Preety_India

The difference between the healing phase and the Regeneration phase is that the healing phase is studying the map, collecting the resources for the journey and getting mentally prepared for it while the Regeneration phase is actually undertaking the journey with the map. I'll be adding more methods to the Regeneration phase as and when I discover new methods. The post is in progress.

Healing the emotional constitution... This part is over. The next. Im also going to add some tidbits on emotional independence and how to be completely free of validation and believe in acceptance and love Creating a fountain of Love Creating a fountain of peace , hope, acceptance and unconditional love. This depends on how much love you want to create in yourself. It's something you cultivate. You cultivate that river of love within you. Working towards The Regeneration Phase This phase is about strengthening and building. This is the last phase. In this phase you need to focus on building your inner emotional constitution to a much healthy level so that it doesn't degrade or doesn't get weakened easily by outside forces, this is basically building the inner Fortress. This can be done in many ways Encouraging Believing in self Rights and power Empowering yourself Learning different skills Learning survival skills Maintaining positive emotional state Working on your nutrition plan Getting good sleep Setting higher goals Emotional Detachment Working on your grooming Getting bolder and stronger Exercise Mental exercises Therapy Positive affirmations Creating a strict schedule Proper diet Not neglecting yourself at all Working hard Focusing on self actualization Building self esteem Building self control Developing Counterintuitive strategies Monitoring emotional state Cultivating Emotional Maturity Cultivating Emotional Intelligence Cultivating Emotional Mastery Taking responsibility for your emotions. Continuously investing in self growth. Work from scratch Cultivate different spiritual practices Be yourself Carry yourself with pride Live in Grace Live in Love and Peace Have passion for life Become your best self

The heart is the Epicenter (Post in draft mode) The heart is the main circulatory organ of the body. It supplies essential nutrients to all parts of the body. In a way its the Central Control Unit or System. I'll call the heart the Epicenter of the body. Image here I'll also call it the Epicenter of the mind. (post in progress) You take care of the heart Chakra and it takes care of all other Chakras

