Patterns of communication

[Preety_India]

(Learn!)

 

[Preety_India]

(Just a general note to anyone who acts mean with me and constantly try to start a fight with me.) 

I avoid interacting with you because of your mean attitude towards me. Just don't talk if you hate me. It's best. 

I don't care how you talk to other or how many friends you got, if your replies to me are nonsense, I'm going to cut that shit. How you talk to me matters to my sense of self worth and self respect. This is not a friendship contest where we compare who is most liked on the forum and who is least. That isn't what a community should do. Just because someone is least liked on the forum doesn't mean they are wrong or bad person,its just public opinion after all, to what extent is public opinion the end all and be all of truth? And I'm not here to please someone. (it's easy to jump on the bandwagon of public opinion when someone is being attacked by a few people and then everyone takes their turn (guess it's easy to do that than give space to a person to be themselves, the question is that what a community is supposed to do, as opposed to make a person feel cornered simply because that person is generally disliked, that's like torture). Why would anyone deserve that, unless it's a toxic environment in which it makes sense why people will find some target because it's generally shallow to engage in that behavior. 

I just want this to be a final interaction with you. 

I'm not interested in responding to destructive feedback. 

I think the control to who I respond to and who I don't respond to lies with me? Isn't there something called personal autonomy. I'm not going to reply to your triggering nonsense. I prefer peaceful conversations. Constructive criticism feels like something I want to work on. Destructive criticism feels unhealthy and impacts self worth and reputation. It's like setting up someone to look bad, that's unhealthy. Maybe instead of finding flaws in me sometimes focus on your own attitude and see that it's not helpful/pleasant when you speak like that. I'm generally polite if the conversation is polite. I don't like to  drag on when someone is not resonating with me, it's either a healthy interaction or not a healthy interaction. There cannot be harmony in unhealthy interactions. Your perspective is just your opinion, not necessarily the truth. Consider that. 

This is a community. Everyone has the right to be here unless they are doing something exceptionally wrong like spreading misinformation on some important issue. You can't make me feel unwanted here. Nobody can. Nobody deserves to feel unwanted. And you can't pretend to help me meanwhile making me feel unwanted/unbelonged, that's hypocrisy. You aren't exactly helping by making me feel unaccepted/unwanted/undesirable. Jabs at personality are definitely going to hurt. Especially if you don't know how to use tact while using it, then avoid it altogether, because jabs like that do more harm than good. Nobody likes to be made to look bad or a pain in the ass or a nuisance. Everyone enjoys being loved and accepted. If you don't like someone, you don't need to constantly remind them of that. Just stop using antagonizing language if someone doesn't wish to engage it. No need to keep pushing that button,if that person is not feeling good about it... you aren't doing any favor.. just let go. If someone feels bad or hurt, I don't continue to push my view on them, or continue to invalidate their feelings of offense by accusing them of victimhood, I don't keep pushing the button and make them feel worse, I simply realize that I'm being an asshole and withdraw myself. Because I'm nobody to invalidate how triggered someone might be feeling by my replies, I have no authority on their emotions or state of mind. I'm nobody to decide if I am the one who  provoked it. That's absolutely domineering, authoritarian and super entitled. How someone feels is completely up to them? You can't accuse someone of victimhood on one hand and continue to victimize them on the other. Pure entitlement and snobbism. If someone acted offended when you absolutely did not put fuel on the fire, then I agree that they are playing victim. But how are they playing victim, if you said something unpleasant to them in the first place. And then you take offense that they're not tolerating your shit? Wow. So you have the ultimate authority to decide how someone should feel about your comment to them? Nothing is more snobbish than that. 

Also remember that if you feel like you have the right to criticize, that person has an equal right to defend against your criticism. You can't bite someone and then play victim when they bite back. Learn to give space to the other person to respond to your critique, it's not a one way street. Your opinion isn't the ultimate stamp of approval. Nobody else's is. I wish to create peace, not discord. But that should not mean that I should be a doormat to anyone and not stand up for myself. It should not mean that I should passively tolerate everything (even when it's testing my patience), and put with nonsense insensitive remarks. 

If I see some understanding and logic in your feedback, if I see a point that I find reasonable enough, then I would be glad to appreciate and accept it and consider it. I'm not totally intolerant to negative feedback/criticism if I see some validity to it. But don't expect me to agree to some made up shit about my life. My journal that contains my private information and my Vulnerability in opening up about my life shouldn't be used as ammunition or target. That defeats the very  purpose of opening up about one's private life. 

It's not like someone cannot disagree with me. If their disagreement comes with a sense of respect and from a good faith place without gaslighting, demonizing and personal attack, then I would be happy to reply to such feedback it would help me learn more about myself and I won't be triggered at all. Problem is when some disagrees with a gaslighting tone and it feels like the other person is totally clueless and just making up shit and an assault on character rather than genuine feedback,that feels like invalidation and hate. Even if that person says that they are simply offering a criticism, it is still not valid when the listener feels attacked, what's the point of such criticism if the listener isn't resonating with it. Wouldn't it be like imposing your views on others when they don't agree with it and won't that lead to unnecessary frustration? 

If there is constructive feedback, I make an honest effort to reply to it. I'm especially hypersensitive and I don't like personal intrusion during a discussion. I don't like unnecessary criticism that I don't relate to personally because it makes zero sense to me, it feels absurd. And even if many people do it, it still makes zero sense. It's simply something that doesn't resonate with my way of thought. Consider that not everyone is going to think like you. I think very differently than most people, doesn't mean my perspective is wrong or right, just a different perspective,no need to come at me personally. Also I don't tell others to leave the  forum simply because they disagree with me or because I don't like their perspective/behavior. The forum belongs to them as much as it belongs to me, I'm nobody to judge if they should be here or not, I can simply avoid interacting with them if there is zero harmony in perspectives. So please don't mention or quote me again and again and I won't feel the need to reply to things that don't serve my purpose. 

If you can't control what you pay attention to especially when it doesn't involve you, then the problem lies with you, stop making me the scapegoat of your issues that you need to work on. 

This is a community, nobody is less welcome and nobody is more welcome, everyone is same, this is not about giving some a preferential treatment and giving others a bad treatment. If you don't like someone, instead of trying to trigger them, how about you interact with those that you get along with and learn to move on and keep some peace. Stop isolating and splitting me from the community, stop outcasting me. I deserve to be here as much as anyone else, like I said, everyone is same. The decision of who has to be here or not, ultimately lies with Leo, you can't be the judge, the forum is not yours, it's Leo's. 

There are many users here that I don't like, I simply ignore them and move on. I don't interact with them for the sake of peace. 

Now find someone else and I wish you peace. 

 

 

 

Edited December 27, 2021 by Preety_India