Turning a new leaf ?

[Marcel]

The last two months have been absolutely incredible. I don’t even know where to begin.

Everything changed upside down in the best way possible. Everything’s slowly clicking into place for me, something I never ever imagined to happen for me and or even to be possible in the first place . 

I went from total and utter confusion for just about anything to slowly finding meaning, purpose and most importantly Love.

I wasn’t even looking for it. It found me with divine timing and precision and I couldn’t be more happy and grateful for it. 

I love and adore you forever ❤️ @Preety_India

For almost My entire life i believed or told myself that I would be dead by age 20. I suppose that was some sort of coping mechanism and I truly believed it.

But ta-da ? here we are at age 22. I am still alive. Looking back at all the crazyness I experienced. I couldn’t be more grateful.

I went through a lot and nothing made sense to me for so long, but now everything’s slowly going into the right direction.

I don’t even know what the point of this post or this journal even really is, but I just feel like writing and getting my thoughts and feelings out there, which, no doubt, is very unusual for me.

Im usually very reserved and don’t show a lot of emotion, although I’m very emotional and sensitive at heart. 

I love to be sentimental and emotional. I honestly love to cry. Happy tears are my favourite. I think that’s kinda unusual for a guy to say, but that’s me. Here I am. 

I’ve come to realise that I’m very very feminine, but that I also have a strong masculine side.

Something that was beyond confusing to me for so long. If I had to put it into words. I have the emotional needs of a women, but the instincts of a men. 

It’s a very beautiful thing. It has always been easy and natural for me to be a able to understand women. I always felt so confused about people who said that they didn’t understand women.

Especially when you overhear conversations some people have … It’s fascinating to me how much people can be locked into their own perspective and not even realise or even downright cling to their viewpoint and just can’t admit that they may be false for dear life.

Most arguments are so petty and silly in my opinion. Everything boils down to differences in perspectives and identity’s I feel. 

 Anything can be resolved, but it does take effort and undoubtedly the willingness to be uncomfortable.

The world and life is truly what you make it. I still have no idea what the future will hold for me.

Im not entirely sure which direction to go in career wise. One thing is for sure though. I undoubtedly have to be self employed sooner or later.

I want and I need total control over everything I do. I want to do what feels right to me at all times and being bound to any institution and or company that isn’t my own would hinder me in doing so i feel.

I have a massive need for Independence and Creative Freedom. I can’t stand being told what to do, especially from a “boss”.

Hierarchical structures are the worst to me. It’s kind of inevitable to come across them, but if at all I want flat hierarchies l, where everyone is in an equal position to speak their mind and their ideas, thoughts and feelings being accepted and appreciated.

Call me a dreamer or that I’m unrealistic, but if I should ever built a company. I want to build one that’s super generous to employees.

That gives them complete freedom over their work, so they can design it the way they want and need. 

The last thing I want is needing to tell someone what to do. I would look for people who have high integrity to work with me, that are self motivated and selfless. 

I know I’d be setting high standards. Maybe even impossible standards. But that’s just how I feel about things. I’m very idealistic and I want to live up to it and create a world that I feel is worth living in.

That I feel would be worth to live in for everyone regardless of their location, background, creed, religion etc. and etc.

For the moment and I guess for most of human history the world is a dumpster fire. One huge cluster fuck.

I guess my dream would be to change the world. I wouldn’t even know where to start, but if I could pick and chose what I wanted to see change right now.

Then I would want to see more love, compassion and understanding in the world.

I would want to eliminate all unnecessary suffering. I’m a sucker for peace and harmony. I can’t stand fighting and nonsense. 

I don’t have any friends, besides my wonderful girlfriend of course. She’s everything I ever dreamed of. My dream came to life and the reality of living this dream is … breathtaking.

You’re so amazing darling, you’ve surpassed my wildest expectations in every way.

I have the feeling I could keep writing forever haha 

My thought process is a never ending spiral ? 

One thought always leads to the next one. It’s a blessing and a curse really. I love my ability to do this, but at the same time I wish I would be able to just stop thinking for once. It’s a never ending explosion ? of ideas.

Anyway. I think that does it for now. Gosh I should journal more often. This is fun ? 

Thank you very much for taking the time to read all the way up to here dear whoever is reading this and have a fantastic day ?✌️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel I love you. You have taught me so much. It's unbelievable. I just wish to be happy in your embrace. You make me who I am. You let me be my true self. 

Love you. 

[Marcel]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Marcel I love you. You have taught me so much. It's unbelievable. I just wish to be happy in your embrace. You make me who I am. You let me be my true self. 

Love you. 

I am so happy ? 

Seeing You being you is the greatest gift ?