tsuki

@Time Traveler Your misconceptions arise from the ambiguity of the word 'observe'. We do observe the result of the experiment by noticing the interference pattern on the screen. Then, we try to actually observe the motion of particles, as in: which particle went through which slit. If we can tell which particle went through which slit, then the interference pattern on the screen disappears. There simply are two dots, instead of many slits. We can either observe which paths the particles took, or the interference pattern. Not both at the same time.

@zoey101 Here is a first video for you. It's only 5 minutes long, but it will make you understand your situation better. If you're interested, here is a second video on this topic:

@zoey101 That's the spirit! Why don't you create such a list and share with us? Do not create a general purpose list for every human being. You know that this won't work. Create a list of questions for yourself and show us how profoundly personal and honest they have to be. A life timeline is a very good idea. Just don't get stuck in your current frame of mind. Try to remember how it was at that time when you made those decisions and lived your life. Do not judge yourself from way above you are right now. Remember to be that person you were back then.

@robdl The way for the mind to break out of the loop is very simple. Just keep digging in one direction. That is all that needs to be done to dig yourself out of any hole.

@zoey101 That's a good start. Would you like it if somebody told you that? Everybody in here has repeatedly told you that there is nothing wrong with you, but you seemed to resist this idea. You may have had a hunch that it is not true. Would the other zoey believe you when you said that to her? The idea of this relationship is honesty. This self-talk is not a magic spell that will transform your life. You are supposed to treat that person as a real, blood and bones, physical person, and talk to her. Do you believe that she is real? Would you tell that person that there is nothing wrong with her? Or would you get upset with her for whatever she did? You really need a honest talk with yourself. Ask yourself question and answer them honestly. There will be no magic voice from outside that will respond. You have to do that yourself. You remember that girl. What she thought and why she did whatever she did. Talk to her and listen to your own responses. Let her speak through you. Telling yourself that you love yourself is a very good way to start, but you have to go from there. Nobody can tell you what to say, as you are the only person in existence that knows the other you.

@Lucas Lousada I touched this subject in this post, if you're interested: Separation between yin and yang is illusory. Yin is yang.

@zoey101 If mirrors scare you, you can use a picture as well. It would be perfect if you had a picture of yourself from 'that' time. The important thing is to establish a relationship with the other you. Talk to her. It would be perfect if you talked to her out loud, but if it is difficult because you are not alone, then talk with your inner voice. Make peace with her.

@zoey101 A ha! There she is! That's the other zoey. Believe it or not - all she does is clumsily trying to motivate you to get your ass out of that bed. Do you know why does she try to do that? Did anybody ever call her a failure to make her do things for her own good? When she's storming at you, you have to try to convince her that calling you a failure will not help you. When she pushes at you, you have to push back. Talk to her and ask her why is she so strict with you. You have to have a relationship with the other zoey. You need that relationship, because that zoey is the one who able to be ruthless. Even if you don't want to be ruthless, you have to know what it means for yourself. If you do not make friends with her, she will always, ruthlessly, blame you for your failures. She will bully you. Out of fear for her own well-being. Please talk to her. Make her like you. If you have to, you will have to accept her demands until she starts to listen to you. Just establish a relationship. Say hi. You can use a mirror.

@zoey101 What do you mean by crashing? I mean exactly, give me a description of what happened last time you crashed. We expect weather to change and we watch forecasts to dress appropriately. We do not want to be hot, nor cold. We do not however usually think that we have an inner weather of our psyche. There are no forecasts for it. We all end up doubting, or even hating ourselves. The point is to understand that it is the inner weather speaking. You may dress beautifully, but if the weather is bad - you will feel cold. You may be beautiful, but if there is a storm on the inside - you will feel ugly. Whatever you feel about the things that are happening is dependent on your inner weather. If it's sunny on the inside, something bad may happen and you won't even flinch. However, during an inner storm - small things may make you spiral. This inner weather can only be observed by your reaction to the world. Like I said - the world is a Rorschach blot. There are no objectively bad things. The only 'bad' there is is your feelings about it. Remember that during the next storm. Storms are important. They are violent movements of the psyche. A lot is happening in there and that is making you unstable. It's like having a fever. You're hot because your body is working on making you healthy. It makes you weak, so that you stop moving and rest so that it can work on its things. You have to let it storm itself out all it wants. This is how you make yourself feel better. When you feel bad - rest. Just like you would if you had a fever. It is not that you make yourself feel good about yourself and feel healthy. There is a storm by which you become healthier and only then, your psyche gives you a moment to rest by letting you feel peaceful. It knows that there is a lot to process, so it has to resume its work at some point. You have to let it. By letting it storm you are resolving your trauma. It is supposed to storm, as you've been through a lot. Do not fight it. Do not push yourself too hard. By doing that you are only make it more difficult for yourself.

