Preety_India

Romance is so much better than sex. Of course sex is good. But the idea of eternal romance. Ahhh It warms up my heart.

It's time for me to pack my bags. No more participating in the forum. Time to focus on myself for good.

@integral I never feel the urge to date or have sex with another person while I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend. Never happened even once in all of my relationships If it was a natural instinct as you say, I should have had this instinct. And I didn't experience any fear holding me back. The simple reason is that I am not a cheater I never had any fear. I always had more love for my partner than anything else and I wanted to be with him out of love and not out of fear. In fact even if I met the best person, the most attractive male, I still wouldn't cheat, simply because I love my partner so much that even such a throught would never cross my mind. In fact I would find it disgusting if that attractive man suggested me to cheat on my partner. What you are saying is completely false and nonsense. The problem is that you are thinking like a cheater. Or player. That's why you feel like it's an instinct. Because all cheaters feel that way. They can't resist. They feel like they are holding something back out of fear. Because they don't love their partners. That's why they easily get attracted to others. The problem is that you are not inside the mind of a loyal person, example me. So you can't comprehend how I think and feel I will give you a simple example to make you understand how you think. Let's say you like to or want to rob a store. You constantly get the urge to do that. You might even justify it by saying that it's natural instinct to want to rob a store when nobody is looking. So when you are asked about other people, you say "oh, they are resisting out of fear of jail, if they didn't have the fear of jail /prison, they would definitely go around robbing stores because it's natural instinct." Now it you were to ask people about it, they would tell you that they never got the urge to rob or steal. Not because of fear of getting caught or jail, but because they never felt like doing it. In fact they felt the opposite. Even if there were no laws, they still wouldn't steal because they respect the store, they respect things and they would never want to cause any form of harm. They see robbing as pointless. But since you are a thief, you think that everyone thinks like you and you reason their behavior as something caused by fear.. The same way. You are stuck in a cheater's mind. So you are assuming that everyone must be thinking like you. When that's a false belief. People don't cheat on their spouses, not out of fear, but because they truly love their partner and do not see others in the same way. I'm faithful and loyal to my partner because my basic instinct is to be loyal, that's what I want, and that's what I reflect. I'm not living in dissonance of doing something different but wanting something different. My love is with my boyfriend. He is the love of my life and I would never want anyone but him. Your thinking is stemming from low morals, low values and low consciousness.. But fortunately, not everyone thinks like you because they operate from a higher paradigm of morals.

The behavior you're describing is sociopathic and you will need to outgrow it to see real growth In some sense, whatever you are saying is very immature There is no fun in making people suffer. You're making a fool out of yourself. Grow love and empathy because that's what's lacking in the world. We have enough evil shit already.

Only you are saying this. Not everyone likes it and that's fine.

@Serotoninluv that's why less guns.

@beastcookie I think spiral dynamics is a pretty good model. Do you dig it?

@Yonkon I don't know what to say here since the relationship has been for a very short time.. Too small window period to decide anything at all. Do you really like this person a lot? Do you see the potential for change? She seems a bit insecure but I can't really blame her since it's only the beginning. It also depends on how her past relationships were. Or how she was impacted by those past experiences. I would say that it's too early to decide what the other person is all about. Don't be too judgemental right away. Enjoy the relationship while it lasts especially if the both of you share some passionate chemistry. At least it will be worth the time invested in that person If problems crop up and they are too much to deal with, you can then decide to break up. Every relationship goes through its phases of lack of growth, immaturity, growth, mutual understanding, maturity. You cannot easily give up in such a short span of time because enough time hasn't passed for mutual understanding to grow. I remember my relationship with my third ex. I broke up twice in the span of 2 months in the beginning but the relationship lasted 2 years, yet this same relationship gave me my fondest and greatest memories. I don't regret having had this relationship. It was very enlightening, it was the most beautiful experience of my life and it helped me grow in a way that would have been impossible without it.. So not all relationships can be reduced to a mere decision of 'whether to have or not to have.' sometimes you get ready for the adventure (or misadventure), and you dive straight in and sometimes this risk pays off. Not all the time. You will have to take help of your own intuition. It would be a bit tacky to take advice straight from strangers on the internet and then break up. Or you could choose to simply wait. Wait and see how it pans out. And if it's not good and you're losing the spark of the relationship, then you need to let go and break up. A few arguments does not paint a whole picture of a person. You will need some more time to get to know this person and your level of intimacy with this person.

