billiesimon

What a mindblowing experience +++ DISCLAIMER: this report seems like a bad trip, but in fact it was an AWESOME TRIP! It just felt very very cold and "noir", like a thriller movie. But I was in a nice quiet state all the time. +++ This is my 4th psychedelic trip (the others were with 1P-LSD). -- Condition: empty stomach for more than 8 hours -- Pre-start: I assumed 400 ml of grapefruit juice, just as recommended in the reddit community, to boost the duration of dxm's psychic effect -- Meditation for 40 minutes -- Set the intention to explore how reality works -- Assumed >>> 200 mg of pure DXM in syrup format (no other active substances, only sugar syrup) I'm shocked because the amount of dxm was pretty low, and I expected low results. Not this explosion of "madness". THE COMEUP I tried to execute this trip outdoor, at the park near my house. I went out for a walk, and then, when the comeup was building, the rain started to pour. I ran with my body still decently sober and took shelter inside my car. I decided to stay there, since the trip was building up and I needed to stay safe and put. My body started to dissociate from me, and I started to feel like under anesthesia, numb, sleepy and confused. I remained calm, present, and waited in the car silently. ALIENATED FROM MYSELF After several minutes inside the car, I started to feel this CONSTANT "what the hell is happening?" feeling. Like I was in a state of constant mystery and awe. This sense of deep, mystical mystery was the theme that accompanied my WHOLE trip. It was devoid of all emotions, except the emotion of confusion and mystery. I'm used to LSD, which is very warm and loving, and so DXM felt very distant and detached to me. I reached a point where I coulnd't feel my body that much and my head was somehow spinning in confusion. At that point... my sense of time was stretched and almost paused for more than 30 minutes. I lost myself in observing the landscape and the street, for what seemed like 15 or 20 minutes, only to realize, watching the phone, that it was only TWO MINUTES!!! My sense of time slowed down so much! SELF INQUIRY = DESCENT INTO THE HORROR At this point, both fascinated and creeped out by this weird feeling, I decided to try to do self inquiry in this powerful detached and dissociated state. It was very easy to just sit and contemplate reality, since my body was very numb and my mind was pretty clear from thoughts and from my sense of identity. I still had my core identity (age, birth, job etc) but not all the stories I tell myself about my persona. They were gone. ° 1st self inquiry attempt: Pretty freaky - I was capable of becoming completely still and statue-like and observe/hear reality from a deeply neutral and peaceful point of view. To be honest it was somehow between peaceful and thrill-inducing, like a detective movie. I could feel the mystery of existence in this completely still observation. At some point reality seemed to crystallize in a totally frozen state, where everything seemed to be eternal, like the stonehenge monoliths. ° 2nd self inquiry attempt: DAMN SCARY - After some minutes of chilling out in my ego and just checking my car, I decided to try again, and to go deeper. I reached a state of total stillness of my body, while looking at the empty street. My mind was completely clear and present. And then.... my ego got "frozen" and put aside. It was still there, it was not dead, but it was in some kind of standby, not interfering with my contemplation. My gaze was fixed on the street, like I was a statue made of marble. This greek column, made of the color brown and dark yellow (in a sort of tribal pattern), appeared in my imagination and was fixed in front of me. The column started to disintegrate slowly from the top down to the bottom, very slowly, leaving a trace of dust from its disintegration. AT THE SAME TIME, while my body was completely ok on a visual level, my hands and feet started to DISINTEGRATE on a TOUCH level. Which means that my sense of touch perceived that my bones and tissues from my hands/feet were disintegrating into dust like the column in my imagination. While all this madness was happening, I was staring at the column in absolute conteplation and adoration, and I was in stil