Roxanne

@Coco nooo waaay, we're namesakes! my boyfriend came up with the name Coco one day and now calls me it this all the time! We're basically in a very similar situation. I'm getting my first degree now, but I'm desperately searching for a passion. It's possible that I can still get passionate about one of the many opportunities and directions that my degree offers (I actually know so few about them, I really have to try things out first), but maybe I will have to consider studying again. Anything is possible. Of course, my family would not support that, they will continue their same old song that I'm in my early 20s and it's time to get married and settle down once and for all. Like you, one day I would want to do it. I just believe, there's no need to rush. So what if it happens when I'm 30? 30 is not 70, and even with 70 you can (and must) enjoy life to the fullest. to me feeling trapped is a good indicator that I'm too afraid to do something I want to do, I just imagine all the worst things that could happen (which are at 99,(9)percent not rational or not realistic or not important at all, derived from my fearful imagination and anxious mind) so in the end I do nothing at all, I try to avoid the uncomfortable feeling that I have when thinking of an important decision to be made. If psychology is what you feel truly passionate about, why not give it a try? you can quit anytime if you discover it's not good for you. there is no obligation to do something you don't like and at the time you don't feel is right, be it a degree, a job, a family, or anything else. I , too, have to learn to slow down a little bit and to hear what the voice in my head is trying to tell me. I wish I could just buy some inner voice loudspeakers, it would be so much easier!

@jms0717 I'll definitely read the book, it really makes so much sense to me! I've tried it once or twice, it worked! But I can't resist touching someone else's stuff especially when nobody's looking, I just pack it in my bag and bring it home, that's one of my hobbies! haha. just kidding but it makes sense to me too when I don't take it literally, I understand it as "the things/activities/etc. that make one person happy do not necessarily work for an other person".

@Sarah_Flagg it sounds almost impossible to me, how full your schedule is. What gives you the energy to get through the day? Is that something you're passionate about, beside the self-developpment work? Or is it your son who gives you the motivation? Sure, there are things that just must be done, but you said that you feel "the happiest you have ever been". When all that motivates me is a "must" (doing what has to be done to avoid unpleasant consequences, for example a job I don't like, or cook for the boyfriend when I'm not in the mood), I feel really empty and devastated, and it's even so hard to get out of the room for a workout, even though I know I would feel better afterwards. I just feel as motivated as a spoon. Do you consider changing your job? Do you think it would make you happier, or more fulfilled? I suppose it must be more difficult to do it when you're a young mother - and of course it's still absolutely possible - my question is, do you think it would make the quality of your life significantly better than it is now? Are there any ways or activities when you can feel the connection to your husband? And are you missing out on social life? Surely there's something that can be done here.

@Abeo Maria that's a really good point. it's wise and important when two people in a relationship except each other as they are. it's truly wonderful that you are so accepting of each other! the only guys I knew (dated), who were kind of "spiritual", or "into self-development", were not serious at all about relationships. I liked how free and open-minded they seemed to be, but I didn't really feel important in their company at all. They've had thousands of gfs and will have thousands more, which is ok for them if that makes them happy or if they're looking for something in particular, but at the same time I hated this extreme "spirituality" for a while, because it just seemed to me so cold and empty. I'm aware of one problem that I have, which is subconsciously looking for approval and attention, I still tend to stick to a person and I become dependant on him emotionally once in a relationship (yes, yes, I'm working on it). But those guys were really extreme, in my opinion. you can at least say goodbye, nice meeting you, when you want to end a relationship. oh, I'm sorry, I forgot it wasn't even considered as a relationship at all. Now my current boyfriend is not into self-development at all, although he's supportive of my struggle to find my own path. But that doesn't really help me much. I look at his lifestyle (which is the same as mine at the moment) and I wish I could live a different life, but it's so hard to do it alone, when you never actually saw a good example neither in your family or in your relationships. I know it's easy to say "he's holding me back!" or "my parents are holding me back!", but it's just placing the blame, right? I'm reading your comment and some of the others, and I see that if you want to do something, you can do it alone, without waiting for a companion or for approval. Burning bridges might be easier, but then you find yourself in the same place, searching for that "tutor, companion, partner, life coach, perfect example, magic wand, prince on the white horse", you name it, - just to do the job for you. So, lesson Nr. 1 on my never-ending list: accept your true self (if lost, find it first). Lesson Nr. 2: love it. Lesson Nr.3: accept the others. Looks like there's a lot of work ahead of me