@Nak Khid it's obvious. You don't need a law for that. You only need to see reality.

@Nak Khid there are n number of reasons. But violent crimes mostly happen in poor neighborhoods.

In real life this will never happen. You're being impractical. Such relationships are the rarest. Good luck with that attitude. In reality it doesn't work because people focus more on needs. You can't take that away from them

@integral why do you decide that it's the most conscious Everything cannot be based in "letting go survival" Where did you get this idea that survival is bad. This is some bullshit spiritual bypassing. Survival is absolutely essential. So survival paradigm cannot be considered wrong or bad. Go meta only when you need to go meta. It's fine. You realize that all stages of spiral dynamics are equally important or are you just stuck at stage Turquoise. Don't live in utopia Stage Green is important and so is stage Blue and Stage Orange. The idea here is it to integrate benefit and healthy attitude at each stage of the spiral. So don't look down upon other stages for their need to survive. You need to transcend the need to be stuck at stage Turquoise philosophy. Some things are dictated by human instinct for a good reason. When you see a person cheating on you, you get mad for a reason. Your emotions are built that way for a reason. You naturally feel those emotions because your feelings are real and they mean something. The biggest stupidity is to go against your own intuition and feelings. You cannot really decide what the most conscious thing really is. For different people the word conscious means different things. Your mentality might serve you better but don't expect people to fit into it when they don't feel comfort in it

@Roy is right about it. Relationships need sacrifice from both sides and it has to go both ways. Don't see a problem with his opinion. Also it's not Codependency to keep boundaries in relationships. Like you're suggesting. Please read about Codependency to know what it actually means. You are calling a normal relationship codependency. Relationships start with a need, a need to give love and receive love, a need for emotional support and companionship. Wanting and needing healthy companionship is not Codependency. Codependency is an unhealthy relationship dynamic that lacks boundaries and bad behavior from one person is tolerated by another out of the fear of losing the relationship and not setting boundaries, such a behavior is observed in people with low self esteem and they don't stand up for themselves and continue to remain in the toxic relationship as long as it affords them escape from loneliness. Normal relationships have a healthy dose of neediness and independence both. Whereas Codependent relationships are marred by abuse and dysfunction. Sacrifices in a Codependent relationship are made in an unhealthy manner and have dangerous consequences. Whereas sacrifices made in a normal healthy relationship are a sign of trust and faithfulness and care for each other. Sacrifices in normal relationships are normal. Monogamy, commitment, loyalty and trust are also completely normal. Just because something is created by culture, does not make it automatically wrong. We follow a paradigm because we are comfortable with that paradigm. Because our basic instincts and interests support that paradigm Human basic instincts are geared towards creating a foundation of love trust, loyalty, commitment, sacrifices, sharing, mutual need and companionship. There is nothing foolish or outdated or indoctrinated about it.

I couldn't get anymore names. Blossoming boulevard Snow ride Tropical Blend. Antimony River Milkshake duck

