Preety_India

I need to do some reading and take inspiration from it. It's hard though but I try

A psyche damaged by my ex.

When you ask yourself do you want it You need to know that it's not about you being a part of it but if you really want or not. Its about appreciation. And Id someone doesn't appreciate then it's not your fault. It's about whether..... You will be made to have it. In many ways its like bringing the horse to the water. I'm trying to repair my damaged psyche.

Not gonna lie but this thing looks like level jumping in a video game Kinda cracks me up. I guess I'm at level beginner or maybe LEVEL 2.

Whats the meaning of..... Masculine (truth) and feminine (untruth) I'm just curious.

@Keyhole thank you. I will cut him out. I will never talk to him again.

He used to say bad things to me. Hurt my feelings constantly. He had anger issues. If he was angry with someone, he would take it out on me and call me names. He was not respectful, he would constantly call me a bitch during our conversations and he wouldn't stop even if I told him to not do it again. He is used to use bad language during regular conversation. And make it look like it's no big deal. But I used to feel hurt. If he needed my help, I was always there for him. But if I needed any support then he would ignore my feelings and make me look like a bad person. He would constantly compare me to other women and tell me that he would leave me for them. But he wouldn't actually do that. Once his glass pipe fell and broke during our conversation and he suddenly started calling me names and bad things. Later he would apologize. He would make me feel guilty for having him. He would constantly tell me that I didn't deserve him and that he can always get much better women than me. That used to lead to a lot of hurtful feelings and fights between us. Eventually I got frustrated with the arguments and his constant negative attitude towards me even when I tried to be polite and gentle with him, he would find a reason to hurt my feelings by saying bad things. I never felt loved in the relationship, he would shame me if I didn't feel like talking to him. Then he would say "I'm sorry I love you" but then again after a few days he would start talking shit again. Now when I broke up with him, he plays victim, like I did something bad to him, but he never accepts that he used to hurt me so much. He calls me a heart breaker but in reality his behavior broke my heart long time ago but I still cared about him. I never had any hate for him but his anger and hate towards me used to upset me a lot. I didn't even do anything to deserve his anger. He had problems because of his ex. He was hurt by her. But he used to direct that hurt to me. Anytime he had a bad mood, he would start blaming me for any of his issues. I used to feel like I am some monster in the relationship even when I was extremely kind and supportive of him.. I helped him a lot. I helped him become a happy person. I helped him heal out of his depression. I used to make him happy everyday and encourage him and support him when his family wasn't talking to him. Once he said to me "without you I am nothing, I wouldn't have made it so far, you were always there for me" I made him quit smoking. I made him lead a healthy lifestyle. If he was sad or upset about something, I would help him find a solution. I used to make him laugh with jokes and constantly make him happy. He used to be very upset and angry all the time because of his family. But over time, I started to feel drained and his anger and bad language started hurting me more. I started running out of patience. He also started flirting with other women and I used to get very angry about that. But he used to say that he will stop that behavior but he would start again.. He would tell me that he likes a lot of women and that used to hurt me because I liked only him. Once during our fight, he said to me "I have two girls lined up." then I told him "screw you"..... He used to trigger my emotions by constantly upsetting me and if I got angry he used to mock me. I started to feel more upset and exhausted in the relationship because I never had a chance to express my feelings. He would shut it down. It was only him all the time. I only had to remain silent and listen to him. Then he would boast how he can get any woman he wants and he doesn't need me.. If I told him that I was hurt, he would ignore it. It started affecting my physical health and I began to get depressed and ignoring my health over time. I was a happy person but during my relationship I turned into a sad irritated miserable person. I stopped liking myself. I felt it was my fault.. Finally I decided it was too much and I couldn't take his insulting anymore and decided to break up.. I did break up with him for the same reason in June 2019 but he tried to win me back with constant begging for me to come back into his life.. So I went back to him. But this time I decided it is final. I can do better than be with someone who is constantly insulting me and hurting me. Now he tried again to win me back. But I told "No".... I'll never go back to him again. He told me to stay single forever for him. But I won't. I'm a happy person after breaking up. I just feel sad that he never respected me during the relationship and I feel betrayal of my trust.. Now he acts like a victim but he didn't care when I was feeling hurt. I loved him a lot. But I never felt that he loved me. It always felt like he only wanted me because he needed my support in his life. But it never felt like he actually loved me. So now it is very strange that he wants me single and can't see me with another man meanwhile he used to always boast how much he liked other women and that he would leave me instantly if they said yes to him. That part blows me

Someone who truly loves will never hurt.

I do care about him a lot. But I'm over with him. Even if he tried to bring me back, that won't be happening. I have left him for good. He is just a memory now. He can try all he wants. But I'm firm on my action. He tried very hard to get me back but I never budged. So his last way of trying hard was to expect me to be single for him. It's his immature controlling ego at work. He would feel offended if he saw me being happy with someone else.. His fragile ego. His narcissism

That's exactly what I did. I'm at peace since I broke up. It was the best decision of my life. Never felt freer.

@Average Investor the sales are doing well. But my issue now is food. The grocery stores near me have ran out of food. I'm just surviving on soup packs. I'm barely getting by. My refrigerator is empty. Just about everything is out of stock.

@Anna1

And she was walking with a dark cloud on her.

I sell camping material

In some ways he is right The days of poetry are over. Nowadays it's scribble that sells. Chuckle.

You're like a ball of negativity and I absorbed all your negativity for a very long time.

Leave with grace Don't leave with anger. March 26. 2020

These dreams I take to my grave

Aye mere dil-e-nadan tu gham se na ghabarana Ik din to samajh legi duniya tera afsaana Aye mere dil-e-nadan tu gham se na ghabarana Armaan bhare dil mein zakhmon ko jagah de de Bhadke hue sholon ko kuch aur hawa dede Banti hai to ban jaaye yeh zindagi afsaana Aye mere dil-e-nadan tu gham se na ghabarana

Read st journal. You forgot

I'm sick of living Too depressed. They just announced a 21 day lockdown in my country. Don't know how to deal with it. It's already getting tough to get food. Now it will get worse. The pharmacy next to my house didn't have the medication for my mom. I'm fed up.

I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety since the last week because of the whole coronavirus situation. I need to stay hydrated.

At this point we need strength, we need hope, we need love and we need courage