Who else lives in their head?

[Sugarcoat]

I’ve always been very very introverted and had a vivid imagination and rich inner world. From the outside my life looks pretty dull since I’ve not done much in terms of external experience. I don’t socialize much and spend most of my time alone. 

 

But I still feel like I’ve lived a very rich life so far because so much has happened in my head, so many beliefs have formed and collapsed, insights about this and that, shifts in perspective/perception etc

 

I’m deeply fascinated by the mind and how it works. A lot of the time I look forward to my next insight/shift in perspective and wonder and try to predict what it’s going to be. 

 

I gain a deep sense of satisfaction when something clicks in my head, nothing beats the feeling of a permanent shift in perspective for me. 

 

Sometimes I walk around in a deep mental fog zoned out for days looking for answers and finally something clicks in my head and I bawl my eyes out for hours feeling showered in love. (Here I’m referring to insights relating to something I’m struggling with at the time, random insights don’t move me that much lol)

 

I’ve never felt normal since most people seem more outwardly oriented based on my observations and what they talk about, but maybe that’s just in my own head too lol.

On a more negative note (as this positive feeling yesterday has lowkey passed, as it always does)  I’m so obsessed with changing myself. It’s to a point that I’m so discontent with myself that I actively chose not to engage with people and especially date because I feel I wanna fix my flaws first. I’ve tried dating two times and it didn’t feel right so I turned inward instead and have been isolating myself. I feel like I’m the female version of those men deep in forums talking about looksmaxing etc. I’m haunted by this negative self image and I’m chasing some better self image in this super obsessive way every day. “Balanced” and “healthy “ people point out things to me and in my mind I’m like f*ck that let me be a neurotic mess pls. End of vent

[Lila9]

You are allowed to be a neurotic mess, and accept it with love regardless social expectations.

And from this point of acceptance and love you can slowly build things upon it and modify it as you'd like.