Self harming habit

[Superfluo]

@Irina Wolf 

17 hours ago, Irina Wolf said:

With my therapist I established that it arised when I was 8 out of anxiety, a feeling of utter powerlessness and anger I could only direct on myself.  Ironically my feeling powerless to stop this (because so far I've had no succes) is yet another feeling of powerlessness that makes the biting continue or even worse.

This is already a great starting point in awareness, you understand the issue is multi-layered and convoluted.

 

Meditation and sedona method can be helpful but they don't deal with the root causes, or if they do you must be very skilled to go straight to the core of the problem and release it. If you can do psychedelics go for them.

If you want to heal, you need to decide which approach you want to use: body-based approach or emotional/energetic approach.

For the body-based approach (not recommended if you don't have adequate awareness of your psyche and your subconscious dynamics), shamanic breathing/holotropic breathwork and bioenergetics exercises are great tools. Bioenergetics exercises deal with subconscious tensions in the body so as to heal traumas, suppressed emotions and "emotional stiffness". Look for them on youtube, specifically for the throat and the mouth.

For the emotional/energetic approach (recommended if you have little awareness) you must do three things:

• Gain more awareness regarding this problem: when it started, why it started, why you do this, what are the benefits (there are always benefits, so find them), which inner conflict that behavior is the reflection of (another way of saying this is: which parts of you are in conflict), which beliefs are at the core of the behavior.
• Observe the feelings that you feel when you notice yourself enacting the behavior, so as to identify the sensations that trigger the behavior. Just do the best you can. Start amplifying the sensations of anger and powerlessness (don't amplify the biting) so as to understand the message they are carrying. Ask these emotions why do they exist, what do they mean. Listen to them, hear them, feel them, love them unconditionally.
• Do some exercises that give you access the root causes (which possibly is an emotional blockage or even a serious trauma you might think it's not that serious) of the behavior: inner child work, parts work/two chairs exercise, visualization, NLP integration exercises. I've not included bioenergetics exercises here because they deal with the root causes, but don't usually make you aware of them. They just get the stuff done. Bioenergetics exercises however usually require more time and consistency than these exercises listed here.

This pillars are not something you do once. You do them for as long as it needs to be done, i.e. until the problem is sufficiently solved.

This journey won't be not easy, but I think you'll discover some interesting stuff about yourself while on it.

If you need more info check out other posts of mine on healing, where I dig deeper in the healing process and give more exercises and practices.

[Irina Wolf]

15 hours ago, mandyjw said:

The more I think something is a problem the more it becomes one. The only way to push against or avoid something is to think it. This is not something that will be solved through doing, as doing is the thought that I am doing something about a problem which creates a whole lot of thinking about the problem. Leo's suggestions above are great but they are not actually a doing. If you do them not with a curious, open mind but because you NEED to get some result, it will not work. 

It's interesting that you say it must be a forbidden topic and you start by asking us not to be shocked. It's almost as if you're so unwilling to feel shame you're rebelling against it. You're beating it to the punch. That won't work. There's actually nothing uniquely wrong about you whatsoever. You realize that most people actually self harm by thinking self deprecating thoughts and believing them all day? Excess tongue and lip biting compared with that, sounds much more sane in my opinion. Sounds like terrible advice but what if you fully accept that you do this? The thought that "I am wrong or messed up" is not the direct feeling of shame. In meditation, in surrender to what is, what we thought was the case dissolves. 

Sometimes we avoid feeling a bad feeling with another bad feeling but one that we choose and resist less, so we feel some control. But the underlying root feeling remains. It's possible there are shameful, self deprecating thoughts that meditation would help you see are not about you, and not true, The tongue biting is beating it to the punch so to speak. It connects you with sensation, which soothes. However it's still against yourself as you know. Meditation of whatever sort you choose is fulfilling the need to connect with sensation and feeling in a healthy way and seeing through the idea that you could possibly think against yourself. 

Also something you might want to look into if you haven't is myofascial release massage. There's also an acupuncture pressure point on the outside of your hand, pretty sure it's called the Zhong Zu point, that release neck tension, as well as others.  https://www.precisionpaincarerehab.com/blog/use-acupressure-to-relieve-neck-pain-19308.html

Thank you very much for this answer! I'm indeed struggling with shame and feelings of unworthiness about my entire being. However I want to stop doing this to myself.  I'm saying I hope this topic doesn't shock because I'm afraid to be kicked out while I genuinely ask for help. Goes to show how much I struggle with feeling worthy to be heard. Your comment made me aware of that so thank you! 

