LastThursday

No. It's the nature of reality. Stuff happens when it happens, not before, not after, there is no free will, there is no need to try and control or manipulate anything. As the folks say here often everything is perfect. It's the nature of self-help that you can't know something before you know it, and you can't be aware of what you're not aware of - that's what makes it so difficult and hard to get traction. We are ignorant of the depth of our ignorance, but it's only with hindsight we realise how much we didn't understand. There's only three ways to gain knowledge and self understanding: Someone tells you. You discover it (by accident). You uncover it (by deduction). The last one is weird but think of it like this: what's the area of a triangle with sides 3, 4, 5? It's obvious the triangle has a definite area, but it requires some sort of deduction or method or drug or whatever to realise the answer which is in plain sight.

Self awareness. Which can only be gained by a lot introspection and meditation:

I often think about age, it's said that it's just a number. The problem I have with age is one of emdodiment. I feel like there's kind of double standard that goes on whereby other people are "old", but you yourself feel "young". It's a peculiar effect, because you look in the mirror and lo and behold there is an old(er) guy looking back at you. Don't get me wrong I know that I look young for my age, one of my exes told me as much - she thought I was ten years younger, it's not self bias honestly! But I can't deny my history, that alone tips the scales. I can say, that for myself my mindset is really stuck in the 1980's. It's not that I'm old fashioned per se, I'm very up with how the world functions right now and very much part of it; however, the 80's were my formative years, the years where I became me and when my essential nature took hold. It's like the core part of my operating system was etched into me then. For example most of the music on my iPod is from the 80's, despite having a wide range in musical tastes. I know nearly nothing of the popular music of the last twenty years, it just doesn't gel with me in any way, although one or two songs stand out. Or, if I watch old TV shows from the 80's it feels totally natural, the fashion of the time doesn't seem odd to me. It nearly feels like I went to sleep on 31st December 1989 and just woke up on 7th March 2021. It's not quite that jarring, but you get the picture. So despite living and breathing in 2021, I feel like a time tourist who ended up in a foreign place. I suppose I should be thankful I wasn't born in 1923, the difference between then and 1972 would have been enormous, I wonder how my grandmother felt? I was born in 1972 and she would have been my age then. I'm certainly very different to the teenager I was in the 80's in a lot of ways though. But those differences are mostly natural progression rather than the result of doing solid work. For example, most of my confidence is just the result of having had lots of experience in dealing with people and situations. And, I'm a lot more emotionally stable than I was back then, but that's largely due to circumstances then and having a stable life right now. The largest difference is really one of understanding the world in all it's different aspects and that naturally changes your approach to it. Other differences from teenagehood are that I'm a lot less anxious and a lot less emotionally needy. But I also feel as though I lost some of that spark and energy I used to have, and that high optimism that all my troubles were just temporary and there were golden days ahead. That spark and energy is something I would dearly love to embody again, but work life and social life just simply don't allow me to express that any more, I'm expected to behave like "my age", I've had my time. So is there a better way to compare ages and get a feel for how us older people understand time? Yes, and that is to use a logarithmic measure of age (my nerdiness was born in the 80's). The formula I'll use is 50 x log(age), which really captures how you should think of ages and how to really compare them: Age 5: 35 Age 10: 50 Age 15: 59 Age 20: 65 Age 30: 74 Age 40: 80 Age 50: 85 Age 60: 89 Age 70: 92 Age 80: 95 Age 90: 98 Age 100: 100

Insist on a video call for interviews. Trust me some employers will see this as initiative. If they won't bite, then feed back to them and suggest that they're losing potential candidates by not providing video interviews. Job done. Take back control.

There's only one way to cure it. Work in a call centre. Joking aside, I hate talking on the phone too. In fact I prefer any other type of communication to it. I give talking on the phone a 1 out of 10. Getting philosophical about it, I think I hate it because there are no cues to let you know how to guide the conversation, and how to end it. Also it's very immediate and there's no thinking time. Also the kind of the people that like using phones are talkers (auditorily lead, in NLP speak), and I'm not really a talker, I'm a thinker and more visually lead. Also on a phone call there is generally no record of it, so people make stuff up about what happened on a phone call. Phones: just say no. Just to actually answer the question: there are a ton of other options available nowadays, just avoid calling on the phone - suggest Zoom, email, etc.

True that!

Anger or more specifically agression would be biological and related to testosterone levels - but has been culturally appropriated.

