billiesimon

I keep seeing this duality of theories about female sex drives. On one hand you hear almost all men saying that women have a low libido/low sex drive, and show interest in sex only occasionally or half the times a man does. There are also a lot of articles by men stating this opinion, based on personal experience. On the other hand you hear feminist philosophers talking about how women have the same high sex drive as men, if not even higher. And I don't understand if this is just some rhretoric to abolish slut shaming, and let women be free to have sex, or if they actually are endorsing this theory. In my own experience they seemed quite horny, but I'm not so sure if they were high sex drive, because they preferred me to make the first moves leading to bed, so I don't quite understand where they stood in therm of libido. What's the truth on your opinion?

@Wasem absolutely this. I used to have huge victim complexes and sense of unworthiness because of this materialist paradigm (which is the center of gravity of western society right now). With time I'm discovering that my authenticity and ability to bring happiness to people is a lot more respected and valued than materialist usefulness. This paradigm is very toxic for men who want to find connection and being appreciated for who they are.

Nice and rich explanation. Well, to be honest there are also cases where these two preferences blend. Some men prefer quality sex or else they'll prefer to work (I'm like that, I'm not interested in shallow sex), and some women are into quick random sexual activities. But it's generally true: a lot of men are into random-quality sex, and a lot of women want the sensual magic experience. So yeah, that might be the actual difference between men and women. Who's more interested in sex? I think both, in the end. It's just a difference of perspective. But men's perspective on this topic is usually all about "women don't want to have a lot of quick and boring sex, so they are frigid." On the other hand I've heard a lot of female friends of mine lamenting that their bf is NOT interested in true sex, since he just wants to be a little bit stimulated and then wants to go play videogames alone (which is absolutely horrifying in my opinion ). To be honest, I've heard a lot of girls whining about "low quality sex" from their boyfriends. This should imply that girls generally like sex a lot, but at the same time are disgusted by mechanical and "distraction" sex. I have to agree with girls: it makes absolutely no sense to have sex just for the quick shallow stimulation. So yeah, if we adopt the perspective of quality sex, women are generally more sexual than men.

Leo and Emerald made great points. I would say that the "aggressive woman" stereotype is definitely stage orange femininity: productive and business oriented. Stage green femininity is a lot more in tune with the core values of being a woman (generally speaking), which is why progressivism is trying to depict women as fragile and in need of compassion. The center of gravity of wester culture right now is stage orange, so it's completely normal for women to see a lot of "strong/productive woman" propaganda around. I think that both men and women need to cultivate both compassion and success traits. So if you lack feminine qualities, dive deep into your empathy and feelings

True. I've seen that interview. To me Elliot right now is blue/orange. He has clearly regressed of half a stage, because in the past he was solid orange with no interest in traditionalism. I believe he is very proud of these traditional beliefs, it's not a capitalist bluff. His belief in tradition seems to have been triggered by his alpha-pride. Not a good business decision in these times of progressivism. A lot more wiser to invest in green ideology if I was a capitalist.

@Leo Gura do you suggest to have sex with lots of people (like one night stands) or with a few trusted girlfriends who share high intimacy and sexual chemistry with you?

I'm going out to socialize and also approach women, but several nights I become paralized after only 2 approaches gone bad. I'm not willing to stop. I want to change this and become social and fun with women/people. Will spiritual practices, kriya, meditation etc help me remove these blocks? I need to find a solution to my anxious thoughts about people judging me. Will spirituality free me? What do you recommend?

Yeah, a lot of dysfunctional relationships out there. Both men and women need to improve. Better to just stick to my own self-help journey and find someone who resonates with my level of development.

Thanks, I definitely will improve

Sometimes nice guys use it as a manipulation, it's definitely weakness when it's used as a calculated move. I guess that the balanced self actualized guy is the most attractive overall. No neediness, great achiever, charismatic etc.

To be honest I see girls chasing emotionally dry assholes all the time. This contradicts a lot with the theory of the "emotional good man" they say they want.

Yup, they generally want the confident guy. But aren't they turned off by emotionality and vulnerability in a man? You know the classic "asshole boyfriend" archetype all girls talk about.

I agree, it takes a lot of courage and self actualization! I'm working on it. But the problem is... is she going to respect me and feel attracted to me even though I shared my emotions and issues? I've heard stories of couples destroyed because he was in pain and she went after the "alpha asshole".

