Brandy Buck and Beer

[Buck Edwards]

A couple of drinks to chill me dear. 

I remember when I was a kid, my dad poured me a large tumbler of beer. It was an exciting moment. I was 7 years old. 

Edited January 24 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

Having to live with experiencing child abuse has had a huge effect on me - anger, depression and anxiety have been emotions which were hard for me to live with but easy for me to relate to. Even so the abuse had not affected the real sense of ‘uniqueness’ my situation gave me.

 

[Buck Edwards]

All of my cumulative experiences has had  wrapped a vial of pain and fear around me, it has also had a dramatic impact on my sense of self, myself development impacting on my behavior and in affect causing really a big gap in between my self-concept (myself as I am) and the ideal self (myself as I would like to be). It was a case of how I saw myself and how much other people saw me. I strongly believe my journey through adolescences at a social level it was my task to shape my identity or self image in the best way I could in very difficult circumstances.

[Buck Edwards]

People talk about DMT entities. It must be a phenomenal thing? 

 

[Buck Edwards]

In the midst of chaos, I had returned. I had found my footing. Once again, I don't wanna betrayed. I want that sunshine to sneak through the slit. Take away this dark world. Bring on that old world charm once again.. Woo me with treasures of frankincense and mythical tales. 

[Buck Edwards]

Who the fuck believes in mythical creatures and dmt entities? 

 

I can never share something like that with anyone. 

 

Now if anyone told me that they saw creatures in dreams, I would burst out laughing. Yet.... I have my own bunch of imaginary beings I believe in. 

I don't know. I used to believe in tulpas and stuff. 

 

 

Edited January 25 by Buck Edwards

[Buck Edwards]

 

My love will rise. 

Today there will be love in my heart. 

Moksha in my soul 

Deep in my heart I love you to bits 

My thoughts are with you Do you love anyone?

And he is still with you What is the pain that you have given me in your heart?

Why don't you fall in love too?

My love shall pass me by. 

[Buck Edwards]

[Buck Edwards]

I want to eat gond katira

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I think I have hypomania

 

 

It's a complex combination of adrenal dysregulation-hyperactivity-mania-substance abuse-dopamine craving-adrenal fatigue-adrenaline addiction salt sugar imbalance-general deficit disorder.

 

ADHMSADCAFAASSIGDD

This is what I will call it. 

I'll shorten it to ADDGDD

Which as per me means - Adrenal dysregulation Dopamine General Deficit Disorder 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Just now, Buck Edwards said:

Which as per me means - Adrenal dysregulation Dopamine General Deficit Disorder 

I'll also call it the Chocolate Disorder because I constantly crave Chocolates(anything related to Chocolate), coffee, anything stimulants. 

This also involves hyper sex cravings. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I went a bit mad today. I felt like hitting myself, some self harm, I wanted to hit myself with a belt. I wanted to feel pain and then be addicted to it. 

I wouldn't calm down. I wanted to disrupt, throw things, break things. There was no reason. I wasn't angry. But I just felt like I was going manic, I wanted to dance like mad in the room and then just drop dead  on the floor. Some adrenaline rush I needed. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also craved sex. Couldn't get that. Then I imagined paragliding. I was high as a kite. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then some music got stuck in my head. Couldn't get that out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally a chocolate drink calmed me down. I went bonkers like a wild tiger, totally insane and wild. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad bad bad bad mad mad mad mad 

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I turned into a horny tood for some time. Lol. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

And this is me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Slow kisses. Slow kisses. Slow kisses.. 

[Buck Edwards]

The industry is heavily biased and always a problem. 

[Buck Edwards]

[Buck Edwards]

I mean this strange relationship between ruler and destitute. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

ADDGDD

The destitute 

The industry 

Creative freedom

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I also want to delve into Indian Spirituality.