@Haumea2018 I get your point, personally I don't have an opinion on the hypochrisy one way or the other. Other people here might. But I think the stigma arises because there is an expectation, and probably high chance, that a man in his thirties and older is already married. So the thinking goes that he's mostly likely only having an affair with someone so young; because what has she got to offer the man other than her youthful looks and body? I also think the stigma is almost always against the older man and not the younger woman, for the reason I've just given. He's trespassing on the sanctity of marriage. The younger woman is being exploited by the older man, not vice versa. You can argue about single older men, but they're few and far between. Amongst my many friends in their 40s and 50s, there are only two of us single blokes. Even for a single older man, the assumption is still that they're married and just looking for an illicit affair with a 19 year old.

And the other dirty secret is of course, those MUCH older men enjoy the attention. But, being a much older man you would wisely consider your options (and probably your wife and children) before engaging.

@roopepa a lot of us get backed into a corner by our circumstances and society, and we don't feel like we can express our true nature. You already know what your true nature is: You just need to step out of your own way.

Being social is necessary. Social media is not. Email only took hold with the internet around 1994. Myspace and Facebook in the 2000s. Before that the only social media was writing a letter to your overseas pen pal or writing a letter to a TV show or gossiping on the telephone. Yes, there were bulletin boards and email way back in the 1980s, but they were for rich tech nerds - you needed an acoustic coupler, a computer (a novelty) and deep pockets for the phone bill. Saying that, like all other technology once it's mainstream society can't function without it. Try doing anything without cars or email. So social media will be around for a while, but Facebook and the like will be taken over by others in time. The serious problem with Facebook (and others) is that they are advertising agencies in all but name. They're not interested in the people they serve, other than to simply squeeze money out of them by tracking their every transaction and targeting them or selling their data. They're metaphorically selling you crack to get you addicted to their services. That addiction can be a problem for society: for example just look at the ferocious bullying that happens in schools though social media. So there is definitely room for a more imaginative and higher conscious social media platform - one that doesn't hoodwink its clients - one that protects younger users. That's not to say they shouldn't make money, but they should do so transparently.

A lot of the differences are not actually biological or innate, but cultural. Men and women attach themselves to different sub-cultures. One of the main differences being appearance: long hair versus short, makeup versus no makeup, tight clothing versus loose clothing and so on. Some of the gender sub-culture may be influenced by sex characteristics, such as body shape and clothing, or facial hair, but it's less than you think.

The only healthy substitute is a real person (although mileage may vary). I realise the pandemic makes this harder though. But perhaps just plain old masturbation and your imagination is good enough? Maybe if you have fetishes you should improve on those some more? Obviously, only as long as the fetish isn't just watching porn all day.

Weird, but perhaps natural. We don't have control over most of the things we find attractive. We can only control what we do about it.

@Preety_India indeed at 17 she may not be an adult or able to have sexual relations in some countries. Personally, that's a no from me. If they guy had been 19 or 20 himself, then so be it. And here's me thinking I was open minded! I only mention biology because it comes into the equation, it can't be ignored. On the whole younger women are more attractive and fertile and fit, and men instinctively know this, they don't need to be taught it. Conversely, older men are more confident, have higher status, and are more stable, and women instinctively know this too. Age is definitely correlated to fertility in both sexes, and so is attractiveness, that's why wrinkles and grey hair are generally a put off - and also why there's a stigma against large age differences. Also, I guess every potential relationship is different. It sounds like in this case the guy has questionable motivations, maybe he wants power, or at least lacks the maturity to go with older women.

In my opinion there's two opposing views of the situation: a. If they are both consenting adults (in that country) then what right do we have to stop them or judge them? b. If you were 36 and already had a 19 year old daughter, would you really want to date a 19 year old? There's also the systems view of it and biology. There's the idea of peak attractiveness, fertility and fitness - where fitness pertains to fitness to bear and bring up children. It's probably different ages for men and women. My guess for women is that it's likely to be in the twenties and for men possibly in the thirties. Even a man's fertility will drop in his forties, with lower quality sperm producing more birth defects, similarly for women where the chances of miscarriage and complications increase with age.

I'll jump in with the obligatory video offerings:

You're only ever aware of the present moment. Everything else is imagination in the present moment. How many present moments are there?