@zoey101 I just read this thread and I feel heartbroken. You seem very lost within yourself. From what I understand, you have a burning desire for acceptance. That is extraordinary. It is not a flaw. It is a strength. All you want is for others to feel good in your company. This is why you want to conform. To be exactly like others want you to be. There is nothing wrong in doing that. It's admirable. Your will to please others is so deep that not only you want to please them, but you also want to please yourself. You want to feel good in your own company, just like everybody else. That is what self-love is. You have a past that you think would upset others. That is why you hold it as secret. There is nothing wrong with having secrets from people. All you want to do is not upset them. It's okay. The problem is that you cannot have secrets from yourself. Not because it is bad, but because it's impossible. You cannot feel good in your own company by keeping secrets from yourself. That is why you need to do something different than simply wanting acceptance. You have to accept. Acceptance is similar to pleasing others. It's practically the same thing, but seen from the other point of view. Can you locate this person that is evil within you, that you do not want to expose to others? All you have to do is to become a person that would make this 'evil' you feel good. Just the way like you do it with other people. You show them the nice you. Show the nice you to the evil you. Talk to her, like you want to be her friend. Don't be afraid of her and don't hate her. It is very important to get along with her, because you are in it together and forever. She will never leave your side. The point is to make her your friend, so that she doesn't have to work behind your back. Yes, she is working her thing all the time. It's not wrong, she has every right to do that. In fact, she has a great strength as well. She will do whatever it takes to survive. You need that. You have to get along with her, or else you are in for a tough ride. Just become a person that would make her feel good about being who she is. She will take care of you, like she takes care of herself. You just have to become her friend. That is what acceptance is from the point of view of pleasing.

@zoey101 It really is the best way you can describe it. You are both evil and good at the same time and there is no contradiction. The world is whatever it is. It doesn't introduce itself to you and describe itself so that you know it. The only way in which it speaks is through people (they are a part of it), or through you (your thoughts). The world by itself is blank like a Rorschach blot. You are a part of this world and you are just like that. Deadly innocent. Good and evil are words. They are no ordinary words in the sense that they are important. Whatever you call good is what you wish to be. If it exists, then you want it to remain that way. If it doesn't exist, then you want to change it. Whatever you call bad is what you wish to be gone. If it exists, then you want to change it. If it doesn't exist, then you want it to remain that way. Wanting/wishing is not an empty thought. It is a feeling. You are compelled to act. These words are used to share 'wanting' with other people. To test whether you want the same things. If you say that abortion is bad, I may (or may not) get upset. This is how you know that we can work together. What you are experiencing is the effect of your parents sharing their 'wanting' with you, by calling things good or bad in your childhood. Children are not aware of what these words do, so they do not understand what saying 'being fat is bad' means. Saying 'being fat is bad' is asking 'is being fat bad for you?' and expecting an emotional answer. A child may not know what is good and bad for it, but that is also a valid answer, as the world does not speak by itself. Parents that ignorantly call a child good or bad simply express their desperation. So, how to cope with your situation in which you see yourself as good and bad at the same time? There is no need to. You are starting to see the world as it is. It is a Rorschach blot. It is blank, empty, Śūnyatā. You are getting wiser. Now start seeing everything like that. Other people as well.

@Viking I described something similar in this thread: Can you relate?

@Lynnel Given the background you presented, my advice is simple: start meditating. You are saying that you have no emotions. That's not true. The only way to experience the world without them is to simply not notice them. That happens because the paradigm of practicality you inhabit judges them as impractical. Meditation will help you see them, and contemplation about the use of emotions will stop you from rejecting them. Think of emotions as effortless thoughts that arise in response to transgression of your value system. The problem with them arises if your conscious values are constructed without the regard for your unconscious ones. You are supposed to construct your worldview to incorporate your unconscious value system. Here is another post I wrote about this topic:

@blazed Just might interpret it differently? What the actual fuck? What exactly are facts, if you just ignore interpretation? Facts are exactly what you make of them!

@Chives99 Oh my gosh, the universe better explains itself to you!

@Zweistein I have to address the issue of brainwashing. We find ourselves in existence as a dark room with a minuscule torchlight. The more we grow, the stronger and stronger the light becomes and at some point, we see that the room is furnished. The room is furnished, but who did the furnishing? Things move other things around. This is how you recognize people. At some point you understand that you can move furniture yourself. This way you become upset that it is not furnished your way. The healthy way. You may blame people for furnishing your room however they please. To return to the early bliss is to understand that people are the part of the room. That way, you can understand that there is nobody that furnishes it. The room furnishes itself and all that had changed is the amount of light.

@now is forever There are various ways in which one can say no to things. I am not saying no to everything disrespectfully. That it should be torn down because it is meaningless. I feel disappointed when I encounter disrespect towards what is. To me, everything is exactly how it should be, including the fact that it will change. Even though I feel emotions, I am neither despairing, nor joyful about the fact that everything is meaningless. To me, meaninglessness itself is meaningless. In this sense, I'm saying no to a no. I am disrespectful towards disrespect. Nihilistic towards nihilism. In this sense - I'm saying yes, but it is an implicit yes. A mute yes. @Zweistein Your drawings are very touching. I can tell that you draw from a vulnerable place. I wish I could draw like I can explain.

