Looking for an accountability partner to establish good habits together

[Tobias L]

Hey guys, hope everyone reading this is fine!

I'm looking for an accountability partner to grow together in specific areas we want to work on (e.g. developing specific habits, letting go of bad habits, classic personal development). Maybe someone here is looking for such a partner, too. I'll give some context to my situation:

• 26 years old, from Germany (if you are from Germany, too, that would be a plus for me, but I can communicate in english, too)
• Currently studying Psychology, aiming to become a psychotherapist/coach specialized in helping a specific target group
• Currently building an online sidebusiness
• Being in a happy, lovely relationship since ~ 1 year
• Overcame a years-long severe porn addiction, confusedness regarding sexual identity and a lot of fear of intimacy (but still working on it!)
• I love to read (currently classic literature like Tolstoi & Dostojewski)

My three biggest goals I currently want to work on

• Switching from still using porn occasionally (it doesn't have a lot of power or influence over me anymore compared to the years of real addiction though) to being completely free of porn consumption
• Establishing the habit of working on my sidebusiness everyday
• Time and energy management for balancing study, business, relationship and alone time)

What I wish to do with an accountability partner 

• Both choosing one clear, specific, measurable, highly realistic, but challenging goal or habit (e.g. being completely porn-free for 30 days / working one hour everyday on my sidebusiness)
• Starting a challenge together where we give each other our word that we are going to do this
• Mandatory daily check-ins at defined time(s) where we have to report to each other if we are on track

If anyone is interested, please DM me with more details on your goals / situation. I'd like to have an accountability partner that is clear where he/she wants to go and takes it serious, while having fun challenging oneself.

 

[yetineti]

An accountability partner is one of the Devils greatest tricks, in my opinion. 
 

The logic flawless allows nothing to get done.

Ex: The rules of an accountability partner.

Person 1: I will do this if you do this.

Person 2: Ok. I will do it if you do it, too.

[Ready. Set. Go.]
[error]
 

Person 1 cannot go with out Person 2 and vice versa.

You basically just doubled your problem.

Now you don’t just have to do it, you have to get someone else to as well.

Easier just to do it your self.

Still quite hard, which is why your here.

[Tobias L]

6 hours ago, mw711 said:

An accountability partner is one of the Devils greatest tricks, in my opinion. 
 

The logic flawless allows nothing to get done.

Ex: The rules of an accountability partner.

Person 1: I will do this if you do this.

Person 2: Ok. I will do it if you do it, too.

[Ready. Set. Go.]
[error]
 

Person 1 cannot go with out Person 2 and vice versa.

You basically just doubled your problem.

Now you don’t just have to do it, you have to get someone else to as well.

Easier just to do it your self.

Still quite hard, which is why your here.

Yes, I can entirely understand this perspective and probably you are right for 70-80% of people trying to do accountability. If you are lucky however you find an AP that is equally self-motivated as yourself and doesn't rely on you succeeding. 

[yetineti]

@Tobias L

It is more than 70-80% of people.

The problem is literally doubled.

Even if you do find someone to tag along that’s motivated, you’re just getting second hand motivation and the next time you need to do something alone you’ll just want someone else again.

Not to mention if even if you do find someone equally motivated - you don’t sound very motivated.

But like you said, if you’re lucky…

Why’d you want to add luck to your problems anyways? You could just go and certainly get some work into your goals but you’re here - betting the sun won’t rise.

I know I am just shutting down your partner idea but really this is good news.

You don’t need anyone. You never did.

Edited February 1, 2022 by mw711

[yetineti]

Ironically though, I’m holding you accountable

Maybe your idea isn’t so bad  

[Tobias L]

@MW711

In specific perspectives and situations you are definitely right, but getting an accountability partner can be an event that initiate a short-term higher motivation that you have the possibility to transform into momentum reaching your goals, realizing that your acc partner actually didn't do much to your success because at some point you do it if you have accountability or not. So you realized:

22 hours ago, mw711 said:

 

You don’t need anyone. You never did.

But you paradoxically needed an accountability partner first to realize this.

Other things that could happen: You find a good friend / accountability partner for years creating success together / getting annoyed by not finding the right acc partner so this anger/annoyance pushes you to say "fuck it I do it alone" / etc. etc.

Just writing this to tell you: There is no black and white. Never or probably in most cases, whatever the topic is. It is always both perspectives (including the 1000s other perspectives that are available, just taking "both" symbolically). You'll never have the truth when stating just one perspective. The only thing you can have is the truth for your specific situation (and even then your mind tries to decept you with seemingly good, but out-of-balance perspectives.

Don't know, just had the need to write that down haha, the message length really doesn't represent the importance of this topic to me, but the whole perspective game is one of the messages I want to send out to the world in general. I love this game.