billiesimon

Thanks ?

I think he hints to all dualities collapsing. When we realize the core of God we also realize that Leo is our mind teaching us to awaken. It's what I call the breadcrumbs of the Self. It's really creepy on some level. Once you realize yourself there is no more Others. Leo will disappear and you will know that Leo was one of your egos.

Awakening is part of existence, it's built in. There are breadcrumbs everywhere but we must follow them with the deepest intention. But the main point remains that the Self is structured to wake up from its sleep. I may still be at the early stages, but I can see the signs and the hints to awake in my daily life. Awakening is part and parcel of life, but you need to take up the challenge and seriously keep on seeking your own Self.

That's going to be a really long journey then But I really wanna reach those pinnacles. That's fascinating! I would love to reach that absolute formless state, I can't really imagine what it feels to be conscious without forms. Perceptions act as some kind of concentration point where you can exercise your presence/consciousness, since I have problems feeling Being without forms. I'm really interested in that pure self-recognition without creation. I guess it feels really "eternal" and unfathomable. Is there some specific psychedelic suitable for it?

Ok, thanks for the useful pointer. For some reason I keep believing that the truest God state is beyond perception and imagination. Some kind of singularity godhead, where time, space and phenomena stop but there's an infinite level of self-awareness and being-ness. Is that even possible in your experience? Some infinitely formless God state?

Ah. And why isn't that the deepest awakening? I mean, what happens in the highest states of God realization? Does perception stop?

You stated in the past that "perceptions" are truth but also divine imagination at the same time. This might mean that there are layers of imagination. For example human monkey mind is probably the most superficial level, while present moment perceptions are the deepest level. So, what happens if God stops all layers of imagination? Is that what you call the Godhead?

We appreciate. It's just part of the journey

Do you think that Bashar is really some kind of alien contact or just a partition in Darryl's psyche? He often expresses very wise spiritual truths, and seems to be very advanced with personal development advice. He doesn't sound like a normal human intelligence, but it may still be some kind of positive "psychosis/schizophrenia".

Thanks for the replies. I'm actually questioning a lot of my spiritual experiences recenlty because I'm trying to apply Ralston's book about not knowing I might be creating some duality between the earthly dimension and the highest states. But nonetheless, if there are high states and lower states both accessible, this might mean that God has always been omniscient and maybe it even "scripted" all its lives (as a creature). My sensation is that God programs its lives accurately because it wants to reawaken again into the highest state, the singularity, the godhead. Maybe the answer lies in metaphysical love? I don't know right now. I notice in my own life that events seems to happen on purpose to make me face challenges and become more accepting and loving towards others, so it might just be this purpose. But I still have problems feeling the metaphysical love because of the deep fear I start to feel in my high states. I guess it's some kind of resistance. The only facets of God I know very well are the Void, everything is Mind, and Solipsism (which is really scary, but it comes up every time). For some reason I am easily aware of these, sometimes even in a sober state without much concentration, but I guess that the best answers lie in Love, but it's still a problem for me feeling it, even though I'm a very emotional and compassionate person. The best example is when I use THC: I feel an insane amount of solipsism and all of reality being made of my Mind, floating in the Void. But there's always that deep emotion of fear and loss, like I'm drowning in the abyss. Generally after a while I backlash and start to practice human activities to avoid the anguish. My guess is that God is always in the highest state, even when incarnated, and it is "guiding" experience in a certain direction to reawaken. I have several evidences for that, since I receive a lot of guidance into awakening, especially in my sober state. But it might be a bias, who knows? In my opinion GOD KNOWS it already

