• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by billiesimon

  1. That's exactly the feeling I mean I can guarantee you that when the ego started to come back, I was feeling like I would be stuck in formlessness FOREVER. I know that on a material level the substance should subside and let you come down after some time.... but I'm pretty sure that you can disappear once your sense of oneness is too powerful. The material level is just a byproduct of ego-mind/low cosciousness. I clearly felt that there was no material level at all..... I have NOWHERE to return, no form to return to.... It's that shocking I'm seriously happy that I came back.
  2. Mh... I can attest that in my case dissos are very very powerful with plugging. I don't need high doses to hit strong experiences.
  3. Well, there are experientially several levels of awakening. God realization is just the highest. Atman, No-self, Love, etc are all levels of awakening. Atman is just the individual awakening, when you FEEL deeply that you exist and that existence is timeless, you are awareness. God realization is the end goal of awakening, it's Brahman, the First Principle of existence. Note: I've only had Atman and No-self levels of awakening. I don't have any experience with God-awakening. But Atman is real, on a relatively-nondual paradigm. It's beyond the ego, and it's your "personal" dimension of oneness.
  4. Brahman is the singularity, or God, yes. But Atman is real, it's just a lower form of awakening. It's the feeling of eternal existence/awareness. It's just a basic form of awakening/realization.
  5. I have used almost only plugging. I have found that 2 ml small syringes are best. In my experience going all the way inside is the most powerful, because once you sit back again the liquid is going to drip down again, causing more absorption along the descent press hard and fast. All drops must be sent in the intestine with precision.
  6. From my small experience with psychedelics and dissociatives, oral is very different from plugged in experience. Generally plugging has low body load and lesser negativity/anxiety. But it's also powerful and sometimes hardcore.
  7. Religions are just rules and generic principles taken from enlightened masters, but they are not even close to the truth.
  8. Very interesting phenomenon. Never heard about something like this. But sometimes it can happen naturally. I've had weird shifting experiences while waking up from my sleep, so it might be related to these altered states of consciousness.
  9. It depends on the user, for every psychoactive substance. In my case it's very warm and comforting, but it causes amnesia and ego loss too. Amazing story. But don't trip in front of relatives, or it's going to cause you trouble.
  10. Yes Leo I've read several trip reports before trying it out.
  11. Yeah, dissociatives tend to create similar experiences of void and neutral peace. Psychedelics are more fit for exploring The Self and god consciousness
  12. Thanks for the detailed explanation I'm still working on it. I also have regular moments of chaos and confusion where I feel that I know absolutely nothing and that it makes no sense that my mind is looking for "a sense" or understanding. It's total chaos sometimes The Self, or Atman/Brahman, is my main awakening constant, and also the most available in a sober state. I deeply feel my existence and the mystery of witnessing perceptions. I realize how identity is just thought structure and not being. The Self is existence. Which is different from thinking about existing. But forms are still a problem because i feel the self as something formless and permanent, underneath perceptions, prior to perceptions. Forms are somehow "irrelevant" when I feel the Self. That's where I'm at, and it definitely started with hardcore observation of everything, sight, sound, feel, thoughts, emotions etc, until I found that there's a deeper entity than those. I'm also surprised by the fact that it is not so difficult to feel
  13. That's a very useful pointer. Do you think it's a duality of the mind? Well, I have problems feeling oneness with perceptions. But I feel oneness with the witnessing/being, the permanent awareness. But I have issues with feeling oneness with the impermanent, let's say. Is it a problem of the ego mind?
  14. Well, that's right, I can't deny that perceptions ARE right now. I mean that.... there's a presence/core which remains even when forms change and thus impermanence happens. That's what I'm pointing to. That core is ME. The forms are "not true" in the sense that they are not the being ever-present. It's not easy to convey, but I have still a lot to understand about forms and perceptions. I can feel the core of being though. That's the real "god" to me. Because you can notice how you are always HERE while everything is impermanent. Even in night dreams of course. You are permanent.
  15. By "darkness" I mean... no perception. Absence of form. It seems like I've been sitting here forever and ever in the total absence of form and perception. That's what I mean by the darkness "underneath". You could also say that I AM the invisible skeleton of reality, the invisible formless witness. The light who both observes reality and gets absorbed in watching it.