The journey of the heart Post in draft mode. The wounded heart The heart that feels pain and hurt and or anger. The heart that feels betrayal or loss In this state the heart is trapped When your emotions are in a knot, you are experiencing emotional entanglement which I described before in the previous draft posts. In this state you feel stressed. The stress keeps accumulating, you feel confused, unusual, you feel uncertain, your emotions are messed up. You don't feel good at all. This can happen during An argument Childhood trauma Work stress Bad toxic relationships Inability to achieve goals Bullying Getting trolled Ostracization Dehumanization Getting discriminated Having a bad day Financial issues General anxiety Feeling upset Feeling triggered Feeling provoked Feeling harassed Feeling tormented These are just a few examples where the heart is experiencing emotional entanglement which can feel like a knot as though you're tied up or your emotions are in a knot. image here. Once you realize that you are in a knot, its important to unravel this knot as fast as you can so you feel free. Being free is your original state. It takes some amount of time to unravel and untangle and undo the knot and come to the original state of freedom. This is what I call emotional liberation. There is a distinct difference between the words freedom and liberation. Liberation is the feeling of being set free of something. Freedom is an opportunity you have that you can use to do something. Without freedom you cannot get anything done. Without liberation you are trapped. Liberation is an essential component of freedom. Only when you are liberated you can actually have the freedom to do something. Let me explain this with an example.. Let's say you're kidnapped and trapped in a house. You do not have the freedom to leave the house for the first 4 days. Maybe after that you are allowed to go out for a period of 2 hours. But you have to be back home within the time. Or there will be problems. It's your 5th day and now you are free to go out for limited periods of time. This can be considered freedom. You have the freedom to do a certain thing under certain conditions. However you are not completely or unconditionally free. You have certain freedoms only. This is not liberation because you are still trapped in the same house where you don't want to be. You are still in captivity. The only way to feel liberated is to be taken out of captivity. So having freedom does not always mean being liberated. In order to have total freedom it's necessary to be liberated from the chains.. A simple definition of an emotional hostage is someone who is stuck feeling like they don't know what to do next in a particular situation or relationship. Both liberation and freedom are important. So now let's see a situation where you feel liberated but not free An example could be... Imagine you're a rich kid living in your dad's house. You have all the autonomy and everything at your disposal. But there are certain rules around the house. One of those rules is that you are not allowed to bring friends home. Or you are not allowed to drive at a certain hour. You are allowed a stipulated amount of money only when you specify your requirements in such a way they meet the criteria. This is an example where you feel liberated or you're liberated but not free. You aren't technically being confined or severely restricted but you are to follow rules and conditions to get what you want. Now these rules can be very trivial and easily dealt with or they can become a headache. When there are too many rules you essentially lose your freedoms. It's a covert way of taking away your freedom. You can free to do things but you are handicapped when something needs to be done. This is like you're free to walk but your legs are injured. You are free to fly but your wings are cut. This is not freedom nor it is imprisonment. It is basically "Control" not necessarily hostage or imprisonment but control. Your motions are controlled. Conditions are being put where none are needed. One way of putting this is... The previous situation can be described as "you're not allowed" And this situation can be described as "you're allowed but you will get this only if you fulfill the conditions" Both look same but they are not. The situation where you're not allowed you cannot do anything at all. Let me explain this further. Let's say you're in a third world country under a totalitarianism or dictatorial regime and you are not allowed to leave the country. You are not even allowed to leave your city. You are only supposed to do what the regime tells you. Basically you are denied your humanity. You are not allowed freedom of speech. So if you speak up, you will be imprisoned or face harsh punishment. This is a case where you need liberation (as well as freedom which will be needed subsequently) Now let's take the case of a person in a first world country. You're allowed to go wherever you want. You can leave the country if you want. You have been given your basic liberties. (statue of liberty comes to mind) but let's say you needed an important medicine and you don't have your prescription then you won't get it. There can be a lot of bureaucratic tape that must break through in order to just get daily necessities. But you do have the liberty to leave the country anytime and you can do whatever you want with your life because you are liberated, not exactly free but liberated. Your freedoms are still bound to conditions. Ill also include some portion on emotional freedom. To have emotional liberation, you need to cut through the knot that your heart is entangled in. Breaking the knot. Breaking the knot and setting the heart free is not an easy job. The first step in this direction is realization and awareness. You need to be aware that you are being held hostage to your emotions. You need to be aware that it's okay if you are being held hostage to your emotions as long as your emotions are happy and wonderful and supportive. But when you have negative emotions, things don't look great. Being aware that you are gradually falling into the trap of the emotional knot is the key. This knot is slowly getting stronger and firmer and even more convoluted and intricate. It can reach levels of complexity that are impossible to unravel. Before this happens, you need to break and undo the knot as fast as you can. Once you see yourself trapping into the knot, you have to back off from the situation and the emotions arising out of that situation. So let's say your classmate is bullying you and you feel angered and provoked. You need to be able to be calm and watch how your emotions are slowly enveloping to form that destructive knot. Before this happens, take action, back off from the situation, take time to gather yourself together and keep your emotional constitution intact and healthy. Don't let it form knots or get disrupted. One way is to break the knot early on during its formative stages. You can do this quickly and instantly. However, not all knots are this easy. They don't just go away with simply a thought or action. Some knots are formed over years and years of emotional abuse and psychological abuse as in an adult who has experienced child abuse during their formative years. This will need a lot of unpacking to be done. Also if you have not