Here's the blog entry Leo shared: https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-030 It's really unsettling and disorienting, especially since I've had several glimpses into solipsism in the past. I feel like it's overwhelming because I have this human need of being comforted by others, the need to feel companionship and sharing words, ideas, feelings etc. The most impacting part is the last one: I am always projecting space and time outside of my direct experience. I have zero experience of others, I only have experience of my interpretation of others. This is scary as hell. Sometimes I feel like the absolute Truth is just insanity, not in the sense that it's false, but in the sense that Truth is just pure existential madness. I keep on doing my spiritual work, regularly and with passion, but the more I go on the more I sense existential terror. I don't even know why I'm going on, I must be becoming insane. Who knows? The paradox is that the more I go on with seeking the Self and awakening, the more I become conscious of my psyche and heal it in a wise direction, I can tolerate more and more of my emotions and I can learn a lot more from everyday life. It's like nonduality and the awakening path are teaching me how to learn from life. Yet, at the same time I feel like my mind is becoming more and more and more central in reality, hence creating the sense of madness. I remember that before starting my awakening path I was 100% solid in reality being made of matter. Now I can see more and more how it's just made of subjective experience and there is no physical matter but just sensations. I am conceptualizing others, yet I have no solid experience of them. What are others? The only thing I possess of others is my perspective, which is still something made by me for me. I really hope this is not going to damage my psyche in the long run. Thus far, seeking the Truth of who I am has only benefited me, it's been like shining a really bright light on my psyche and dissolving a lot of that darkness and closemindedness. Maybe the most important question is: Why me? Why do I keep going? I wanted to share this with "others"

That's really a hardcore question, since human time is the measure of change Replying to your other insights in this thread, isn't God ALREADY complete and omniscient? If it is, since there's no time, it should have always been omniscient and all-wise. You said that there's no time progression in the godhead, an eternity of which I've had glimpses too. I know that the human mind is extremely limited and we are trying to understand what can only understand God, but still, my glimpses of awakening have revealed to me that God consciousness is completely beyond space, time and the concept of knowing or not knowing. Knowing is a limited phenomenon, confined inside a limited perspective. God seems to BE in a perfect state. I mean BE vs have been or will be. Eternal present vs past/future. What I'm saying is that God, at least in my limited and noob experience, seems to just be, so it has no evolution. Evolution of intelligence, wisdom, love etc are inside a Form-dimension, an experience based dimension in time and space. Perfection does not need evolution and cannot evolve, it's a tautology. I get it that God CONTAINS all the perspectives and experiences, thus it contains all wisdom and intelligence, I agree. But I find it extremely nonsensical that God learns and improves itself. It assumes imperfection and limitation. In other words: God in its highest state of consciousness is already in perfect intelligence, wisdom and love. God experiences learning and growing only in a limited state of consciousness, which is something it creates on purpose for a reason I do not know right now. It might be a limitation of human mind, but.... that's what I feel about it.

But, isn't God already omniscient? How can God create an intelligent dream and even put breadcrumbs to wake up inside that dream if it was not already omniscient about all possibilities? To me it seems paradoxical. God seems to already know that it's a dream. I was completely deeply ignorant about God years ago, yet God already knew what was going on, and was leaving hints for me along the way. It's impossible that God doesn't know what's happening already. Even if I remained unconscious and died and then slipped into another dream life, it already knows everything about that life, since IT is the one who's planning it! I don't understand this.

Woah. Is it really so traumatizing to see a geometric object in hyperdimensional space? It has never occurred to me so I'm curious about why it's so scary.

Seems like the rabbit hole goes on forever Can we call these insanely deep levels of awakening still "God"? Is it still the Self? Or would you say that there's something deeper beyond God realization? Something akin to realizing that nonduality is not the deepest level, I mean.

Is that a deep state of ignorance/sleep? Inverse of consciousness sounds like being in a blackout state.

I had that too I even had a terrifying nightmare the night after watching that video. I understand why Leo deleted it.

This reminds me of my Salvia experiences. One time I perceived the whole universe collapsing like waves of a waterfall, and I felt that all humans and earthly life was disappearing for real. And I mean, a deep sense of disappearing. When the trip ended (luckily just 5 minutes) I felt that my consciousness was rebuilding a stable human reality, again for real. Do you find that these "insane" experiences are metaphisycally real or just brain chemistry?

So we can say that by exposing ourselves to it with little steps at a time we become wiser?