@Zweistein To conclude my last post, I think that the feeling of suffering that we encounter when we observe our inner trauma is the feeling of releasing something. People that had experienced trauma and decided to face it simply had the opportunity to observe, and in doing that, learn that there is something positive in suffering (release). That is the prerequisite to learn short-circuiting. Seeking suffering (hardships) in life is a way to lessen the polarities. It's like purposefully damaging your body that makes it stronger. What do you do when you go to the gym? You tear your muscles so that they can grow back differently and tear less. Of course, there is a limit to what you can do. Jumping under a car (unprepared) will kill you. So does trauma that is too great. The key is the amount of suffering you experience. It cannot be too great and too sudden, because it can break you. This is why voluntary seeking is so important. You cannot force suffering unto others if they come unprepared because you may overwhelm them. Self-actualizers that had experienced trauma have the gift of material to work with towards short-circuiting.

@Zweistein The key component that I identified as the difference between 'us' and 'them' is what I call a short-circuit. A short circuit is an ability to create a positive feedback loop between suffering and pleasure. 'They' seek pleasure and are repelled by suffering. The direction feels like willingly chosen, but it is a mechanical navigation in relation to these opposites. Pleasure is positive, suffering is negative. However, the more one avoids negativity, the more negative it becomes. It is then, a closed feedback loop of reinforcing the poles by seeking positive and avoiding the negative. 'We' have this ability to treat suffering as something positive and pleasure as something negative. In the act of willingly going against the flow of polarities, we upset the hierarchy of strength. It is either that polarity becomes smaller and suffering lessens (but so does pleasure), or that we become more resistant to both. This way we have this freedom of choice and opportunity to sail anywhere. At some point however, any place becomes exactly the same, just like on ocean that is still. Any place becomes 'here' and any time becomes 'now'. In doing that, everything becomes 'I'. This stillness is too intensive to most. They call it boredom. They treat it with disgust. They seem to miss that boredom is not the feeling that everything is uninteresting. Boredom is the feeling of everything being equally interesting. Without any point of reference. This feeling of everything being equal is what most identify as suffering, but what it is is simply stillness. It is peace. Bearing with it is what shows the bliss of life. I am a nihilist, aren't I? Hmmm...

@now is forever It was kind of underwhelming, but that is perhaps because of my exhaustion, lack of scenery and high expectations. Having watched pictures, I was expecting it to be more reddish, but that color was much softer. Strangely enough, I prefer the moon in its original color, but I'll generously allow it to be whatever it chooses to be. I love the moon

@now is forever I'm starting to understand, I think. I agree that cultural symbols are very powerful. My favorite medium for reading symbols are movies. Ever since I became interested in spirituality, there is a vast, almost never-ending depth to practically any artistic movie. It's like I'm actually the one that makes the movie by watching it and interpreting it. It's like authors of that movie didn't understand themselves what they were talking about when they created it, because they are so deep, that it is inconceivable to me that any human being could punch so much meaning into 2.5 hours. More and more movies that I watch, even the completely mundane ones, simply scream enlightenment at me. It's unbelievable. And yes, there seems to be a code. It almost feels like there is a giant conspiracy that tries to hide all of that deep knowledge in plain sight, trying to sell it as food for our addictions. I really can't wrap my head around it. From one perspective, it's like these directors are infinitely intelligent making these movies, or that I am so brilliant that I read their unconscious minds. Neither of which seem reasonable to me. I may simply be out of my mind, reading things that aren't there . Tell me more about nihilism. What is nihilism to you? How is it a strength to you? And yes - I can see that a no is much more versatile than yes. I prefer to say no. One can say 'no' to a 'no' and get a 'yes', but a 'yes' to a 'yes' is still 'yes'. Can you see that? Have you been peeling the layers of the ego? I tried to understand myself for many years, but at some point there was a transition, a spontaneous jump, that peeled most layers off and shown me the middle. When you peel off all of the layers of the onion, there is no middle, because there is no more onion! Sorry @Zweistein for hijacking your journal. I hope that we're not intruding?

@Hamilcar Equally strange is self-awareness. How can you actually think, that you can think about yourself. That you can fit yourself within yourself. It's absurd.

@Laymen A theory is as useful as its predictions. What can you predict, when you say that reality is neither causal, nor non-causal? To say that reality is chaos is to introduce order, but to say that it is neither causal nor non-causal is to show chaos. Go ahead, live this theory of paradox and see what happens. Also, welcome to the forums.

@Pluck Thank you for your warning. You are an interesting individual. I hope that the rest of your posts will be equally well thought-out and entertaining. I'm tempted to say one more thing, but please read it in the context of the whole post, not in separation: Aren't you a brave one, coming here to the devil's den and protecting us, little defenseless sheeps. Is that your ego, or is it egolessnses? Is there a difference?

Having chosen this avatar and nickname, I'm definitely going to watch it.