Inception (Journal)

[Inception]

Post #100

I don’t do fun anymore.

[Inception]

Post #101

I don’t care anymore. From now on I’m just trying to get by. That simple. Forget all my previous posts.

[Inception]

Post #102

Forget that post ^

We still rolling.

[Inception]

Post #103

For better or worse things didn’t turned out as i expected. Now I just want to live a quiet life. I want to make money so that I can stare out a window.

[Inception]

Post #104

I don’t want to be around others and i wouldn’t want others to be around me. So i isolate. It’s for everybody’s best.

[Inception]

Post #105

4+ years of spiritual work turned me into an unemployed bum.

Edited Monday at 05:53 PM by Inception

[Inception]

Post #106

I’m done with femininity. Also I’m done trying to act motivated. I’m really just trying to get by.

[Inception]

Post #107

I might have experienced more and deeper emotions the past months than I have in the rest of my life.

[Inception]

Post #108
Some day before the 16/12 was sitting meditating and time sped up.

Some day before the 16/12 I was in deep flow/wu wei, where it felt like time was speeding up.

Yesterday (16/12) I had a very profound and deep and intimate DNOFTS, where I realized that there’s nothing I can do to let go of control. I was comforted by… I felt deep compassion towards myself. Yet I went back to being selfish as though nothing had happened. %control.

Today (17/12) I had another deep DNOFTS, where I was resisting until I let go and felt a powerful sense of love. This lowered my selfishness. I was left debilitated by the damage of resisting. %Control.

Also today (17/12) I had somewhat of an enlightenment experience, where I realized I was just a thought and there actually isn’t anyone in the entire universe. Shook me to my core.

Also w… and emotions and 

Edited yesterday at 03:47 PM by Inception

[Inception]

Post #109

I just had a deep and intimate realization of my own selfishness. I’m so sorry to everyone and myself. I’m beginning to see that I’m not this poor, innocent and misfortune little thing. The suffering I’m experiencing is due to my selfishness. Karma. I will try to be better. I want those who care about to know, that I appreciate them.