Is a lion evil for killing an antelope? Is a person good for keeping a pet? There's no absolute morality, it is an invention of our minds. What there is is communal agreement: killing another person is evil, and saving another person's life is good. People are strongly bound by their desire to be part of the group and going against agreed morals is extremely difficult. It is also hard to see that morality is completely relative. But, in the end we are absolutely free to do as we wish, including killing others. There is no karmic account being kept.

Holding on and letting go. When should you hold on to/keep/identify with something? When should you let go of/throw away/release something? Is there a right time, place or reason to do either of these things? Should we relentlessly pursue renewal and release or doggedly hold on to everything and maintain our identifications at all cost? These are not easy questions to answer. One thing is certain, and that's that holding on is an active process. Life is relentless in its ability to renew and change: our bodies get older, our dispositions shift, we move houses, change jobs, change friends, and lose family members. Things break, get lost, breakdown, dissolve. Accidents happen which change our lives randomly. We have insights and epiphanies and good and bad life experiences which nudge our perceptions. We constantly have to fight against this maelstrom of change, to hold on to anything at all. Even if we do manage to hold on to something, it's meaning and purpose can change beneath us. The blue teddy I had as a child has a completely different meaning now than it did then; nothing I can do can re-instate that old association, it's lost forever. Given the odds are not in our favour, what purpose does holding on to things serve us? Indeed why do we even bother to hold on in the first place? There's really two sides to it that I can see. Firstly, it's actually a delusion that we can hold on to anything. The most cherished thing we hold on to is our identities: that unique blend of personality traits, skills, culture, life experience and attributes that go to make us up. But with a few seconds thought, we know it's blatantly false; we know our identities are in a constant state of flux: we learn new things, pick up new mannerisms and ways of speaking, and grow older. Yet we insist that we "don't really change" or even worse "can't change". Secondly, we seem to desperately need stability in all that sea of change. From where does this need arise? We can argue that in order to exist at all, there must be something unchanging that is being held on to. After all, how can a thing exist if it constantly changes? If a car has all its parts replaced, how can that original car still exist? It doesn't. The thing being held on to in this case, is the concept of a car with particular attributes. We as humans are in a constant battle against death. That death is either slow or quick, in bits or as a whole, but it's unavoidable. Holding on is existence, letting go is death.

Some of mine: Wear blue light blocking glasses in the evenings (bodyclock). At least 30 minutes of walking, preferably in the mornings (bodyclock and health). Qiqong exercises for loosening muscles (although I don't do this enough). Two Brazil nuts a day, for selenium intake, which may displace heavy metals (don't overdose though). Vitamin D supplements daily. Omega 3 supplements daily, to re-balance against Omega 6. Automate all regular bills through my bank. Meditate whilst walking, or driving. Shave in the shower, saves time and you soon learn to do it by feel. Eat sardines regularly which are low in heavy metals. Salads for lunch to stop the afternoon slump. Use sea salt instead of table salt if necessary, but don't salt foods if not. No caffeine at all, no tea, coffee, chocolate, cocal cola Don't listen to, watch or read news: for improved mental health. Lifestyle minimalism, only have stuff which is useful or has value. Regular introspection habit, via this forum and journal. Use olive oil in cooking and preparation Low alcohol consumption: one or two units a week Try to keep sugar intake to a minimum, no cakes, sweets or fizzy drinks Leave at least an hour after getting up before having breakfast

Some ideas (you heard it here first): Create a phone app that detects when someone falls and detects no movement, and then automatically calls for help. Train an AI neural network to control a robotic face, where it learns realistic facial movements by looking at itself through a camera. A super accurate dead reckoning accelerometer for patchy GPS, say indoors or tunnels. An intelligent battery or device that harvests all forms of energy: electromagnetic, kinetic, thermal, solar, air movement; to keep itself charged. A wearable device with Lyrebird type software that auto translates into another language in your own voice. Inspiritual the new social network for actualizers (non profit). I know it's not new....but it's catchy. A universal written language that can be read in your native language. Holographic VR headset (come on it must be possible by now). The Dream Machine which can both record and induce dreams from a computer. I'm thinking Total Recall style.