exactly suffered emotional abuse, you could have suffered years and years of tremendous emotional stress. Examples of emotional stress can be Bad relationships Too many fights in a relationship Too many fights in a family Financial problems Overbearing boss Bullying at college, school or workplace Stalking Narcissistic abuse from parents or authority Abuse at a church or cult An incident of racism, discrimination or humiliation which is public Living with a bipolar or mentally ill person Working as a nurse, doctor, psychiatrist, counselor or social worker Working in law enforcement dealing with crimes, criminals and crime victims families. Working as an actor in heavy duty emotional roles Suffering from a mental illness for years Listening to emotional music as a bad habit Constant crying or having severe loss of emotional control Having suffered parental neglect Drug addiction Raised in a violent neighborhood Exposed to some form of violence in formative years Abuse by a schoolteacher like physical beating or sexual or pressure or bullying Cyberbullying Having encountered suicide in the family or friends circle Having encountered single or multiple deaths of persons or pets in the family or friends circle Unable to cope with the loss of a person or pet Failed marriages and divorce Unable to cope with the divorce of parents Suffered loss of home or resources in an earthquake or disaster Suffered homelessness at some point in life Suffered PTSD due to one or a specific set of incidents Being wrongfully arrested, evicted, sent to prison or jail. Suffered sexual assault in the street or by family, neighbor, boyfriend or friend. Being sent to military at young age Military associated PTSD because of bad memories The list goes on and on. Over years these triggers and stressor build up and cause extensive damage to the heart and body. They accumulate. Remember, there'll always be some factor behind your emotional stress. It may or may not be on the list but it'll be something that is causing you stress. It's important to isolate these triggers and factors one by one and deal with them individually. One important word to consider here is the word avoid Some of the stressors are avoidable, not easily but still avoidable. Like for example you could give up a drug habit, you could counteract bullying either by a formal complaint or by switching to a different school. Whenever it's avoidable, Avoid.. When it's not, then you need to find strategies to minimize damage, strategies to cope with the situation, strategies to escape the situation, strategies to find a resolution to the situation if escape is not possible or unwanted or unhelpful. One example could be contacting child protection services or social services when you are stuck in a dysfunctional abusive relationship with your parents /family /neighborhood /church/cult etc. There is always a road ahead, a twist, a turn, a rope to hold on to during a desperate period, there is always a way to cope or get out and escape further damage or a way to find ultimate freedom. So there is two way approach to the problem of emotional stress Avoidance Resolution Dealing with Emotional Damage Once you have successfully avoided or resolved the problem of emotional entanglement or removed the stressor and untangled the knot, you have found the way to emotional liberation. Also explain emotional freedom blockage. emotional liberation different from emotional freedom and emotional and emotional entanglement, emotional distress, emotional damage, emotional abuse, emotional hostage, emotional independence, emotional healing, emotional disruption or emotional blockage. The focus of this particular post is more on emotional entanglement and emotional liberation and healing from emotional damage Dealing with emotional damage. Once you have successfully achieved emotional liberation, the next focus needs to be on dealing with emotional damage. This means healing the emotional constitution and bringing it back to its original state and then working towards the Regeneration phase. This phase is basically the Healing Phase. The earlier phase was the struggling phase or Coping phase. In this phase you need to start your journey towards a recovery and a full rebound. Now obviously you have PTSD symptoms and emotional distress symptoms EDS, you have unresolved aggression, and a bunch of symptoms arising from the situations you escaped/survived. Now it's time to get rid of these symptoms and remove the emotional agitation and replace it with happiness and a sense of peace. Also it's time to get your energy reserves back. I'll call them Emotional Energy Reserves. These have been depleted during your time of stress. It's time to fill them back. To replenish. Energy reserves are vital for motivation and stimulation to live life. These are what make you want to explore, have relationships, want a family, go to work, live your best life, create joy and pleasure and they create a natural enthusiasm to live life. When you are in a state of depression and emotional recession and emotional stress, these emotional energy reserves get greatly depleted. This causes agitation, nervousness, losing the will to live, suicidal ideation, and a general state of apathy. You just don't feel like doing anything. You don't think anything is useful... Healing the emotional constitution This is the phase where you get the emotional energy reserves back. You focus on replenishment. There are ways to heal the emotional constitution back to its original un-maladapted or unimpacted form, unadulterated form Some of the ways. Laughter therapy Focusing on a sense of achievement Achieving baby goals Taking baby steps Lot of sleep and adequate rest. Music Meditation Walking in the woods Talk therapy and venting Psychological therapy (professional) Change of place. Relocating Positive visualization Going on a vacation to an island Watching relaxing and comedy movies Positive distraction Exercise Massage Spa therapy Taking care of nutritional needs. Supplements for depression and other issues Making new friends Journaling Avoiding toxic people Taking care of the body and physical needs Building a robust health Listening to ASMR Nature therapy Listening to nature sounds Surrounding yourself with positive uplifting caring supportive people Laughter therapy Yoga Picking a hobby Dancing Walking meditation Spending time with pets Helping other people Staying happy Loving the self Staying peaceful Being happy with little things Keeping small goals Living in simplicity Retail therapy (don't let this be an addiction) Comfort food (just like retail therapy this is only okay for a short period) Sex (sex is the most powerful drug) Driving Self love Self care Confronting and Labeling emotions Labeling situations Metta meditation Playing games Being a part of an organization or community Psychedelics Spending time with family and friends Gratitude journal Humour Positive affirmations Building self esteem Setting Boundaries Rewarding self Seeking spirituality Prayers Finding love through God Growing in love Destroying and discarding negative emotions Looking and appreciating the beauty of life Creating the fountain of love and positive emotions in life Energy healing methods or Energy based healing methods like Chi Gong, Reiki, Chakra, acupuncture, etc Dealing with Emotional Damage.

