tsuki

Your wounded ego is showing. You're taking her past partners personally. Here, you are being toxic. And here, you are turning even me off. Finally, some honesty.

My wife loved this! She really enjoys the zoo analogy. finds it to be very amusing. I feel like this is the first time I was actually able to hear that, despite my "zoo" needing this encouragement A LOT. Thank you!

My experience has taught me that women want something completely different from what I thought they did. And by women I mean one particular woman that I'm with. I was always my greatest obstacle and words don't do this realization any justice. I'm sorry if I sound cryptic but there is just no way to put this into words. Does your brutal honesty involve telling her that you have a personal dating backstage on actualized.org? Hahaha Oh, and what are your intentions with her, rally? Do you want to fuck, or are you open for something deeper? No, you're not . In the early stages of your relationship, you are probably falling in love with your own expectations and an unsaid promise that she will satisfy some needs that you're not yet ready to acknowledge in yourself. Don't let that discourage you! Go get that pussy!

hi

We came here because we missed this place after watching Leo's 9 stages of development series. We feel that we've lost some philosophical/existential depth after focusing on the basics. We also felt that we're missing some of the regulars here @DrewNows @mandyjw @Zigzag Idiot @now is forever . We're not sure what to write here because our experience is so fleeting. We grew a beard. We're very fond of it.

@DrewNows Just hoped for a friendly chat. We do see that your energy is different and we're enjoying it.

@DrewNows We're seeing the title of your journal from time to time, but never actually read any of it yet. How are you doing these days?

My not-a-zoo does not enjoy being called a zoo, so I will stop doing that. It was funny for the first two times, but the consensus found it to be offensive. We are a Matrioshka doll. Just showing up here and reading this forum for a few hours brought up so much confusion. An old I came up and started its usual self-judgement. Took me a while to let go of it. I think that I will start using the "we" pronoun to signify my multiplicity. The only "I" that is equipped to be the mediator of the crowd is the present moment.

@StarStruck Oh, and don't let the comments here get you down. You have to go through this and learn this lesson, even if everybody around you tells you that you're being a fool for whatever reason. You just don't know any better. There is only one real way of learning in this place and this way is by doing. Go get that pussy.

I feel that this year is the year when I reap a lot of benefits of the basic self-development that I've been doing in the past. There's been a major breakthrough recently and I want to express it here. I can feel, viscerally, that my interior is a literal zoo and that monkeys are running the place. There are small monkeys, big monkeys, elephants, and giraffes, and guess what? Who's the zookeeper? I'M the zookeeper! And monkeys lured me into their cage! More than that, they told me that this is THE OUTSIDE OF THE CAGE! It's funny because I only realized this after deciding that I'm going to learn how to take proper care of my animals and actually respect them. I finally understand what respect is. Now, I think that I'm going to step out and live among them. I can feel that some of them are happy, but there are also the ones that lurk in the bushes, watching me silently. It's okay because I am not an animal and because I'm equipped to do my job. I still need help, but I will get there eventually. At least now, I can see them.

@StarStruck This sounds like how my marriage started. Thankfully, I was getting past that incel stage back then and spared her that. I'm not going to give you much advice because I was so emotional back then that I know that I would have misinterpreted any advice that was given to me. My wife dumped me on the second date and told me that she sees me as a friend. I told her that we're not gonna be friends. I also told her at some point that if I had her in my house, she would just be looking at the ceiling. I wouldn't expect that she's going to appreciate what you're doing immediately because you're showing her a lot of rough edges and it's a big turn-off. If she reciprocates, then there's a chance that at some point you're gonna help develop each other, but it's a long and pretty painful road. Probably the most difficult thing I have ever done. I've got a lot of compassion for you, you've got no idea what you're getting yourself into.

Excuse my language, but I recently watched through Leo's 9 stages of development series. I had two experiences that I consider so profound that I don't know if I will ever be able to integrate them. The first one was peeking into the Magician from the Achiever stage. I'm still picking up the pieces and gluing them together and it happened 6 years ago. The second experience that happened a year ago was peeking into the Unitive stage. I don't even know how to wrap my head around this. Maybe I do, but I won't be talking about it.

Nothing matters things into existence.

The existence of something does not imply the existence of its opposite. Being is, while nothing isn't.