Another problem in America is systemic corporate greed or pervasive corporate greed. America is one country in the world which constantly touts about Capitalism. But corporate greed is the baby of capitalism that needs to be constantly fed.. So how does corporate greed in America lead to more poverty? First is that corporate greed has taken over two major facets of human life in America. One is Judiciary and other o is Medical. The corporations feed on these two facets constantly. The jails in America are a huge source of income for attorneys, lawyers and judges and the police system. They literally bank on criminals. If an American goes to jail, it's a profit.. If an American falls sick., it's a profit. The medical industry of doctors, nurses, pharma industry, especially big pharma and the medical insurance makes a lot of money over a sick or ill American. That's why they don't do much towards disease prevention. People are encouraged to eat junk food, junk food is cheaper than organic food, gmo laced food is made affordable to Americans so more and more Americans get fat and the medical industry gets fatter in terms of income. So is the jail system. The more criminals, real or imaginary, the more income for the whole system. Cops gain a huge amount of money in terms of fines from the public. The whole American government feeds on the vulnerabilities of its people by making them pay more and more to get out of distress. Most criminals in America are phantom criminals because the crime never occurred in the first place. You could be arrested for jaywalking. You could be arrested because someone called 911 on you even if you didn't commit a crime. But in the roster it will show up as criminal trespassing even when trespassing or any form of crime didn't occur. You might ask why? Because the cop wants his money from fines and a few rewards for policing like a promotion or reward. Thus the cop intentionally tries to make an arrest when there is no need to to fill up their quota. Thus they target the black neighborhoods because black people can't afford attorney fees. If they arrested white people, the cop will suffer severe retribution in court at the behest of a good lawyer and he might lose his job. So he won't bother a white guy or any affluent community person. This is well illustrated in this video. A cop himself admits that he purposely went to black neighborhoods to fill up his arrest quota. Private companies buy prisons. So a lot of the law enforcement work is all about making dollars rather than keeping community safe. Here is the video If you want real evidence of this form of corruption here is the video The cops in this video are trying to secure an arrest even if the person did not commit the crime. When you see the record of such a person, you will see a crime record in their record even if in real life they actually did not do anything wrong. So there are many such people behind bars in America only because of corruption. The actual crime rate is inflated and is actually very low than what it's shown to be. If you check the jail roster or register, there are many crimes on paper, so more rewards and money for the cop.. That's why America crime rate is disproportionately higher and incredibly higher than any country in the world because its inflated and false The same trick is used in the medical field and people are contanstly misdiagnosed or over diagnosed and medical malpractice is common to make money through insurance. Diseases are written that did not exist in the patient so that the doctor makes more money from the government. It's all about $$$$$ And sadly people are too naive to simply believe the statistics and actually believe this stuff is happening.

Like Leo quoted a day before I agree with @electroBeamhere. It's a catch 22. The reason you see high crime in precisely those states is not because of Democrats but because of complex social dynamics in those states. You will see that most democratic states are poorly funded and are poor because of systemic racism. Try to read a little more on the racist history of America. Schools in black neighborhoods are poorly funded. Whereas rich neighborhoods are given maximum resources and most rich states are republicans. Republicans cannot handle the problems in the democratic states as someone pointed out here. In a place which is very diverse, crime is expected, also given the fact that most people in such places are poor. Poor neighborhoods have higher crime rates than rich neighborhoods. Democrats make sure to help poor inner city populations through welfare schemes and that's the reason these areas vote Democrat. Whereas Republicans will withdraw welfare funding in such places and there can be a dramatic rise in racism with Republicans