Heart (emotional self awareness) - Freestyle/No Theory (Closed Journal)

[ll Ontology ll]

Intro #3 (main part of above quote used in intro one time only):

It is clear to me that the heart is an opening to alternate dimensions and timelines of possible being.

It is not mere illusion nor is it mere coincidence that man’s best inventions come from his intuition, nor should it be considered a peculiarity that it is a window to the deepest truths of the universe and that this window and seed to his eternal life, is his heart. It is from this place of truth that I speak and it writes into me, turning what was painful ice into a diamond of light.

I experienced a moment where I was revealed the truth of an aspect alternate being, in light of my attempts to align as I have suggested in the previous two introductions, my being has shown me the force of nature that had been reckoned upon us all that being the power of the heart to reveal to us alternate lives. Because of the pressure that I placed on the heart, the universes intuitive self through the heart showed me in a flash of a split second what alternate lives I could have had if my heart were properly nurtured and grown compared to its opposite and therefore worse than my present predicament.

It reveals to me a necessary awakening of latent empathy across the hairs for all humans, and it is to understanding that we can feel confident to share this empathy with others. It has been such that where I have not understood a situation, I have like most humans do, refrained from using my empathy, outside of course using it when I have believed by best approximation understanding was there and have used it for both the means that have served positive and negative ends, for the latter, whether I have been unwise or wise in this expression relative to my present development, a desire for some good regardless.

It is clear then, that we’re not merely talking about the healthy functioning of being when we refer to the strength of the signal and connection between the heart and the brain as well as unto the heart itself and everything within it. We are also through this, turning a key in the lock of consciousness, allowing us to purview into its greater secrets and more, build a bridge to them and what insight the universe wants to send through that bridge back to us. 

Given the infancy of this endeavour, I am undoubtedly only at the cusp of this potential, the use of the word potential here being so frail right now compared to what will inevitably unfold beyond the imagination of a hurricane of continuous insight that I am at present due to my inexperience limited at seeing and describing.

The world is a hidden bliss, and it lives nessled beneath the covering of our hearts that hides us from the beauties of reality. 
 

Session:

A fitting song for the dread and everything else accompanying, including, what now lives beyond it.

 

 

No more black arrows can sting me, everything falls away into the unseen as it truly was to the truth of the heart. All abrasions, injuries through the delusions of the mind for which the heart cannot entertain when in full motion. This of course, goes against the negative conditioning forces of the world. The pain my mother tried to inflict. The pain my father tried to inflict. The pain my siblings tried to inflict. The pain my teachers tried to inflict. And too, the pain I tried to inflict. We all relied on the lack of wholeness in one another’s hearts in order for penetrations into our minds propensity towards delusions to be successful. We rely on so much of our weak defenses in one another’s hearts to make our weapons against the many weaknesses of the mind come into effect that without a weakened heart those attacks on the mind all things being equal would be rendered useless. The mind is an inaccurate organ with many weaknesses more than its strengths, something that has evolved after the further evolution of the heart. To any awakening of the word then, it does not come from general knowledge alone but of the knowledge on how to make the heart whole so that the mind is free from its burdens.

I am right now in this moment provided with the extremely vivid picturing of my 8th grade geography teacher. I felt his authoritarian tone underneath his breath and I can be sure that such a tone had left a negative mark on me by this time as it was often met with quiet fear and shame underneath the surface as if I were attempting to have a conversation with my father that would never last longer than his desire for comfort and dictatorial authoritarianism designed to subtly belittle, mock, be dismissive or if there was anything positive, to be solely an unrelenting ear to his unempathic wise. I do not hate my father, I see him for the elderly man he is for both his strengths and weaknesses, but I speak from the impressions that he left on his son at a young age, this is the fortitude of these writings here, to speak purely from the truth of the expression as it arises.

As I see my geography teachers face now I project my father onto him and I feel the same sense of fear and shame that I had then right now. I sit through the emotions and feel them whole non judgementally. Holding stern to the wise of allowing the heart to learn what it needs to learn completely from the experience.

Edited May 4, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Comments (we’re adding a comments section): I’ve been so cut off from my own life supply that I just took living in constant pain as normal. I never spoke of it. I recall bringing it up very briefly with my father when I was 19. He said, “toughen up!”, I asked my mother when I was 16 why I felt so disconnected from others (at the time) and her response was, “I was born this way”.