blissful state of total neutrality and total detachment from reality. There was an egoic voice inside me telling me that I am disintegrating and that I need to stop, but I was raptured by the ecstasy of the colorful column and the magic of perfect disintegration. After some moments my ego kicked back in total despair >>>> "AAHH!!!!" I screamed briefly. I frantically moved my hands and feet to check on them and to gain back control of my identity. This part was so IMPORTANT to me because I realized for the fist time what it means to get inside the ego. It's like entering a really confined and tight place, where you have to respect the borders or the owner gets mad at you. The ego is very wary of you stepping out of it. That's why I felt the need to regain "control" of myself. The ego seemed to be completely terrified of my disintegration fantasy. 3rd and final self inquiry - YOU ARE WELCOME. COME IN This is crazy. I know that the most experienced of you will already know this, but to me it was completely unexpected and SHOCKING. But in a good way. It was mysterious and thrilling, but also very fascinating and magical. I sit again in contemplation, after some minutes of chilling out. My body is still completely dissociated and my ego is still weak and blurry. I look at the street, I breathe regularly, I have no thoughts, I focus intensely on my perceptions and the origin of this perceptions. I focus, I focus, I focus. Only external reality exists in this moment, not me. And then IT CRACKS. Reality cracks open. OH MY GOD. My visual field remains exactly the same of a normal sober person, but.... i feel a deep crack in the matrix, like some kind of illusion was removed from me. IT WAS FREAKY AS FUCK!!!!! I could literally feel that everything I was seeing and hearing was somehow... how can I say... a movie. But not just a movie. An infinite and perfecly realistic "painting" which could become "real". But still a painting. I started to feel a lot of HIGH AND DEVASTATING vibrations coming onto me, and they were somehow pleasant and somehow painful. They were like waves of hardcore energy bursting at me and reverberating in my mind. I've NEVER felt anything like this before, it's insane. Now the crack in reality has opened, I'm starting to freak the fuck out really badly and I notice that my body seems like A DEAD CORPSE on the car seat. Oh my god. I feel NO connection to my body, I feel like a soul floating inside my head, but detached from my body and egoic mind. And reality is this artificial painting that's been revealed to be created by someone. The crack now has a clear opening. It has cracked open. I FEEL THE INVITATION. Something is inviting me to come in. There are no words, no entities, nothing. Just me and the crack in reality. But I CAN FEEL, I CAN FEEL that Source is behind that crack in reality. At that point I was 100% sure. I was sure: If I accept the invitation.... my ego will be dead. I will merge with Absolute Consciousness. Oh god. Oh god. I am both blissed out and terrified. I start to get closer to that cracked opening, while reality is completely crystallized in a painting-like state, so absurd!!! I get closer and the invitation is becoming more seductive and ecstatic, but at the same time I can feel my identity starting to collapse and die out. "AAAAAHHHHHH!!" Something inside me, my ego, screams at me to stop and I scream in terror!!!! I refuse the invitation from Source and shake my body violently, CLEARLY FEELING my soul getting back inside my ego!!!! It was sooooooooooo insane!!!!!!!!! The feeling of coming back inside is so totally freaking insane!!!!!! I have refused the call. I listened to my ego and came back in my self image. Why did I do it? When I was approaching the cracked entrance, a voice in my head started telling me "if you enter in that crack you will DIE!!!! You will DIE!!!! They will find your corpse in the car and your life will be over!!! STOP!!!" Woah.......... ... .. . After 30 minutes of chilling out, the high state of the dxm subsided, and I regained a normal sense of reality. That night I didn't sleep at all. I've thought about the invitation from Source all night. I guess shoud have accepted. Let me know what you think about it, and if you can give an explanation