I like myself a good thought experiment. If it's good enough for Einstein then it's good enough for me. One recurring concern is working through discomfort, pain or trauma. I often wish I could just somehow switch off, go on to automatic for the duration of the discomfort, then switch back on. If it were possible it would be a kind of avoidance strategy. Is it actually possible however? That's where the thought experiment comes in. The thought experiment revolves around philosophical zombies (p-zombies). This is the idea that people other than yourself do not have an experience of consciousness. Instead, people only have an outward manifestation; they behave and appear like someone who would have a conscious experience, but this is an illusion. This is the same idea as a non-player character (NPC), i.e. a computer game character that is totally driven by programming, it has no internal world of its own, it is an automaton. It's clear that if another person is going through pain or trauma, that you yourself are not experiencing that trauma directly. What you do experience is a second hand explanation of their trauma. You can them empathise with them or imagine what it would be like to have that trauma. Or you can simply be cold and detached from their trauma and live your life without concern for them. It's also clear that if other people are in fact p-zombies, then they are not experiencing trauma directly at all - because they are not conscious in any way. All there is, is an outward manifestation of their trauma - it's all behaviour. They say the words, cry and so on, but there's nothing going on inside. So the stage is set for the thought experiment. What if it were possible that you yourself are a p-zombie? Or at least temporarily became a p-zombie? For example you fell asleep on 1 March, became a p-zombie for a week and woke up 9 March? You managed to avoid consciously having to go through the trials and tribulations of the week, but outwardly behaved like a normal person. You can see that for dealing with trauma, it would be extremely beneficial. The whole crux of the thought experiment then rides on exactly what happens on 9 March. When your consciousness comes back online and you stop being p-zombie, what exactly is your experience? Here are a few scenarios: A. You wake up but have no memory of the week at all. You have to piece together what you did from second hand information. You have no residual trauma from the week. In fact you don't know if you even had any hardship at all. You "lost" a week of your life. B. You wake up and have full recollection of the week. You can remember exactly what you said and did and thought. You have residual feelings from the trauma and understand why you had the trauma. Which of the two scenarios makes more sense? In scenario A, other people would assume that you'd had some sort of amnesia which had wiped the trauma from your memory: the trauma had been too much to process. It seems far fetched, but could happen. In scenario B, you never consciously directly experienced the trauma, but everything else is consistent: you have memories, and so are not suffering from amnesia. In other words in scenario B, it's almost as if you had never been a p-zombie. Scenario B is strange indeed, because it's indistinguishable from normality. P-zombie or not, you can never go back in time and directly re-live a traumatic experience; all you have at all times is only a memory of the trauma happening. The outcome of the experiment is that we could easily have been p-zombies in the past and we've just woken up. The world just sprung into conscious existence with our memories fully formed. And, that we could easily wake up one day and all the bad things of the past will be forgotten. Time heals all wounds.

Normally I would go to bed by midnight. I've noticed this tendency within myself that I do nothing during the day, but the moment I realise I don't have much time left to do anything at all, I get sudden motivation. It's 23:46. This is a style of approaching things which I adopted in the mists of time. I think originally it was borne out of a need to do things my way or do only the things I wanted. The best way to signal to other people that you either A: won't be pushed around or B: that you're unhappy about being told what to do, is to DO IT SLOWLY and APATHETICALLY or if possible NOT AT ALL. The capitalisation is for effect. In time I internalised this rebellious attitude and started applying it to everything. The upshot is that I now sit on everything until the last minute. I never do things immediately. This strategy has some benefits even if on the whole it's annoying. The main one is thinking time or preparation. Giving myself the space to not just react, but to actually plan what I should do and say, allows me to be more effective if things go wrong. The thing with being an adult is simpy the fact that most things you have to do, are for yourself (especially if you don't have kids). It bodes well to be prepared. It should be blindingly obvious that there are a large number of downsides to not acting "in the moment". Firstly, it doesn't allow my intuition and improvisation skills to kick in (and to practise them). I'm big enough and ugly enough to be able to wing most situations - all the preparedness nonsense is time wasting and sometimes anxiety inducing - I'm doing myself a disservice. Secondly, it gives off the wrong vibe. It's common courtesy to at least acknowledge requests promptly or that you're "looking into" something that somebody else needs from you. It makes people reluctant to bother you or rely on you in future and creates disconnection or even worse to be labelled as "unreliable". Thirdly, most things have to be done anyway, there's no getting around them, putting them off takes up mental space with being concerned about when the thing will be done. Having too many unstarted things to keep track of, creates anxiety and fatigue. In short, my strategy of apathy is no longer working for me, I should stop being so childish and only employ it when there's a strategic benefit. 00:03 another month bites the dust. Over and out.