Taking out the Trash

[Fearless_Bum]

Today has been an interesting day, no real freak outs but also feelings of doubt are present a lot. Ive always been skeptical of stuff and the LOA and emotional scale stuff is too amazing honestly, like my whole life ive been told that theres gotta be at least a lil bit of suffering, and know im realizing that its all easy, what the fuck!? 

What is cool is that its all about thoughts and what thoughts are focused on, thats literally it. I brought up my porn habit to a friend and he helped me remember that its the thoughts of porn that actually cause it to surface. Quick thought experiment: Im imagining what itd be like if there were no thoughts of porn, if the mind was wiped completely from all thoughts of porn. Clearly, there would be no more issues with porn, because literally it doesnt exist in the experience of this powerful Being. So its all thoughts! 

What thoughts pop up? What are the roots?

-Thoughts of porn, and the one who is addicted to it. 

-Thoughts of junk food, and the one who is addicted to it.

-Thoughts about having to stay with family, and succumbing to peer pressure by eating their food instead of staying true to what I want!

Nothing wrong with these thoughts, but I have the power of preference, and these thoughts help point to what I truly want. Im gonna convert these desires with the light of awareness. 

The new thoughts to replace the unwanted, this is what I really want:

-A beautiful and cool girlfriend to spend time with and build a connection with, I still want to enjoy sexual stuff but I prefer human connection over a screen. I welcome this girl into existence! Universe, hand craft this woman with your infinite intelligence! I summon you!

As for the other thoughts those will simply be let go of, I already have so much burning desire for the real estate mastery and wealthy lifestyle.

Any time a thought doesnt feel good, that IS the message to let it go, aka to recognize that letting it go literally erases the issue completely. 

Surrendering thoughts is the gold, I gotta admit ive been stubbornly holding on to the things. Dropping that arrogance, and just letting them go, letting them go. Stopping the beef with them. When someone does something fucked up, theres that reactive behavior to hit them back, thus prolonging the pain/conflict, no more beef with thoughts, letting them leave the room. 

Im ready, I can FEEL it, its clear that what matters is feeling better, and there is great feeling in letting thought activity go. 

[Fearless_Bum]

This morning I woke up feeling pretty okay, felt some food in my stomach but I notice my digestion abilities have improved. Digestion feels smoother now which is nice. 

I dont know what im doing, I dont know if what people tell me is true or not, Im not sure anymore, but it does feel good. I just wanna live a happy and wealthy life. Thats all I care about really. I dont even know what the problem is, I just dont know anymore, I have these moments of confusion sometimes where I am just overwhelmed. Im feeling overwhelmed thats for sure. Im overwhelmed with all the stuff I got going on, overwhelmed with the vast amount of advice Ive received from different people, is it true for them? Is it real for them? I feel like im about to blow up! So overwhelmed, so many bills to pay and stuff. Its so intense, aaaargggh. The emotions can be felt exploding out of the heart center, it feels relieving. 

Emotions are a powerful force of expression, they are powerful vibrations of existence! Expression doesnt have to be through thought, in fact thought doesnt have an impact on emotions, aha! Thoughts can be crafted in such a way that they kinda move out of the way of emotions and create the appearance that thought is causing emotions to feel better/worse. Emotions are more powerful than thought, sure thought can be inspired or rather filled with the power of emotion resulting in beautiful dreams. 

That was my biggest complaint with emotional scale stuff, it always felt off to believe that thoughts come first and then emotions, no! Emotions are primary!

It feels much better to recognize the heart center, and feel it exploding with expression silently. I mean wow can you imagine the burden of thinking that you always need to think loving thoughts? Thought loves to take on the burden of things, but nope when it comes to emotions the emotions express themselves! Id say in the beginning of emotional awareness thoughts can help, but why not just silently express emotions from the heart center directly? The nature of emotions IS expression anyways they want to be ex-pressed or pressed out, emotions are like radiation. 

First we recognize the heart-center, then we see how the heart-center charges thoughts. Emotions come first!

Im already feeling hopeful in this recognition. 

[Fearless_Bum]

I'm feeling depressed and confused right now. 

I just wanna be happy that's all really, many fantasies occurring right now of leaving society and becoming homeless. 

People don't understand that it's hard for me to even think coherently, I'm just confused a lot of the time. 

Like right now I'm feeling emotionally overwhelmed and no gimmick has helped, they're always turned into neurotic patterns. ?

Feel like giving up, I don't have it in me, whatever all the spiritual peeps have, I feel like I'm a zombie. 

