My womanhood and my weaknesses

[Preety_India]

When you realize that your friend is not a friend but a frenemy. 

 

[Preety_India]

I woke up feeling groggy. I had a short nap. It's one of those days that I just don't want to move. 

My legs aren't feeling good. 

This is worrying the crap out of me. 

I feel very weak. Morning I threw up. 

Seems like there is nothing positive to look forward to 

 

[Preety_India]

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••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One positive thing I can think of is God worship. I have lost faith and trust in humanity. I thought for an introvert like me, the online world would be a good place but I was so wrong. 

I am fucking tired. 

Now I can only look forward to God and imagine that he won't betray me. 

My state of mind is terrible. 

It was already terrible and now all this. 

It's like struggles never end. 

I always feel psychically attacked. 

And living with a garbage woman doesn't change things. 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••• 

 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm feeling extremely nervous today. My leg injury isn't healing and that has made me super anxious. 

I feel numb where the injury has taken place 

 

I'm putting off going to a doctor because they might give me weird medication that can complicate things even more. 

I would be glad if it heals on its own. 

I feel like everything happened at the worst possible time. 

The whole month of February went in battling Covid. 

Then March began and I don't even remember what was going on in the first week of March. Maybe it wasn't anything good . 

 

[Preety_India]

March 1 I suffer leg injury from a fall in the bathroom. It's over for me for the next few days. I walk with the help of a stick. 

Trying to relax as much as possible right now. It's March 1.

I need to fill my orange beret journal. Juicy birdy insights. 

I also have my Zegglife trademark logo ready. This is my brand and I'm proud of my brand. This is the logo I create or take from the internet. It's a willow tree. This becomes the symbol for my holistic life and purpose. 

On March 1 I come up with the concept of the Emperor Archetype who I call Emperor Olaf inspired by how people can live happily under a benevolent king/Emperor who won't be tyrannical like Putin. 

While being bedridden due to leg injury I also start my new YouTube channel called Zegglife. 

March 3  

I learn about Russia and Britain in WW2. I am lying on the floor crying and thinking how could this even be possible. I am going through a cathartic process. I can't imagine that these people are Christian. The soldiers are Christian. How could they rape women? I can't imagine this. This is an Abrahamic religion. I'm terrified. I decide it's time to abandon Christianity. The God of Abraham cannot be a good God. 

I make up my mind. 

I abandon Christianity on March 3. I make a thread on it. 

I'm-abandoning-Christianity. 

March 4 

I start the journal 'My Religious Transformation' 

 

 

- March 5

I start the journal 'The Roman(magnum opus).'

This is my journal entry on that day. 

"I'm so happy right now. Extremely happy. 

I no longer need Christianity although I still like the teachings of Christ. 

Now I have the religion of Deihism that fixes my spiritual issues. 

⚖️... This is the temporary symbol, the balance" 

That day I invent my own religion and name it Deihism. 

 

- March 6 

I start a journal 'Everyday people' to document the struggles and victories of everyday people. 

 

- March 7 

I start a journal on Christianity. I want to explore both Judaism and Christianity and learn more from these religions. 

On March 7, I discover a channel with an extremely feminine woman and I'm very impressed with that. And I decide to explore femininity in more depth. So I start threads on femininity. 

One thread titled "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" 

what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine

 

I go deeper into concepts on March 7.

I realize that I'm unable to complete the weekly journal March 1 - March 8 because of my mental health struggles due to various issues including the war. So I abandon that journal. I start a new journal March 7. It includes many useful insights that I arrive at on that day. 

On March 7 I write this entry in my journal - 

" I'm unable to follow the old format. 

So today is March 7 and I don't want to put an end date on my journal.

I just want to keep tracking as long as I want. 

All my thoughts, emotions and actions and insights are going to be here. 

This liberates me from a time constraint. "

 

I also realize that Kamala Harris has a very feminine smile and is a good role model. 

I want to see this woman's smile everyday. It's kinda uplifting. She looks like a cool mother figure to me. 

March 8 

I write a curious comment in my journal " I'm so fed up with bias."

The comment is inspired by the thread "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" especially by this comment 

what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine

I kinda get tired of arguing on the forum and fall asleep. 

