How to proceed?

[Taavi]

This topic is about the question how to proceed in spiritual realization. Before getting to the meat of the question I would like to provide some backstory, in the hopes of making the place I am coming from a bit clearer. 

I have been following actualized.org content for 5 years now since I was 22. I have done various kind of spiritual practices, studied and partaken in hypnotherapy and transpersonal psychology for 2,5 years, been through 50+ psychedelic trips, meditated for 30-40 minutes daily, though having some breaks in between when the lows hit me, read shitload of books, been in spiritual workshops and tantra camps etc. I have had some strong peak experiences as might be expected (unity, loss of self, realization of complete relativity in the minds workings ). Right now I am in a place where it is easy to see how I am constructing all meaning and I can shut the mind off rather easily for a short period of time.

And this place brings me to the question: whats next?

I am still a construct of the mind. I cannot get past this. Fundamentally I can see that this I, that I am, is kind of a sham. In the sense of not being any more real then my idea of an apple. Sure, the idea exists, but only in my mind. So does this I reside only in my mind, relating to and giving meaning to all the other concepts and sensory experiences. 

So I guess my real question is that is it possible to transcend this mode of experience? This I, that I have so clearly seen to be a construct, yet still that I am. No matter the short lived experiences of not being "it". In a sense I am more confused in this point, then I was starting this journey.

Is it really possible to be without this I for extended periods of time or even indefinitely? If so, in what direction should I look to proceed?

I am getting tired of seeing and at the same time not seeing. 

 

Ps. I would appreciate input from people who have actually gone past this point and know what they are talking about. I am in no need for "just look within yourself" advise or other such parroting. 

[JosephKnecht]

55 minutes ago, Taavi said:

So I guess my real question is that is it possible to transcend this mode of experience? This I, that I have so clearly seen to be a construct, yet still that I am. No matter the short lived experiences of not being "it". In a sense I am more confused in this point, then I was starting this journey.

 

Can you intuit that you are not the subject that has experiences, but rather you are the object of experience? 

What I mean is the following... when you look at this text, can you shift your identity from being the reader to actually being the text? 

Can you feel that you don't have experiences, but rather you are the experiences? 

1 hour ago, Taavi said:

And this place brings me to the question: whats next?

Values are primary motivators for action.

"Accessing" the "formless" dissolves all hierarchies of values.

Since the "formless" has no values it has no prescriptions for future actions. 

This gives you the freedom to do absolutely anything you want, but you lose external validation as a motivation factor. In other words, you are free to do whatever you want, just for yourself and not for somebody else.