Different manifestations of the heart The heart is like an ocean Beautiful heart Positive heart Cheerful heart Guiding heart Trustworthy heart Pure heart Innocent heart Honest heart Impartial heart Virtuous heart Incorruptible heart Generous heart or big heart Open heart Caring heart Strong heart Braveheart Romantic heart Positive heart Loving heart Sweet heart Empathetic heart Emotional heart Passionate heart

What will healing comprise of Energy concentration Increasing focus Liberation Counterintuitive strategies Monitoring emotional state Creating hope Holding the straw.... The first straw Baby steps Comfort Relaxation Soothing Positivity Morale Building Determination Having the courage to make that climb Temporary distraction Positive visualization Starting from scratch Coming out of emotional recession Healing basic deprivation Converting hope into reality Removing negativity No further exacerbation. No further aggravation Looking towards liberation Avoiding further damage Avoiding the downward spiral A basic layout A base to launch from. Building that baby step base. Baby Base Getting motivated Trusting the process Preparing the mind Reassurance Patience The Incubation period Positive Brain Enforcement Actively seeking help The Spark or the First Sprout Activating the body-mind's innate healing powers Using Placebo Effect Calming Affirming Encouraging Reducing Energy Scattering Finding a sliver of hope Hope phase Passive Positivity No longer hopeless or helpless or at least partial dissipation of negative feelings.

I wanted to write about the phenomenon of energy scattering And about emotional recession. I created the term emotional recession to identify feelings of hopelessness and apathy. General lack of focus and motivation. No drive. This happens during prolonged periods of depression or being stuck emotionally in a bad environment or a bad relationship. This phase is characterized by feelings of being helpless or not anticipating a positive outlook for the future. The anxiety gets so extreme that it drives away the motivation to do anything positive. This anxiety leads to a period of misery and a general feeling of lack and frustration. The resultant feeling of failure causes the person to be detached from their environment and seek distraction in gambling, drugs, self destructive habits and other such things that take the mind off of the situation but not in the most healthy manner. Such distractions only serve a temporary comfort from the stressor or trigger but stifle conflict resolution and growth. I'll call such a phase - emotional recession. The phenomenon of energy scattering When you find yourself devoting your energy to things that do not help you in your growth or in the achievement of your highest potential then this energy scattering. Your brain feels cluttered. Your focus keeps diminishing. For healing to occur, it's important that all your energies get focused on your growth and empowerment alone and nothing else. Energy has to come together in a concentrated form to focus on growth. This is Concentrating Energy..

I'm still thinking about the healing phase and what picture I get is Something like hope..... Feeling of positivity. Morale building Healing the deprivation with basic resources. Giving basic essentials like nutrients food, sleep, water, rest,hygiene, proper basic functioning A basic layout. I can give an example of injured skin, skin getting soothed by ointments and then finally strengthened by exercise and nutrition and care. A proper base to launch from. Removal of negativity. Replacing negativity with hope and positivity. Preparing the mind. Reassurance Patience No further exacerbation Soothing relaxation calming Positive brain enforcement Encouraging I'll call this the incubation period. It's almost singing a lullaby to a child to assure it that everything is going to be fine Another example is of a plant that's dying. Watering it and then caring for it but the first necessity is to expose it to sunlight. Here I gave 3 examples. One is of a plant dying. The other is injured skin or wound healing And the other is recovering from drug addiction. All examples focus on healing from damage. I'm also include a graph on phases of healing.... A little later. There can also be a possibility of a downward spiral during the recuperation phase. But this downspiral can be avoided by proper healing. Healing is the intermediary stage on the curve between the recuperation and the Regeneration phase.. How to bring about healing Increasing focus. Focus on both liberation and also on hope and positivity. Determination to do well Positivity From hopelessness to a glint of hope or sliver of hope. Just the beginning of hope, just that small beginning. A spark A start An example can be something crude, something like a starter Your first attempt at writing before you become a writer Your first sign of motion in a sprained arm or muscle Your first walk around the building or in the nearby woods to get out of your depression Your first date Your first attempt at socialization These are steps you take towards healing. Of course these are baby steps but these steps are the first sprouts. An example can be of soil that is beginning to show signs of fertility, like the first sprout.. A parched land showing first signs of growth. (then comes momentum) The body and the mind has an innate ability to heal itself. You just have to let it be and activate that. Toxicity can hamper this activation process. The mode in which toxicity is prevalent is the damage mode. The mode when it ends its the End mode The mode when it actively regenerates is the Active Mode. The mode before the active mode is the passive mode. In Healing the passive mode is very important. The Damage phase --- > the end phase - - - > the recuperation phase - - > the healing phase - - >the Regeneration phase - - > plateau..... Stabilization. I'd say that healing is more like the hope phase where you are still figuring out a way out of things and you have just got a way that looks promising. Let's say you are caught in a distant island in Jurassic Park. You're in a state of hopelessness because you are imagining that sooner or later you will be eaten up by the dinosaurs. But you are struggling, you aren't doing good, you have no food, you're living in a makeshift bunker... You are barely surviving. There are problems after problems. But you're still surviving. You have a map and you are trying to figure a way out of the jungle.... And let's say you found a way to the waterfall and there you found a rope that you can use to climb to the top of the stones and it looks like you can escape somehow, only you need to struggle for a while before you get it. This is your first sign of hope. The rope... You were hopeless for so long but now something within you is holding on to the hope for good things, you're suddenly energizing yourself to fight through the situation, you are ready for the fight, you are ready to struggle to freedom, you are ready to motivate yourself to succeed and turn your hope into reality. This process means the healing phase. The phase of getting ready, getting motivated, finding that sliver of hope, trusting the process, taking the baby steps, holding the rope and having the courage to make that climb.... Making your hope a reality. .

