Preety_India

I'm Preety /Babloo

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Posted (edited)

My self.. 

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Edited by Preety_India

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My first boyfriend 

 

now this is going to be a bit long. It's exhausting. 

But I have to write all of this once and for all. 

I think my first relationship started while I was studying. And it lasted only 6 months.. 

I will call this guy Mr SHT. This is an abbreviation of his name for short form sake, for reference. I know it probably sounds like Mr shit (haha). So this guy was very handsome and tall, taller than me of course. He came from a really wealthy family which I didn't know at the time when I was dating him. I came to know much later towards the end of the dating period. So I was doing really good with my grades. All the girls around me were acquainted with him except me. One day I was at a bookstore trying to get some books because it was the start of the semester. A lot of the guys used fancy large bikes then. And they would wear sunglasses and ride these bikes, maybe show off a few stunts to the girls to impress them. I wasn't into dating at all. I was very nerdy and just kept to myself. I had a crush just a year ago before meeting Mr SHT and it didn't go down well. The crush was 15 years older to me, he was introduced to me by my older siblings. He was their friend. I instantly had fallen for him. His manners were very pleasing to me. I will call him Mr Raj. Raj is a very common name in India although his name is an extension of Raj. Raj was highly educated, extremely handsome, one of the most good looking men on the campus, to see or find a good looking man on the campus was a rare sight because most guys who were smart in studies didn't pay attention to their looks and looked very nerdy with glasses and all, they would wear torn clothes, their hair would be unkempt and they would generally appear wimpy and shabby. I was a bit nerdy shy girl too, but this would change later. Raj wore very nice clothes all the time, his hair was always in place, his shirts were always without wrinkles, he would neatly fold his sleeves, his table was always super clean and neat, his clothes were fresh, his face was always clean shaven. He was so clean that he was almost like a robot with his upkeep and discipline. His mannerisms were impeccable. He would always welcome a woman, open the doors for them, pull out a chair for her etc. All the good manners that men display around women. This was a rare thing. Because most of the guys on campus were arrogant nerds  some of them were sexist and wouldn't care about mannerisms around women. So Raj was a refreshing change. Raj was also 15 years older than me but he looked 10 years younger than his age. So it didn't matter how old he was, he always looked young and fit in well with the younger crowds. 

I met him through my older siblings and he introduced himself. He had his eyes all on me. I was the youngest in the whole crowd of friends. I was extremely naive back then. I had no knowledge of men and no contact of men except for my dad. I just didn't know men. I was instantly taken by all the attention Raj was giving me. He would praise me constantly. I had very low self confidence. I was always extremely nervous around him, not even uttering a word, since it was an older crowd of people, I largely kept to myself and didn't say much at all throughout the gathering /party. Raj was probably impressed by my shyness and demure nature. I don't know. Maybe it was me being much younger than him. He would try to flirt with me, but not in a vulgar manner, just nerdy flirting, casual, not too strong. 

As days went by, I grew more attached to Mr Raj. He would my home nearly every day. Mostly in evenings. He would call on my home phone, the general land phone which was for all family members to use. I would feel very nervous talking to him on the phone, sometimes my hands would shake just holding the phone. 

 

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

He would speak in a very monotonous slow manner. Heavy voice. Deep voice. I was very high pitched and excited in my voice tones. He used to like my laugh and quirkiness. I had no idea why he used to call. But I used to feel good. I started calling him my friend. 

As some weeks went by, I grew more affectionate towards him and slowly developed a crush on him. Since he was 15 years older than me, there was no way I would have the confidence to say that I love him. Just no way, in those years I was too shy and nervous around men. I had not experienced sex by then. I was just a virgin. I had no boyfriend at that time. Mr SHT was later going to be my first boyfriend and my first sexual experience. But before Mr SHT, I had no prior sexual or any kind of experience with men. 

