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Everything posted by billiesimon

  1. I've only had the facet of awakening related to "I am the only entity, and my ego/human form is a dream." I still feel no God in my awakenings. There' just me as pure eternal awareness. Aren't they the same type of awakening?
  2. Your signature sentence is exactly what I mean with my thread I have realized "god" in my psychedelic trips, but the fact remains that it's not god but it's ME, with capital letters An entity entirely made of "attention" or the ability to just be present. It's hard to explain. I don't like the term god because it tends to create separation, while in fact I am being it right now but I'm just not enough awake to feel it now.
  3. I'm not talking about the ego, I'm talking about the awareness, the attention that is ever present in existence. The attention that gives form to the formless. Ramana Maharshi, as an example, called it the sense of "I", which is not to be confused with the identity
  4. Yes, but what I'm trying to say is that there's just the sense of "I", which is ever present in the human experience. God is a word I don't like, since it tends to create separation. It's just ME, but I am not conscious enough to feel my own power and ability to manifest this sensory reality in the present moment God is a problematic word, "I" is a lot better, because you can clearly feel this I AM in every moment of the day, if you concentrate on existence itself.
  5. Hahaha what do you mean with cheat codes?
  6. My ego/identity. But at the same time there's no difference between ego and consciousness, since the ego is just a thought structure that consciousness is observing and becoming absorbed into. So, you could also say that the observer is actually trying to trascend the ego by using the ego itself, with intentions like "I want to awaken/ I want to find my true self". It's some kind of paradox, because in oneness there's no difference between ego and awareness.
  7. Hey, I've made a lot of spiritual progress in the last year, especiall with shadow work, awareness of my own mental patterns, I've healed a lot of projection, social problems, family problems, and I've had glimpses of awakening with psychedelics, and improved a lot of my mindsets towards life. Nonetheless.... I have recently encountered A LOT of depression and total lack of motivation in building a passionate life, and builing my life purpose. I have a life purpose, I have several passions, and I actually HAVE A LOT OF DESIRE to create this things. But... It's just that in these recent weeks, after the small awakening and the HUGE progress with shadow work and uncovering my childhood traumas.... my motivation has disappeared out of nowhere, everything seems meaningless, but AT THE SAME TIME I really really want to achieve these dreams!!! I really want them!! But now they seem so far away.... I feel like ALL MY emotional ghosts and skeletons are emerging to the surface and they are suffocating my life force and demanding my constant attention, while in the past they were buried under the subconscious and they were operating in the background without my awareness of them. Now I AM AWARE of them at such a level that they are suffocating me and depriving me of life force. THe irony is that my awareness is still a lot higher than before, and I can clearly feel all my insecurities and shadows. I am definitely more mindful, but it seems like a debilitating skill... What should I do? How do I regain the motivation and empowerment to achieve my dreams? I feel so drained right now. Thanks for the advice
  8. The law should be equal and everybody should be able to rely on it if they get mistreated by another person. It doesn't matter which gender you are. Men and women are just illusions made by the mind, there are no men and women. Society must enforce safety and respect for everybody, it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. The best laws and social norms are gender neutral.
  9. Yes, I want enligthenment I also want to keep working on my passions and dreams. And sometimes this passion becomes weaker because I feel lost. I trust that alignment with oneness will guide me towards the good life.
  10. Yeah, it definitely feels like a lot like recovery pain. I'm going to push forward. Thank you for the personal anecdote
  11. Starting from the small things to move towards a more positive vibe I see. I was so focused on the big goals that I have completely forgotten the importance of cultivating a nice vibe with small things. It's a nuanced and very interesting advice, I will start today. Thanks Yes, I guess I can only reverse the negative vibe with positive vibe, starting from the details. If i think big I get depressed because I feel far away... Thanks again
  12. Yeah, I meditate everyday for 50 mins, and practice shadow work sessions too But it doesn't help much. Which beliefs do I have to let go of? I don't understand the hint.
  13. Amazing advice, I'm making progress with my trauma by focusing on my life purpose. Which law of attraction techniques did you use? Which ones do you recommend?