Great parenting mum and dad. Seriously. Props.

I’m now for the first time ever really starting to feel my own life force energies run through me like I’ve never had run through me before. All because I’ve decided to learn from a friend and follow my own intuition here.

I’m starting to appreciate music again like I’ve never been able to before. It’s absolutely wonderful. I’ve had so much pain inside unattended to I haven’t even been able to appreciate music like others, go figure right. Fuck. Now I’m starting to actually fall in love with bands for the first time. I’ve had “band loves” but never to the emotional degree of a regular person. And I still formed extremely close bonds with others. I just never had that emotional edge if you get what I mean.

 

Edited May 4, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Very close to the first horse I ever rode.

I will probably talk about my experience later.

For the first time ever, at least since I was a young boy my memories are starting to become much more sentimental (outside of people) in the general, flexible and sustained sense rather than the specific and myopically solid sense.

Like I said about that life force.

Edited May 4, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Just received my first death threat on here.

Pretty humorous.

Doesn’t understand that I am infinite.

I only live this life for the greater unity of the universe and the people I love.

The guy just doesn’t truly know what he wants in this life. Could help him if he opened up more. He’s hurting, I can see it. He just wants guidance deep down.

Don’t worry about me haha the idea of needing to worry about me about any situation like that is pretty laughable. Peace.

[ll Ontology ll]

1 minute ago, ll Ontology ll said:

Just received my first death threat on here.

Pretty humorous.

Doesn’t understand that I am infinite.

I only live this life for the greater unity of the universe and the people I love.

The guy just doesn’t truly know what he wants in this life. Could help him if he opened up more. He’s hurting, I can see it. He just wants guidance deep down.

Don’t worry about me haha the idea of needing to worry about me about any situation like that is pretty laughable. Peace.

And beings too Miss B absolutely. Ha. Beings of course including the entire animal kingdom and beyond Earth.

[ll Ontology ll]

Intro #4:

Every aspect of our being can be connected to versus not connected to relative to the awareness you bring your attention on what you’re attempting to connect with. This is obvious and yet so much of the population act as if they lack a sense of control. We lack a sense of control the extent that we have legitimately lost a connection with ourselves and in so doing, our abilities that enable us to connect with what is truly us. Our hearts. Our brains. In the absence of a heart we cut ourselves off to the deeper universe and in the absence of a brain we cut ourselves off from reality. What are we when we’re cut off from reality and the deeper universe? I’ll leave that for you to contemplate.

When we experience suffering we have experienced the suffering on our minds, brains and bodies that we must now make whole through the action of growth in that area. If we experience damage to our hearts, we must spend time centering and deepening ourselves here. To our brain, then we must spend time honing our capacity for understanding our perceptions. 

Connection is not just a social property, it is not just an existential one either, it is the very foundation of our attention and awareness. Where and how we ultimately decide to connect with ourselves and the world around us defines the way we and the world will be created around us.

 

Many of you can no doubt relate to the following scene:

 

 

Session:

I’m feeling a little disconnected this morning much less than usual though, the same underlying pain putting a lock on my hearts capacity to channel its greater senses and parameters. I’m looking forward to my training today, it’s refreshing to know that this is working its just a case of two steps forward one step back. I’m certainly further along than the ignorance I previously had about how to resolve this for myself. I’m looking forward to the warmer company that my heart is going to give me when I’m a quarter and above into my training and certainly when I reach the 1000 hour mark. Looking back it’s no doubt going to be unbelievable for me, an alternate life no doubt. 

At the moment I’m reminded by the fluid relationship the heart has with the brain and it’s capacity for expression. Always in my experience it’s been the case that where I’ve felt inwardly connected the words have just been able to fall out and where I haven’t I struggle to even generate a word or to it’s inverse I’m just way too cognitive.

This is an amazing expression that is coming through me. I can’t wait to see the end of it, I feel like I’m riding on a light beam, too much force though is much worse than no force at all. To be guided solely by my heart as it learns to connect deeper with my soul, that’s what we call “the souls expression”, it’s unity, it’s grace, it’s what we’re here to learn how to do, it’s in part my purpose then in teaching others to learn how to tap into it within themselves as well, with full liberty, in all instances here. 

