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Canadian

How Do I Become Detached In A Relationship?

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Hi everyone

 

I'm 17 years old man who is trying to improve in all areas of my life, dating is one of them.

 

Well,  There was an occasion when I had a gf-bf relationship with a girl and she decided to leave. I really don't want to think why, you know its a girl... :D 

anyway ,You really don't need to need why she left.

The thing I've found out later after the relationship was over, is that I'd got attachment to her. I didn't feel as good as before. I was upset. Leo often says in his videos that in most of the times girls are the ones who become attached in a relationship, but not always. Seems like I spent too much time with her and I got attached even thou I'm a man.

 

 What I've done is that I focused more on my agenda. (I was doing it even when I was with her.) I tried to work more on personal development. I started living more in present moment. It really worked, she left just 10 days ago but I'm feeling much better. 

I'm posting it here, which means I haven't completely solved this problem yet. I still have to avoid thoughts about her sometimes, but I'm dealing with it well so far.

 

Now, what I'd like to hear from you is the way to get full detachment. Next time I'm in a relationship, I want to be 100% in but  100% out. It means I'm gonna enjoy that relationship, but I want to be able to leave that if something happens anytime I want.

 

I know it's not easy, I know its gonna take time, please feel free to write down some tips.

 

Here are few things I did, and would like to add new suggestions.

1) I started enjoying every second of my life, started living in a present moment, only present!. I try to hear each word when I someone is talking to my, I try to enjoy each trop of my teacup in the morning and etc...

2) I took new programme for my fitness and I spend more time in a gym.

3) I 'm trying to talk more clearly, I like my accent, but I want better.

4) I try to do my school assignments (still lazy sometimes, tbh :D )  

5) I read  self-help books which are really fun.

6) I meditate more

That's my list, please help me add more here..

 

thank you in advance :) 

 

 

Edited by Canadian

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7 minutes ago, Canadian said:

she left just 10 days ago but I'm feeling much better.

Continue what you're doing. 10 days is nothing. See how you feel after a month or two.

9 minutes ago, Canadian said:

Now, what I'd like to hear from you is the way to get full detachment. Next time I'm in a relationship, I want to be 100% in but  100% out.

You will never get 100% in or out of a relationship. 100% in, you become that person and they become you. 100% out and you don't have a relationship.

You need a partial overlap of each other's world, that changes as you go about your life. Sometimes you come closer together, some times you move apart. But never get stuck in overlap (codependence) and never get stuck apart (independence). 

Interdependence is the goal.

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@abgespaced What about ''badboys?'' They simply don't care who comes in their lives and who leaves...I think it's possible to get ''100% in or out relationship.'' I want to be carefree in relationships. 

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18 minutes ago, Canadian said:

@abgespaced What about ''badboys?'' They simply don't care who comes in their lives and who leaves...I think it's possible to get ''100% in or out relationship.'' I want to be carefree in relationships. 

Correct. They could take it or leave it. They are never 100% in during that relationship, and can easily go 100% out when the relationship ends.

Edited by abgespaced

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