traveler

Ever since I had my big awakening experience, I haven't had a single day of not pursuing enlightenment. It's like everything is so dry and lifeless when you're in duality. When I meditate and get in touch with my self it's better, and I feel in some of those moments that I am enlightened or that my conceptualizing mind has seen through its tricks. But yesterday I got a taste of the depth of what all of this is about again. I had a quick glimpse into a state of samadhi. These glimpses reminds you how absolutely mind blowing and insane this enlightenment thing is for the person, the person would never pursue enlightenment they knew what it really meant. Passing through the gateless gate is terrifying, it feels like you are leaving EVERYTHING behind. Your family, your friends, your body, your mind, humanity, the world. It is the death of you! You know that it has to be done though, so when you can't go through with it, you descend to maya the endless circle of life again. In some ways that feels good, because it's safe, but the urge to be free will come again and you'll do the same thing over and over again. That is the reason that truth never is in the future truth is now! The ego will always have an great excuse to stay in maya when you are at the edge of oblivion. The excuses will be so convincing everytime. My mind often uses my family as an excuse: "I will turn into an insane person, starring into nothingness, not recognizing my family and I will hurt them so much by doing that" that's an example of a thought. It seems irrational but in the moment the thought is insanely convincing. Too pass there has to be a complete surrendering to god. The absolute test of your faith.

Yeah definitely. Thank you. The experience is very real in the moment, but it's just an experience. If I'm honest I don't really care, I did when I made the post but i don't care now. Lolz. Wtf is all this seeking about anyway, all the questions make me sick. Haha. Good night. You could almost say that, that realization is the gateless gate ?

It's just a sense that you're about to transcend your person, followed by a fear of leaving the world behind. I can't really explain it, best I can do is what I originally wrote on the post.

I have no idea what kensho or satori is

It is a gate that is gateless

I have no idea wtf kundalini is, I just had a big experience and call it kundalini so people have an idea of what I'm talking about, and I think everyone else is doing the same. We are all frauds, and we don't know shit. Thank god.

The interesting thing with this shit, is that you can be so god damn confused about it all, then it's all clear and not as fantastical as you imagined it to be, then you forget about it and your mind creates images of how amazing it was and then your back to your search again and then it feels like your on the edge of getting it and you feel like you're gonna die and then you realise it and on and on and on and down the stream we sail. It's a joke

There's some videos on youtube that will possibly relieve some of the symptoms. My advice is to try and just sit with the feeling, feel the sensation without any labeling or restistance. Do this with all of your muscles around the area aswell. Your shoulders, neck, jaw etc. Just sit with it and it will feel great after some time. No need to read books about it and all that. You can do that, but I would start of with investigating the sensation myself first. And don't take advice from me because I have no idea what I am talking about. It helped me, but it might not help you. Find out. The worst thing that could happen is instant death, jk. Or am I? I am don't worry....

Because I won't be there if I make the jump

What are you getting at?

@Mu_ thank you ? Seems like I saw, spent and fucked it all in my previous lives, because there hasn't been much of that in my current life and I have no desire for it either.

Nice one

Had one too. Haven't been able to stop pursuing since. It is like something I heard Adyashanti say once: Before awakening you seek god, after awakening god seeks you. It surely is the point of no return. I was insanely disoriented for about a year I would say, but lately it seems like I'm getting more accostumed with the energy/realization. I am more able to balance both world than I was before. I've been pretty unhealthy in terms of my life style though, it seems like it helps me ground myself more in this reality. When I get healthy everything gets a little more disorienting, I kinda float in between both worlds. Can you relate?

There seems to be a line that can be crossed. From the known to the unknown. From time to eternity. From body mind to nothingness. That is what I mean. It is the leap of faith. Jumping into the infinite abyss where no person can enter.