I brought up my first experience riding a horse earlier and I suppose for the moment that perfectly encapsulates my project here. I was feeling the life force energy of the horse as he let me ride him, his pulse, his spirit, his essence, we created a bond in those moments. The more I understood him, the more he rode with me. It’s the same with my heart, it is the corner stone of my relationship with life, my riding of it and most importantly, my loving of it.
 

[ll Ontology ll]

Intro #5:

The breath is so important to our state of being and the way in which we’re connected to our brains and hearts has a unitive tri-directional relationship with the rest of our bodies as I noted a little earlier in this journal. Change our focus on our breath and we change our lives, change the the focus on our breath with our hearts, and we create the universe. Through our greater character and through the infinite self esteem this provides our brains now that they have full access to the depths of our beings and the absence of the tyranny of otherwise inflexible cellular memory carrying the wounds that nailed all goodness to the religious cross.

 

 

Session:

Sinking back to when I was 12 years old I’m reminded by the time where I’m wearing a long bright silk like Dada t-shirt with Wu-Tang jeans bought at a great price from a local market. I have a D-12 gold necklace around my neck and I have a Wu Tang bandanna around my head with Globe sneakers. All pristine and golden attire. I’m with two other friends. Sam and Brodie. Together the three of us were a mini gang in the times we were together. No body was going to fuck with us. And anyone that was going to fuck with us was… going to “get it”. I was the only one us three that got into a lot of physical altercations though in school, people always looked to me to either do something to resolve a situation, help someone or defend myself without mercy, I had to pretend sometimes as I genuinely never liked hurting others, just needed to make a point to another guy.

We owned our bodies. We owned our lives. And most importantly, we owned the streets. Cops would stop us and be on their merry way when they worked out they had no right. We were inspire by the love, freedom and rebellion of the rap era. Rap was never about violence but violence was a byproduct of feeling a part of ourselves lost and forgotten and our gang was a way of knowing that even though we didn’t yet know ourselves we had each other. Brodie’s mum was more stable than my mum but she was addicted to many different things. I never met Sam’s parents. I was told Sam ended up in lockup and I heard Brody too. We lost contact but I feel the tribal ties from me in this moment, bounded energies. I was a lot closer to Brodie but I had loyalty to Sam as well. I remember the three of us would play them thrills, rap to the lyrics, feel the harmonising between our minds eyes. I was the brighter than the both of them, always helped them with their school work when they ever needed as we were from the same class and… if I actually did it.

Edited May 5, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Upcoming introduction:

In light of the above in my next introduction, so #6 I will talk a little about “schemas” (I.e. schema therapy) and “personality” (which I now realise has many hidden nuances), also where these form together to form coherence vs lack of coherence with the heart centre, then tie this in with a Jungian spiral of the self. Briefly for now, schemas (which are not the true self) form cellular emotional memory in the heart through the interaction with the heart which go back and fourth between this cellular memory that then dedicates itself to the generation of “schemas” that form as a neural map which can be misinterpreted as a true and or valid emotional map of the true self but is actually just emotional conditioning.

I will then tie this up with the beginning developing understanding that it is only the heart that is our source to our true personality as it is only and or our hearts have the truest and greatest connection with our soul that together define our relationship and connection with spirit. 

In empathising with the truth of who we really are underneath we can let go of what we falsely believe defines us and sink into who we really are which is always a mystery though also always an undeniable feeling, unmistakable connection and decisive centre.

Much love. Much respect. Much honour.

 

Edited May 5, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Superior/Inferior : Advanced/Primitive

As you advance, it can be so easy to see yourself as superior in some psychological instances and another, others or even a sum within a particular category, as primitive and or inferior, are you so superior though that you see the psychological instance, or are you held by it and therefore imprisoned by a false sense of power in the kingdom of living heaven we find ourselves in when we free ourselves and become, free to love everyone and everything in it?

Although I still see you so contained, constrained and imprisoned by many assortment and certain psychological impulses beautiful, because I see it I love you through the heart, but beyond the heart and where I see you want me to, I disrespect you as you feel you need me to, the former I am learning to “Know by heart” and the latter I am learning, to “Know by mind”, only the wonderer looking from the outside in though can see this from afar properly, to that end you see, they’re superior to the both of us, in this instance, if their eyes are focused and clear enough.

Know your heart. Know your will. Know your mind.

