Snuitje's Journal

[Snuitje]

Goals & Intro

I will post here my notes on my self-actualization/hero's journey. I have gone through serveral transformations in my life and I will write them here.

Goals that I'm working on right now:

Short Term Goals (~ 3 months)

• Converting my website to English
• Rename my company to Ishim
• Re-integrate reading in my daily routine
• Re-integrate meditation in my daily routine
• Finish a YouTube let's play series
• Become more social, have more smalltalk
  • Ask more people's names

Medium term goals (~ 3 - 12 months)

• Find a wMeme Green girlfriend
• Earning €3000 from coaching
• Speak/write excellent English
• Get my knee injury free
• Making a 'course' for my clients
• Do the Lifepurpose Course again in november 2022

Long term goals (~ 8 years)

• Financially independent
• Digital Nomad
  • Own a sailingboat as a 'house'
    • Coach from my boat/harbors in countries
    • Travel the waters
• Start a family
• No more nationalism, become a 'Terran.'
• More non-dual experiences
• Ayahuasca trip / DMT trip
• Deeper understanding of the holy dichotomy (duality and non-duality)
• Moving to wMeme Yellow
  • Bring/teach my girlfriend to Yellow
• Have a high consciousness YouTube channel
• Learn Arabic
• Attending Defqon 1 (2023)
• Find out what this ball of light was that I connected with when I 'died' (OOBE) or something.

'Someday' Goals (10 - 15+ years)

• Hopefully see a flying disk, tictac, triangle, V shaped craft
• Permanent state of not knowing
• Grow to wMeme Turquoise
  • Have my company in Turquoise

Unattainable goals in this lifetime, but this lifetime adds to

• 'Merging' with the Higher Self
• Social Memory Complex
• Ascending to Fourth Densitiy / Fifth Dimension

 

I like this, even though this is in some version in my Commonplace book, I like that other people can see it now. I will also show this to some people in my social circle.

Edited December 7, 2021 by Snuitje

[Snuitje]

Dreams

Dreams have always been a big part of my life, I will post my most precious ones here

You Are Me

I had this great idea one day that everything in my dream is me. So what would happen if I became lucid and pointed out to someone in my dream and tell this person that that person is me.

Quote

 

I was on an army base and I held a bag in my hand. I stuffed the bag full of equipment: my kevlar gloves, cargo pants, and my bivi mask. I was a spy on the base and did my thing I guess and had to get out. I was walking towards the exit but I got discovered. Magically I had a pistol in my left hand and started shooting back to the guards. Then I became lucid and said: this is my chance!

I pointed to a guard and wanted to say: You are me! but at that moment a child walked in my sight from the left and I said to the child: You are me! The child looked at me and said: You are me! Then I could hear in the background a loud scream. The scream filled the whole dream. I said again to the child: You are me! and the child echoed it back: You are me! I felt so much fear. The child was afraid aswell. I kept repeating in disbelief: You are me!

The guards entered the fray now aswell, they all said: You are me! The was so much fear in the guards aswell. I kept telling the guards aswell: You are me! More and more guards surrounded me and we all said: You are me! The background scream started dying down and the fear became less. The guards started from screaming: You are me! to chanting/singing. I looked at the child right in front of me and I kept repeating: You are me!

The child and the guards were singing now: You are me and I spread my arms. I felt peace. I was floating up from the group and the screen became wierd and glitchy. I realised I was watching this all unfold on a screen and the illusion of the dream broke. I saw two squares which were my eyes so to speak. I looked down. There were hundreds of guards and were all standing still in a circle of where I stood. They were still chanting/singing: You are me! I looked straight and then everything went black. I became some sort of mist or I was an atom. I don't know, this part is too hard to describe. Some time later in this nothingness state my whole screen/sight went white for ~ 2 seconds and I woke up.

 

When I woke up I was in terror for like 15 minutes. After this dream I realised there is no difference between the dream and this reality.

On The Bus

A couple days later of my previous dream ^, I was on a bus....

Quote

I was standing in the middle of a bus and the bus was moving. I was lucid right away. I was holding on to something. In front of me was a guy also standing. He looked at me and I said to him: "You know you're a program right?" He started to spasm and looked at me puzzled. There was screaming again in the background and the bus lights started to flikker. I could've pusht it further but decided not to. I told him then: "I'm just joking." And he started to laugh, and stopped looking at me. The screaming stopped and the lights stopped flikkering. Then I woke up.

I think I was afraid to push it into glitching again. My idea was to get used to this sort of behavior in the dream. I think I thought of this like a muscle. In the first dream I "snapped" the muscle.

