billiesimon

Now I understand why we love ignorance and living in autopilot. This is too much. We need to escape into fantasyland, because our deep existential nature is TOO MUCH!!!! It's just a story!!! My life is just a story!!! A screenplay!!! I am not the movie character, I AM and that's it!!! I need the story because the story gives me contrast, it gives me the ILLUSION of separation in order for me to OBSERVE MYSELF!!!! I am IGNORANT about my own existential nature, thus I unconsciously project A STORY, a human life, to find myself and to discover my nature. There's no meditation, no self inquiry and no psychedelics. IT'S ALL A STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am already awakened, but this is also a HUGE PARADOX because I realize that the story is necessary for me to awaken, I AM BOTH AWAKENED AND ASLEEP!!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PROCESS WITH HUMAN LOGIC!!!!!! Humans are just a story. Being male is just a story. Chakras are just a story. @Leo Gura is just a story!!! this one actually made me feel REALLY ALONE, because I have decided my own awakening WITHOUT my conscious consent!!!! This is both awesome and HORRIBLE!!!! Because now I can feel how I am all alone, without answers, without another one beside me, and in this eternal seeking forever. Yet I don't want to get back to ignorance, because I feel free, I feel happier, I feel like now I am authentic. But..... everything is collapsing. It's just a story........... a movie......... perfectly written. My ego is so sad and depressed now. It's just a story. It's just a story. The only reason to exist is to find that "WHY?". Why? I AM here to look for that why. But this life is just a story. I was never unconscious. The past does not exist. Yet I was unconscious. And yet I've always been awake. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the great advice ? Which ironically comes from and goes to the same entity

From my experience with psychedelics and glimpses of awakening, it seems like psychedelics are just random chemicals just like water, rocks, iron, bleach etc.... They have no special powers. It's just that God decided that some particular chemicals can be used as a catalyst for awakening, but it's completely random. There's no actual meaning behind the chemical formula of psychedelics. It's just a movie basically. At least that's what I feel when I use them and awaken.

Thanks a lot I'm also going to read your dreamboard thread and try it! Does visualizations and classic vibrational techniques still work?

Yes, that's what I feel is the right thing to do. Observe the old patterns and slowly detach from them. Let them go. This is what I would like to achieve. Reaching a point of true authentic love and happiness, and thus incorporatig it into my "new story". It's the practical moves that still puzzle me. I guess it's the same thing that @Nahm suggested. I have to observe and contemplate only the "new reality" that I want to embody, and stop looking at the past story. In practical terms I think it means just projecting out a positive, authentic and loving energy, which will manifest/project back a new story that's as loving and as positive as my energetic output. In poor terms: being conscious, present and loving, and thus reshaping my story into a positive one. I hope this is the right process

Well, the blank book I get what you are saying. The story collapses so I'm free from believing in it. But in practical and pragmatic terms, how do you build a complete new story out of a blank book? I still find myself in this old "setting" right now. Even though I have deconstructed it.

Thanks for the insights This song is really deep and soothing ?

I'm burning out It's too much for me right now. I need """time""" to digest all these insights. I still perceive, or maybe still BELIEVE, that I am not in control. And that I need awakening to BECOME something else. I know it's still a concept, a story, but it's too much for now to integrate Confusion needs to dissipate, I can't totally grasp it now. It's too much. It's like I've always been awake AND asleep at the same time. I'm burning out

Absolutely. It's just a concept, a thought, a collection of "data" without real experience. Everything we learn is just mental noise, a story. The only thing that is real is Us. We are real, as the formless perceiver. All else is just concept or random ever-changing experiences.

We wrote it!

Ok, now I get it, finally ??? In my recent awakening I have realized that there NOTHING wrong with me!!! The "wrong with me" was just a movie character!!! I deeply understand what you are trying to say, but in the past I would have said that this quote is just nonsense and wishful thinking. It is not! It's getting rid of the movie character, and realizing that I am eternal and perfect forever and ever. But I needed awakening to understand what authenticity means. In my opinion it is impossible to be authentic without awakening Yes, it is true that when I was totally unconscious I was STILL projecting my negative reality out there (or within my imagination). BUT..... But it is also true that without awakening you can't regain your divine power to notice how reality changes and morphs from your own vibration/infinite intelligence. When you are "in character" you are just projecting reality in a total zombie-like state. It's generally a negative reality because it's totally asleep. What I'm saying is that awakening is the master key to generating a positive and happy "story", because you're not a slave to the character anymore. That's what I feel, at least In a sense, We can't escape awakening. It is the only purpose of life ???

How is 2C-B compared to the more classic psychedelics? On reddit/erowid they tend to describe it as shallow and entertaining. My past unconscious life was negative, pessimistic and somehow victim-minded. How do you transform your life into abundance and amazing experiences from awakening? Is it a matter of putting out positive vibes/energies which get back at you in form of positive experiences? I am puzzled about this.