 

Edited May 5, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Intro #6:

Communication between and within the heart and brain both change one another, however first and foremost what is to be understood is that our heart is undoubtedly our life force and to its negation we are creating a death force. There is just no denying it and any statement to the contrary is able to be swiftly contradicted with basic argumentation that your average 7 year old would be able to refute once they understand its functioning and deeper relationships here with other parts of being that I'm sure by now after reading this far into my journal, you're now developing an intuition for as well. It's now so obvious, it's now so transparent why hasn't this become widespread and understood as "common sense"? Western society as I have briefly noted has indoctrinated its over use of the mind and its salvation, for good reason though and a 13 year old first year well versed science student would be able to explain the reason why and I'm sure by now you are as well. 

Before I delve into schema therapy which I will do before the end of the night in my next introduction, I want to continue to add to the intuitive framework between and within the heart and mind from both a visual, structural and functional perspective. In saying that, I want you to imagine that upon sole attention on the heart in lieu of you providing it with the purity of awareness it alone will do the work of more and more coming to light and giving you life in return in the form of better functioning within the heart including the brain itself as it naturally feeds you insight about what's happening within you, your connection with life and your relationships to and with life. As the heart is given way to function with the brain like this it will naturally grow your neurons as much as it grows and heals the cells within your heart and it does this to the level of sophistication that your training which concerns greater connection within and between the heart and brain. Right now, although this is not a part of my own training just to get an understanding for what is happening within the training I want you to visualise that as the hearts cells are becoming alive, growing, repairing and healing, in the act of their connection with the brain, I want you to visualise too that the neurons within important reasoning, intuitive artistic and coordination areas of the brain are beginning to grow connections between each other and with the heart itself. You're essentially here creating an electrical and chemical laneway within and between your heart, figuratively speaking and in some ways literally, that as you build this connection of vitality, all of life that does not matter dematerialises and all that really does begins to materialise as you just naturally form a more intelligent and natural relationship to the life within and therefore the life around you. 

 

You hear my Mike? TJ? Brody? Sam? It's been some years hey...

 

Session: 

My memories without even trying are becoming increasingly more vivid and my capacity for remembering the most nuanced details of my experienced is becoming more and more pronounced. At the moment I am seeing myself situated in the middle tables of my 3rd grade classroom. I am sitting to another guy named Michael to whom ended up being the only guy I went to high school with as mostly everyone else went to the local school whereas we chose not to. Another one of my good friends named TJ went to a more exclusive school as well and perhaps a couple of others but us three were pretty much it. I nearly decided to go to TJ's school as believe it or not he was also sometimes with Brodie, Sam and I. TJ came from a more stable family however than the three of us. My father was always an extremely stable and grounded guy, however there were some drawbacks here including consequences of consequences of the assertiveness that was modelled from such which tended towards that negative which overall didn't have an overall best positive impact on me. My mother and he would have survived if my mother received more understanding from him and my mother was more intelligent about her instabilities, at a minimum more self aware and reflective. If they were both more self reflective they could have easily of stayed together but this simply isn't how things actualised enough in their childhoods to the point in which they met each other in adulthood. All they needed was a reflective model that they modelled their behaviour after in this respect and it would have ended up leading to their marriage being safe, little would they know that without it, it would never have worked out, as it didn't in the end. 

Michael and I were always the quickest to finish our work in class, I admired him because he was so solitary in his education though he undoubtedly had better parents than I, still it had an invisible effect on me as of course I didn't have too many reflections about his parents back then. At the time we were completing a spelling test and right now as I imagine the past I can begin to vaguely remember the architecture of what some of the words would have been. I can't recall the words in this instance but in light of the progress here I wouldn't at all be surprised if the natural appearances here would begin to grow more and more. It seems impossible by regular standards however it isn't to me, we can remember so much more than we realise, we just turn off so many of the cells that remembered because of the pain we've experienced in our lives that we silenced ourselves too, this became a normality until we get a lucky break one day where we decide to listen to a friend. Like I have here. Michael beat me on the spelling test, only by a few seconds. We both got a perfect score I believe, I was always a natural speller. I have a feeling kicking in me though that I may have got one wrong, that's the instinct that is appearing to me at the moment and I'm not quite sure how to make sense of that instinct yet.

 

[ll Ontology ll]

16 minutes ago, ll Ontology ll said:

Patterns of the Heart #1:

I don’t care how good the comment/analogous is, I’ll never write anything (i.e. previous one above even though it had much neutrality —- now deleted) that doesn’t connect with and from the heart even though I’m trying to write with the heart.