So I was not able to articulate my feelings for Mr Raj. I sometimes thought of him as an older brother, sometimes as a friend. I couldn't figure what feelings I had for him. But he was like an authority figure  in my life. He would tell me things about career and degrees. He was like a teacher to me. 

I gradually started calling him in the middle of the night. This was to escape my parents attention. My mom was feeling a bit jittery and uptight whenever I would call Mr Raj during the day. She knew he was older so she didn't like me calling him. 

So I would call him in the night. Nobody in my family would know that way. It was all secret. I would not say much on the phone because usually I used to get very nervous while talking to him, I would talk to him the way a fan would talk to a movie star. I was just plain nervous during those days. Raj would never say anything sexual or offensive to me. He never said anything dirty. He made sure that I always felt safe. 

Had Raj been dirty in any way around me, I would have instantly broken off all ties with him, because even I barely had any experience with men, I knew to keep away from bad men and predators. I could easily sense if a guy was being lewd and lascivious. I never liked that pervy kind of guys. They were an instant turn off. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

Raj was very respectful. He had a sense of dignity and pride about him. He wasn't cocky. He was just mannerly and sophisticated, a quality that was very rare in the younger crowds. 

So anyway, a few months flew past, and I started writing letters to Mr Raj. Personal letters. I could have even said the things on the phone but I wanted it to be special. I would deliver these letters whenever I met him. Since I couldn't say such things on the phone, I wrote a letter and I wrote the words ' I love you' in that letter. I planned on giving him that letter. So I did. 

One day I met him at a party and I got too close to him. I got really close and he was quite tall. Like 6 feet tall. I kinda pulled him but my nervousness caused me to kiss him on the neck in a very awkward way. I was going to kiss him on the cheeks or lips but it missed his face and landed on the neck. I felt very embarrassed. 

So some days went by and I decided to just put a full stop to all this uncertainty around this mysterious tall handsome man in my life. 

I called him straight up one evening and told him that I need an answer. What's all this about? Why no response to my letters. I was being rude to him. Because I wanted to be done with all the passive show of attraction and it not going anywhere. 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

So I called Raj one evening. I told him that I need answers. He was being evasive. I was being a petulant teenager. I wasn't having it. It was making me angry. I asked him. Then there was a pause. Maybe he didn't want to lose me. So he had avoided such a conversation for a long time. Maybe he didn't want to hurt me. 

After the long pause, he shrugged. And then he began to explain me in a deep sad voice that nothing was going to happen between us. That he thought of me as a kid, nothing more. He said to me in clear words, that I was like a baby to him, he was too old to think of being sexual with me, he didn't entertain such a thought, he would never have thought of dating me because of the age gap. He wasn't comfortable being with a much younger woman. He felt like he was taking advantage of me. I was just 18 and barely legal. He was 33. He didn't look 33. He looked 25. 

I told him that it didn't matter how old he was. I liked him too much. He didn't care to listen. He said that he would never date someone who was 18. He felt awkward. He didn't want to play with my innocence. I was heart broken. I really wanted him to try me. I slammed the phone in anger. 

I was crushed. My crush wouldn't accept me because of a stupid age difference. I felt very depressed. I wasn't eating for a few days. I was upset and mad at everything. Having put so much emotion into it and then being told that I was too young to date. I was just a mess for some time. 

Eventually I forgot Raj. I stopped calling him. He never called me again. It was all over. He flew to Switzerland for his job the next month. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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My first boyfriend continued.... 

 

So Raj was gone from my life forever. 

So I was getting books for my new semester and I started to walk away from the bookstore and I stumbled upon a bike. A guy sitting on bike looking intently at me. He was smiling at me. I didn't know him. Seems like he was from my class because I had seen him in my class just a few days ago. I was sort of angry because he had startled me. I was like an angry teen. I didn't want men, especially after being so embarrassingly rejected by Raj. I wanted to have nothing to do with men. 

Mr SHT smiled at me and said "I think you are from my class, aren't you even going to say a hello to a friendly stranger?" 

