Am i on the right path , i feel like ending it .

[matoriii]

So i thought this is the place to vent to . I really need help . For last 4 mounths i have been battling my ego and fell into an depression even had thoughts of ending it .

I realised i have everything i want . Every goal i wanted to achive , succes , beeing fit , funny etc . All was a requirment for me to love my self . Always judging myself . Having problems of not feeling good enough since my childhood . But last year it changed and i achieved all those ( if this happend i would be happy ... ) and after some time THE BAR GOT RAISED and it tottaly creeped me out . You cant BECOME GOOD ENOUGH . The reality is neutral we are just judging it .

I also had a vision how i am everything , like every emotion ... personality , all exists in my essence and i believe when you reach those goals (when you pleased the ego how it sees the reality should be ) you get the glimpse of that essence inside of you as award . Why you want that is cause you feel like that rush of unconditional love that full acceptance ( its like core confidence indeed is full acceptance ) its like the more accepting i became the smaller my shadow has become the more love and happines (bliss) i felt , confidence also .

I realised all the feelings i give my self . But due to conditioning we all judge what is good enough or worth of love , respect , sadness ... I feel as if the more can we love and accept the universe (self) , the more we are going to be happy . So if i imagine gods mind as the universe everything that exists (truth) is worth of love because the god accepted it , as us the more we accept and the more our mind becomes like the mind of god the more at home and the bigger bliss we would feel cause what you ressist it cant exist in your reality , truth = love ??

The less i need to control the happier i have been .

Now i am not sure in all this but i feel and remember this felt like truth but after time its lik fog occupied my conscioussnes .

Am i on the right path ? I feel like giving up and starting my normal life again cause its been paused for some time and i feel like i got even more lost ?

[Mu_]

Dont be afraid to start your normal life either, one is not separate from the other, in fact it can be a real relief just to chill out, have a few puffs of a cigarette, weed, what ever, or a little drink.  Maybe just shoot the shit with some people sometime or play a video game here and there.  Unless you have a REAL addiction that majorly and negatively effects your life of course, then don't.

But that aside, you sound like your on the right path to the best degree I can decipher from what you said, its not easy sometimes and we do tend to forget like a strange haze what we ultimately know to be true.  This isn't a race to a finish line, so relax a little dont be so hard on yourself.

[TheCloud]

@matoriii IMO, the most important question is:  who raised the bar?  Where the bar is, what the bar is, all kind of questions about the bar itself are great, but who raises the bar is key.  That's a question that could have a lot of answers, but the main difference comes from whether it was you, or somebody else, whether it was your parents or teachers or peers.

Humans are beings who require freedom more than success.  We're taught that achieving our goals should being a pleasant and thrilling outcome, but what we're not often taught is that choosing our own goals and being in full control of our choices comes first.  What slaves achieve always belongs to the masters, and can always be taken away.

Though likely, if you're a slave, the only place that applies is in your own mind.  It is in your own mind that the fruits of your labor are being taken from you, and your bar is being raised by a ghost hand.  As an adult, it's no longer your parents or teachers or peers who hold supremacy over you, but rather your own fear of them.