If I’m not feeling it, I need to do more processing, it’s as simple as that when it comes to making statements about life. It’s just not right for me at least I’ve found.

Much love. 

I won't even breath now without being connected like as I infer. That's how serious I want it, that I'll make it.

[ll Ontology ll]

Patterns of them feelz (observing overtime) #1:

Man I'm just typing this out quickly, so funny. I've been remembering my new password incorrectly. Got it though, easy to mix it up.

Made me laugh though haha.

Still noticing the electric shocks on the heart after laughing, sometimes its the ice picks as well. By all appearances it's "how I've always been" and I'm able to put myself in a laughing state but it means I'm in a disconnected asshole mode and that's not what this project is about as we've learned. I'm moving beyond everything about me that is just an unconscious schema / doesn't represent who I truly am when I'm in alignment. If it means I have to crawl through the mud and do as much as possible to make it through these electric shocks on the heart because I've still got to accelerate this healing as much as possible then so be it, that's what I do, that's life, that's my direction, that's my mission, that's my purpose in this point in time, so I treat it like any other war, the war of love, the war of life right.

I have a feeling I'll be able to get past this small portion of it in the next day or two, a phase of it at least.

 

Edited May 5, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Patterns of them mini-memories #1 (observing overtime - separate to main event, these are just reminders for future reference):

So turns out I was traumatised in some way without even realising it by the film Gorillas in the Mist when I first watched it as a kid at about 5-6 years old (a lot of early memories around this time coming back).

The death of Sigourney Weaver for example was excruciating, and to see and feel what the animals went through in this film for me was terrifying emotionally (not psychologically) for me.

I blacked out this memory. I relived all the emotions relating to it just now.

 

 

Edited May 5, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Cancel that "Patterns of them mini-memories #1 (observing overtime - separate to main event, these are just reminders for future reference):"

I'm experiencing too many previously blocked out memories now. For example I'm recalling as a 5-6 year old or less when my eldest brother in our household was screaming and yelling with my mother, he's saying "Don't touch me again!" in a rebellious confrontational way. My brother ends up leaving not long after and I'm left to process my own feelings of abandonment in that instance. It happened a bit. Yeah, my mother eventually had to end and or change up her punishment policies, obviously smacking a guy in an aggressive who's 16+ like he's a young boy is a bit stupid. 

There was so much screaming and yelling early on in my childhood that I had to dissociate from you've got no idea, so much so that I've got no idea either, blocked most of it out. Some of it naturally used to really frighten me as a child especially when my mother became abusive towards me, the physical stuff I naturally used to become dissociated from as well, the yelling and psychological stuff was always worse for me though.

So yeah, I'll stop these mini memories and stick to the formal shares as there's just going to be far too many mini shares, I'll try to remember to document them off the site though just so I have a log somewhere for future reference.

 

Edited May 5, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

AUTHORITY OF CONSCIOUSNESS, AUTHORITY OVER MY EXISTENCE

I don't want people wondering about or deciding for me in their own minds what I should or should reveal, this is my own consciousness I can reveal what I want I've already made it perfectly clear that information is the freedom of the universe; with integrity.

I'm not worried about how people will use my information because I won't have an unwise reaction in relation to that action, I will be perfectly content being myself about it and that's all that matters. 

I don't understand why you humans gotta be so silly with your false parameters, it has no basis in reality, people gonna yodel that's what they do best, I'm not a yodeler though so I don't care, I will just wakeup the next day continue on advancing my being and consciousness, nothing changes that's my life, this is my purpose, everything is for this Higher Work.

It's very frustrating for me when I have to deal with the shortcomings of others consciousness in relation to their perception and use of information, yes I know I live among a greater society that is still fifty to a hundred years behind in some certain respects but like I say earlier in my journal, IT'S NOT MY JOB to explain to society either to catch up with me nor is it my job to follow society, it is OUR JOB to show leadership over the sensibilities of where we should go and what we can achieve with consciousness as that is our souls purpose, to be at our highest, individually to collectively and back again.

[ll Ontology ll]

21 minutes ago, ll Ontology ll said:

AUTHORITY OF CONSCIOUSNESS, AUTHORITY OVER MY EXISTENCE

I don't want people wondering about or deciding for me in their own minds what I should or should reveal, this is my own consciousness I can reveal what I want I've already made it perfectly clear that information is the freedom of the universe; with integrity.