I've listened to probably over 1000 non duality videos. Seen almost all rupert's videos as well. The videos can be helpful when you try to shed your old beliefs, but they will not make you enlightened. There comes a time where you have to actually put the things that these teachers say into practice and investigate yourself. There comes a time where you will no longer crave intellectual understanding, you will feel so fed up with all of the spiritual ideas. You will notice all of the traps of the mind, and you will begin to notice how god damn simple truth is. Your mind is what makes it so damn complicated, the truth will always feel like it's just out of your reach, and that is because your mind is trying to grasp it. It is trying to grasp what already IS.

Do you mean Marcos dream? Marcos is the dream.

It seems to be a very essential thing to accept. If you're still holding on to your ego while you're faced with the one then it isn't going to be fun, but it is a chance to see clearly how you deceive yourself constantly and how you create your own suffering. The mind is so deeply tricky, deeper than I ever imagined.

Great video, I can relate to many of your insights, and have a similar life story. I also took LSD a year ago or so and experienced the infinite loops of thought. I asked the same questions and then got the answer over and over again, realizing that I had been here for eternity. I was at that time still very attached to MY life and was eager to grasp infinity, which I of course couldn't. I had a powerful awakening where I experienced infinite love, watching the duality of life but untouched by it. Similar to the LSD experience with the loop, but not experiencing it from the persons point of view, but from God's point of view. The infinite observer. I have realized that all of this is one, it is me. The fear and suffering comes when there is an individual that tries to grasp what this is. The individual wants purpose, meaning, security etc. and it can succeed with this to an extent, but this closes the heart and is ultimately unsatifactory.

So I want to attempt to convey some insights I have had recently on canabis. It has been scary and I have realized how serious this path is. On top of that, once you realize your true nature, there is no turning back. You have to go through what is necesarry for you to transcend the illusion of your ego. I'll try to convey the experience I have had multiple times using only a couple of wiffs of the plant. It is equally intense everytime, and a mistake that I have made is to be with people that have no spiritual intention at all while smoking. But here we go: The experience is you, everything that is seen, touched and talked to is you and you only (Not your mind constructed sense of self but the you that you in essence are.) Let's call it infinity. It is a state between illusion and reality, or reality realizing itself in the illusion. In this state it is clearly seen that THIS is IT, the whole of the universe is literally screaming at you that this is it, but the person resists. Because with this insight it is also seen that you (the one that you have always thought yourself to be) has to die to be free. You may have heard this before but it is literal, and in my case I was unable to release myself totally into the unknowingness of this realization. The fear of death and transitioning was to strong and I was unable to let go, because I was sure that I would die, literally die If I did. So the experience was pretty dark, sort of what I would call hell, the whole story of the reality that you believe to be real falls apart right infront of you, while the whole of the universe informs you that you have to surrender and let go into unknowingness, but the attachment to the individual is too strong, so you hang out in an eternal space of fear, total hopelessness and infinite loneliness. I have to add that even in this space, there is a hint of amazement and wonder, and there can be laughs happening too inbetween the harshness of the seeing. This have been very intense, and the seriousness is now recognized more fully. While it was scary it is very healing to go to these spaces. It shows you how there is only 2 options: resist or accept who you are. There is no escape, you will literally never escape who you are or understand who you are. You have to surrender into the mystery of what is, you have to become the mystery.

Just another story. A rabbit hole that leads to nowhere. Haven't seen it all, but the first 5 minutes says enough.

Okay I will take the path to get to this, haha

That was a great idea, I just did, thank you

You can call it what you want, Good, bad, infinite love, the absolute, evil, big stinky fart. These are all words pointing to the same unspeakable thing. All of the beautiful words you use does not help anyone, if anything it strenghtens the seekers hope for an event in the future that will bring them to this wonderful place that you describe.

It is nonsense. Who will get that with enlightenment? There is no suffering, because there is no one to suffer. Good and Evil are interpretations/opinions the person has on what is appearing.

it is not about to seek hope in the future but to seek hope in the now. Does that sentence make sense for you?