Venting journal 2021 (no comments please)

[Preety_India]

You see. I can be a bit rough when I feel stressed out. And I'm super friendly, loving, supportive when I'm relaxed. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Rant about Leo's racial condescending nonsense. 

This is not the first time and this won't be the last time that Leo talks about non white people in a condescending tone. 

I'm not saying that Leo is a racist. But the way he says things about non white people in general is quite condescending, patronizing, sarcastic (in a bad way), racially insensitive, and reflective of an elitist mindset, as though white people are the best and other races are trash?? 

Reminds me of my ex boyfriend Joseph who would always talk about other races including mine in an appalling manner and I never found the confidence to contradict him or beat him at his game. 

Such covert condescending behavior is pretty disgusting. 

And don't ever assume that other races don't notice it.. 

I have nothing against the white race, but I can't stand being constantly  considered inferior just because I'm non white. 

I have often seen Indians, Asians, Mexicans, Blacks, being constantly stereotyped online and quasi racist trolling directed at them especially by white people just my experience and my ranting. 

It's hard to be a non white person in the internet world because there is always some white person trying to direct a racial slur or some stupid racial stereotype at you. 

 

An example of Leo's condescending tone towards a forum member - 

 

 

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Rant about Leo's racial condescending nonsense

Leo has made an awful lot of disparaging comments in the past about non white people. 

In fact the non white portion of this intercultural forum has given a lot of attention and respect to Leo to be fair. 

Yet they get treated like shit most of the time. 

I have often noticed Leo's comments along the lines of, just some examples of his statements that are mildly objectionable and racist - 

 "I don't date certain races." 

"if you are a western woman you should be glad that you aren't born in Muslim countries." 

"I don't make videos for Iraqis." 

"even a 5'6 indian guy can get laid." 

 " if I travel to certain countries I might get diarrhea." 

 "your country is underdeveloped."

 

The last one is not very racist in my opinion but you kinda get the gist of all these comments, trying to put down other races or treating them as low or inferior. 

 

It's kinda reflecting of his condescending and patronizing tone toward other races. 

This is something that only racially sensitive people can understand.. 

Also if a white person told me that it's not racist, it's only because they never have to be at the receiving end of such offensive nonsense. 

 

 

Maybe Leo should stop with the vulgar language towards other races 

 

He thinks he is a millionaire so I guess he has the privilege to abuse people. 

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Reading Leo's comments actually tells me that Leo is not as developed as much as he pretends to be 

Today a lot of women attacked Leo in the dating section. I think it served a good purpose 

It might awaken him and make him realize that his views about women can raise eyebrows and that he isn't being genuinely compassionate towards Women with his language 

Time for Leo to grow up.. 

And I constantly feel Like Leo is simply fronting development. 

It's a facade to me. 

A user here Tangerinedream made a factual post on Leo's vulgar language towards women and his toxic behavior 

Does Leo really plan on changing or improving his toxic narrative on women? 

I don't think so. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Venting about my neighbor 

So there is this neighbor of mine who is like a block away from my building. This person invites his friends every weekend and throws a party where they all get drunk and start acting weird and stuff. 

I mean I have no problem with whatever they choose to do with their life, that's their private business of how they choose to spend their weekend.

But this person plays the music super loud throughout the night on every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. 

And they keep laughing loudly and say some absurd shit that I can't figure out because of the loud music. 

Now people in my neighborhood have raised complaints against their behavior because it disturbs sleep. It has disturbed my sleep on several occasions. 

It's impossible to tolerate this kind of nonsense. 

I mean a person can have fun in whatever ways they prefer but not super loud music in the night.

Its Damn annoying.. 

 

[Preety_India]

I keep reading and re-reading this post over and over again. 

I mean it takes so much bravery to speak publicly about issues that are upsetting. 

 

After all its a consciousness forum. 

I can't believe the kind of language used for women in many of the posts on the dating forum. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Especially these comments really make me rethink about this whole forum. 

I mean Leo had promised that he would make the dating forum a better experience for women. Where are those promises? 

 

I mean Leo had stated these words and I'm quoting him. 

"Yes, you are right. I will try to set a better example. I have been guilty of vulgarities.

We do shut down toxic Red Pill and Black Pill threads here. And we will continue to do that.

We also want to make this place more appealing for women and I haven't done the best job of that in the past. I will try to be less biased on that. "

I wonder what happened to those promises. 

Also this comment from Vizdoh in this thread, I resonate so much with her comment. People literally use your personal shit against you to try to win a score or make themselves look better at your expense. 

 

"I simply report posts where I see blatant attacks on me personally or discussion of my personal stuff that I didn't ask for. 

 

Don't be afraid to report. If u feel offended or insulted by soneone, its not your imagination ?" 

