Thought Art 📓

[Thought Art]

This song slaps 

 

[Thought Art]

Unfortunately there are currently two sides to me. A very mature, in tune and happy person.

Then, sometimes I feel so angry I can't be a professional musician I just want to die. I hate everything and get really mad.

I am working through this. I am trapped in this existence with it's dying music scene, my aging body. My fears and insecurities.

I have some things going for me. But, also... Yeah.

[Thought Art]

When I see Arcadefire perform I think, that is what my life should be. Anything else is a joke. 

Yet, being a band or artist like that is out of reach for me. 

So, fuck actualized.org and all this self help shit because my dream is impossible. It's all fucked up.

Maybe, just maybe sticking to personal development was all I needed.... Not psychedelics, and spirituality and all this shit. It was great.

But, It's not authentic success. Life isn't designed for me. Eveything is stupid.

I don't believe becoming a musician is possible for me. I feel like I am not way interested in being a plumber, or a massage therapist, or a programmer.

Qigong, yes... I am making progress. But, when I watch Arcade Fire perform I think my life is just garbage. I know, I know this is immature and shows a deep whole in my development. But, it's true and I need to work through it.

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This is my negative inner dialogue I am experiencing and want to be mindful as I go through it.

Edited May 3 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

I am patient, intelligent and capable. I have the ability and the tools to bounce back from, grow and achieve my goals in life. 
 

Sometimes, recently there is this deep pain. Worrying if I’m on a good path or not. Looking at shiny objects like the music career of Arcadefire and feeling really angry I don’t know how to get that or if I can. I’m gonna be mindful and grow through this.

Edited May 3 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

Impatience is a cause of a lot of my suffering. Work to be done. Suffering is part of the gig. 

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

They say heaven's a place
Yeah, heaven's a place, and they know where it is
But you know where it is?
It's behind the gate, they won't let you in
And when they hear the beat coming from the street
They lock the door
But if there's no music up in heaven, then what's it for?

When I hear the beat
My spirit's on me like a live-wire
A thousand horses running wild in a city on fire
But it starts in your feet, then it goes to your head
And, if you can't feel it, then the roots are dead
And if you're the judge, then what is our crime?
Here comes the night time

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Well some people try to pick up girls
They get called assholes
This never happened to Pablo Picasso

The girls would turn the colour of a juicy avocado
When he would drive down their street in his El Dorado

He could walk down your street
Girls could not resist his stare
So Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole
Not like you
Wow!

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

He could walk down your street
And girls could not resist his stare
Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole
 

 

Well the girls would turn the colour of a juicy avocado
When he would drive down their street in his El Dorado

Well he was only 5'3"
But girls could not resist his stare
Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole
Not in New York
Wow!

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

Marijuana is a thief of vitality, creativity, connection and confidence. 

[Thought Art]

Better take care
Think I better go, better get a room
Better take care of me
Again and again

I think about this and I think about personal history
Better take care
I breathe so deep when the movie gets real
When the star turns round
Again and again
He looks me in the eye says he's got his mind on a countdown 3-2-1
Forever

I'm screaming that I'm gonna be living on till the end of time
Forever
The sky splits open to a dull red skull
My head hangs low 'cause it's all over now

And there's never gonna be enough money
And there's never gonna be enough drugs
And I'm never ever gonna get old
There's never gonna be enough bullets
There's never gonna be enough sex
And I'm never ever gonna get old
So I'm never ever gonna get high
And I'm never ever gonna get low
And I'm never ever gonna get old

Better take care

The moon flows on to the edges of the world because of you
Again and again
And I'm awake in an age of light living it because of you
Better take care
I'm looking at the future solid as a rock because of you
Again and again

Wanna be here and I wanna be there
Living just like you, living just like me
Forever
Putting on my gloves and bury my bones in the marshland
Forever
Think about my soul but I don't need a thing just the ring of the bell in the pure clean air

And I'm running down the street of life
And I'm never gonna let you die
And I'm never ever gonna get old
And I'm never ever gonna get
I'm never ever gonna get
I'm never ever gonna get old
And I'm never ever gonna get
I'm never ever gonna get
And I'm never ever gonna get old
I'm never ever gonna get
Never ever get old

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

I am niching down my Qigong offer. Building a more solid marketing and offer strategy. 

[Thought Art]

Rebel against the mental constructssss

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

I have a bunch of courses I am working through. Time to pause, pivot my marketing and sales message. Time to keep cutting out distractions. Time to keep refining my communication skills, eye contact, and body language (I can really suck that this.) Time to keep being sober from marijuana (fuck Mary she sucks) and, time to get debt free, keep investing in my education, my skills, my health, my social life, my Qigong practice, musical abilitiies and etc... My 30s will be great. 

I have a date tomorrow I am looking foward too.