The Barman

A couple days later I had another lucid dream...

Quote

I was walking and was lucid right away. My idea this time was to get to the "edge" of the dream. Where does my dream stop? I was curious about that. I tried to look at the background and see where it stopped but I couldn't see it. I walked into some sort of bar where a barman in a white shirt was cleaning. I approached the barman and said to him: "You are me." He looked at me and said: "Yeah, I am, so what?" I was stunned. Why was I making such a big deal out of this? The barman continued cleaning the bar and I just walked away I think or woke up.

After this I couldn't replicate the 'You are me' respons anymore. I guess I let it go. I think it were pretty cool dreams.

The Spiral

I had this interesting dream one night...

Quote

I was floating above white ground and I felt like I was ethereal and my arms were spread to the side. My nephew was there aswell in ghost form I guess. He asked me something and I replyed that he died. I think he had trouble believing it but this part is fuzzy, anyway I could only hear him. I floated down to the ground and looked around. I was in a space like room. I had a body now and stretched my arm. There were soap bubbles coming into my hand that I stretched. I was curious. I looked better and the soap became stars and stardust. I looked more and realised I saw a lot of stars and nebula gas being drawn to the ground like gravity. I walked to the edge of the ground and looked down. I was ontop of a white spiral and at the bottom was a huge black hole sucking stars and nebula gas into it. I was like: "wow" and woke up.

I don't know what to make of this dream. This happenend years ago and stil have no clue. But I thought this dream was so cool.

The Wheel Of Time

This dream happenend recently and I saw it in 4k graphics...

Quote

I was on a strange alien planet with a lot of beautiful colors and I looked up. I saw 6 planets in a circle and it looked like the Wheel of Time artwork from Carlos Castaneda. I thought: "Ohh, this is a spiritual dream!" and I looked at the right. There were other planets aswell. One moonlike planet, behind it was a bigger planet and behind that one an even larger planet. It looked amazing. These 3 planets were greenish. I started walking on the alien planet and I was on a high-tech highway road. On the left side of this highway was an alien robot. It was round and had some sort of A.I. in it. I'm not sure if it was sentient, however it seemed stuck. As if it was trying to get on the highway. I wasn't sure if I should help the robot or not, I wasn't sure what it was to begin with it. Then I woke up.

After this dream I walked to my bookshelf and pulled out the Wheel of Time of Carlos Castaneda and started flipping through it. This dream felt like a call towards the book, not sure why though.

Edited December 8, 2021 by Snuitje

[Snuitje]

Awakening

My story of my awakening and what I went through, maybe you can learn something from it. I'm still doing research on what awakening really is. I still question a lot of what I type here. Also I didn't know that there is timer on editing posts. I thought I could keep the first 2 posts updated but it seems I can't. Oh well :). From the research I've gathered most people go through quite some pain and agony when waking up. I'm no exception. Looking back at all of this I'm so glad it happenend, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Age ~ 10

Staring in the bathroom mirror and questioning if I'm really looking. Asking myself: What is looking right now? Am I really looking through these eyes?

Age 20

Became very depressed and nihilistic. I didn't like my college study, didn't know what to do with life or the meaning of it. I felt incredible stuck. At my lowest of lowest moments I laid in bed and and asked God for the first time (was atheist before that): "Will You please help me?" (Something along those lines). At the ? mark my room just light up. Light came out of nowhere and illuminated the whole room. I was stunned. I thought a car turned on the headlight but my window curtain was closed and light can't shine through it. I thought it was my phone, so I recreated it, and it was different. I dove under my bedsheet and I felt every emotion at once. I cried out of disbelief, happiness and sadness. When I woke up the next morning, I stopped cursing and comitted to live life better, even if I didn't know how.

Somewhere around this age I knew something about a stairs. At the top of the stairs there is God. I was comitted then to climbing this stair.

Age ~ 25

Joining the army, got a vision of me in Afghanistan shooting an Afghan and I knew I shot myself then, got confused and got the hell out of the army.

Age ~ 26

You are me dream.

Beginning to realise that at the top of the stairs God doesn't sit, but it's me, got quite confused.

Realising that Heaven and Hell are metaphors of higher and lower consciousness. Massive fear attack and paradigm shift.

Age ~ 29

Started to question non-duality. I knew then a next depression was comeing up sometime soon. Kind of prepared myself for it. Fighting to hold my paradigm of this non-duality in place.

Repeating numbers started to appear. At first I thought it was funny and paid no interest to them.