  16. Well, from my inquiries and glimpses... form is just random paint on a canvas... Human mind creates meaning out of those random colors. There is no form when you stop conceptualizing trees and grass out of a landscape. The ego creates form in the end. I've had glimpses where form was literally random colors and random sensations like abstract art, to give an example. You surely already know this, but faces, cars, streets, sounds, smells are "forms" only because identification creates meaning. In the Awareness state there are no forms..... it's just eternal witnessing of.... I don't know what those are I can't tell accurately what perceptions are. I can tell you that perceptions were put there by me to create CONTRAST so I could FEEL my presence as an eternal witness. Yes, there are a lot of missing pieces..... But the fact is that, both in psychedelic and in sober inquiry state, I can feel that perceptions are "there" and I am "here", at the center of the center. I don't feel anything about creation and imagination, even though I totally see that reality is a dream occurring to ME. My deepest insight was realizing that all these images and sound have no meaning and NO EXISTENCE. I am literally observing a mirage. My real place is no-place, my real time is Eternity. I've also realized that by observing fake forms I'm escaping from the hard fact that THERE IS JUST ETERNAL DARKNESS. But this darkness is peaceful and complete, it's not something negative. But the ego felt so deeply scared of this eternal darkness. I have also noticed that this perception bubble is actually very limited and "small", while my core of being has infinite size and cannot be measured. I'm puzzled.
  17. I've had the following facets of awakening: 1. Reality is a dream and it is all made of "liquid/dreamy" perceptions. 2. Completeness and absence of need and desires 3. I am Awareness. And awareness is a singular entity sitting in the DARKNESS forever and ever and ever.... Thus I have no form and I am eternal. Yet, I still never perceived my ability to create forms. @Leo Gura are these related to god realization? Or are they still very far away from it? Isn't the dream and the eternal awareness parts of god-consciousness?
  18. Probably your answer is yes, but I'll ask. Going meta on this possible backlash... is it a challenge created by the Self/God to put you to test and evolve even more? I mean... From the highest perspective you're just being tested even more inside "the dream", right?
  19. Again.... this is risking of turning into a witch hunt Don't do that. Be smarter and recognize that someone committed suicide and we DON'T know what he was thinking! He must have had some kind of hidden depression or some dark night of the soul, or other well-concealed problems. Nobody here ever suggested suicide.... Stop the inquisition before it becomes a pitchfork mob.... Don't fall in mass unconsciousness. (I'm talking to everyone, not just you )
  20. No, he's not irresponsible. When undergoing a metaphysical discussion we have to talk about life, death, meaning, void, etc.... It's not his responsibility if people misunderstand metaphysics as physics. Metaphysics is NOT physics. The fact that perceptions are imagined by the True Self does NOT mean that shooting a bullet into your head will make the body lively and happy. Going beyond life is dangerous. Of course. If you've had glimpses of awakening you should know that you are traveling beyond survival. Of course I'm sorry for SoonHei, and I want his family to be well and safe. But leave metaphysics out of the discussion, because that's becoming witch hunting.....
  21. You have our support I'm a man but I feel the injustice you are living as a woman. You have to get the hell out of that nation. The best chance comes from academia and studying/applying abroad. Create connections with professors, graduates, and expats from the west. You need to find a peaceful method, possibly through your university and career opportunities. Find a way also to convince your parents that it's the best FOR THEM. You need to be smart and change their mind. But don't expose your intentions. Your country is not ready to understand that you deserve your freedom. A lot of the replies up here are good You will get out of there. Just keep believing you can do it
  22. What's your opinion on Ramana and Shankara stating that knowledge and self inquiry are the direct path to oneness? It must be possibile. I've had several realizations of the illusory nature of perceptions and identity with self inquiry. But not god realization. That happened with psychs. But nonetheless.... self inquiry is way more powerful than meditation in deconstructing identity.
  23. What the hell?! Love should be an attribute of the True Self/God. Not the way around. From what I've experienced the Self is one and therefore has the property of Unity/Love/Completeness. And this feature exhibits itself in dualistic reality too. But God is not a servant to love. God acts out of the will of self exploration and self expression. At least that's what is clear to my experience. God is the eternal "sense of existing", while love is just completeness/eternal oneness.
  24. Is it because of the british influence? Or modern materialism? Politics?
  25. Thanks for the explanation I thought that Hindu spirituality was more disconnected from politics. Well, from my personal studies and experiences, Shankara and Ramana seem to be the most outstanding spiritual characters in india, especially because of the incredible depth of metaphysical knowledge they reached. Probably Shankara was the most hardcore one, while most of medieval India was stuck on bhakti and useless rituals, he discovered the importance of removing the ignorance of the ego and focusing on yourself rather than on religion. Buddha, as an indian, is also very noteworthy for being the first one to codify and describe nothingness and the void of existence, even before hinduism. Probably he influenced advaita vedanta quite a lot....