Leo Gura

My situation was rather unique. I'd been an amateur and professional web developer for nearly 15 years. So it made sense to do it myself. And I knew I wanted a lot of custom features. Of course that takes a lot of time away from doing other stuff. Then again, when you're just starting off, it's not like you have a full roster of clients. For most people, just throwing up a Wordpress blog is the way to get a good-looking website up fast and cheap. I would say, focus on your core competency -- coaching. Not on technical things. Tech is not your Zone of Genius and can become a quagmire very quickly, distracting you from you real work.

Depends on your body type. For some guys putting on size is really hard (like me for example) because we're naturally lean. You have to accept that to some degree. Don't expect to compare with the bulky body-frame guys. For me to bulk up, I need to eat HUGE quantities of food. To the point where I'm so full it makes me feel sick. Whey protein shakes helps a lot, but they are very unhealthy in my opinion. Lots of artificial chemicals and many people (like myself) are allergic to whey protein without realizing it. I fucked up my health by chugging down 3 whey protein shakes per day for several years. It made me bulkier, but I had really bad acne and other issues. So be careful with that. Try to stick with natural whole foods in large quantities. Most guys bulk up and gain fat at the same time. Then they cut the fat with cardio months later.

Firstly, 99% of people are not doing enlightenment work, so for them self-improvement is all there is, and it's FAR better than doing nothing. Secondly, the term no-self is a bit misleading. What it really means is, "The self you think of yourself as being is false. But there is a True Self which awaits discovery." You as a personality or a human being is a fiction. But you as Absolute Nothingness or pure awareness is REAL! It's the only real thing! So self-actualization is still valid if you just understand which self is being talked about. When you start to get into enlightenment work, you're basically doing a deconstruction of the false self in order the allow the True Self to shine << that's what the deepest self-actualization work is. It's like washing your car by removing dirt rather than painting over the dirt. So in my mind, there is no paradox. The paradox is only on the surface, at the level of language. Life still goes on and there are many practical steps you can take to improve how you flow with life.

Reminds me of a book I was given as a gift called The Ethical Slut

The notion of death itself is largely a confusion of the mind. Death is technically speaking a belief. It's a projection into the future. A fantasy. Imagine for a minute that you stopped believing in death. That death was just an old fairy-tale they tell to children. << That would a more appropriate attitude towards death than what most of us think. It has to be this way just from a practical point of view. What significance could enlightenment have if the enlightened person was still afraid of death? Not much. Such a person would still be a nervous wreck and acting from ego. And the only way to not be afraid of death is to realize that it is a fantasy. You can't macho your way out of death. That's not what enlightenment masters do. They completely see through it instead.

Sounds like you got an insight. Those are great. They can happen during meditation and enlightenment work. They are like rational clarifications of some aspect of life. For example, you might have an insight that shakes loose some troublesome aspect of your life like, "Oh... I was being so silly worrying about losing my job. I know that in the end things will work out just fine." or "Oh.... The real reason I've been pissed off at my Dad for the last 10 years is because of X. How silly of me." etc. But these are not Satori. Satori is a full-on enlightenment moment. That shit will blow your mind when it happens. It's not a rational knowing. It's like becoming God for a while.

The rational mind will spin its wheels thinking about this stuff and not really get anywhere. It's sort of like space, but space is something, not nothingness. Nothingness is an Absolute. Another way to describe it that has been helpful for me is as pure presence or knowing. This nothingness is like pure awareness. It has no shape or form, yet it is aware of itself and the entire world. It is the thing that allows awareness of anything in the first place. Because for something to exist, it has to first enter awareness. Nothingness is the same as infinity. Like two sides of the same coin. Both are non-localizable, formless, and ever-present. Imagine if you were nothing. You would also be everything simultaneously. There is no "I" to be inside anything. Everything occurs inside of the true "I". The true self is like an infinitely large empty container within which all material reality happens and gets noticed. But all the above are just ideas. Adopting them will only get you stuck.

Confusion and frustration is just par for the course. That IS the course basically. So just accept it, don't try to resist it or change it, and keep plowing ahead.