Post in draft mode I forgot to write about the healing part, also right now my mind is so muddled with so many things that I can't really figure out how to place healing and what healing will look like. Just trying to imagine. Maybe during my meditation I'll get some new idea or insight. I'll have some clarity Till then I'm just fumbled on this word. And this puzzle is not completed yet. Need to wait till I get a new idea or concept in my head. I'll call the Recuperation phase as the zero aggravation phase First is looking at signs of emotional entanglement and then looking towards liberation. Recuperation This phase will focus on awareness, rest, liberation, going away, cutting off and Avoidance. Just like quitting a drug habit.. Having space. Breathing. Relief. Comfort. Healing Regeneration Regeneration needs love and support. Supportive care. This is like the resource building phase or strengthening phase. For example - taking herbs that strengthen the parts damaged by the drug. Getting prepared.

Post pending Draft post (post is in edit mode with all mistakes, will be fully edited later) The heart must be set free from whatever is hurting it. When you have a negative emotion you feel trapped. The heart suffers extreme stress. This is visible both in the heart rate and blood pressure and also in sleep wake patterns as well as the nature of dreams nightmares. The feeling of vexation and lack of control. The feeling can be described as depressed, trapped, helpless, stressed, pressured, unhealthy, uncomfortable, gnawing, irritated, tensed, disturbed, confused, traumatized, hurt, distressed, chaotic, cathartic, anxious, angry, mad, obsessed, etc etc.... The list goes on. The point here is that whenever the heart experiences discomfort, it's important to listen to it, this is the start, this is the first step, is to listen, see what's making it feel uncomfortable, do not ignore it, don't think that anything that stresses you out is worthy of getting into, no its not, in fact it's the opposite, you shouldn't have to experience discomfort, it's not helpful but damaging... Now the damage can be little or huge. Damage is inevitable but not necessary. Anything that is fragmenting your emotional state should be discarded. This post is going to be extremely long and I'm going to be focusing on emotional liberation and the heart Chakra both in the romantic sense and otherwise. This will also involve aspects emotional abuse, terrible relationships, and since emotional abuse is such a strong word, I'll replace it with the word /phrase emotional tangling. Emotional entanglement, emotional knot or Emotional Jumble. And the process of coming out of this will be called Emotional Uncoupling. And this can be further taken to complete recovery. This is the new chapter after Uncoupling. It's called The Recovery Channel. In this recovery channel, there will be phases. Recuperation - this is the phase I'll call it the rehab phase where the potential cause is first removed or separated in order for healing to happen.. This is like going on vacation. Healing - The last phase is Regeneration.

My current focus will be more on emotional liberation. This thing is working for me. I finally can see the unraveling.

Some of these stats look exaggerated to me. Like I just read somewhere that 4000 people died in New York. But I checked on another source and the number was lesser than 3000. Will need to do a lot of fact checking because the media is in a frenzied mode and just jumping at anything they get Reliable news is hard these days because it's too easy to manipulate numbers on a website. I don't think journalists care to actually go to the places to check things for themselves. They are too spooked for that. It's always easy to feed false data into a website and create a fake chart or numbers. It's also good fodder for traffic. At this point everything is just conjecture. Even YouTube cannot be trusted. Too many organizations revving up income through false reporting. Of course the situation is dire but the numbers are all bungled on different websites.

