I'm tired with my life.

[jimwell]

On 1/6/2024 at 8:41 AM, Sabth said:

I only talk to my family member as for now. I could fake it very well if my life hangs on it. The last time that I socialize with strangers is when I was in the mental hospital last year. I hate that hospital so much, but for survival purposes I thought that I should be kind. It kinda reminds me of a few years back. It's how I treated everyone in my university. I became extroverted and charming. I guess. But...                                  It's a front. I am not usually like that. The way I treated the doctors and the nurses and others. Idk. I even think that the doctor likes me as he was flustered when he first saw me. There was a three young doctors two girls and 1 guy. Both are like students that's just graduated I think. So it felt like my friends from university from years ago. I don't want them to think me crazy so I do compromise. Sometimes I wonder if I should just kept my mouth shut and treat them like enemies. Cuz they then described me as having a schizophrenia. Lol. It was a lie. I told them that I hate the speaker from the mosque next to my house and they said I heard voices in my head. I never heard voices in my head. I'm not schizophrenic. But these people diagnosed me being schizophrenic. If I don't tell you anything then you'll be shit nothing. I don't need these doctors. It's a shit situation. And they write everything's that s ever come out of my mouth. They seems very amateur. I hate it. I even thought that they are too young to be a doctor. 

But well I'm not complaining. They are evil. These are the kind of people who would tied others to their bed. And threaten. And force others. I think a hospital is a terrible place and it shouldn't exist. It was just fucked up. I didn't do any wrong . In fact, my things are stolen at home when I was forced into the hospital. It's really fucked up. They hv been wanting to get into my wealth for long I guess. It's soo fucked up. And they do me ect. I just think that my whole body are fucked up now and never be the same. I am always on alert mode to my surrounding I never lose my consciousness ever. But they made me lose my consciousness 6/8 times in two weeks. And they want me to clear my memories. I didn't want it. It was done without my will. I hate them so much.  I am already spoilt and ruined. I hate my life. I am no longer the same. I had been touched by a lot of people. Disgusting. 

I need to clarify that this post reminds me of PreetyIndia not because it is filled with drama or toxicity, but because she used to share the same story. She was sent to the mental hospital by her family, and she didn't like it. She hated mental hospitals.

I don't want you to misunderstand me, Sabth. You can continue venting your pain and frustrations. I don't find you toxic, and I understand that venting somehow makes you feel better.

I just hope that your identity and stories are genuine. 

[jimwell]

On 12/30/2023 at 0:38 PM, Sabth said:

I only wanna do long run and jog. These are the only things that I feel like makes a difference. 

Correct, you don't need to lift weights because you're a girl, though girls who make their legs thicker and fuller via weightlifting are good. 

Running or jogging not only makes you fit and healthy; it also makes you look and feel young. 

Just wear a pair of running shoes and clothes when you run outside so people around you will not find you suspicious or weird. But if they do find you weird despite that, it's their problem. You must do what you need to do.