 

 

 

And it has been  ages since I saw Emerald on the forum. She was so good with her insights. 

Sometimes this forum can really repel women. 

 

And if women complain, I don't blame them. They aren't exactly wrong. 

 

 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Especially these comments really make me rethink about this whole forum. 

I mean Leo had promised that he would make the dating forum a better experience for women. Where are those promises? 

 

 

[Preety_India]

What upsets me about men in general. 

There are some complaints and rants I have against men in general. 

It's very hard to be around men. I have very high social anxiety and being around men sometimes makes it worse. Because I don't like someone staring in my direction. 

Being stared at is a very uncomfortable feeling. 

I am not saying that men are bad nor am I holding any prejudice against men. 

But to what extent is putting a woman on a pedestal okay? 

There is one sore spot for me when it comes to men and I have seen this pattern repeating throughout my life 

 

This pattern is where men think they own you. I am not talking about my boyfriend here. I am not talking about relationships here. I'm venting about men in general. 

Why do men act like a woman owes them something? 

Why do men have this patriarchal tendency to sort of own you if you are a woman? 

I don't owe anything to anyone. 

The general policy I follow is this. If you are friendly with me, I'm friendly with you. If you are nice to me, I am nice to you. If you attack me, I attack you. If you come my way, I freak out. If you are rude or mean to me, I will be mean to you. If you are annoying or trolling me, I'll tell you to stop bothering me even though you are acting polite 

It's not my obligation to be nice to internet strangers when they aren't being so nice to me. You see. 

You can't disrespect someone and expect respect out of them. 

It's not a case of entitlement, it's a case of basic dignity of being human. 

If you can't let me have my basic dignity, I don't feel the obligation to be polite to you. I simply tell you to walk away because i shouldn't be inclined to serve your purpose if I haven't been afforded trust and respect in the first place. 

So when someone on the internet breaks my trust by saying something mean unkind, trollish or notorious, they have successfully broken my trust and they are not entitled to my polite treatment because I don't feel like acting polite. How my emotions change is not up to me. If you can't control your action, I can't control my reaction. Newton's third law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. 

Your actions elicit the response you get from me. This does not make me bad or good. It's only that I respond according to how I have been treated or mistreated. 

Now there is a certain expectation that I tend to regularly detect in men, especially in men online. This expectation that a woman should be like a Saint. Your expectations as a male is not my responsibility or obligation. I only have basic human responsibility towards people, nothing gender oriented. So I'm no Saint by the default position of being a woman. Such a lofty title is not to be given to me. Neither should my gender be associated with such titles. I only want the basic dignity of being a human first and then being a woman. Remember I didn't sign up to be a woman. This is what nature gave me and so you will need to respect the fact that I'm a woman by default just like I respect you for being a woman. 

I don't have any expectations out of you for being a man and I expect the same for myself vice versa. That is I don't want you to expect something special out of me either. 

Now the expectation that men tend to bestow on me is that they want to or at least they expect me to act gentle loving, patient with them despite being obnoxious and Hostile with me. They want me to reply gently even in the situation where I feel offended by what they say to me or about me. I think this is grossly unfair as I don't see any particular need (just because I'm a woman) to be so gentle and generous with you in the situation where I'm feeling disrespected. Sorry it doesn't fit into my policy. 

I'm no Saint. I'm only a woman. The consequence of being straight forward with men as a woman comes with a price. The price is judgement. Men automatically judge you as a 'bitch' or "nuisance" or "unpleasant" simply because you didn't respond to them politely. Remember even if you think that I shouldn't act offended or swallow my pride, I still have self respect and basic dignity. If I feel that my well being (in this case mental and emotional) is in jeopardy or my self worth or self Esteem under attack, I'm not going to care how you judge me as a woman, although your judgement is harsh and it hurts my prospects of communicating ideas in a friendly way in the future (because no woman likes to be judged as a bitch), it still does not justify that I should simply swallow my pride and not worry about preserving my dignity. No. I'm going to preserve my dignity and give you back the taste of your own medicine. I'm not foolish nor am I some sort of a woman craving for male attention where I feel the need to act nice to win your approval. Nope. I am not looking for your approval, neither I'm seeking your judgement. So if I don't receive your badge of honor as the "good woman"  does not make me automatically liable to the title of a "bitch." in other words don't compliment me and also don't "bitchify" me, since even compliments come from a place of comparison and judgement, indirectly. 

So even if your mighty ego as a man is triggered because I chose not to reply to you or because I gave a curt response, it still doesn't qualify me as a "bitch" because my responses to you have much to do with you or concerning you in some way rather than me. 

That is, I respond  to you as I see fit. I'm never unnecessarily unkind to anyone. I'm never unnecessarily rude to anyone, I'm not a stuck up person. Often when people see me responding in a rude way to someone, they most likely don't know the back story, they simply read my comment and judge me on the basis of it. I can't blame them because they don't know the whole story. They don't know what goes on behind the scenes. 