I was pissed off by his comment. He already made it look like I did something wrong by not saying a "hi" to him. So I shrugged and said "Hi" and walked off. That was it. 

Next day I saw him once again in the classroom and I looked away and walked past him..

I wasn't into getting any attention from any man. I just wanted to keep to myself. But it seemed as though the more I pulled away, the more curious he got. 

One evening  it was already getting dark and I had lost some money and some books because I forgot my purse somewhere and I didn't remember where. I was standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to ride home. 

There were some people at the bus stop and I was busy looking at my phone, constantly checking the time. I was too nervous. I had to get back home really fast. I had to complete my class assignments. I had no time to waste 

I was holding books in my hands, nervously waiting for the bus. And I felt startled. Like someone said a soft hello behind me. I turned around and I saw Mr SHT on a bike. He had a nice brand new bike. I was very startled, I was like a deer in the headlights, I just stared at him, because I couldn't figure out how he landed there. How did he know I was here? There were too many questions in my head and I was nervously looking at him while he was smiling at me. I gave him a mean look. (in my head I was thinking "not this one again.") He raised his helmet and intently kept looking at me and asked me if I needed a ride home. I was instantly nervous and uncomfortable at this question /request. I was getting frozen. I had never been approached in such a direct manner by anyone, much less a man in my life. I looked at him like he was some bugger. In my mind I was thinking "what are you up to, why would I accept a ride from you?" I just fumbled with my bag for some time, mumbling something, just confused, not knowing what to say. I stuttered and blurted out "okay" very nervously. I didn't want to say yes but at the same time I didn't want to be rude to him. It didn't feel ok to say No. So I sat on his bike and he rode me home. On the way he asked me a few questions, regarding my interests, where I came from, about my parents etc etc etc. 

I answered all of his questions like an obedient parrot. 

 

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My first boyfriend continued.... 

I answered all of his questions like an obedient parrot. 

And then he dropped me off at my house. My house was a swanky apartment and there was a bevy of Mercedes cars in the driveways of the apartment. Everyone who lived there was very rich. My parents had wanted that house because it was close to the workplace. There was this huge fountain near the driveway and the lights all around the apartment would light up that fountain at night. I came from poverty but my family worked hard and we got rich and made it big. We were living in the wealthiest neighborhood at the time. And this college was very close to my house and I used to ride the bus because it was much safer to use the bus than drive a car. I wasn't good at driving anyway. 

So when he dropped me, he looked at my apartment and for a minute he was just looking. Maybe he was thrilled, I don't know. He then asked me my number. I immediately scribbled my number on a paper and gave it to him. 

And then he disappeared riding on his bike. I came home, showered, fixed dinner and sat back and relaxed and thought nothing much of anything. 

 

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My first boyfriend continued.... 

Now it was December. The month of November was very hectic, loads and loads of assignments and college work, no bunking or get banned from college for low attendance. I attended all classes dutifully. I had good grades. I was an A student. The coming January was going to be the exam month. We were going to have our first ever semester exam that month. So December made me anxious. I was totally into preparing well ahead for my exams. I was too scared of getting low grades. This was a very anxious month. Studies were important. 

Now it was 25 December. Christmas. I wasn't a Christian back then, not formally, but Christ is someone I always prayed to, so Christmas was special for me. I celebrated that day. It was a reprieve from all the piled up stress of that month. 

I was preparing for bed. I was sitting around when I received a text on my phone. It was Mr SHT. Holy shit!!! I thought to myself why in the world would this guy text me at night. 

He texted me "Merry Christmas." 

 

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

He texted me "Merry Christmas." 

I was alone at home. My whole family was on vacation at the beach in another city. I didn't go with them because I had to prepare for my exams. January 2nd was the test date. I couldn't be vacationing at this time so I let them go while I was alone at home for those days. 