in power. Places that are low in censorship, high in civil liberties, low in surveillance will always have a higher crime rate. If you kill all the people with coronavirus, there will be less cases and less spread or transmission of the virus. But if you let people with coronavirus to live, you increase the risk of transmission, however killing people is inhuman. If you kill disabled people, there will be less disabled people in a population However if you gave the disabled people the opportunity to survive, you will see more numbers of disabled people in a population simply because they haven't died yet. A more democratic society allows more scope and accommodation for the weak, vulnerable, poor, disabled as well as criminals on the principle of humanity. A less democratic society is stage red and it constantly weeds out people who don't serve the purpose of the state.. It is less accommodating and more punitive. So people who have issues are not given support or help but are ostracized. For example, in a more democratic society, criminals will be treated more humanely and will enjoy scope for rehabilitation and further improvement, also job opportunities post incarceration to live better lives. A less democratic society will try to judge, ostracize outcast and mercilessly eliminate criminals because they don't want to spend much resources in dealing with the issue. As a result, when you check a roster in a less democratic society you will see less criminals and instances of crimes because most criminals are either dead, apprehended or too scared to disobey the law. This in turn creates a state of fear and people in such places are less likely to fight against the system of authority out of the fear of retribution. But if you check the roster of a more democratic society, you will see an uptick in crimes and more criminals because they are allowed to survive and they have less fear of authority. In such a society, most rights are secured and civil liberties are unanimously honored therefore fighting against the system is much easier. Therefore its a catch 22. You can't have the cake and eat it too. You will see less crime in a military stage red blue state yet you will instantly start whining about the lack of freedoms. On the other hand, you will see more crime in a stage Blue green state yet you will generally enjoy the level of freedom you get there. So it's a zero sum game. You get one for losing another. You lose one for gaining another. Everything comes at a price and so does freedom. Some videos that will help you grasp the racist history of America and the problem of systemic racism and how it impacts the growth of minorities. And how it creates a domino effect of poverty and crime. Corruption in America, a significant factor driving poverty Poverty in America because of federal minimum wage issue as described in depth by Amo Jo's testimony. Poverty in America driven by wage disparity which means poor get poorer and rich get richer as described by Democrat congresswoman Katie Porter. Most people in these videos like Katie Porter and Elizabeth Warren want low corruption and less poverty and disparity. Such measures will decrease the crime rates in inner cities. Something that democrats want to do. Which Republicans will not bother to pay attention to. You have to understand that crime in America is a complex issue not dependent on Democrat or Republican parties but more dependent on variables like Federal minimum wage issue Single parent household which government is not creating but social dynamics High divorce rates Sky high incarceration rates Too many guns. More guns than people Fewer job opportunities Pay disparity and higher level corruption Homelessness not being resolved Constant high stress and competition of surviving in inner cities. Less competitive low stress rural areas have low crimes Moral decadence in the population because of pop culture Exposure to violence in childhoods Children of incarcerated parents are more likely to commit crimes High cost of living and survival and constant competition for the American dream Dysfunctional homes and families for which government doesn't do anything other than foster adoption which is a failed system. Foster care abuse is a pervasive problem Lack of trust between citizens because of guns Domestic relations at an all time low. Most crimes in white families are spousal and domestic crimes Life insurance payout a major motive for crimes for which no solution found yet Systemic racism and lack of funding in poor areas Crimes in black families are because of financial stress and improper upbringing again because of poverty So it's wrong to say that crime is because it's a democratic state. Crime happens because of a multitude of factors.