Someone who I'm being rude to, might have said something disgusting to me behind this screen in personal messenger and maybe I'm reacting to that person that way as a result of whatever discussions took place earlier behind the screen. Once you know the whole story you would know why I gave a stone cold or mean response to a particular person/to anyone. 

See this is the problem with public discourse. People only get to see half the story and judge me on the basis of it. But if I happened to show personal messages between that person (any person here) and me, the public would immediately know why I responded the way I did. 

That's why I have disabled my personal messenger. It's simply not possible for anyone to play games with me anymore where they are pretty rude to me in private messages but polite to me in public so the public automatically assumes I'm the bad person. I don't like this double game. Don't say to me privately what you won't say to me in public. Because that way you get to hurt me generously in private  as well as play the victim in public. In other words you get to save your public reputation meanwhile also enjoying the chance to hurt me. 

I don't have any bad intentions toward anyone but I don't feel the need to constantly keep saying that I'm a good person. I have a good heart and I sleep well with a good conscience at night. I have nothing to prove to the world. 

If you have a bias against me or if you think that I'm a bad person, not my obligation to resolve it, I'm in fact glad because one less problem to deal with. I don't wish to attract biased people (who can't judge if someone is coming from a good place or bad place) anyway. I'm kinda better off without such confused people. Their lack of wisdom is not needed in my life. 

Okay coming back to male expectations. You don't own me as a man and you can't (simply because I'm a woman. Umm, no). So don't put this pressure on me where it feels like you're owning me. Umm. I'm not your private property just because I'm born a woman. So I owe you nothing. 

I don't feel anything wrong if I feel owned by my husband or boyfriend because that makes me feel delighted rather. I feel good if my boyfriend owns me (not in a controlling way though). 

But I am not a general public property for all men. (I only belong to my boyfriend or husband) 

So i don't have any compulsion or obligation to act romantic with any random man. Nope. My romantic feelings and thoughts are reserved for the one I gave that romantic power to, aka my boyfriend, not to general men. 

 

I am not your girlfriend or wife for you to have gendered expectations out of me. I'm simply a woman and a human first. So my reactions to you don't have much to do with the fact that I'm a woman but more to do with the fact that I'm going to act the same way whether you are a man or a woman. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Oki time to vent again. 

This time about Leo's dating videos and generally all threads on pick up dating strategies on this forum especially the dating section. 

I'm finally coming close to resolving a huge conflict I always had with the whole pickup lifestyle that is so constantly talked to no end in the dating section.. 

Today someone on the forum helped me resolve my feelings around.. 

I'm not into slut shaming, general shaming or judging people. 

At the same time I don't want something to become a gold standard of sorts because there all kinds of people living in society and everyone deserves the right to feel accommodated. 

So I'm about to resolve my dilemma around this issue finally 

I don't exactly hate pickup but I have some vexatious feelings around it. 

I feel a sense of discomfort and I will let it all out, as to why I feel this discomfort around pickup in following posts below. 

 

[Preety_India]

First things first. 

I'm not a party girl. Saying it straight. I'm just an ordinary girl on the street corner reading her book or sitting sipping coffee. 

I'm a shy, introverted nerdy girl who is easily sensitive. 

I'm not exactly proud of it but this is how I was born, this is my nature and I have come to embrace it. 

So this party lifestyle is super alien to me. I can't do these things. I can't dress up and go to a party and dance on the floor. I have never done that and most likely will never do. At the most I have only been to birthday parties. I never drink or smoke. I never smoke in my entire life. Loud noise impacts me and raises my heart beat so noisy events are a no go for me. 

But this does not mean that I am boring. I can dance in my bedroom or a dance class. I love gardening, cooking, working, raising pets, reading, watching, listening, music and travel. I have many other interests and I like being creative in my own meager ways. 

So whenever Leo talks about partying, I just can't do that. I cannot make myself do it. 

Do I envy party goers? Do I think that they have more fun in life? 

Personally I don't envy them at all. Because I always believe people have the right to spend their time how they want and whatever makes them happy should be their choice. If their party lifestyle is fun for them, I'm all for it.. However I don't think that a party lifestyle would make me happy no matter how rich I might be. I'm just a regular,ordinary homebuddy, your average girl. What they call it the homebody. 

Given my social anxiety and lack of social skills, a party lifestyle could easily make me very anxious. Being around large groups of people lot of noise, booze, strangers all around can literally cause me to panic. I need a foundation, a feeling to connect or resonate with, someone I can trust. I hardly ever open up. So if I open up it has to be with a person I fully trust. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I got stuff to do. So I'll continue this later