I can tell that you're in a lot of distress right now and it's better to cool off before making any important decisions. Sometimes we need time off to focus on ourselves and friends should be able to understand that. I also have a difficult relationship with my parents and I made a conscious choice to minimize contact with them. Still, there is that wounded, neglected, child in here that hopes that some day it will be loved by them and yearns for contact only to be disappointed over and over again. If that how your relationship goes, then my adult self advises to take some time off. At first, just for cooling off, and then - make the decision with a clear mind. I can relate to that. In the end, she may genuinely not even understand why you're angry and there may be no space for conveying your feelings safely to her. Deep belly breaths.

I've never been on psychiatric medication but I've been going through therapy for 5 years with great success. My wife is both on antidepressants and in therapy and these approaches seem to compliment each other for her. In some cases, we need help to regain chemical balance via medication, but medication in itself will not fix any problems. It may open a window to seek help from a psychologist, but in most cases - people are just looking for a superficial fix to their problems. I think that if you genuinely want to help people, you're better off practicing psychology.

My two week vacation starts tomorrow. I feel that it's going to be a spiritual journey. I'm in a mood to shoot a few videos and keep reading Frank Herbert's Dune. Just started to read the third book, Children of Dune.

God is not a being. Beings are finite.

If you can be tricked, then it's not direct.

If you're interested, Baby driver is a movie that portrays an introvert in a non-stereotypical way. You could also watch some movies starring Keanu Reeves because he's usually portraying an introvert. Neo is a good example of such a character. John Wick is another. They are both pretty badass introverts. Movies are great for studying (and breaking out of) stereotypes. I suspect that you are not yet convinced of your unique and genuine truth. Psychotherapy has helped me a lot.

Being authentic is not about saying every thought that passes through your mind. It's about listening to your body, feeling what is the right thing to do, and actually doing it. It's not about giving into the impulses (but it's also not about suppressing them). It's not about thinking what you should do (but it's also not about being rash). It's about doing things in a deliberate, meaningful and conscious way.

Contrary to popular belief, introversion and extroversion are not about being expressive or not. It's about the direction of energy in the psyche: Introverts recharge when engaging with their interior, while they discharge when interacting with exterior Extroverts recharge when engaging with their exterior, while they discharge when interacting with interior Lack of expressiveness in introverts is only present when they are overwhelmed, when something constantly drains them of their energy. When I was referring to "living under the surface", I meant that you know what your truth is, but choose not to express it. That is equally possible for introverts and extroverts. When you express something, it may, or may not be with alignment with you. It's about living the way that feels right. There is also a very harmful stereotype concerning introverts that they are shy, anxious and asocial. It's not true.

If you live "under the surface", when your true thoughts and feelings are left unexpressed, you are inauthentic. I believe this problem is unique to humans, or at least, a by-product of excessive use of language and symbols.

Today I feel euphoric. I'm totally high. I'm a magnificent creature. When I left work at 4 p.m. I felt a great sense of accomplishment with what I did today and actually a little bit thirsty for more. I completed a stage in my project and I feel confident that my work is well-designed, and resilient. I'm integrating a lot of interesting technologies in one place to solve a specific problem, but I'm working one level of abstraction above it so it gives me a lot of confidence that it is future proof. The program is also modular and it's a great pleasure to work on. Actually, I just noticed that one module is redundant and its functionality can be split apart into others. I don't know why, but it feels amazing to come up with these ideas. It's a purely intellectual pleasure, these sparks of brilliance are unlike anything I experience. For the first time in my life, I actually felt today that I want to exercise. I'm not (and have never been) much of a fitness freak and I don't exercise, but ever since I started doing physiotherapy I know that I'm steadily becoming more conscious of my body. This wanting to exercise was a new feeling. It was not that I thought that I should exercise to feel better, or that I logically concluded based on body scan that it's the right thing to do. I felt an itch all over my body, from my thighs, through my stomach and up to my shoulders, that I knew that could only be satisfied by exercise. It is inexplicable how I knew that. There were no intermediary steps between this feeling and my understanding. Thank you, my magnificent body, for speaking to me so clearly and abundantly. Like I said, I'm a magnificent, euphoric, creature and I like it this way.