I was a bit nervous replying to a man I barely knew. Plus I was alone. I just replied back "Same to you." 

(I somehow cannot fathom the events of this night and how they unfolded, even today I can't. I wish it weren't this way.) 

So he texted me back. He asked me what I was doing. I texted him that I was doing nothing. Then he texted a few more questions and I answered them, just like a parrot. I was still naive. I never had a proper boyfriend, only a crush who had rejected me a year ago. 

Somehow Mr SHT wouldn't leave me alone. He kept texting. I asked him what he was doing so late at night. He said he was with his friends in a restaurant celebrating Christmas. I said ok. 

After some time I thought it was best for me to go to bed. I was too tired and my brain was foggy and I was sleepy. I had a long day studying up to 12 hours. I just couldn't hold up any longer. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

 

It was Christmas night. December 25. 

I was tired, groggy, lazy as a sloth and ready for bed. 

And Mr SHT was continuously texting me. 

So he asked me if I were home alone or with someone. Hindsight I probably should have lied or not answered this question at all. I regret answering this question. I was too naive and I answered that I was home alone. I just didn't know any better. 

He sent a couple of texts and then he said he was on his way home. I was too sleepy while reading these texts and I replied "okay." 

And his next text was "what do you mean? You want me to come over(to your place) ? 

I was confused. I was already too sleepy. I just didn't know what he was talking about. Hindsight I think he did it on purpose to trap me in his questions and make it look like I want him even when I never gave him such a signal. 

I was completely confused. I just didn't know what to answer. I didn't want him to come over to my place because it was well past midnight. He was still a stranger to me. We had met only once or twice before. And this was a month ago. I didn't even know this guy. Every time it was him asking me questions, I never asked him anything at all. 

I was simply replying "okay" or "ok" to all of his texts out of tiredness. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued....

I was simply replying "okay" or "ok" to all of his texts out of tiredness. 

 

He then magically appeared at my house within minutes. I got a call on my phone and he said he is at the main entrance. I was flummoxed and dumbfounded. I just didn't know what was going on. 

I wiped my face and rushed to the door because I didn't want to be rude. I opened the door. I let him in.. 

I immediately ran to the kitchen. Because it's a custom in India that when some stranger or guest is at your home, you are supposed to serve them tea, coffee, biscuits or sweets like chocolate. 

I grabbed some chocolates from refrigerator and poured some juice in a glass and placed it on the table and told him to have it. He was looking tired. He was just looking at me. I was in my night gown. It was a sexy night gown. It wasn't too much. But that's what I wore most of the nights. It had some lace and it looked very feminine. 

So I sat across him on the couch and asked him a bunch of questions. My sleepy haze slowly disappearing. Now I was a bit alert. 

He was laughing and he was very much of an extrovert. 

My laptop was on in my bedroom. He was talking about some email he had sent. I excused myself and went to the bedroom to check my laptop. I was running through the emails. And I turned around and I saw him.. He was in my bedroom now. I was a bit unnerved. Because I was alone at home. I didn't see him as a bad guy. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued....

He sat next to me. Very close. His thighs almost touching mine. He sat on my bed and my laptop was in front of us. 

 

So I came across some funny cat videos on my laptop and I burst out laughing. He laughed too. This was nearly 2 am in the night.. 

We kept chatting and laughing. I was laughing a bit too much. I was acting drunk. The sleep deprivation because I had been studying very hard for days, was really having a toll on me. I was just wanting to fall asleep. But here was a guest I had to entertain. 

As we kept chatting, he kept looking very intently at me. His gaze was very hypnotizing. 

His asked me what I would want him to call me. I said call me anything. I wasn't being flirty. I didn't know how to flirt. I was just being friendly. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued....

He said he would call me "baby." I was just laughing very nervously. 

I liked him calling me baby. It felt very "at home." sometimes people in my family would call me baby. 

He kept on calling me baby. I kept laughing. Giggling. Nervous cackle. 