  14. Frieza is an excellent example of stage red's hunger for power and egomania. On the other hand, Goku is an excellent example of a stage green warrior. He has very little ego compared to other people in the series, and cares a lot about defending almost everybody
  15. I have no experience with DMT but I'm interested. Can you get a huge effect out of a small dose of DMT by using a huge dose of MAOI?
  16. Now I understand why we love ignorance and living in autopilot. This is too much. We need to escape into fantasyland, because our deep existential nature is TOO MUCH!!!! It's just a story!!! My life is just a story!!! A screenplay!!! I am not the movie character, I AM and that's it!!! I need the story because the story gives me contrast, it gives me the ILLUSION of separation in order for me to OBSERVE MYSELF!!!! I am IGNORANT about my own existential nature, thus I unconsciously project A STORY, a human life, to find myself and to discover my nature. There's no meditation, no self inquiry and no psychedelics. IT'S ALL A STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am already awakened, but this is also a HUGE PARADOX because I realize that the story is necessary for me to awaken, I AM BOTH AWAKENED AND ASLEEP!!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PROCESS WITH HUMAN LOGIC!!!!!! Humans are just a story. Being male is just a story. Chakras are just a story. @Leo Gura is just a story!!! this one actually made me feel REALLY ALONE, because I have decided my own awakening WITHOUT my conscious consent!!!! This is both awesome and HORRIBLE!!!! Because now I can feel how I am all alone, without answers, without another one beside me, and in this eternal seeking forever. Yet I don't want to get back to ignorance, because I feel free, I feel happier, I feel like now I am authentic. But..... everything is collapsing. It's just a story........... a movie......... perfectly written. My ego is so sad and depressed now. It's just a story. It's just a story. The only reason to exist is to find that "WHY?". Why? I AM here to look for that why. But this life is just a story. I was never unconscious. The past does not exist. Yet I was unconscious. And yet I've always been awake. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
  17. Thanks for the great advice ? Which ironically comes from and goes to the same entity
  18. From my experience with psychedelics and glimpses of awakening, it seems like psychedelics are just random chemicals just like water, rocks, iron, bleach etc.... They have no special powers. It's just that God decided that some particular chemicals can be used as a catalyst for awakening, but it's completely random. There's no actual meaning behind the chemical formula of psychedelics. It's just a movie basically. At least that's what I feel when I use them and awaken.
  19. Thanks a lot I'm also going to read your dreamboard thread and try it! Does visualizations and classic vibrational techniques still work?
  20. Yes, that's what I feel is the right thing to do. Observe the old patterns and slowly detach from them. Let them go. This is what I would like to achieve. Reaching a point of true authentic love and happiness, and thus incorporatig it into my "new story". It's the practical moves that still puzzle me. I guess it's the same thing that @Nahm suggested. I have to observe and contemplate only the "new reality" that I want to embody, and stop looking at the past story. In practical terms I think it means just projecting out a positive, authentic and loving energy, which will manifest/project back a new story that's as loving and as positive as my energetic output. In poor terms: being conscious, present and loving, and thus reshaping my story into a positive one. I hope this is the right process
  21. Well, the blank book I get what you are saying. The story collapses so I'm free from believing in it. But in practical and pragmatic terms, how do you build a complete new story out of a blank book? I still find myself in this old "setting" right now. Even though I have deconstructed it.
  22. Thanks for the insights This song is really deep and soothing ?
  23. I'm burning out It's too much for me right now. I need """time""" to digest all these insights. I still perceive, or maybe still BELIEVE, that I am not in control. And that I need awakening to BECOME something else. I know it's still a concept, a story, but it's too much for now to integrate Confusion needs to dissipate, I can't totally grasp it now. It's too much. It's like I've always been awake AND asleep at the same time. I'm burning out
  24. Absolutely. It's just a concept, a thought, a collection of "data" without real experience. Everything we learn is just mental noise, a story. The only thing that is real is Us. We are real, as the formless perceiver. All else is just concept or random ever-changing experiences.