In the context of what you're reading, contemplation is a deliberate logical thinking process. Intuition is a gut feeling. Contemplation you can actually sit down to do. Intuition you don't. It just sorta comes to you out of the blue.

Wow, it's cool to see that kind of openness. Most girls like to lock guys down for keeps. Interesting.

That's a tough one. Some girls and guys get paranoid about their partner talking to the opposite sex because they are insecure and get jealousy too easily. If you two have a strong relationship, I don't think there's much to worry about. But if your relationship is shaky, then, yeah, there's a danger there. It also depends on the partner's natural personality type, Some partners are naturally very outgoing and socialable so they hug and play cheeky with everyone.

Three points come to mind for me about this topic: 1) Very important to realize that forgiveness is not done for THEM, but for YOU! It should come from an awareness that holding a grudge is hurting YOU. 2) Therapist Brad Blanton talks about this. His says telling folks to forgive isn't that effective. Instead what he suggests is a full disclosure of ALL the lies and hidden agendas between you and the person, until all the emotions have been fully communicated. Then forgiveness can really happen. At least that's one approach. It's got more practical meat on it than just deciding to forgive someone because that can just be a logical thought which doesn't count for much. I know that I would get more relief and true forgiveness if I, for example, had a real brutally honest 4 hour conversation with my Dad or Mom about all the accumulated baggage between us. But it's so emotionally scary we don't even want to touch that, cause people would be crying and egos would get crushed. Takes a lot of balls to do in practice. But if you have a strong grudge that's gnawing at you (I don't in this case) then it might be worth the hassle. 3) It's very helpful to realize that people SHOULDN'T act any differently than they actually did or actually do. Byron Katie talks about this a lot. If someone has mistreated you, the problem is not that they mistreated you. The problem is that you have a rule inside your head that says, "But they SHOULDN'T have mistreated me! That's not fair!" And as soon as that happens what you don't realize is that you're living in a fantasyland now where people shouldn't mistreat people. Ego has put you out of alignment with truth. Actually, in the real world, people DO mistreat people! That's called life. That's called living aligned with truth. How do we know people are SUPPOSED to mistreat people? Because they do! << This can be a HUGE paradigm shift to realize. It's a powerful kind of surrender to a truth you've been secretly resisting for years. Not easy though if you've developed a strong victim complex around being mistreated.

Yeah, that's a good point. A lot of people go down some dark road when cheated on. Like demonizing the opposite sex.

The question itself is coming from within the Matrix of ego, so it's somewhat misguided. Because from the perspective of no ego, there is no seeking for benefits or value. In fact benefit and value are illusions. The enlightened state is already full and complete. It doesn't need any benefits really. How do you fill a cup that's always full? This is a paradigm shift. Enlightened people still date, and do science, etc. It's more like the reasons behind the doing would change. "Life has no meaning" is not a belief. At least not when McKenna says it. It's technically true because meaning is a projection of the mind. What he don't emphasize is that you don't need meaning. Meaning is a shallow substitute for BEING. Being is much more satisfying than meaning because being is true and meaning is false. The search for meaning is the ego chasing its own tail in confusion, always frustrated because meaning can't ever be really found. Enlightened people live not much differently than ordinary people. Just imagine an ordinary person who is very grateful and at peace with whatever is happening and very in the present moment, and not acting all neurotic. << that's what enlightened life looks like. The externals of enlightened life are totally ordinary: you still brush your teeth in the morning, you still shop for food, you still have sex, you still raise the children, you still go to work, you still file your taxes every year, you still go to the dentist, etc. Or maybe you choose to become a monk in a cave. But that's mostly a stereotype.

There's many different ways to teach or explain enlightenment. A lot of it has to do with how one learned about it himself, one's personal journey. And also one's cultural upbringing, which you can't really escape even with enlightenment. This is also why religions and mystical traditions are so different. The Buddha was very clinical in his descriptions while other prophets were more poetic and flowery. There is also a choice as to which aspects of enlightenment to highlight and which to downplay. Some people like to emphasize the Divine Love part. Some like the Absolute Truth part. Some like the God part. Some like the no-self part. Some like the freedom from suffering part. Etc.