I wake up feeling better and then I write my wonderful insight here

Insight

I also start the journal 'I don't think I'm very feminine on the same day. 

- March 9

I start the journal 'How must we be as a nation.' I also want to apply the example of a nation to life. 

I start the journal 'driftwood' and it explores general thoughts. Drifting mind. 

By March 9 I realize how important femininity is to my Iife. 

- March 10

I have understood that femininity helps me more than anything. I only want to be surrounded by feminine women and feminine men. That way I stay safe. And I feel much better and energized with femininity. I feel aggressed upon by masculinity. I can't take it anymore. I'm changing everything in my life for the better and I want to have a fresh start in my life using feminine principles. Masculinity is harmful to me. It caused me permanent damage. Feminists in this regard can be damaging to women. 

I also made threads on cultivating femininity. 

 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This is how white men break an Asian woman's heart. 

 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes I agree with a user here. 

 

Lol I met her a month ago, let’s hit the breaks on the love talk for now

I personally detest this attitude. But whatever floats your boat. 

You're from Venus. I'm from Jupiter. 

Have a good day.

Preety_India said:

I personally detest this attitude. But whatever floats your boat. 

 

You're from Venus. I'm from Jupiter. 

 

Have a good day. 

 

 

 

Each to their own

 

I know for certain if I told her I loved her now she’d run for the hills, and vice versa. It’s more of an interest and curiosity in each other that merits some exploring

 

Humans escalate things over time. We don’t like things to go from 0 - 100 super quick. That’s too much change for us to handle

I know for certain if I told her I loved her now she’d run for the hills

 

I won't wait a month for a guy to tell me that he loves me. I would already move to the next, I don't wait for bread crumbs. 

 

Again this is personal so don't take it personal.

 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Maybe that's what I attracted? 

I won't wait a month for a guy to tell me that he loves me. I would already move to the next, I don't wait for bread crumbs. 

Again this is personal so don't take it personal. 

I can’t even imagine having that attitude. I’m assuming it’s a cultural difference 

Where I live that would attract you only the neediest of needy men or total psychopaths who’d say anything to get in your pants 

Only in an unhealthy society full of psychopaths. Thankfully my society is not so unhealthy where guys are only trying to get into pants. They genuinely mean to express love. People find it hard to believe that love exists when they don't receive enough love in their life. Then everything, even an innocent gesture looks toxic to them. Kinda feel sorry for such people and their toxic culture. Maybe they will see the good side of humanity some day. 

 

(personally I would find it abusive if a guy made me wait a month to tell me that he loves me. Even if he did tell me that he loves me after a month, I'll simply walk out on him feeling miserable. I want and need someone who deeply wants me. Only me. And I don't look at this as neediness. Maybe in your culture it's called neediness, in my culture it's called love.) 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I was exaggerating. The point is that with that attitude I would be worried that it would attract guys who say whatever it takes to get into a girls pants

They’re either manipulative, very needy or both

  On 07/03/2022 at 6:59 AM, Preety_India said:

Thankfully my society is not so unhealthy where guys are only trying to get into pants

Oh you sweet summer child 

  On 07/03/2022 at 6:59 AM, Preety_India said:

People find it hard to believe that love exists when they don't receive enough love in their life

I believe in love. I just don’t believe you can know that you love someone after a month. You barely even know their personality after a month, let alone whether you deeply love them

 

  On 07/03/2022 at 6:59 AM, Preety_India said:

personally I would find it abusive if a guy made me wait a month to tell me that he loves me. Even if he did tell me that he loves me after a month, I'll simply walk out on him feeling miserable

This doesn’t seem healthy to me. Maybe it is cultural difference, idk. Is it expected for guys in India profess love after a few dates? Jeez

Anyway, I don’t really wanna take this too far off topic. I’m not gonna tell this girl I love her

Is it expected for guys in India profess love after a few dates? Jeez

Nobody is expecting them to do it. They love to do it themselves. Guess they are more generous. 

 

 

No hun, that's not how it works. It doesn't work like that. You think it's generous. But it's not. It's not good to have a player in your life who says cute things to you. 