 

 

[Irina Wolf]

4 hours ago, Superfluo said:

@Irina Wolf 

This is already a great starting point in awareness, you understand the issue is multi-layered and convoluted.

 

Meditation and sedona method can be helpful but they don't deal with the root causes, or if they do you must be very skilled to go straight to the core of the problem and release it. If you can do psychedelics go for them.

If you want to heal, you need to decide which approach you want to use: body-based approach or emotional/energetic approach.

For the body-based approach (not recommended if you don't have adequate awareness of your psyche and your subconscious dynamics), shamanic breathing/holotropic breathwork and bioenergetics exercises are great tools. Bioenergetics exercises deal with subconscious tensions in the body so as to heal traumas, suppressed emotions and "emotional stiffness". Look for them on youtube, specifically for the throat and the mouth.

For the emotional/energetic approach (recommended if you have little awareness) you must do three things:

• Gain more awareness regarding this problem: when it started, why it started, why you do this, what are the benefits (there are always benefits, so find them), which inner conflict that behavior is the reflection of (another way of saying this is: which parts of you are in conflict), which beliefs are at the core of the behavior.
• Observe the feelings that you feel when you notice yourself enacting the behavior, so as to identify the sensations that trigger the behavior. Just do the best you can. Start amplifying the sensations of anger and powerlessness (don't amplify the biting) so as to understand the message they are carrying. Ask these emotions why do they exist, what do they mean. Listen to them, hear them, feel them, love them unconditionally.
• Do some exercises that give you access the root causes (which possibly is an emotional blockage or even a serious trauma you might think it's not that serious) of the behavior: inner child work, parts work/two chairs exercise, visualization, NLP integration exercises. I've not included bioenergetics exercises here because they deal with the root causes, but don't usually make you aware of them. They just get the stuff done. Bioenergetics exercises however usually require more time and consistency than these exercises listed here.

This pillars are not something you do once. You do them for as long as it needs to be done, i.e. until the problem is sufficiently solved.

This journey won't be not easy, but I think you'll discover some interesting stuff about yourself while on it.

If you need more info check out other posts of mine on healing, where I dig deeper in the healing process and give more exercises and practices.

Wow this actually sounds like some useful tools I can try out. Thanks much!

[Irina Wolf]

15 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Irina Wolf Sounds like you need to work on developing relaxation skills and letting go skills. See my video: Body Awareness

Sedona Method could help you.

Body relaxation practices could help you.

Meditation could help you.

Psychedelics could help you.

Thank you Leo, I'll look into it

[flowboy]

@Irina Wolf  Next time you do it, I would say do a body scan.

What is going on physically, mentally and emotionally, that creates the desire to do this?

Obviously there is an uncomfortable (combination of) thought, sensation or emotion that needs to be drowned out by the pain.

Once you have identified what this discomfort is that creates this tendency, that is step one.

Step two is to figure out where it comes from and how it can be released.

There's many ways.

A simple way is to use written 3-2-1 shadow work.

That will get you many more clues on how to unwire this. Doesn't always lead to a release directly, but gives the clues you need.

If you decide to choose this route, post what you find out and we can figure out next steps from there.

Edited December 28, 2021 by flowboy

[Irina Wolf]

On 28/12/2021 at 3:10 AM, Flowerfaeiry said:

@Irina Wolf Wowwww this resonated so deeply with me. I used to tear the skin off my heels and fingers as well as bite my lips raw. I feel for you and am sorry you're going through this <3

One of the things that helped me was having a loving romantic partnership with someone who really cared about me. It wasn't the perfect relationship but it was very healing and I noticed that is when my picking began to reduce in severity. 

Couple other ideas...  do you have a passion in life? Friends and family who love and accept you? Are you being kind to yourself about this? Try not to beat yourself up. You can't shame yourself into healing. 

Ahw thank you so much for this! Being in a relationship hasn't done anything for me so far but that's probably because of my bad taste in people & commitment issues. So I'm now single and more aware of my behaviour. I just no longer want to do this to myself. I have a passion that I'm following the life purpose course for so I'm working on that too. Seems I have to work on ALL my relationships in life and as "hallmark card as it sounds" I now figure it has to start with me. From within myself. 

 

Thanks much for your kind response ?