I'm not worried about how people will use my information because I won't have an unwise reaction in relation to that action, I will be perfectly content being myself about it and that's all that matters. 

I don't understand why you humans gotta be so silly with your false parameters, it has no basis in reality, people gonna yodel that's what they do best, I'm not a yodeler though so I don't care, I will just wakeup the next day continue on advancing my being and consciousness, nothing changes that's my life, this is my purpose, everything is for this Higher Work.

It's very frustrating for me when I have to deal with the shortcomings of others consciousness in relation to their perception and use of information, yes I know I live among a greater society that is still fifty to a hundred years behind in some certain respects but like I say earlier in my journal, IT'S NOT MY JOB to explain to society either to catch up with me nor is it my job to follow society, it is OUR JOB to show leadership over the sensibilities of where we should go and what we can achieve with consciousness as that is our souls purpose, to be at our highest, individually to collectively and back again.

Use my journal as an interface to work through your own projections if you like, as I'm not interested in them outside of positive reflection that is actually beneficial to have in the context of your own growth and understanding of existence. It isn't healthy for you to be pondering loose handed thoughts that don't tie down to reality other than reinforcing an identity structure you falsely either have about me or yourself.

That's a positive intensive purpose driven message to take into consideration moving forward.

 

[ll Ontology ll]

Yeah anyhow I'm getting on with my journal.

Bare in mind I can intuit most of peoples potential small and more reflective thoughts, realise that at the end of the day you have to question if you're using my journal to either procrastinate or its genuinely enhancing your life in some way through the reflections and shares that I provide, if it is more the former, earnestly my best recommendation is to take some time away and focus on something else instead of me, if its the latter, then great I look forward to advancing things as we move forward. Again if it's the former, neither of us need your energy, the energy you bring to this journal doesn't help me and it doesn't help your growth.

Peace. Love. Respect. Honour. Growth. Wisdom.

[ll Ontology ll]

Intro #7:

I’d like to continue this, I’d like to continue my stance on openness. 

There are just wavelengths of the heart that I am only just beginning to learn about which are throwing me out a little bit

I now know that sometimes I have to get my footing on the steering wheel, seek to understand what is happening internally.

It makes me nervous, the ease by which my heart can sway one way and then another in the context of this learning it’s undergoing. As I have mentioned, very seriously, the heart has it’s own decision making process. The heart is the domain of what is referred to or the encompassment of, more the latter actually, the “inner child”, which I have always thought of as an oversimplification, never really understood, though can now breath some oxygen into its life space to bring fluid context to what I believe to be an otherwise rigid belief system bound and interconnecting with a larger set of rigid ideas that are not close enough to the truth.

I said earlier that as it concerns the truth and my work here, that I cut right down the middle of reality. While weaving my sword though with my consciousness I had no idea that other phenomenological properties of being were going to come to within me that were going to interrupt my focus and gaze. My wisdom here is that I need to both focus outwardly and inwardly simultaneously. Take more seriously the fact that I am engaging my consciousness in a way that I never had before, that I am purposefully attempting to turn on aspects of myself that I’ve never tried to. I have to expect the unexpected while staying as close as possible to the truth as much as possible while undergoing this process. 

There’s is no one else that exists in this work other than myself. A solipsistic gaze from a self referential perspective, where in every moment my consciousness feeds me new information, it goes back into the depths and light of my heart, back out my mind and tongue in the form of wisdom. This is after-all outside of finding the truth here wha this project is all about, the discovery of the wisdom of the heart, to always be at the seat of the wisdom of the heart. This is, that truth work.

 

 

 

Session:

I feel a new plane surfacing in my consciousness, more and more I can feel the depths beneath the words and energy of others and the surface above them the more I see through my own and connect in this alignment between the two hemispheres within. That’s now I now view them by the way. I see the brain as one hemisphere and the heart as the other hemisphere and what I am building in this work is the corpus collossum between them.

Underneath the anger of others and my own, I see Rumi and analogous waiting to be unearthed by me. I see the sun shining through the clouds to continue placing me on an upwards trajectory towards a greater light beyond the false architectures that I would otherwise be bound by, that I am forced to have empathy towards others concerning. 