You might feel it's generous but it's always good to be with an honest person. 

 

 

There is something horribly upside down with all of this. 

You have been deeply conditioned by your culture that a guy who professes love is a true guy. 

But actually not. 

A guy who cares is a guy who cares. But he doesn't need to profess. Yet he will give not superficial but deeper signs that he really wants to bond with you. 

 

 

 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This is not at all easy 

If you want a healthy person you should look for this 

• They should be honest 
• They should be respecting of your needs and wants 
• They should not violate your boundaries 
• They should be open not sneaky 
• They should be emotional
• They should have moral integrity 

 

[Preety_India]

I think in order to that you have to talk to many people and then see who sticks out as a friend even after fights and troubles and issues. 

I think time and actions are a test of character. 

Time tells who that person is their true colors 

There are no signs of such behavior, there is no true verification process. 

It's just time 

Maybe  a person acts unfaithful out of 

[Preety_India]

Being a truly good person is a form of madness. 

Smarties don't do it. 

There are different definitions of it

 

Scoundrel - a person who has no moral compass or conscience. Such a person enables evil because he doesn't care as long as his purpose is served. 

 

Scumbag - a person who lures you only to hurt you later because they had an agenda in being sweet with you. 

 

Rascal - similar to scoundrel.. Someone who is very dishonest and scammy, deceiving, lying. 

 

Asshole - a person who is deliberately disrespectful, belligerent, and offensive and kinda takes pride in it 

Bastard - a person who gives false promises and isn't loyal and leaves at the last minute. Not reliable. 

Hater - someone who is jealous and mean and unnecessarily unkind 

Snob - someone who is up his ass 

Malicious - bearing malice 

Moron - despicable person who is hard to deal with 

Shrewd - calculated and judgemental 

Pig - who is racist, sexist or cheater

Dog - bootlicker 

 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I think being a genuinely good person means having to sacrifice survival. 

You either operate from your head or heart. 

Those who use head, I will call them Smarties. 

Those who use the heart, I'll call them the heart people. 

The thing is that the universe is designed in such a way that you can't use both. 

You can only use one but you have to let go the other.. 

[Preety_India]

So if you are someone who does things by their heart, then you lose out on survival. Because you need to be selfish to survive. 

You gotta be smart to do things that profit you. 

People who operate from heart don't think about profit 

 

An emotional person cannot run a business. 

So I see 4 types of people 

 

One who is genuinely good. These have to be naive innocent people who operate from their heart. They are psychologically disordered by society standards. Because they are not smart enough. They can't be like the Smarties. They eventually hurt their own survival. Yet they are needed to bring good order in this world. 

You got to be a heartless person to make profit in this world. 

Because you either worship money or you worship God. 

Your God cannot be both God and money. 

You are either shallow or you are deep. 

The first category is of criminals - serial killers, mass shooters, sociopaths, psychopaths. These are very bad people. They are sick. They are destructive. They are without conscience. 

The next is the smart people.. They are the ones who are very careful on how they navigate the world and only do things that profit them. They are kinda cold and indifferent. They seek their benefit like vultures. They are very narcissistic. They acquire power. They could care less if someone is hurt. They have agenda and they play big games. They rig the system in their favor. They won't fight for truth or love or charity. It's all about them. 

 

 

The next is those who are mentally ill. 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Next is those who are mentally ill. 

Now those who are mentally ill might have a good heart but they certainly aren't wise. And they do psycho shit. People generally keep their distance from such people and for good reason. You don't want a psycho stalker at your door.

The last are the good ones. The people who aren't worshipping money or profit. They just follow their heart. That's why they never achieve much in life. They are always on the sidelines. They cannot acquire power. They will detest power. They are the misfits. They won't fit into the selfish scheme of the world. 

Now understand this. 

You can't be someone who supports the truth but also wants material pleasures. Because you can't have both. Material pleasures don't go with the truth. 

You can't in the same breath support the truth and also support money and all the materialistic selfish views of the world because by principle they are very different. 

So people who support the truth can't work under a selfish dishonest boss. They will give up. They will speak the truth and they will be silenced or fired. 