@Chris365 Yea. Now that you have already broken up with her for good, you can now focus on the future and look for a person who is not so demanding and you don't have to feel like you owe anything to them. If you feel pressured and dominated then that's not a good relationship. It's good that you made the right decision You always take up how much you allow to. that's why setting boundaries is so important.. Retrospectively I feel I made the most compromises - can't think of a single one she had to make because of me. I loved meeting her needs, but it still in the end wasn't enough You made a very powerful statement. That's not how a relationship should be. Yes sacrifices are a must. But you shouldn't have to feel like a donkey in a relationship taking all the burden all by yourself meanwhile the other person doesn't share a bit. I would call such a person narcissistic and selfish. If you are trying to meet her needs, then you are a good person. And she should be grateful. Too bad she is not. You need to move on as fast as you can because such people usually have a hold on the soul. Wrap up this chapter of your life and learn the lesson to never waste your time again on such people. They are toxic and selfish and expect you to be their servant on demand. Move on and find a wholesome woman who loves you as much as you love her. Who shares your struggles and understands your concerns instead of screaming at you and making you look bad because their needs weren't met. If you try harder, you will soon find a healthy loving good partner I wish you all the happiness. Take care.

@WorldlySavage you are welcome

I don't quite understand you. I'm not being judgemental here but something is off. Do you really love her? The last sentence is not a good response. You could always say that for every relationship "there must be others out there", you don't date a person because you can't find someone better than them You date a person because you have fallen in love with them. And once that happens you don't think constantly that there are better people out there, because there will always be better people out there. I'm not telling you that this relationship is good. But I'm trying to correct your mentality which can be a problem in your future relationships. For example my ex used to always tell me that he could be with someone better. I broke up with him and he regretted it. Because men carry dissonance in them created by porn and social media culture that makes them objectify women without actually realizing that they are really doing it. You said that you don't want to confront her because it will provoke more fights. Can you imagine getting married and your sweet calm partner slowly changing in character and getting angry during fights. So you wouldn't fight? If you thought like that, none of your relationships will ever work, you can't expect a relationship to never have its ups and downs. It will always have its cute moments and tense moments. That's why relationships are not easy. You are calling her immature but you not wanting to confront her is also immaturity. How do you think you are going to have a relationship with a woman who never gets angry? If a person, man or woman never got angry, there must be something wrong with them? Plus given the stress of modern living, a couple constantly fighting is not very hard to imagine. If a woman didn't show anger, she will most likely at least give you a cold treatment. Women have ways to show their anger, some are visible and some are not. But it's kinda stupid to think that your girlfriend shouldn't be mad about something. As if she should be some mute doll in a glass case. You need to understand women a bit deeper. I am a woman so I know other women. Don't expect a woman to always be chill. And even if she is, you might get bored and begin to crave some drama. Some guys like it hot. They laugh when a girl gets mad. They find it cute. Maybe it's a cultural thing I don't know. In my opinion I never saw a woman standing like a Saint and walking like a model all the time. A woman's emotions is what makes her lively and interesting. She is that way for a reason. She can't be a cold fish.. And a hotter girl can come with a hotter temper, not always but sometimes. Take it easy. This is life. It's not a classroom where everyone has to be quiet. And don't whine so much about what you have to do in a relationship and how much. By your logic all women should give up relationships because they do cooking, laundry, shopping, sex, working, and giving birth and raising your children and a lot more. If a woman thought like a man, all relationships would end in a minute. I had to do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, sex, shopping, and almost everything under the roof for my second ex but I never complained about it. He used to come home tired and I had to to be there for him at all times. It is used to be exhausting for me but at the same time I used to love doing the cleaning and the cooking because I was doing it for my future husband or boyfriend. As a person who wants a relationship to eventually turn to marriage and family, work will always be a part of it. Also when you have kids, there will be more work like changing diapers in the middle of the night. These are called sacrifices that are needed in a long term relationship or marriage. That's why people look tired in a marriage because it takes a toll on them You need to seriously reconsider your outlook on relationships. Maybe this relationship is not healthy for you, but no relationship is ever perfect to a T. All relationships have some or other problem, it's up to you to decide what you can take and what you can't. But remember that you are in a relationship because you love that person and not because you can't be with someone better. It's not an audition.

Other names I have in my mind are Sugar skull Alk opium

Be with her only if you are truly happy with her or else you are wasting her time and your time as well. Also she needs to be happy with you at the same time. Only then everything works. I can't put my finger on it but it seems there's something lacking in this relationship. And it seems you have surrendered to spiritual bypassing to feel comfortable in it. But that can only go so far. At some point your frustration might boil over and spill out. So why drag the inevitable? It's bad for her as well. I mean let's say she is here on this forum reading all the comments and your reactions. Obviously she will be mightily pissed. If you have already communicated your feelings to her, then good for you, she can make her decision and so can you. If you haven't said anything to her, then it's kinda dishonest that you carry these feelings inside but don't wanna let her know. So you have to consider her along with yourself. Have you tried to have a full blown conversation with her, have you told her what's on your mind. Do you really love her and would take her flaws as well. I mean do not simply do what people say. You have to make your choice in the end. Did you set strict boundaries and give her chance to see if she breaks them again? For you to come to some thorough conclusion will need time and effort and patience. Because you don't want to hurt her or break up abruptly. Obviously what she was doing was not right because it was hurtful to you which is why I said that you need to set boundaries and be clear and let the person know that you wont put up with certain things outside those boundaries. But before you can proceed with a breakup, you need to give space to that person to improve their behavior and align to your wavelength. Or else it would be unfair if you simply broke up without ever giving the other person a chance to reflect and change their behavior. You can forgive but you can't forgive all of the time, only some of the time. Whether you break up with her or not, one thing you need to make sure is to respect her no matter what and be totally truthful to her and honest about your feelings. The stuff you say to us about her, tell her as well. Have an upfront discussion. Vent yourself out to her the way you do here to us. Because not letting her know is also a problem. She needs to know how you feel for it to be fair on both sides.

@Nak Khid Jesus Ok I apologize. Big mistake.

Definitely don't try social media.

@Nak Khid lol you didn't get it. It's an expression of sarcasm, it's like saying "talk about pot calling the kettle black."

@Nak Khid why are you telling me all this when I already know it. You didn't even get my point. My point is that you can't get herd immunity against dangerous infections. The only way is vaccination.