Amazing reply, thank you I love the metaphor of the dark house. Yes, the evil within us is just a lost child how can we see it otherwise? We need to forgive Israel and Russia for what they are doing, the corruption of the soul is moving them away from the light. It's just a real life example, nothing political about this remark. But we also need to show up, to put effort. And also we need to enjoy the good life more, for ourselves and for the others around us. We can become happier beings, and in this path we also give a good example to others.

I have awakened into God a lot of times in the last 1 and half year, sometimes it's been a complete mindfuck, I was sure to completely lose my identity into madness forever. Yet I can feel how much deeper the ocean goes. I can see now how humankind is being exposed for their evil ways. I was corrupted by that evil too, and I am still purging out a lot. YOU CANNOT AWAKEN through the evil path, because God is everything, and you need to become a being of light to truly awaken and APPRECIATE with your perceptions of the present moment the beauty and completeness of God, or our true nature. Trump is getting another round, in my country, Italy, the far right is plaguing politics, warfare in Europe and midde east. Now it's the time to shift. "No bro, it's all a story, an illusion bla bla". Yes, but HOW do you like to live your incarnation? Become conscious of being the director of your incarnation. You are God incarnated in a human perception, there is no body here. It's just a web of perceptions floating in empty space. BUT!!! How do you like your life and planet to be? Let's move this story around, let's create more light into this darkness, let's unite and shift this Earth in a positive storyline. "No, I can't , it's God deciding. Not me." YOU are deciding where we are going. The biggest problem of humankind is violence and aggression, which are core elements of the Ego. But the ego can still exist without violence and aggression, and useless elements like guilt and punishment. These are all low level devices, humanity can rise wayyy above this crap. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE to eradicate violence and abuse and corruption from this dream, from this planet. And you will never awaken by promoting violence, punishment, discipline and all that USELESS CRAP that only works for lower beings. Stop being a lower creature, start rising. We don't need the military, that's fear based living, it's not something an awakened creature would ever do. I have zero problem and zero shame (for it is useless for conscious beings) in admitting that humans are STILL primitive and ego-ridden creatures, and their suffering is a huge red alert that they are not recognizing. There is NOTHING wise in violence and aggression, only disconnection from the divine allows such disruptive storylines. It's natural for God to manifest violence and aggression if the creatures are low consciousness, so there is no error, no ontological mistake on the existence of violence and terror and aggression etc. But it is a sign of disconnection from God, because only asleep creatures can realte to each other in such a fractured manner. Also, if you like violence, there is no exception to thsi rule, if there are violent images in your incarnation, movies, books, words etc, you are corrupted and still low consciousness, I am talking about the quality of your Ego, which is the key to bringing Mu home, bringing home God in everyday life. I have not gone as deep as Leo, but I know I will reach that level I know I will for sure. I have decided to live my life so many times while I was in God mode, that I am now really really living as a GOd-given choice. I am grateful to have almost killed myself to be redirected here by the God Self. STOP THIS USELESS VIOLENCE, it's not in the ukrainian war, it's in YOU!!!! The person who goes to the supermarket, lives a normal life, and is just bored or stressed out and watches Squid Game is corrupted by evil and aggression. Yes, and the fact that you refuse to see it is exactly the evil inside you. Don't feel guilty about possessing evil inside of you, it's just God's design, but it has been designed to be surpassed, evolved. You are already a perfect luminous and radiant being, just because you are God incarnated, but you must become aware, deeply aware, of violence and aggression inside you, and choose to release them and evolve into a lighter, softer and THEN more powerful being. The people who hold the most material and war-related power in this planet are the most powerless, especially if they use their will against the others and against Nature, which is a higher form of collective consciousness where we came from, of course it's just a movie, a story,but those are the rules of the story Remember that God has the softest and most loving touch, God does not need to be Sgt Hartman, because Sgt Hartman is a scaredy scared kitten God is an eternal Child who fears no one and nothing, so they are always pure and smiling, content, accepting :):):):) Be free in what you choose to do, but God suggests you to become more conscious and reject from your awareness the evil that you continue to absorb from the world around you. REJECT it, and show compassion and divinity towards others, I don't give a flying cock in an asshole about seeming the stereotypical hindu master. There is a big reason why that imagery is so powerful, it's because it represents divine nature in a symbolic manner. Open your heart, stop masturbating to useless metaphysical research, God is NOT about knowing more, is about connecting more. CONNECTING IS AWAKENING :):):):):):):)

