Something that I write a little while ago :

[Sabth]

There was a job I think I'm gonna be good at, but that too I'm afraid that it would be too much for me. Or I'm afraid to apply for it because it's working long hours (12hours a day) . What if I couldn't make it? 

I don't think I have depression I'm just bored. And don't know what to do with life. As I got nothing to do.  

If I have a little bit of freedom to go wherever I want, I may have been in a better place/my mood would be better. As there are many places I could go to. But now, I'm stuck. I would hv to ask for my mom to drive me anywhere. Which is not often. 

Is 58 too late to get remarried? 

 

Social relationship influence . 

There was a time when I could see people changes with whom they spent their time with . And was repelled by that. If you are my friend then you can't meet my parents or it was a betrayal on your part. (Because they would start to act the same. Upon encounter. There is an integration, when I want you to be more original and authentic. )

Anyway I started to hate everyone who met my parents. Or there was such thing like i don't like my parents be with certain people. Because they would act the same /turns similar. You are whom you spend your time with/interact with.. so there are times when I hate my parents because they are with someone I hate. And I see them changes/influence each other or becoming each other. It was just a whole lot of a nightmare.. the way they speak and I see these. You just have to make a boundaries. This happened during the x

And I see their voices started to sound the same. 

Now, everything had died out. I will cut even my closest people if they have been infected with someone I hate. Influence with. There was such a time. It just repelled me. 

 

I feel like I don't have freedom.

How do I get my freedom again? I feel like I can't move. I'm afraid of my body deteriorating. 

6:04PM May 9

Na nvmd~

I want my own car and a freedom to do whatever I want in a city I love. (Idk if I love my city now the city tht I live in now or if the city tht I love would be ideal to walk around instead of using a car.) But now, I wish I can go wherever I want. Beaches. Waterfalls.. (but the beach here got crocodile. Maybe not all.. ) idk. It's been a while.. 

But , is freedom really what I want? 

I feel like my life is lacking something now.   Or slow.   Or I'm gettin older.  .  Idk.  

8:49pm now anything that I want to buy I would have to tell my mom. Huh? Do I lost my privacy? 

 

[Miguel1]

Are you asking for some advice? Or are you just sharing your thoughts? Do you want to have a discussion about something?

What is the purpose of this?

[Sabth]

I don't know. It is just something I write a little while ago.