Lol

Yeah, I think that would work because someone is there willing to invest their time into that person and guide them. Unfortunately many depressed people can't afford that kind of service or don't even know how to find it if it was offered for free. Or they would just stop practicing before they developed proficiency. I'm all for the do-it-yourself approach if you have what it takes to do it. Mindfulness is a SUPER powerful tool. Almost too good to be true. Hopefully more people start practicing.

I don't follow. Your writing is very cryptic.

Calm feelings will come and go. They are not ultimate Truth. Don't pay too much attention to them. If your goal is enlightenment, the goal is what's true, not feelings or ideas. Always bring your focus back to the inquiry: Who is feeling calm? Who is asking questions? Who is confused?

What are you worried will happen?

"Who's Zedd?" "Zedd's dead baby. Zedd's dead." Sorry, couldn't resist Great journal! Interested to see where this journey will lead you. Sounds like you've got a taste for truth now and there's no going back in the box.

I agree that the issue of cheating needs to be addressed in a video. As does sexting! I actually want to post a full, real-life sexting transcript on the forum Cause people will not believe some of this stuff if I just tell them about it.

Yeah, the problem with depression is that it's a giant self-fulfilling prophecy that robs you of the VERY mental resources you need to pull yourself out of it. So in practice, I would say if you got really bad depression, you need to find someone to help you who is willing to meet you at your level. One thing they taught us in life coach training is the following principle: If a person is at victim-level thinking and you give him a kick in the ass, he will only become a bigger victim. << they need a very gentle hand-holding approach. If a person is at fighter-level thinking and you give him a kick in the ass, he will mobilize and self-correct. So total victims need lots of support and encouragement. I think you could teach mindfulness-type practices to depressed people, but you'd have to do it in a very supportive environment. You can't just tell them something like: "You are causing all your own problems and it's all in your head." While that's technically true, they are too weak to do anything with it. Btw, I've tried motivating victims through tough-talk and brutal truth, and my results have been mixed. A lot of times they just get upset and freaked out because I failed to meet them at their level. Case-in-point my early video on depression called; Why Am I Depressed? Which gets a lot of downvotes even though it technically answers the question head-on. Another important thing I discovered about depression is that it is a super ambiguous word. Some people say they are depressed when their favorite video game didn't come out on time. Some people are depressed because their entire family was killed in a car crash. Some people are depressed because they eat a terrible diet for YEARS and never exercise Some people are depressed because they have been lying to their spouse about cheating on them. Some people are depressed because they only made $5 million dollars this year instead of $10 million. Some people are depressed because they read too much existentialist philosophy in college. Some people are depressed because they are addicted to alcohol. HUGE difference between all of the above! Yet we tend to call all these cases "depression" and generally try to solve them with the same remedy.

Right, so I would definitely tell that person that if there is pattern of guys cheating on you, then that's obviously being perpetuated by you because most women do NOT get cheated twice in a row. Take 100% responsibility even if it seems harsh. Merely changing guys without addressing the root cause will just create more of the same pattern of course. This is a very common issue with women who get abused. She gets abused, then finally builds up enough nerve to dump the guy. Then the next guy she attracts is EXACTLY the same type of guy who abuses her even more! My rule of thumb on this is: if there is even a thought about cheating in the air in your relationship, you already fucked up somewhere upstream. In the examples above the screw ups were: Lack of open lines of communication between partners Sexually repressed (too shy or squeamish to discuss sex or ask for sex to be changed) Poor sexual skills which leads to stale boring sex that gets old really fast Too lenient about lack of sex. If there is no sex for a whole month, that's a HUGE red flag already that needs to be quickly nipped in the bud.

In my mind it's pretty easy to spot the difference between real and fake spirituality. Fake spirituality builds up ideas and beliefs and rituals. Real spirituality crumbles your worldview and forces you to just BE, in silence. Real spirituality is very radical and open. I instantly feel the vibe from the person. Real spiritual teachers are so authentic it shocks you because you suddenly see the sharp contrast between them and everyone else who's playing the ego game. The person's demeanor speaks for itself. You can instantly tell by watching someone like Tolle or Sadhguru or Osho that they are not fucking around. They are congruently living in another universe.