I have to be prepared to cut vines with others along this path while creating new kinds of vines as I move forward in this journey. Vines that connect us spiritually in ways that is invisible to the projective interface that binds us to our present limitations.

So to everyone here, know that there are definite changes that are going to be made now. And no more anger just transformation. That to those who know I love them, changes are occurring this much is definite, that even though this love will remain, I am forced to go by the unity within first and only and to that level, as it has always been. In this sense, to truth of that love first and only as a consequence of that growth. Unity. To everything else, inconsequential to the truest path that must be followed as a consequence of living a life at all.

This is, going to be one of the most difficult journeys of my life. As it is the only journey in my life. To live a life solely by the heart or by just what I am building here, is the greatest gift I could ever be given and it is the greatest gift I could slowly give to others the more along this path I go.

To truth. To love. To unity of those. Through wisdom (both grown and learned)

Holding the steering wheel of this ship…

 

Exit of this Session:

To the blackness of the night, usurped by the wondrous sphere of dimension 

Light enters through the void unspoken by the human spirit 

Slit veins of memories burst into panoramic visions of the future

The safety of connection by the lion

The strongest stare, the lightest butterfly touch

The swiftest falcon eagle turn, Owls make my life so wise

May dragons continue to gaze, outwardly and inwardly through the maze

Separated by the incontrovertible proof

Of the unity as it takes me through the next roof

Of awareness

Down the ocean and it’s next waterfall

To swim the lagoon with the warmth of love

Blackened scars healed, moonshine revealed

Wolf howls of truth

Unity of wisdom, wisdom of unity

Trials and tribulations

There is no other echo pushing me forward now

For now, the truth of this path is love

 

Edited May 6, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Intro #8:

If your heart isn’t alive, you aren’t alive.

If your heart is alive, you’re alive relative to the life force flowing through it.

If you don’t know how to negotiate the relationship between the heart and the brain and your brain incurs suffering, your heart will undoubtedly accrue suffering. 

Your heart as well as your main portal to life with your brain more as your satellite, is your source of universal light and this universal light unsurprisingly, is both the seed and the fruit of intuition. The relationship that forms between your heart and your brain is like the natural light and water source that grows this intuition. If there is a disruption in either brain or heart and or the relationship between the two, there cannot be any reality other than the one that involves a natural disruption to this intuition.

“Contact” in the form of conscious attention (as previously spoken about in this journal) and where to place it is a strategic endeavour of consciousness that should and only follow the natural growth of being and to the extent that it does not is either due to prior suffering, present suffering inclusive of both lack of learning and incorrect learning that can only be corrected by the wisdom that informs correct learning. Correct learning equals correct contact we need to have with our being in order to bare the fruits here that are a reflection of a design of our natural developmental path. That is, to have contact with our being in the most truthful and aligned ways, aka our brain, heart and the connection we build between these two. This connection defines the relationship and a relationship of course can have negative vs positive attributes. This endeavour I am following here is in the identification of building positive relationships and the negative of negative ones.

With every vibration we experience with the heart, we must hold steady with the hearts natural connective process, at all costs. Do not give in to its own decision making process that works to the contrary, this is when we perfect the art of “avoiding negative feelings / or just feelings we find uncomfortable“. If you stay there, if you sit constantly with the centre of the heart, it will naturally grow stronger as you allow as well too those vibrations to be sent to your brain where it will reveal to you projections of being that need the light of truth on them, intuitively though not in a calculated way per say but still a categorical way, your intuition will guide you how to use this information.

I have too much of a history as a child growing up blocking out the pain I experienced in my familial environment, this created invisible difficulties when it came to interpreting my own experiences. This now becomes my advantage as it has forced me to reverse engineer the functioning and structure that I have been speaking about with a lot of these entries concerning the heart and brain, and I get the joy of perfecting that process while sharing this knowledge to benefit others.

 

 

The following song reminds me of my best friend from high school, we’ll call him G.

 

Session:

Every emotional wavelength I have ever had in any relationship is not starting to be recalled more and more. 

I met G in high school and we became best friends, friends beginning in year 9 and we grew closer and closer together though catalysed when I was invited to his 18th birthday party where I met my first serious girlfriend.

Everything I remember extremely well that night. Details that I had previously blocked out.