Age ~ 30

The depression hits. Became nihilistic. After ~ 2 years of following Actualized.org bought the Life Purpose Course. Became very emotional just from the first video lol. I knew this was the right thing to do. Wanting to be among the 5% of the people with incredible results. Spirituality and Consciousness were just terms kept popping up.

Repeating numbers became more frequent to the point that they had my attention.

I was halfway through the LP Course when I met a woman at my work who teaches and speaks about non-duality. We started talking and I asked her about non-dual experiences, we shared these wierd experiences. The walls started to get fuzzy and started to 'dance.' I walked back and my belly felt awful. I realised I couldn't think. I was in space and my vision became very dotted (like a fly) then and saw a purple star with purple flames in a + (plus) shape. I was back at work and I could only think one word: Turqoise. Couple seconds later I could think again but everything became drowsy. Someone wanted to order a drink by me and I said: "I'm not feeling well." Went back to talk to a manager and I stuttered like hell. I felt the sun in my stomach and emptiness. My awful feeling in my belly made room for a perfect round ball that filled my entire belly. On the outside it was like the sun and it had a yellow/goldish color glow. On the inside it was pure emptiness. I felt the emptiness, it was so horrible and frightning. After I felt it more and more everything became dark around me and I heard OOOMMMMMMM in the darkness. I thought this is where the Buddha lives.

Then I was standing at my workplace again and everything returned to normal (sort of). I was sweating like crazy and my manager was at a loss. I returned to the woman and got her number so I could meet her up and talk about this sort of stuff. I was shaking the whole evening. I saw people acting out of their ego's, which was wierd. I felt elavated.

After this event it was just pain and agony for a whole 4 weeks. My brain felt cracked. I had racing thoughts and I could barely sleep. I thought I was seriously ill, which confused me a lot because I never had anything. No history of any mental conditions or psychoses. This just happenend for me out of the blue. After 2 weeks of pain and suffering I started crying a lot, for no reason.

The repeating numbers became really intense and started to get afraid of them. I saw them everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I saw them so much it is as if someone was just messing with me.

After I cried immediatly when I was off at work I knew I had to call in sick (for the first time in 10 - 12 years orsomething). I went to the docter where I fainted for the first time (again, very dotted vision). I knew this guy couldn't help me. I started to get feelings of dying sometimes. My ego was at full alarm at this point and massive confusion arose.

I called my manager and told him the truth of some stuff at work. I told this guy everything. If I was checking out, I speak the truth. It broke me, it showed how hard I find it to stand up for myself to my colleages. All my nastiness and weakness came to the surface. Actually this was the first time I felt Love. I also had this conversation with this voice while I was talking to my manager, it's the same voice from the paddo's. Yeah I don't know. I don't remember much of this conversation, memory gets really fuzzy after his great feeling of Love. 

I went home after the phone call, I was broken, depressed, lost faith in humanity but most of all I was tired. But I said the truth, my truth. I was sitting on my couch. I could barely keep my eyes open. I went to bed. My whole body was in pain, I felt every cell in my body. I was like wtf? How? Then the second wave and my whole body was in pain once again. I thought about the painbody Eckhart Tolle was talking about. At the third wave I knew this was the end, I was checking out. The emptiness ball was back in my belly again. I was kinda tired of this torture so I didn't care, the universe could fuck itself and I just went with it. Numbers appeared everywhere, like they were closing in on me. I even saw them on my wall, just halucinating them, lol.

Then I was in space. Just drifting there. It was so peaceful. No more pain or racing thoughts, I only thought when I wanted to, which was nice. While I was drifting I thought like one line and for the rest it was peaceful and quiet. I came across a white ball of light that seemed to have thunder in it. I was curious of it. It came to me orsomething or I went to it (I don't know). We connected and I felt this warm deep love, like I never felt before. It told me to help humanity (basically the answer of my life purpose).

I opened my eyes and I was in bed. No more pain, agony, racing thoughts, fear. Nothing. No more numbers. I walked around my room and I felt different. It also felt like a filter was gone from my eyes. This trip in space felt like 3 months.

After this I went back to work, lol. I got to meet the doctor again and told him I was okay, he was flabbergasted. Everything was different now. Had a falling out with some of my colleagues, finally. Resigned from the company (finally), and started working on my Life Purpose (FINALLY). Eventually fear came back and is now dissipating more and more.

In retrospect: this was the time of my life and it really transformed me.