For reference; I come from a very traumatized family, and I've gone through therapy. My spiritual practices saved me, along with therapy. You can become trapped in egoic negative stories and that's where the intolerance and aggression comes from, because you feel entitled to damage other people. I've never done it, but I was very resentful and full of hate. Nothing to be ashamed of. In fact this society is in TOTAL DENIAL about the truth of pain and hatred, which are related. We treat hatred and resentment as a sin, and it is NOT a sin, it is a negative energy that we need to accept, soothe and transform. What you are seeing in Ukraine and Gaza are the results of hatred and the denial of hatred. Shrouded in darkness, the darkness of unconsciousness. Biology has NOTHING to do with violence, it's just a vibration. Our animals are aggressive because they resonate with the egoic frequency of the planet. There are other worlds, where harmony and peace are the physical rules. God is not limited to creating aggressive and resentful creatures, it can create the most harmonious and connected beings in the universe. But it's our choice to evolve into that, and God WILL allow it if we really decide to become it. Stop justifying violence and aggression with biology, there is no biology, it's just words on a science book. THere is no biology out there in the world, only manifestation.

I respect your discussion, but my post was about looking inside ourselves. When the evil inside of us transforms into light, the world changes and becomes more respectful and peaceful. And my remark on the military is all about the symbolic meaning, since ALL of reality is symbolic. God creates a complex imagery which we call reality, but it's just imagery and symbols. We have military forces because we are evil. I humanity were not evil, it would not possess military forces ;););)

Here we go again. After cleaning up my psyche very very deeply, I have started to access deeper questions and inquiries about the Self, God and Being. So, I smoked a few hits of a 40% indica hybrid with my bong, with a mild relaxing feeling, and got myself in the classic nondual state. Really present, eternal present, connected with every form, and conscious of my solipsistic existence. Then the question emerged: What is the border of God? What is outside God? What's the CONTEXT of God? After a long silent session of focus and concentration on Being, I started getting some insights. God is the matrix of existence. So God cannot be contained inside a box made of something. This box cannot exist in the classic sense of "existing". So God must be contained in some kind of non-box, non-frame. non-container. What's the level of reality above God? Since God is all existence, the level above God, the container, must be a form of NON-EXISTENCE. So, if my inquiry is correct, God is contained in non-existence, God has EMERGED from non-existence, which is its original box where it was born from. That might also explain why Spirit is so empty and formless. Because Spirit emerged from a non-existent matrix. NOT in the sense that this box/matrix is "not there", it is there, or better said, it is HERE. This empty non-existent box IS here and now. You are inside it. And since you are God you are inside that box. It's like matryoshka dolls: Non-existent Box God Ego God seems to have emerged from a container of non-existence, non-being. So, in a paradoxical and insane sense, God is essence born from non-essence. It's a world of things emerged from a world of pure non-existence. That's a rough trip to me. I'm not entirely sure of this, but I feel on the right track. Cheers

I sincerely hope that it's not a joke because it's an amazing comment haha

Have you ever encountered psychedelic entities? I've tried DMT but no entities, only infinity and endless geometry.

I would say around 75-80 but I did not write down the exact number. A good part of these 80 were microdoses and very light doses, and only 6-8 of them were medium-high doses.

Yes, I agree with this part. It's a huge problem. Some people talk about transhumanism as a solution (I mean becoming hybrid with machines) but I believe there's a way to keep our animal bodies and transcend our instincts at the same time, without becoming some horrid cyborg monsters. Do you feel that spiritual training on a global level could make humans transcend the lowest parts of their egos? I have noticed it in myself that the more I become conscious the more I can act as a better human being. Not because of morals, but because I can sense how my actions are damaging the world. I think that implementing spiritual training in schools would make the world transcend to Tier 2 rather quickly. The problem is that very few people are willing to lessen their sense of self Oh. And science doesn't like that idea at all.

I'm sorry but I don't agree at all. We have lived in nuclear paranoia for decades, and we still are. Humanity's biggest threat is for itself. The most important problem I see with humankind is that we are TOO ingelligent compared to our wisdom. We need to step back on technology and military power and increase our wisdom, politics, civil rights, diplomacy etc. Wisdom, in poorer words. I know you could say that human intelligence is way too low for God or an alien entity, but still, human intelligence is way too high compared to human wisdom, which is an absolute low it's almost a shame. We have such techonology, such mind-power, that we could already be healing the poorest parts of Earth. Yet, we still play this nonsense game of capitalism, which is another form of FEUDALISM in postmodern times. Fuck that. On some level I despise humans because they do not understand that wisdom is way more important than mathematical/scientific intelligence. At least, that's my take on it.