We were chatting for more than an hour by now. It wasn't even sexual. Just being funny. He showed me some Memes on the internet and he was making silly jokes. I was laughing my ass off. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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My first boyfriend continued.... 

By now he came a bit closer to me, his face directly above my face and he was staring deep into my eyes. I didn't know what to do. The nervousness was taking over me. I leaned a bit toward him and he pulled me and kissed me on my lips. He held my head in his hands really tight and kissed me very deeply. 

 

I felt very awkward. Extremely awkward. I tried pulling away but he wouldn't let me. I kept kissing me. 

 

I got wet. Really wet after his kiss. I couldn't tell what was going on. He whispered that he loves me. He likes me. And then proceeded to kiss me again. He then removed my night gown. He did it so swiftly and quickly that I didn't understand how he just removed my clothes like that. 

 

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

So he proceeded to remove my clothes. He ripped my panties off. (I still have no clue how he managed to do all this so quickly meanwhile I just stared at him feeling dumb. It seems he had experience with this kind of stuff. ) 

He laid me carefully on the bed trying not to bump my head against the headboard. He kept his palm beneath my head to rest it softly on the pillow. And then he took off his clothes really quick. I was just staring at him the whole time. 

I was very wet, dripping wet, this was the first time that I had felt directly sexual with a guy, real time experience. 

I had masturbated before but nothing I had imagined could come closer to this. 

He laid himself carefully on top of me. And then he touched my breasts. My breasts were feeling hard. My nipples were tight. I was very nervous and kinda scared. My heart was jumping all the time. 

And then he tried to roll me over. 

Everything was happening way too fast and I was too tired and sleepy but I was turned on. I was floating in a breeze. Just letting it happen. I wasn't actively resisting. Because I was too wet to resist. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

Then he rolled me over again. He was treating me like a ragdoll constantly touching me, rolling me over and over and pulling my nipples really hard, and then grabbing my breasts. Just twisting my breasts. It all felt hard. My breasts were swelling. I was feeling a lot of pain 

  Now he proceeded to open my legs. I was scared. I wouldn't let him. I told him no. He then jerked off without intercourse. There was semen all over the bed. My vision was blurry and I was too exhausted.. 

He finally slumped over me in exhaustion. His penis looked  shrunk. 

This was almost 4 am. I slept off. He slept off beside me. We were both naked. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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My first boyfriend continued.... 

 

An hour later. I woke up. I went to the kitchen. I fixed some breakfast. Cereal and tossed some strawberry and banana into milk and served him in his bed. Actually my bed. 

He was groggy and he kept rubbing his eyes. I was in my night gown. He smiled at me. He ate it. 

All the time he would simply look at me. I didn't know what to say to him. We fell asleep again and woke up again an hour later. 

Then it was class time at 8 am. He told me he needs to go. He got dressed in his jeans and shirt. And then he took his helmet and said bye and kissed me and left. 

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My first boyfriend continued.... 

 

I was too scared by now. I felt guilty. It was the next day after Christmas. Normally we would have off days around Christmas. But because it was exams in January, some teachers were holding classes starting 8 am every day.. Classes would end close to mid afternoon. 

I wasn't myself anymore. I was ridden with guilt. What had I done? How could I just allow a stranger to get so close to me? He was still a stranger. I gave in to a  stranger on Christmas night? What??? 

I couldn't believe it. I had sexually given  myself the night before to a guy I had barely known. Although there was no actual sex, it still felt weird. I was sleepy, tired, feeling exhausted and drunk and I just didn't know how it all happened so fast..i wasn't craving for it to happen again. I kinda felt ashamed. Not because it was sexual. But because I had these moments with a man I didn't know much at all, a guy from my class.. 

In the next few days, he kept texting me and his texts and calls were regular. He would always ask me if I were home alone. 

He confessed that he loved me. I fell in love with him as well. 

This was my first standard boyfriend. Mr SHT. 