Amazing experience I'm on this path too, even though I'm not at that level of enthusiasm yet. But my old deep depression has almost gone away now, and the spiritual path has healed me so hardcore that it's astonishing. I still have some depressive episodes here and there, but compared to the past I'm such a motivated guy right now The path towards awakening has stripped me of my negative beliefs and also a big part of my trauma, while the rest of it was taken care of in therapy. Keep going!!!

I appreciate that, but I'm somehow torn between keeping my ignorance and finding out what I really am, at the deepest core. When I was a child I was deeply interested in knowing the source of life and why my life is happening. I consumed several books, movies and documentaries about the physical universe, about the big bang, about the origin of biological life etc. I've always been very sensitive and emotional, and to me the subjective aspect of life has always been more important than the objective, even when I was a hardcore scientific skeptic. I remember when I was 18 I created this theory (even though I was full blown stage orange) that life couldn't be just an emergent property of matter, because it's too magical and supernatural to be just random matter. In other words, my theory at the time was that life contains some kind of Will to Be, as I called it around that age. I didn't know anything about spirituality, but I could not accept this BS explanation that life is just random matter, carbon based bla bla bla bla. It makes no sense. And I was a hardcore scientific skeptic, the classical nerd who attacks religion with anger I feel that my sensitivity and introversion have played a huge role into exploring spirituality, because I find an immense satisfaction from this path, even though sometimes it's scary. I can't stop. I have tried to stop, but I can't I am somehow morbidly attracted to it, because I want to know what is really happening and especially WHY me. Why me? Why am I the one experiencing this? This question might sound ridiculous, but.... it's what I've always felt. Why ME? If I had to summarize my impulse towards awakening it would be: "Why?!? Why am I here?!" When I discuss this topic with "normies" they look at me like I'm an idiot. They value money, status, or even worse they value "the next thing", doing stuff endlessly. I value my subjective world above all else. This sometimes makes me a bit ungrounded in doing chores. That's why I can't stop, I need to reach the most authentic "dimension" of myself. I don't want to live in ignorance. I also deeply want to find completeness, eternal love, reach no-boundaries dimension. I don't like my human limits at all Also, since I've started to do consciousness work, my intelligence and compassion have increased a lot, which is an incredible byproduct of this path. I'm more of an emotional/psychological guy than a mental nerd though, but I'm still passionate about intelligence. I believe that sensitive/emotional intelligence is way more important than normal intelligence. But that's just me. Well, I must say that when I discovered that reality is not physical, I was relieved. Realizing that I was not a random mass of atoms in a random universe made me appreciate my life 300% more. I was deeply depressed before the spiritual path (now I'm way way better). Finding out some facets of awakening in my direct experience (reality is mental, there is a Will behind it, there is no random materialism etc) made me almost reborn. I started to honor more and more the gift I had, realizing that it was not a random brute matter event, but an existential mystery (I love mysteries). Of course the aspect of solipsism shocks me, but there are way more positive aspects to awakening than negative ones, for me at least. That's why I will keep going. Hoping not to end up in an asylum

In my experience Salvia does have a feminine chaotic energy, like a feminine instinct to be insanely free. DMT seems to have a neutral mystical vibe to me. It's just beyond feminine-masculine.

Very interesting! I thought you didn't get any visuals from psychedelics. I've tried it two times, and it starts to get visual only around the medium doses. Reality keeps the same basic structure but it gets very "geometrical"; I mean that a tree remains a tree, but its components become intricate geometrical shapes, and they feel exactly like an infinite mind is structuring them into a tree shape. Really extraordinary. Never happened on other psychs. Also the sensation of reality happening all inside my "head" is very hardcore compared to basic substances like LSD. DMT in my case shares several properties with Salvia, except the fact that DMT has a holy vibe while Salvia is more surreal and silly/distorted. It's really weird that DMT gives you a trickster vibe. Can you explain what it means and if it produces visions? The vibe I get can be described as: "this ethereal/otherworldly vibe is too much for my human mind".

I don't have experience with 5-meo, why do you say that the synthetic is better?

Can you share what are the differences in trip experience between vaping DMT and taking homemade pharmahuasca? What happened?