The awkward drive there with my dad, you know, that weird sensation you have with your parents when they’re driving you to a destination where you’re getting up to who knows what there. I recall every instance moving forward, the onset of music as the car drew closer and compounded after I opened the car door, people and other friends I spoke to and the first greet I got from G upon entering the building where he was hosting his rather medium to big party. Blink 182, Fall Out Boy and a few other of his favourite bands were playing. 

The first time I saw her she was dancing with her friends, C and A. Geoff and C has an on and off thing but it never properly progressed. I ended up becoming friends with the both of them. My girlfriends name was J. 

She had such an awkward, a little eccentric in a nerdy way but confident personality that vibes uniquely well for the both of her other friends. We just clicked right from the start. She thought I was a player, I’d never even been with a woman all the way up to that point. I was her first as well. 

The softness of her eyes gazing on mine, the friendliness and trust of G growing towards me. These were unforgettable nuanced emotional expressions that have lived dormant within my memory because of my history of dissociation that we can clearly witness here every day I’m getting more and more beyond. 

I held her hand as she gazed into my eyes where she lured me outside onto the oval where the sprinklers were going.

“Where are your going? What are you doing?!?!”, she just laughed and pretended to be drunk as she did because underneath it just gave her a chance to really be herself as it did me. It wasn’t too long before we ended up kissing and I remember it perfectly. It was strange, she didn’t know then how much lived beneath the surface within me until later in our relationship, I feel like as I tasted her lips we both exchanged memories of our lives and those memories painted the way that we would kiss. It was all kind of strange because it all happened pretty quickly even though none of us were especially experienced, for some reason we were just drawn to each other. We were right for each other at this time of our experimental lives. I can still feel her now. I can feel the depth of her love for life including it’s difficulties by solely sinking into mine and feeling into a vibratory field. 

She was light. She was beauty. I loved her. We were not meant to be though as I had so many inner battles that I could never speak with her about and she was too young to process them. I had to say goodbye, both of us had our immaturities. 

I miss her. We still have a lot of chemistry I can feel it. We aren’t right for each other. It makes me happy because I can sense her love, purpose and happiness towards life. I can sense that she has a boyfriend. She’s nearly been married before but didn’t. That is all I see into her at the moment. I wish her well.

As I reflect on when we were together my only question is, how could I have loved her better in the way that was right for her and her point in development? Sexually, emotionally, psychologically. I gave her so much of my energy and she gave me so much of she energy. It’s made me realise that this is all a relationship is. That this is a wisdom that I am to cultivate from now on in all of my relationships. I feel bad that I couldn’t connect with her in the way I needed to as a young man, to make her experience being with me greater than it was even though we both appreciate treasured memories. She was the first woman who tried to see me, she was the first non-familial woman I tried to see. In this moment I feel into my past dissociation towards her, I feel guilty about it but there was nothing I could do about it at the time. I was lost without wisdom on how to navigate what I am learning to do now. She certainly wasn’t perfect in our relationship don’t get me wrong, in all my relationships though I tend to have a pattern of wishing I could have done what I say newly learn. It’s only natural that we want the best for others we love even though if some of that had to be past tense, it’s the same desire that bonded us together in the first place, so it’s healthy and natural, while at the same time the reality of things must be processed and accepted.

To integration.

 

Exit to Session:

In ever moment

A burning through

The book of shadows

That contained me too

The good of youth

The bad that contained me there

So for a while, I turned to you

To unknowingly protect me from my inner pain

As I protected you from potential outer pain

A falling through

A closing up

But before I go

How to see you better

Even though seeing you again may be never 

What is it that I could have done?

What is it that I could have learned?

Not to keep us together but to make the course that we followed better

For our growth 

For the unity as we made it

Love

Your consciousness sometimes hidden from me

The death of me making you sometimes unseen

To bless our memories then

With the sight of truth

To give this all, new youth

To untie myself, from all that is not real

The gift to you then, is love from a distance no longer

Concealed

Edited May 6, 2022 by ll Ontology ll

[ll Ontology ll]

Keeping things focused, true and from the heart.

Focused, true and from the heart.

Moons collide into the heavens of dawn

An icy burning pit, spherical illumination from this non-divide

Parallel eyes staring into the end of this hell

Opening

Falling 

Falling

Falling

Into the electric void of reincarnation

Cannot speak, will not speak

But will only say the words of purified truth

Edited May 6, 2022 by ll Ontology ll