The Different Facets Of Social Skills + Suggestions For How To Master Them

[Christian]

Thank you so much for the suggestions, guys. I really appreciate them and I will of course try to identify the limiting stories and beliefs that I have about how I am being perceived in social situations as well as my perception of other people. Actually - even now - I am thinking about some of the stories that I visualize very vividly that people are trying to make fun of me/criticize me for my personal traits.  And I know logically that it is just another thought and it is not reality, but even though I know this logically, that does not make the negative emotional attachment from these beliefs go away and it is the emotions that are attached that for me is the problem because they make me defensive and make me want to hide from other people.

I believe that I have this fear because - first of all - I have gotten a diagnosis for autism which has created a lot of limiting beliefs/dogmas about my social abilities. This has then created a self-fulfilling prophecy because now I act as if I am this person with a social problem and that has just made people feed in to the belief with more emotionally intense stories about me which of course are NOT true. I do not believe that I have autism and I know that I can take control of my life and change the crippling effects that the previous story about me being autistic has had on my life up until this point.

 I just need some help on how to figure out how to permanently change my belief and start all over again and that was what I had hoped that Leo or really anybody could do for me.

I would really appreciate if you guys would share some ideas, books, techniques or something else in order to help me because I really need it

Greetings form Denmark <3

[Midlife Crisis]

Try not to care what others think of you... And really work on that. And then, work on how you are carrying yourself. Relax man. 

[Leo Gura]

The only way to develop social skills is to actually socialize -- with real people -- frequently for months and years on end.

Then, on top of that, you can layer in some books, theories, tips, techniques, etc. But without that foundation, you're screwed.

So start thinking about how to be around more people more of the time. A common vehicle for young guys to be more social is through pickup. Or college activities.

Or perhaps you'll decide that you don't want that, and you just want to remain anti-social. That's an option too.

[Christian]

From personal experience, when I decided that I wanted to be a great student in the beginning of 9th grade, I didn't just start acting. I started with a sense of confidence and vision about me achieving excellence and then I began to study all of the correct techniques/principles and I ended up achieving my goal 18-months later. And to compare with this scenario of me wanting to socialize, I feel that I also need that initial belief and motivation to take the right action so wouldn't it also be good to incorporate positive visualization into the process of developing my social abilities along with of course taking massive action and actually doing the work?