"intimacy"

[Judy2]

...now that i think about it, i feel kinda panicky

[Judy2]

i feel nervous and anxious... like i'm about to snap any second and either have a panic attack or dissociate. 

 

it's normal, i'm in a new city, i'm not used to having this many appointments and going so many new places, being around so many people. it's normal and it'll be fine. 

but gosh, i'm panicking.  ...dissociating?

 

i've had too much caffeine and i am definitely getting hypervigilant, hyperaware. it's odd, but apparently i feel safer outside than in my flat? which isn't how it usually goes for me. but inside, i'm all stuck, alone with my feelings - and that only enhances the anxiety, when i let myself feel it. at least outside, i'm kind of used to suppressing things a bit. 

it's a lot. 

[UnbornTao]

1 minute ago, Judy2 said:

i've had too much caffeine

Can confirm. Quitting for a few weeks or months helps a lot in this regard, I've found. Exercising is also crucial. 

[Judy2]

@UnbornTao yeah you're right:) i like caffeine paired with exercise, though... but i guess it's also a matter of how much do i have, and i've had too much today.

[Judy2]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

i feel nervous and anxious... like i'm about to snap any second and either have a panic attack or dissociate. 

 

it's normal, i'm in a new city, i'm not used to having this many appointments and going so many new places, being around so many people. it's normal and it'll be fine. 

but gosh, i'm panicking.  ...dissociating?

 

i've had too much caffeine and i am definitely getting hypervigilant, hyperaware. it's odd, but apparently i feel safer outside than in my flat? which isn't how it usually goes for me. but inside, i'm all stuck, alone with my feelings - and that only enhances the anxiety, when i let myself feel it. at least outside, i'm kind of used to suppressing things a bit. 

it's a lot. 

i guess it's also the combination of being in a new apartment i don't feel quite comfortable in yet, and then also starting at uni. that's too many destabilising factors all at once, because it removes too many of the "pillars" i could hold onto while the others crumble a bit. now it feels like the entire roof is coming down, because it's being shaken up all at once.

a pillar still standing: i did my make-up this morning and it turned out quite nice and i wore a really nice outfit, a dark blue skirt and a white top with light blue flowers, plus my pale pink coat and my white fllower hand bag.

another one: exercise, my gym routine, the obstacle run i am training for.

and another one: the book i am currently reading (the third part of the Fourth Wing series, maybe not as good as the first one? but still interesting enough)

Edited 4 hours ago by Judy2

[UnbornTao]

34 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@UnbornTao yeah you're right:) i like caffeine paired with exercise, though... but i guess it's also a matter of how much do i have, and i've had too much today.

Yep. In any case it's worth trying to quit it for a while and see the effects. A couple of espressos are enough to mess up my day.

[Judy2]

39 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Yep. In any case it's worth trying to quit it for a while and see the effects. A couple of espressos are enough to mess up my day.

what about green tea?

[UnbornTao]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

what about green tea?

It gives you a nice, calm focus boost. Way less jittery than coffee in my experience.

Edited 2 hours ago by UnbornTao