[Snuitje]

Week 49

I was going to do sports 6 days of the week at 06:00 in the morning. But I overslept most of the time, or I wouldn't get out of bed. In the beginning of the week I was actually pretty tired. At the week end, it was better. I killed a 66 minute yoga workout this sunday, which I'm pretty happy about. Still adjusting to the different time schedules I'm dealing with now.

I had visions of me being a coach this week. I could finally see it. I always wanted to name my company Ishim but I thought it would be silly. I bought Ishim.eu for 4 years, I have been working on my site for the last 2 days now and I'm pretty happy about it, needs more revisions ofcourse, but yeah looking good.

My jumpers knee is getting better I feel like, I've been iceing the thing for the last week couple times and massaging it with my fingers. My knee 'pops' now more, I guess that's a good thing.

I met a Welsh in the sauna and we had a good and funny conversation about nothing. I've really underestimated how much good can come from small talk and talking about nothing.

I feel like I'm gonna kick my life up a gear. I'm ready to work myself out of slave wagery.

Planning for Week 50

First Things First:

1. Finish my website for ~ 60%
2. Ask more names from strangers
   1. Talk to more people in the gym
3. Have more small talk with everybody
   1. Learn to enjoy it.
   2. Just asking people stuff
4. Finish It's Not About The Money
5. 7 Days Wim Hof breathing
6. 7 Hours of meditation
7. Start working on promotion clothes.
   1. Buy some T-shirts etc. with some site information.

[Snuitje]

On 12-12-2021 at 8:24 PM, Snuitje said:

Planning for Week 50

First Things First:

1. Finish my website for ~ 60%
2. Ask more names from strangers
   1. Talk to more people in the gym
3. Have more small talk with everybody
   1. Learn to enjoy it.
   2. Just asking people stuff
4. Finish It's Not About The Money
5. 7 Days Wim Hof breathing
6. 7 Hours of meditation
7. Start working on promotion clothes.
   1. Buy some T-shirts etc. with some site information.

What a week. I've been pushing every minute now of it to get stuff done.

I started talking to people in the sauna. Met a guy who was in retirement now and he doesn't remember shit anymore. I thought immediately of heavy metals. He worked for the government checking for chemical weapons. He didn't look too old though, but I never asked his age. I like questions that are short where I get a whole story from the other person.

I met this guy in the locker room and we started talking about World of Warcraft lol, I asked him about a tattoo. I tried to act interested. He said he only plays the game for the social part, which I found actually pretty cool. He's still playing with dudes from 11 years ago.

Been working hard on my website. It feels like it's all coming together now. I looked at it at thursday and got tears in my eyes of how awesome I find my site.

Been working out now every day at 06:00. I'm doing a 30 minutes HITT workout. It was only friday where I was tired and my pilates was terrible, but other then that, pretty good. I feel like I have to eat more then I am used to.

I had a christmas drinks with colleagues. When the room filled with people I wanted a place sure at the very back. I just sat there, observering the humans, be present. There were like 20 people or something. I accepted in that moment that such crowds are just not for me. I had to deal with so many energies in the room I got exhausted. I left after an hour. 4 people is for me the absolute max of how many I want to be surrounded, atleast indoors. When I left I got a goody bag with alcohol in it lol. On my way home I walked by a glass container and threw the bottle in. I think some girls across the street saw that because they were looking at me like wtf?

I've been forgiving some negative thoughts this week. It feels really good once I let them go. It feels easy to forgive these thoughts. My self-love has also increased this week. It was only friday where I had some heavy negative moments so to speak. I had a wierd dream from friday to saturday.

It feels so good doing meditation again. I've missed it so much. Didn't think I could immediatly again one hour sessions.

Planning for Week 51

1. 7 Hours of meditation
2. Read Get Clients Now!
3. Finish the site (excl. booklist)
4. Try to enjoy the company of my family this christmas. I will accept whatever they say and do will be at their level of consciousness.
5. Walk around town more.
6. Practice speaking English

Lockdown again! Atleast to jan 14 so, we'll see.

 

Edited December 19, 2021 by Snuitje

[Snuitje]

On 19-12-2021 at 8:26 PM, Snuitje said:

Planning for Week 51

1. 7 Hours of meditation
2. Read Get Clients Now!
3. Finish the site (excl. booklist)
4. Try to enjoy the company of my family this christmas. I will accept whatever they say and do will be at their level of consciousness.
5. Walk around town more.
6. Practice speaking English

 

I took a break for a couple of days from reading but still managed to get the task done. I can't wait to get started next week on the 28 days challenge.

I ordered my business cards and my t shirt for marketing and see what I will do with it. I have never done this before so not sure how to start but I will start somewhere.

