We-frame in pickup?

[StarStruck]

Sometimes I really get happy if a conversation goes well. Especially now since I was out of the game for couple of months. You can really see it on my face. I recognized a pattern though:

The couple of few approaches went really well but when I show that I’m “winning” by smiling (or lighting up) , I see women hooking off, cutting the conversation short or telling me they “have a bf”. Why is this? Should I hide this happy feeling when a conversation goes well?
 

In pickup they say “make her feel like she is winning, don’t make her feel you are winning”. I think this right but I don’t understand why they are like this. I feel like I can’t be myself and I have to turn in an asshole to get some fucking slack. I’m doing well right now but it still frustrates me. 

Edited August 13, 2022 by StarStruck

[aurum]

11 hours ago, StarStruck said:

“make her feel like she is winning, don’t make her feel you are winning”. I think this right but I don’t understand why they are like this.

Would you buy something from a salesperson if you didn’t feel like you were winning? Or if you just felt like they were just getting a win?

Of course it needs to feel like a win for the girl.

If you’re too excited about “winning” that just looks weird. It shows it’s not normal for you. And it’s kind of desperate.

Imagine if when you went to buy a new car, the car salesman said “YOU’RE GOING TO BUY IT?!? OMG FINALLY YESSSS THANK YOU”.

And I get that’s not what you’re doing, but the concept is similar.

People responding well to you is normal. Girls liking you is normal. This is not some fluke or lucky moment you are having.

[StarStruck]

@aurum haha that is so funny and true about the salesperson but I feel like sales dynamic is different. Who determines who is the buyer and the seller? Why should I always assume I should be the seller of myself? Why can't I be the buyer? In fact in PUA they advice to take the buyer frame (qualification) and that she should be selling.

[aurum]

49 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

In fact in PUA they advice to take the buyer frame (qualification) and that she should be selling.

But see, what you’re already doing IS qualifying yourself.

If you’re feeling desperate or like you don’t deserve the girl, which is manifesting as you getting overly excited, then who is really qualifying who?

Assuming you’re not holding her against her will, the reality is of course that the girl is choosing you. And you are also choosing her. You’re choosing each other.

Doesn’t mean you need to simp over her. But she could choose someone else. She has agency.

So if that’s the case, what makes her choose you and not another guy? Or no guy at all?

Thinking about these sort of questions is not a violation of game. It’s actually extremely important that you’re aware of what you are offering. Even if it’s just good vibes. You should also be aware of what you’re not offering.

Then you can screen her. It’s mutual screening. Even if she is selling herself to you, she still screened you to at least some degree before she started selling herself.

But of course, part of what she is screening for is that you’re not desperately selling yourself. So it does get a bit paradoxical.

[StarStruck]

@aurum I had to think about this and I guess I have a hole in my heart and I want her to be my surrogate. If I want her to be that I should offer her a good deal, and currently I still have some traumas and I'm somewhat clingly; that makes my vibe off.

Lately I discovered how important vibe is. I'm really investing time into letting go of negativity, karma and ego so I can be more in the now, more fun and connect better with the other.

From my observations, a girl will put up with a lot, if the guy's vibe is good. All this time I betted on the wrong horse. There is really some truth in the saying girls just want to have fun. Offering good vibes is probably the single most important thing one can offer in casual dating.

Edited August 15, 2022 by StarStruck