awake&aware: on dreams and emotions

[Judy2]

some things in this world are simply too beautiful for me. i wish they could just be without me. i wish they could be for someone more beautiful and perfect than me, cause i simply don't fit in here. 

[Judy2]

i'm scared of needing to be someone in this life. if i weren't there, nothing about me could be wrong. 

[Judy2]

"All that we see or seem

is but a dream within a dream."

                    ~ Edgar Allan Poe

[Judy2]

i don't wanna be "respected"

i wanna be wanted and admired 

[Judy2]

 

[Judy2]

i think we all are actually very deeply in love with Life. to the point that this Love is inexpressible.

it's just that sometimes we get so caught up in our twisted emotional patterns and stories.

but even when you think you hate "your" life, you will always be in Love with Life itself. always.

no matter how much you hate everything else, you cannot escape this tiny spark of Love that shines at the root of every single thing and being. 

find it, and let it grow.

[Judy2]

 

[Judy2]

sometimes i can see something sweet and good and beautiful in myself

i'm scared though and have a hard time allowing for this perspective to solidify

i KNOW that i'm not good enough, that i'm not perfect - and i guess i want people to know that i know this. at least i'm not deluded about being pretty or smart or more likeable than i actually am then. at least no one can say i am arrogant or too confident about the wrong things.

[Judy2]

"A woman especially, if she has the misfortune of knowing any thing, should conceal it as well as she can." 

Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey 

[Judy2]

every "moment" is so new and fresh and crystal clear

[Judy2]

"laisse-moi tomber afin que je puisse réaliser que j'étais toujours capable de voler"

[Judy2]

 

[Judy2]

 

[Judy2]

"beyonding."

[Judy2]

 

[Judy2]

Wisdom tells me i am Nothing.

Love tells me i am Everything.

Between the two my Life flows.

       ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

[Judy2]

 

 

[Judy2]

it hurts. clarity comes and goes, and when it's gone again i can feel so incredibly inferior. i'm so ugly, i'm not good enough.

[Judy2]

 

[Judy2]

i feel like i am slowly dissolving. and it doesn't feel right when it's happening with me alone and in silence, with no one to see it or hold me as i am going through these weird shifts and releases

i hate it when i'm being strong and courageous, i didn't choose this

all i ever wanted is to be weak and taken care of

now i am weak and i am vulnerable, in a true and genuine way for once. everything is falling apart, i am falling apart....and i just wish someone could hold me while i'm feeling all the things that i feel.