Awesome response, very insightful. The quoted part is actually what I really like about a relationship with a girlfriend. But at the same time it's my weak spot, because I've always wanted to share my vulnerability and my emotions, but I have this deep fear that once I do it the girl is going to be annoyed by it and fuck another man who's indifferent to her and shows no emotions. This deep fear has always haunted me in my past relationships and made me unstable. Sometimes I shared, others don't. but I truly wanted to share my inner world.

Ok, I can accept that. But what about the other way around? A lot of coaches talk about testing your woman to see if she's healthy, on her purpose etc during the relationship. The same that she does to you. Is she able to handle you doing the same tests to her? It should be equal, not just me being tested alone.

So... in other words a healthy woman only does it on occasion, and not as a compulsive testing. But what about the value she brings to the table? I get it that we have to be stable, strong, calm and on our purpose, and this virtue gives our woman the happiness and the attraction she needs to be compatible but... What does she bring to the table for men? I hope NOT sex, since sex is mutual and both ways. What kind of value should a very healthy woman bring to her man? Or is she just supposed to suck all the positive vibes off her man without reciprocating?

Great awesome post, bro! Thanks a lot. Isn't this behaviour sadistic? A man also wants to relax and not always worry about her woman testing and stressing him. Women complain a lot about bad male behaviour (and they have a point), but they seem legitimated to nag him all the time, because it's a test. Men want to have a good time and be peaceful with their woman, not to be stressed and put under pressure all the time. That's what I don't understand about female nature. Seems very sadistic to me.

I've been friendzoning myself with this acquaintance girl in these recent months, because I was afraid of being honest about my interest and now she sees me as an authentic friend. Since she's so special to me (and it's probably just idealization) I can't seem to get out of the friendzone because I can't pull the trigger and tell her that I want to date her. Because I am pretty sure that she will reject me. What should I do? Let her go away from my life? it would be liberating but scary. Asking her out on a REAL date? (not the fake friendship-dates we've had) It would be super scary, because she will not like it, I think. I want to get out of this hell. I'm also starting to hate myself and her for this. What do you suggest?

@Emerald I understand and I don't want to completely leave her. I have opened a thread on purpose to avoid causing suffering. I feel like you have profiled me as a heartless egotistical man, who doesn't care about this woman. No, I care about her. That's why I'm here. Because I don't want to make a foolish move that can cause damage or make her feel bad. In fact want to find a solution which is the best for both of us. Be careful to say that I don't understand her, only because I am in pain and I want to avoid my pain. Is it my fault that I have romantic feelings for her? I'm here on purpose to self inquire about my possible best choices. And your perspective is very useful to me, of course I don't want to make her suffer, and I see her as a wonderful complex person, not an object. I am a bit offended by these statements. I'm not a cold hearted jerk.

What do you mean that I don't care about myself? It doesn't seem like that to me.

When you don't care about a random guy you don't suffer. She has her life. And I'm not going to tell her mean things, I'm going to be gentle and polite. I'm a nice guy in my everyday life. I'm just saying that she couldn't care less, I'm just a dude who has had some compliance with her, that's all. She has bigger fishes to care about.

I can assure you that she doesn't care that much... She has other friends and never showed that much empathy towards me. I can bet money on the fact that she is close to indifferent about my possible disappearance. I'm not relevant in her life. So you're suggesting that I should HIDE from her my actual feelings? That sounds dishonest.

I like this response. Because it's empathetic and multi-perspective Somehow I will make her understand, but right now I don't know if I will run away from her or keep some kind of affection. I just know deep inside that I have to make her somehow aware of the feelings.

@Emerald You're mistaking my intentions. It's not my intention to hurt her at all! I just want to tell her that I liked her, not that she is in the fuckbuddy-zone. She is not a one night stand for me. I like her romantically, I have feelings. If she tells me that she doesn't reciprocate, I'm not going to objectify her, why would I? I'll just reply by telling her that I'm sorry, and then I'll move on with my life. I'm not going to tell her horrible words like "you wasted my time". She never wasted my time, I am the one at fault here. In fact I'm going to tell her that I'm the guilty one.

Don't mistake me for a redpill or an incel, since I also believe that nice guys with strong character are deeply attractive for women. But I've seen in my experience that girls only respect attractive guys (badboys and nice guys, as long as attractive). They tend to see the unattractive man as useless and purposeless, if not for emotional support on occasion. When she is attracted she will respect and care for you, when you are not she will not care about you, it's just how nature works, it's not women's fault. Women are actually most of the time nice people, but they just tend to focus on the attractive men.