Ok, now I get what you mean with "I am still, and movement is illusory". But still I don't understand and don't feel how I can change this experience/storyline into something more abundant and happy. My past identity was somehow negative and pessimistic. How can I use awareness/awakening to continue my experience in a more positive and satistfying direction? Just by putting out positivity and love?

Yeah, beautiful piece of art ???

Because We are just all-there-is condensed in an endless eternal ocean of the same substance (all and nothing). We can't observe ourselves in this original state, so We create a projection, a movie, a story, because by observing this story We can start to SEE that existence exists. And then we start to ask "why?" "what is this?" etc.... If we remain in a condensed, oneness state, we can't observe and recognize what we are. It's like some kind of total peaceful sleep where you don't even realize that you exist because you are One and totally at peace and still.

What do you mean with imaginative potential?

Thanks for the detailed reply I am partially awake. I have had two glimpses of awakening so far. But they feep very radical. I need to dissolve and reintegrate my identity into oneness and make peace with it. What about "physical life" after full awakening? Does it become more abundant and positive, or does it remain the same + being awake? From what I feel, human life should become radically more positive and fulfilling after the integration.

Amazing that plugging works! What do you experience with plugged DMT? Crazy visuals and fractals or do you have a sober 5-MeO-similar experience?

I'm pretty sure that God itself has no clue about what existence actually is. Here stems the chaos and the maze of life, in my opinion.

But you said a few months ago that God goes through all life experiences and the cycle is infinite

It's so ironic because my human life theme has always been unworthiness and searching for external love (and getting constantly heartbroken). It's such a mindfuck to realize that as a human I've always been looking for external love yet, my True Self has told me that if I decide to reconnect with Self-Love, I will manifest external love in an easy and peaceful manner. That's such a mindfuck. Also, the realization of being just a human metaphor of God's quest for itself is so SHOCKING and creepy at the same time.... I feel like I'm a movie character... who carries a lesson for the viewer.... So. Goddamn. Freaky.

So, apart from the sense of I AM, it's all a story, a screenplay to experience existence. To be honest, I have felt like my human eternal search for meaning was a projection, a metaphor of God's search for its own meaning for existing. I may be deluded, but I feel like God is living through me to express this eternal quest to understand "why" .

@Leo Gura What I still can't understand, from my first taste of awakening, is if God is watching reality only from my personal perspective, or if it is watching from countless human perspectives. Is this "human avatar" the only one where Consciousness is experiencing life from? Or are there "other avatars"? Because from that awakening experience it seems like I am hallucinating everything, this body, this human mind, and all other images on the screen. But this should also mean that there are no other human avatars, only mine (which is also hallucinated). Right?

It's been three/four weeks after my first awakening and I've had two small moments of almost-oneness in some recent meditation sessions. Both during the psychedelic awakening and the two meditative sessions of oneness I've felt really good, complete, happy and at peace. To be honest, I've also felt like EVERYTHING is going to be alright and my life will improve gradually a lot thanks to my connection to Consciousness, my true nature. Now... the problem is that after that awakening, apart from the peak meditation sessions, I GENERALLY am having a true hardcore MATERIALIST backlash and almost stage-red backlash!!! I have bursts of self hate, bursts of hate for the world and others, I feel like nobody loves me, like I have no place in this world, and the worst of all is that I feel like this is just a dumb brute atom-made reality where I am just a worthless mass of atoms with no value at all. This is insane because I have clearly seen reality distort and dissolve into infinite fractals and my body dissolve into pure love and acceptance. and felt my emotions heal during the awakening and the peak meditation sessions (after my awakening). I have seen reality revert back to normal and to fractals and to normal AT MY WILL!! How is it possible that right now I am having this HUGE materialist, almost stage red, dog eat dog, backlash? I have moments where I feel like the only point of life is money, sex and OPPRESSING OTHER PEOPLE for your own survival. WTF?!?!? Why is this small awakening (I've had only one thus far) making me MORE EVIL than before? I've always been a nice passive guy, and right now I feel like I have gone insane. I am obsessed with material power and material superiority. I feel inferior to other people because I don't have much money and don't have much status, and I feel the need to oppress and be heartless towards others to achieve. This is insane and it is scaring the hell out of me. I was pursuing awakening for the sake of being immersed in Love and true confidence, not to become evil and ruthless. What the hell is happening? Should I avoid spiritual work until I become stage-orange "successful"?

I have watched it recently. It's a nice documentary, more on the entertaining side. It's not bad. But it has nothing to do with the spiritual side of psychedelics, even though Sting's experience about it is very spiritual and thought provoking. The show itself tends to keep a very recreational tone, but it's not bad. It can be interesting.