need courage

Don't beat a dead lion. Because when it wakes up you're fucked. I'm that dead lion.

Narcissistic Projection.

I'm so stressed out by this lockdown and trying to cope

@IJB063 thanks. I'm adding in my journal.

That's awesome

Goals

My goal is to change from This.... To this

One of the blockages I suffer are what I call chapters When I'm dealing with something in life, let's say a financial problem or a career issue or family or relationship problems, I lose focus very fast. My focus goes to zero and I get scatter brained. I use distraction to deal with stress. This has a bad impact on my overall life. So once a chapter is over, let's say I moved to another city or broke a relationship, I feel my energy and focus coming back. It's like I have to keep finishing and resolving each chapter of my life till I come to a blank page in the book of my life, or shall I say a blank skate, and then I can move on from this blank slate into creating something for myself. So resolving and completing each chapter of my life is important. That way I don't remain stuck in that chapter or situation and can gladly move on. I know that I can't forever wait for things to be perfect for me to have a clean start. I know it's a sort of procrastination kind of thing But at least some amount of free space in life is important. Free space in life is like computer storage. You need a minimum storage space in the computer memory to be able to organize folders and files and put them in order. Without enough space, it will be difficult to transfer large data files. In a similar way, having a life filled with too many things to deal with makes it impossible to organize it properly. You're dealing with too much shit to focus exclusively on healing. Once you get rid of the shit one by one, you have enough free room in your mind and in your life to start thinking about putting things in order and in perspective. Hopefully I will be able to do this now more than ever before. I couldn't have imagined doing something like this back in 2016. Now things are gathering like a cloud and bad things are melting and good things are condensing together.

I'm so addicted to writing and Journaling. But it's therapy for me. Since Journaling I've gone through immense healing. I have come to terms with myself, my inner intuition got stronger, I was able to open up more each day. This has tremendously helped me in my recovery from depression. Although I did try to seek professional therapy, I didn't find it satisfactory. The therapist gives me very less time and charges more. A practical hindrance. So I decided I will heal myself on my own and not spend much money on it. So far Journaling has helped a lot. It's almost like talk therapy.

Since quarantining myself, my goals have taken a hit. I'm no longer able to have a clear focus. It feels like a handicap. The relationship had sucked so much of my energy, almost left me dead. Now I've to get back up again. I constantly feel low in energy and this coronavirus situation dampened my spirit very miserably. I went back into my depression spiral. So bad. I'm just waiting for this Corona disaster to get over with so I can start my life again. I miss my painting classes so bad. I miss going to the stores, shopping, traveling. My goals have been completely off. There were things that I always took for granted like food. Now I have to scramble for food, travel long distances to get it. Constantly check if I have enough food in the kitchen. It gets very tiring to take care of little things. It strips me off my focus on spirituality and other things I would like to do. I have so much on my plate that sometimes I get nervous. However I had one major issue...... BOYFRIEND.. I no longer need to deal with that. It's out of my life. That person is out of my life for good. He can no longer disrupt me control me. He can no longer wreck me. I'm so glad I broke up. I'm liberated from the guilt of being with him. No more putting up with his bullshit. Now it's time to heal and move on and enjoy myself and be myself.

@remember I wish they would do it. It's so important.

I have been out of focus for a few days now but trying to get back on track.

What do you think?

Beautiful words.

Hopefully things are going to be in place