I'm going to quit my job in januari. That gives me four months to get my business up and running. I'm going to work my ass off. Working in a company feels like kindergarden and I hate it. I feel so ready to move on. I know I can do it, I can feel it. If I somehow fail, I'm going to get a part time (max 20 hours) job and work hard(er) on my business after those 4 months. I'm going to get out! I'm going to be my own boss with my own schedule.I feel so overqualified to work in a company at min wage anyway. It's time to take the leap.

My website is pretty much finished. Next week some finishing touches and little changes but yeah. O yeah, I have to update the contact page a little bit more. Not sure if clients can email me or make an appointment straight away, still undecided.

Christmas this week. It was fun I guess. I didn't really talk that much or ate any sugar bullshit. I can see now how superficial everyone talks and no one really helps eachother become better people. I find this strange, my family feels so static, not in a bad or negative way, more in a observering way. It's their choice in the end. I did enjoy their company and I accepted their level of consciousness, so mission accomplished!

This wednesday I had a major epifany. I realised that my mind is pretty quiet. Then I realised I only thought when I wanted to. In the moment I created thoughts. I thought it was awesome then. Well friday a little ego backlash. Sometimes I still have monkey mind, but some minor focus on the present and it becomes quiet. It's really amazing.

Week 52

1. Finish the booklist
2. Join other forums to help out
3. Post more on this forum
4. Read 300+ pages of The Religion of Tomorrow
5. Begin advertising my website
6. Come up with solutions to start public speaking (other than YouTube).
7. 7 hours of meditation
8. Publish 1 YouTube video

Next year is going to be so epic. I can't wait for it. I'm terrified, but in a good way.

This week showed an heavy increase in repeating numbers. Especially 777. They were absent for so long and now they have returned it seems. Oh well.

Edited December 27, 2021 by Snuitje

[Snuitje]

On 26-12-2021 at 10:33 PM, Snuitje said:

Week 52

1. Finish the booklist
2. Join other forums to help out
3. Post more on this forum
4. Read 300+ pages of The Religion of Tomorrow
5. Begin advertising my website
6. Come up with solutions to start public speaking (other than YouTube).
7. 7 hours of meditation
8. Publish 1 YouTube video

wow, what a red. I wanted to do so much more this week. It just wasn't in it.

I got a cold this tuesday. I was trying to meditate but I don't know what I was doing, it wasn't meditating. This was first time in years that I got a cold, it's almost over luckily.

So the website is almost finished. Only the audio reviews. Which I will do next week I think.

Only got to page 100 of RoT. I love it so far. I love the states of WAKING UP and GROWING UP.

I sometimes "sink deeper" in meditating and it feels uncomfortable. Been feeling some pressure between my eyes again while in meditation.

Next week picking up the pace again.

Week 1

1. 7 hours of meditating (yearly goal: 365 hours)
2. Read 100 pages of RoT
3. Start with 28 days challenge of Get Clients Now!
4. Publish 50 posts on forums
5. Do 10 audio reviews
6. Prepare to quit my job.

I feel so ready to take the next step. The leap of faith. I know I can do it!

Edited January 2, 2022 by Snuitje

[Snuitje]

On 2-1-2022 at 11:05 PM, Snuitje said:

Week 1

1. 7 hours of meditating
2. Read 100 pages of RoT
3. Start with 28 days challenge of Get Clients Now!
4. Publish 50 posts on forums
5. Do 10 audio reviews
6. Prepare to quit my job.

Wow what a week. I got fired for the first time in my life without any warning whatsoever. I didn't expect that.

I think they didn't like my lifestyle altogether. When I mentioned I was a vegan someone asked me if I was gay. It felt good though when they told me I didn't fit in and I could leave immediatly. I didn't took it personal.

I thought I could start my business but I believe my plan is horrible flawed. I want things way to quick and it's just not realistic. I'm going to look for a coachingish job where I am more interacting with people and start semi practicing it more. I have a couple of ideas already.

I've been busy on forums lately. Today was the first day where someone called my posts bullshit lol. People on this (not here, but other forum lol) forum arn't really spiritual so it's okay. I understand they would have some trouble understanding some of my posts.

Week 2

1. 7 hours of meditation
2. Read 15 pages a day
3. Do 7 audio reviews
4. Start adding more social contacts on platforms
   1. Network more
5. Meet new people
6. Look for new job opportunities

Edited January 9, 2022 by Snuitje

[Tyler Robinson]

Really appreciate how neat this is.