You can't be a selfish cold hearted business minded person and also worship love and empathy at the same time. You can't have both. Because if you truly wanted love and empathy you wouldn't be running your scam business in a cold hearted way. If you were truly Empathetic you would give up the ways of the world. 

You can't be a cold psychopath (I'm not talking about psychopath criminals here), and also want love and charity in this world. Because they are opposite things. They don't go together. A charitable person cannot become a psychopath. A psychopath cannot be a charitable person. You cannot have 2 in 1 here. 

 

 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

In short you can't have a conscience and also do things that are anti-conscience.

You can't talk about honesty and fairness while being friends with a corrupt judge. 

If you do things that are anti-conscience (anti Roman) then you are not having a conscience. Simple. 

Marc Anthony in Anthony and Cleopatra (Caesar's Rome) 

Marc Antony?

There is no one here by that name...

...alive.

Time for what?

For Marc Antony

to appear in shiny armor...

...swords flashing in both hands?

Agrippa. Octavian.

Stand back! Rejoice!

Marc Antony will save the day!

Antony, you say?

He died at Actium...

...running away.

He tried to run on the water, but

you weren't there to hold his hand!

Rufio, my legions, waiting.

For what?

To ask me

what they carry in their eyes...

...in their hearts, in their sleep,

 

as I have.

 

Why are you not dead?

 

Why do you live? How can you live?

 

Why do you not lie

 

in the deepest hole of the sea...

 

...bloodless and bloated and

 

at peace with honorable death?

 

You begged forgiveness from me

 

for running away.

 

You wept and gave reason. A mother

 

to her child, a queen to her country.

 

Where and how can I weep and beg?

 

From whom?

 

The thousands and thousands

 

who can no longer hear me?

 

Shall I give my reason?

 

Shall I say simply, I loved?

 

When I saw you go, I saw nothing.

 

Felt, heard, thought nothing

except your going.

Not the dying and dead,

 

not Rome, not Egypt...

 

...not victory or defeat,

 

honor or disgrace...

...only that my love was going

 

and I must be with her.

That my love, my master, called.

 

And I followed.

 

And that only then...

...I looked back...

...and I saw.

 

How right you were.

 

"Have as your master

 

anyone, anything...

 

...but never love."

 

Edited April 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The fundamental truth is that you can't be two people at the same time. So if you operate from the heart, you have to give up the brain. 

You can't have a child like innocence and also a psychopathic brain. They don't go together. You can't be innocent, period.. You couldn't be. 

You can't carefully plan things to serve your purpose and also get to play innocent. Because you simply aren't. 

 

[Preety_India]

I want to have this cat girl avatar. 

A cat girl forever. 

 

[Preety_India]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

The fundamental truth is that you can't be two people at the same time. So if you operate from the heart, you have to give up the brain. 

You can't have a child like innocence and also a psychopathic brain. They don't go together. You can't be innocent, period.. You couldn't be. 

You can't carefully plan things to serve your purpose and also get to play innocent. Because you simply aren't. 

 

Continuing in the same spirit. 

You can't be two people at once. 

You either do things selfishly or you do things by your heart. 

So if you do things selfishly, the more you do it, the more callous, cold hearted, psychopathic you become. 

 

The more you do by your heart the more innocent you become. 

A week ago I had decided to get rid of this place. And today is APRIL 1.

The world is full of Smarties. 

 

Edited April 1, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

So I came up with this theory, that people who are true and have a genuine heart can't be of this world. They have to have some Divinity in them. 

Also these people are worshippers of love and kindness. 

They can't fit into the selfish plan. 

They can't be like regular normal people 

 

These people have to be hippies, rebels, poets, spiritual seekers, freedom lovers, tree huggers, witches, worshippers, devotees and generally "considered unfit or misfit" kind of people. 

They would be somewhat mad, unable to create a perfect scheme in life, floating around like particles, they would have to be somewhat crazy, madd-ish, a bit out of touch with reality, illogical, a bit overly emotional, sentimental, naive, child like, innocent, pure hearted, sincere, affectionate, loving, kind, merciful, truth lovers, brave, peaceful, nomadic, introverted unusual, people with no sense of reality, people with no agenda. 

 

Edited April 1, 2022 by Preety_India