Can barely get any work done or do anything. 

I get suicidal at least twice a week, I think I should just kill myself and get this shit over with. What the point of coping if it's the same cycle over and over again. 

[mandyjw]

Confusion is when we try to make two conflicting things work out. They won't. What spiritual peeps "have" is that they don't try to make it work out. It's not what they have but what they do not have. 

Note that when you're feeling great you've got huge visions, when you're not it's about leaving society and not expecting anything. This doesn't have to be an either or thing, in the allowance of what we want to come, what we've got suddenly becomes perfect. It's that perfect happy medium. 

Would you tell a little kid that's learning to walk and has just fallen down that they should just give up because obviously if they get up again, they'll fall again? Or do you KNOW that they will learn to walk, and that they will fall down a lot? It happens less and less over time. Give yourself that same understanding and patience. Call a hotline if it helps. Look for something small to appreciate. In a cave, away from everyone and everything, the light falls upon the rocks the same fucking way, it's the same miracle. In a multi million dollar mansion, the light falls on the paving stones the same fucking way, it's the same miracle. You are BEYOND the judgement, big, small, wise, foolish, spiritual, unspiritual, rich, homeless, you are so magic you are all of it and beyond it all. 

[Fearless_Bum]

@mandyjw thanks for the tips, I'm just going through these intense emotions today. 

I got a million excuses and things I can say bit I'd rather keep quiet as it's just a waste of time. 

[Fearless_Bum]

There is much relief present. 

Tomorrow... meditation for 1 hour. 

It will be done! 

Ultimate challenge no more self referential journaling!! 

It will be done! Everything is Possible! 

[Fearless_Bum]

So much inspiration right now. 

Riding bicycle, yes let's do it! 

[Fearless_Bum]

Today was nice, worked hard, didn't feel depressed. 

I notice when I work hard and efficiently, I don't suffer, in fact I feel good! ?

I worked a 14 hour shift today, and it feels good surprisingly!

Okay I'm gonna go to sleep. 

All the love to you ❤?.

[Fearless_Bum]

Still enjoying life! 

Ill be releasing more trash over here later! Right now im occupied, and it feels great!

[Fearless_Bum]

There was a glimpse of pure feeling. 

This body's just a bunch of nerves, well not really, but pure feeling is beautiful. Like there's no one here just feeling for feelings sake. 

Everything is made of awareness, thoughts are made of awareness, so no one can actually be aware of anything. 

Meditation is happening each morning. 

Seeing that nirvana and samsara are the same and it is all the truth flowing. 

Life is the point, and is always bringing the possibility of waking up to remembering that. 

When you flow with the stream it's all perfect, the sex, the money, the living of life, the success. 

When you believe you aren't then existential rumination begins, what's the purpose of blah blah blah? Why am I doing this? 

No! Stay in the flow, or rather let go of beliefs of being or not being in the flow. 

Thoughts nature is seen, and it is clear that operating primarily out of thought guarantees war and violence, as thought MUST be divisive. 

The divisiveness of thought is perfect, and extremely useful, to have fun conversation, to form preferences, to share the message. 

[Fearless_Bum]

It's all coming together. 

Any moment the whole journey, the whole dream, will just disappear! 

That's the funny thing, I don't know why it's so funny, but it's just like damn this was all for nothing lol. 

[Fearless_Bum]

Im concerned, seems like im becoming less and less each day. 

Hard to remember stuff, I cant even reply to forum posts very coherently because my memory's fucked up. Becoming like a baby or an old man. Hard to think clearly, what if im schizophrenic? Or having brain issues? 

What does this mean for my career and stuff? 

[Fearless_Bum]

Non-Locality is blossoming. 

Makes sense, everything is in its right place already. Theres a simple choice to recognize the life that is NOW or continue entertaining the self story. 

Not much else to say other than its exciting. Seems like a beautiful blossoming like a flower, or a butterfly leaving the cocoon.

[Fearless_Bum]

Some kundalini shits been going on ?. 

Third eye pressures, body warm, spine stuff. 

Just going through it, insights popping up. 

Also, falling into complete unknowing a lot. It's like life is breathing.

[Fearless_Bum]

Im back! 

Let go of lots of unhealthy habits and replacing them with nicer smoother ones. 

Lifes been nice, lots of energetic healing taking place, I want a girlfriend, someone to grow with and show appreciation for. Thatd be nice. 

Got crystals and starting experimenting with them, got quartz and citrine. 

Gods putting the bread crumbs and im eating them all!