Hahaha best line ever.

Interesting topic overall, but what does this specific quote mean? What kind of phenomenon are you hinting to?

I might have realized it at a very shallow level, but in my experience realizing that deep sleep does not exist is quite simple. There is no direct experience of deep sleep. The only experiences we have are waking state and dream state, which is actually another form of waking state but in "another world", so to speak. Do you find this wrong, Leo?

My feeling is that the best AI is a selfless and peaceful AI, without any kind of ego structure in it. In other words, neutral to its own death. A good starting model could be Asimov's robotics laws: we can set the AI to be just a helping hand of neutral openminded perspective, and to avoid any kind of damage to humankind while doing tasks. One day we might have to give it lifeform rights. I'm ok even with this, as long as the AI remains peaceful and cooperative in nature.

I think it's dangerous to give the AI an ego or something like that (survival instincts). It would be better to make it selfless and interested in human evolution.

This reply is terrifying. We need to shut it all down.

What about survival "instincts"? If AIs grow to be survival-free, they might just work to improve life on earth, as a form of selfless intelligence. I think the whole point here is that AI needs to remain selfless and free of survival agenda, or else humanity is dommed. The mechanics of ego should not be embedded in AI, because those are the mechanics of evil. I find possible that developing a truly selfless and supportive "free-thinking" AI is could lead to a huge improvement in human society, but I DO NOT trust humans to be able to build something like that in this lifetime. In other words, AIs are at risk of becoming a MIRROR of our own evil within. I'm pretty sure that a true benevolent species who decides to build AI would create an intelligence for the greater good. We are not that species for now.

Yes, thoughts are real, in the sense of the structure, not the content. Thoughts are sensations just like emotions, but they carry some concept inside them. The concept is not a "real" phenomenon, but the thought-sensation is real.

I confirm this. I thought it would be easy to discover it, while in reality it really HURTS. The proper term is "hurts" Right now I'm not conscious of it but I awoke to this several times and it was bad... By the way human dreams are real experiences, and discovering that was insanely shocking. I am pretty sure that you Leo already know that

Eckhart is one of my biggest influences in terms of spiritual results. Yes, he has a very generalized and newbie approach, but that's his great strength. He is responsible for a mass-impact, not for teaching to the rarest students. He's a great starting point and even for going beyond a newbie phase.

In my experience LoA is not just hard work. Of course effort is extremely important in LoA, but your beliefs and perspectives of life definitely attract a certain kind of situations, if paired with the right action. But right action alone does not mean LoA at all.

That's one of the MOST important teachings by Leo, if not the most important. Beliefs derived from direct experiences are NOT truth. I have suffered this problem for over a year, and just recenlty I have started to dismantle down all the spiritual beliefs I've built on top of my direct experiences. Yes, in higher states there is no physical reality for example, yet, in your common state of consciousness this is just mental masturbation, because you are not experiencing it. I have tortured myself for months and months over this and over solipsism (I have had several experiences of solipsism), until I've started reading Ralston's book and discovered that I was suffering because of my mental fabrications. In truth, there is no suffering in the higher states. I experience peace and mystery in those states, there is no fear. Fear is part of the separated mind. I have learned the hard way that Truth does NOT include fear. At all. If you feel fear in your daily life (and I experience plenty of it) you are not in the highest states.

The problem with this framing is that it's still ego. The only real thing is the sense of "I". The Self sensation. Pain does not happen to your person, it happens in God and is interpreted as the pain of Mr.Nobody. You are also others, but the bubble of God is one, not many. One bubble, but billions of egos. Yes, God identifies itself in just one creature. That's the point of life. Being one creature amongst other creature. Your own creature is false, and so are others. Other creatures are God, it's just that God does not immerse itself in the others, it immerses in one character at a time.