@Raptorsin7 thank you

Saturday 4th April Today is the best day. Got some good hours devoted to meditation. Was satisfied. It really kinda removed the "high strung" in me. After many bad days today was a good day. Yay yay yippy yippy yay

What if I told you that even if you became aghori you'll still reincarnate. And nothing will stop your reincarnation. That you have no control over it. Can these aghoris prove that they didn't reincarnate. And why this fear of being reborn. If you believe in Hindu philosophy, then you are never going to get freedom from samsara. You are in it. There's no escape. Well if you did manage to successfully escape, come back and tell me so I can also follow your path.

Today I did something different. I meditated for 20 mins and then simply stretched my whole body immediately after and that was very calming. I really want to activate all the Chakras and that's what I'm going to do. I always feel like the vibration of my heart Chakra is very strong because I become emotional very quickly. So today I did a little something different to escape my emotions. I wrote "freedom" on a stone and kept it far from my eyes, like 6 feet away and then looked at it intently while meditating. This thing really helped.

@Chintan desai in my mind it's all superstition. And by the way even superstition gets a lot of followers. Something doesn't become true or right or beneficial just because many people follow it. Look at drugs. Many people do drugs. Does that mean that drugs are healthy?

Don't believe all that. Birth and death is for everyone. Nobody is privileged enough to escape this matrix. Nobody can save anyone from anything. Nothing can be planned. What happens after death is unknown. Nobody can know because there is no way to know. Try living this life fully. Worry more about this life rather than the life you have no idea about.

@Nahm you're awesome

I don't agree with this. This virus is not the first (nor the last) thing that has rattled humanity to think about its survival, wars, famine, epidemics have happened much worse in history and yet we still had dysfunctional governments, individualism, capitalism, elite etc, this will never end, no virus can end it, much of the cash flow is run by government and corporations and the elite. The poor classes and the middle classes are merely slaves to the government. Elections are based on choosing the lesser of two Evils. All that I see that's going to happen is the government in major countries announcing stimulus packages for public health and safety, allocating more equipment to hospitals and refurbishing the emergency health department that deals with global epidemics and then later on politicians politicizing it and bragging about it. The only silver lining here is if less people die and some hope for the future in regard to preventing such outbreaks in the future in terms of immunization and safety standards. Economy is hit now. But it recovers. Everything goes back to normal. Corporations and elite profit from capitalism. They'll never let it die. And middle class. All they can do is vote. But their vote doesn't count much when most leaders are puppets of corporations and organizations. The above situation will continue as long as the following three exist Government Money Elite Government is a false illusion. Government is meant for governing people. But it always does the opposite. It controls people... In every country. No exception. Having complete autonomy independent of the government is the key. No dependency on the government at all. But this is extremely difficult but not entirely impossible. The only way I see all the bad stuff ending is if people collectively boycott and refuse to cooperate the government and create their own viable systems. But this will need massive responsibility and moral control..

When I was thinking and writing about emotional abuse, I also wanted to elaborate on spiritual abuse. I call it moral abuse. For example shaming a person in my opinion is like moral abuse. We aren't aware of it. But in every moment we are suffering some form of emotional abuse that goes unnoticed. Take responsibility for your own emotions and detect and stop emotional abuse early.

I'm not pretentious, that's the thing. If I pretended here to be this awesome person with an awesome life, that would be a lie and that doesn't help with healing. I have to be honest with my emotions. That's a tall order. But that's exactly what I need to do. I'm suffering currently from a mixture of emotions arising from multiple things and the breakup hit really hard and in the middle of a pandemic, things have been bad, if I pretended I'm all cool, it's not going to be right, I try to be as vocal as possible, I vent, I put it out all there.. It's like my throat Chakra and heart Chakra are in perfect alignment. Whatever I say, it comes right from my heart. If I look bad or crazy to people who read my journal, I don't care. I'm not here to impress them or seek their approval or be popular for them or inspiring for them. I'm me. Just me. Whether you like me or not. I can't be anyone else. I can only work through me. So pretense doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not here to be a model writer or clinch a title. That's like window dressing. This journal is my bare soul. What I feel I write. No holds barred.

Learn to label bullshit when you see it.

When you realize that you are not in the league. Trying to be that....... Escape queen

Pouring out my juvenile inner child Note to myself - Don't just focus on desires. Also focus on reality. Reality is much bigger than what you can imagine. Look at it. Don't ignore. Take responsibility. Don't act like you never had a role in anything. Look up and look at the big picture.