tsuki

@How to be wise What is so frightening about death to you? Even the materialist paradigm says that you have experienced death already. There was no you before you were born. Were you suffering back then?

@now is forever ?

I tend to think of it in terms of artistry of life. We are who we are because of who we are. We all get some materials to work with, come to a certain family, in a certain country with a certain body and a certain temperament. We may think that some things are useful and some are a burden, but ultimately - they are the raw materials for your artistry. Every artist needs raw materials, even if, at the moment, your art is digging a hole on a construction site.

I thought that we were talking about victim mentality and being a predator.

@now is forever If you're hurt, hurting others retrospecively won't help you. It is better to cry your eyes out in this case. However, if you feel hurt when somebody hurts you - this is the time to stand up for yourself. Retaliation is never helpful.

Oh, that's true for me as well. Predators don't plan. They just do, in the moment.

lol Typical victim mentality.

Ugh, so many posts, so little time to respond . My wife's therapist told her once: every masochist finds his/her own sadist .

You're welcome. The question that bugs me is: aren't we, adults, imposing our wishes onto children by bringing them into existence? (assuming that we have control). Having children to satisfy my urge to be a father is not about the unborn child at all. Or is it? I could say that this urge is the child speaking through me and me having it is simply letting go. hmm... This is why I tend to steer towards thinking about family in terms of taking care of everyday life. To me, a partner is a person that helps me with challenges of everyday life, like taking care of the household and taking care of each other. This is the foundation that cannot be questioned and must be met. Everything else is a (welcome!) bonus. If she's interested in what I do with my days (and she is) - great. But I can't expect her to do that. She has her own stuff. My problem is that I see solutions to her problems and she won't apply them, even if she agrees that it's the right thing to do. I guess my problem is not letting her solve her problems her own way . What I've learned over the past three years is that relationships are as much about being close together, as they are about being distant.

Hmm, humility is not humiliation. Humiliation is closer to shame - a social phenomenon in relation to other people. Not meeting expectations. Ostracization. Humility is more in lines of surrender to what is. Closer to letting go. Not trying to do things my way, but let myself be something done by 'things' outside of me. It is a form of strength though - a willing, unyielding submissiveness to existence. Humbleness is close to humility. To me, humbleness is also about other people, how we present ourselves to them. Humility is an inner state. To me, it is the most private thing there is. Would you like to talk about your dream with me? I'm considering having children myself in the future, but I still haven't decided yet. Why is it so important to you?

Nah-ah. I am not denying existence, or importance of emotions. Sadness is not wrong. Something happened and we know that it is wrong because we are sad. Crying is not wrong either. Have you noticed that we cry when something is sad, but we also cry because something is beautiful? When something catches us by the heart? We are touched by things that we find important and tears are how this importance is released. There is no difference between tears of sadness and tears of beauty. When you cry, you let go of a part of yourself that you are desperately trying to keep. Now, I have never lost a loved one, but I have lost people in my life. I think that the most important way in which grief is useful is to serve as a reminder that anything that we hold dear can be taken away from us. It's purpose, however, is not to frighten us into possessively guarding everything that we value, but to teach us humility and appreciation of the everyday life.

@now is forever Oh, and did you notice that when we interact with people we look them in the eye as if a person was located there? It's just a black dot in the middle of a squishy white ball. Not only that, but there is not even a dot there. It's a transparent hole into an eyeball and it's black because it's dark inside. How crazy are we?!

By the way, do you know that your skull has no facial expression? It's just your flesh moving around your bones.

@now is forever Good. Cry your eyes out. The world will be ready for you when you feel like returning to it.

Have you tried crying? Edit: Ugh, I'm so dumb sometimes that it amazes me.

What I was getting at is that there is no managing anything. Managing things from within may work until suffering becomes unbearable. Then, shit's gonna blow. Managing things on the outside makes you reactive, uncentered. It's only a matter of time until you stretch yourself too thin and drop a few plates. Try doing neither and you will have to do both. We can't avoid suffering, but we can't help to try.

The main direction is called inevitability. We go along with our dreams until we remember that there is something more important and follow that for a while. We do not choose our path. Even if we plan, the will to plan something is spontaneous. So is the will to go through with the plan or not, when the time comes. Importance is not 'out there'. Things are not important. We are the importance of things. Problems are not 'out there'. We find things problematic. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Everything else in between is entertainment.

INTJ as fuck.

Yes. This is the greatest paradox. Happiness is suffering if you anticipate its cessation. There is really nothing we can do about suffering, other than being present to it. And we can't help but to try to stop it nevertheless.

Humility and surrender helps me with moods like this. Imagine all of the suffering you will never experience.

@now is forever Really? Can there be suffering if there are no thoughts?

@Bryan Lettner What you are saying is irrelevant. Not because of its contents, but because of its medium. The only talking that is worth listening to is called doing. I am not saying that it is a good thing. It is you who are saying that it is a bad thing. It is neither good, nor bad, and it does not contradict the fact that there is a reason for it and it is highly intelligent. Blaming people for their level of consciousness is ridiculous. The world is not the way it is because of people. People are a part of the world. They change it and it changes them. Attributing them with responsibility is misguided. Understanding the world lets you influence it. The paradox is that the more you understand it, the less incentive you have to do so. This is why I called you naive. Because of your grandiose will and strong convictions. Let me finish with Lao Tzu's words here: Hushing Not praising the praiseworthy keeps people uncompetitive. Not prizing rare treasures keeps people from stealing. Not looking at the desirable keeps the mind quiet. So the wise soul governing people would empty their minds, fill their bellies, weaken their wishes, strengthen their bones, keep people unknowing, unwanting, keep the ones who do know from doing anything. When you do not-doing, nothing’s out of order.

@Bryan Lettner Check your wounded ego. Haven't read this much naivety on this forum in a long time. The world is much more intelligent than you care to observe and there is a reason why it is structured the way it is. That reason is not attributable to people. People are attributable to that reason. We are not actors, but places in which matters meet. Designing your perfect little worlds is fun. Thankfully, the 'real' world is immune to Leonardo da Vincis like you.

So, we have this manager that has outbursts of 'negative emotions' (anger) every now and then when the workload is too great for him to handle and he takes it out on employees. It usually takes form of a witch-hunts and scapegoating that end in him screaming at people, implying incompetence. It's been like that with him ever since I've known him and I do not expect him to change. I had always let him off the hook and stomach his outbursts, but two days ago he's been particularly nasty with me and another employee and I just fucking snapped and started screaming back at him. His was angry at something he's been repeatedly told is not true and in his anger - he failed to listen and acknowledge that fact. So, I am not really worried about my job, or my relationship with him. What is the problem for me is that two days had passed and I'm still burning on the inside, ready to lash out at any perceived misbehavior on his part. While I space out, I imagine getting into fights with him and prepare a list of nasty responses to be used in retaliation. Basically - I'm still angry and I cannot seem to calm myself down. I can function normally (my wife even says that I'm nicer than usually), but I feel like if something had happened - I'm 1% off from erupting. I was always fearful of my anger getting out of control and perhaps I had just become aware if its extents. The feeling of anger is located somewhere between my heart and the throat and it feels like an insane amount of energy, ready to explode. When I come to think of it - it is actually kind of pleasant. So, the question is: how should I proceed from here? Can I calm myself down somehow, or should I let the mind run its course and not be afraid of further confrontations?

@now is forever Hahaha. Who would have thought that the smarter should give in to anger?