Feeling miserable for not achieving progress with a desired edu program

[at_anchor]

The main subjects my native tongue, German, mathematics and English are compulsory. There are also various scientific and artistic subject, social sciences and sport culture, which is also compulsory.

Social science subjects: reading European and Asian literature, religion, history, economics, ethics, politics, logic, sociology. Writing and speaking.

Foreign languages subjects: speaking with fluency languages such as German, English and Latin. Reading books in these language without much difficulty and understanding everything perfectly.

Scientific subjects: a little bit of physics never hurt no body, architecture, mechanics, electrotechnics.


What makes me sad is that I was always a terribke student because I didn't know how important studying is and I didn't know about healthy food, exercise and meditation as foundation and just about going to a library to study all day. No, I listened to music and watched porn. What an ignorant fool.

Now I'm utterly handicapped and too old to stard from the beginning. Even learning Vulgar Latin is too hard, and that makes me think I should not even waste more money on German.

But I have to be able to do these things, because that is all there is in life left for me, is to understand and explainthrough writing and speaking. I want to live life free from sexual desire and gratification forever. I want to be happy without it. The only way to do that is to be healthy, live in a great nation, earn a good salarydoing work I am satisfied with and most importantly just education and enlightenment. Nothing else, except travel a bit too.

So what is standing in my way internally and externally? How do I identify the problems and solve them?

Edited September 26, 2023 by at_anchor

[at_anchor]

Maybe if I created a career as a writer or mechanic engineer and lived near a warm sea, I'd be happy and healthy.

[at_anchor]

Seriously, can eating wheat be a serious problem for me and baloney sometimes? I mean I could be allergic to gluten or something. I never had such a big proble with energy, I sleep well and eat well and have only two hours of energy in the morning. The rest of the day I feel suicidal here, not suicidal but rather awaiting my death impatiently for there is really no hope.