 

Mr SHT was smart, tall and handsome. My age, my classmate. All girls would drool over him. He would have a bevy of girls circling him. He knew how to get their attention just like he knew how to get my attention even without me knowing it 

He never talked about that night again. 

My family returned from the vacation. I didn't say a word. I was too afraid that they would judge me for being sexual with a classmate. 

Then came the death knell. The exams. It was January already. 

The fear and anxiety of the exams drowned out all the memories and fears of that night and all the leftover romantic feelings too. Now it was only and only Exam. That's it 

 

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

Then it was January. The exams lasted a total of 14 days. Sheer exhaustion.. Very cruel. Indian exams are the cruelest. Not a day off and they put you through a drill. It's military style. If you fail, repeat. Dropping out is not an option. Because then parents terrorize you. You can't tell an Indian parent that you failed an exam or you decided to drop out. You better be ready to jump from the window. Because Indian parents take grades very strictly. If you failed exams, you basically failed the whole family as well as your life 

The second week of January. I wasn't studying hard.. Why? Because I began daydreaming sexual encounters with my boyfriend Mr SHT

 I would imagine both of us. I was too excited. This was my very first relationship. My very first romantic sexual relationship.  My very first boyfriend. 

How could I not be excited? I was being an excited teen. I was on cloud 9. 

But he didn't seem that excited. He was normal. 

His calls began to lessen in duration and frequency. It seems like he didn't care too much. 

It was in the middle of the exams. It was Sunday. I called him. I started telling him how I was daydreaming about him. I was describing like a starry eyed teenager. 

He got upset. He reprimanded me. He yelled at me.. He was very dominating. Not controlling. But dominating. 

He said to me angrily "do you want all red lines on your marksheet? Go back and study. I want you to do well in this exam. Don't be foolish. Whatever it is, we can do it later. Have some self control. It's exams now. Go study and stop dreaming."

 

Now it was the third week of January. And the exams were over. We would now have a vacation break of 1 month before the start of the next semester. The second semester. 

This was early spring break. 

 

I came home after finishing the last test and immediately jumped in bed and took my phone. I called his number. I could hear the ring... But nobody is picking up. I was getting restless. I hadn't talked to him since the last time he scolded him. Now it was my time for fun. I kept calling non stop. I thought he was playing a prank and intentionally avoiding me. 

But then someone cut the call and left a message. "who is this. SHT is not here" read the text. 

I replied "so where is SHT?" 

Then came the text reply "he left for his hometown just an hour ago. He must have boarded the train now. I'm his friend Rahul (a guy). Who are you btw?" 

I felt a bit unnerved and I didn't bother to reply. 

I thought to myself "wtf, how could he just leave for his place even without telling me? Did he just forget me?" I was too upset. 

But then in the coming few weeks I consoled myself by saying maybe it was a family emergency or something so he probably didn't find a chance to let me know. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Posted (edited)

My first boyfriend continued.... 

 

It was February 2nd week now. Semester opening time. The entire month SHT didn't call me even once. No texts, no calls, no emails. Nothing. It's like he had vanished. 

It was Saturday afternoon and I see SHT in the college cafeteria. 

I'm dumbfounded. When did he come back? Did his friend tell him that I called and inquired about him? What's going on? 

 

I went home and I called SHT and demanded that he come right away. To my house. Right now. I was furious. 

He came. When he came I was home alone and I smiled at him. But then I started the questions. Interrogation. 

Where were you? Why didn't you call me? I tried calling you. You never replied. What's going on? 

He then told me that he had taken ill. He was severely ill. 

"didn't my friends tell you that I was in the hospital. So you are a girlfriend and you didn't know." 

He blamed me. His trick was to blame me for everything. 

He left soon after. Without a kiss. 

I was pissed. 

I had to be a bit demanding with this guy. This is shitty. How can he do this. I'm a girlfriend. I need answers. 

Edited by Preety_India

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