@Leo Gura it would be a cool topic for a video, too!

Dear ladies of all ages on the rocky road of personal development, single and married - share your story! How do you combine family life, work and self-actualisation together? Is it essential to become a fulfilled person BEFORE you commit to something as grand as marriage and children? Did anyone feel the stress from the society or from your parents/family members to marry before 30 (otherwise....)? Is there anyone who feels fulfilled after marrying and having children, even though you're not particularly excited about your job, either because it's not your dream career or because you never had a chance to find out what your dream career was? Can family fill that gap for a woman or do both of these aspects of life need to be there, in order to avoid unhealthy compensation mechanisms in the future? I can't wait to hear your thoughts/experiences on this matter!

someone who feels deeply familiar... Oh yeah, that hurts. Were we soulmates? Was it love? Or just another lesson? Why did I never feel anything like that ever since? I can clearly see that I attracted the same patterns that I was used to, and the experience pointed at many moral issues that I needed to solve. Still, it was the most sincere and genuine thing I remember. It was like waking up. It's strange that in order to pursuit self-mastery and -development you sometimes have to be (what seems to me) cold, valuing the truth and high ideas more than "going home and loving your family", in the words of Mother Teresa. I'm talking here about the parents too. Parents in the first place. I would like to know more of how to stay on the path of self-actualisation when your parents try to ban every effort in this direction. Financial independence is the first step, but there are things much harder to achieve than this to keep the relationship alive and healthy. I've watched the video in which Leo was talking about his parents and I instantly recognised mine. There is even more coincidence, as my parents come from a post-soviet country too. There is something common in the way most people think there. I believe there is just so much fear in the society, fear at the schools, fear at the universities, fear in the history, fear of the future, fear in the people's minds. The psychology of survival. People laugh when you talk about self-development, they think it's a toy for rich people from the west. In Germany, where I study now, I can't say there there are suddenly plenty of people interested in psychology and self-development, but at least there is none of that overwhelming "great depression", as I call it, and stubborn, fearful closed-mindedness. I hope that the people in Eastern Europe, Russia etc. will find out more about what life can be and that they crawl out of the dark cave of their depression, insecurity, misery and prejudice. I hope that people will see that moving to Germany or America or Canada (oh yes, and don't forget to marry a citizen, ladies!) or elsewhere will not automatically solve their problems and guarantee a happily ever after. There is nothing wrong with moving to an other country, as long as an individual pursues his or her true dreams, or flees from some really dangerous life-threatening circumstances. But how many disappointments have I heard from people who were expecting that a new place will be a magic wand that makes their lives fulfilled and happy. I had made the same mistake, and honestly, I keep making it over and over again. Then what happens? The people become even more grounded in their belief that "the west is cold and heartless and we are warm and spiritual and that's why we're miserable, and we readily pay this price", which leads to "we have to update our survival guide - strengthen the pride and prejudice chapter, the safe job and the soft sofa sections, oh, and the don't-worry-mom-and-dad-will-do-it for-you-just-do-what-we-say trilogy". It would be interesting if Leo addressed the most "problematic" audiences like the above in one video or another. Or if he told more about his relationship with his parents. Or tips how to reach such people and how to save the relationship, even if they don't share your philosophy and don't support your decisions. And how to cope with it yourself. Oh, and the soulmate thing. What does it actually mean and what to expect or not to expect from this kind of a blessing... >o<